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The Fear of Judgment Is What Stops You

Fear is the “go-to” reason we use when you stop yourself from moving forward. Your mind becomes frozen and you procrastinate.

What’s the real reason behind fear? It can be many things, but there is one variable that goes unnoticed behind the “fear” facade – judgment.

What Are You Afraid Of?

The basic definition of fear is being afraid to do something. Have you ever thought of why you are scared to follow through with an idea?

When you begin working on your idea, you know there will be obstacles, mistakes and failures to overcome. It’s inevitable – it’s going to happen.

If you know this, why do you continue to run away from it? You want to be successful, but you don’t want to experience the embarrassment and setbacks that comes with it. It’s too much to take, so you just ignore it and stay average.

There’s no doubt that it can be debilitating at times, but how else will you get there? It’s not going to happen by wishing and hoping – that alone, won’t do it. At some point, you must get past the fear of being judged and move on.

Judgment Is An Illusion

“What will my friends think? What if I look stupid? What if it doesn’t work and everyone sees? What if I have to start over in front of everybody?”

Judgment from others is the basis of fear. No one likes to look like they don’t know what they’re doing – we all want to look like the genius! We want the adoring fans, the easy journey and the perfect life.

Before you can get to all of that, you have to get over your fear of being judged, because that’s simply what it takes. Think about your favorite person – do you think they didn’t go through embarrassment or hardships to get to where they are? You don’t think they sacrificed their feelings at some point to keep going?

Judgment will definitely put a stop to whatever you’re attempting to do, all because you’re more concerned about how you’ll look in front of others – instead, think about what you can create and contribute to the world.

Get Over It

One way to get over the fear of judgment is to look at the bigger picture. Unless your life is in danger, what you “fear” probably shouldn’t stress you out. Sometimes, we pick and choose what we react to and how we react – in the grand scheme of things, most things we react to really don’t even matter.

Another way to overcome judgment is by keeping your goals to yourself. Don’t give your time and energy to other people’s opinions of what you do. Continue to immerse yourself in your work and make your progress quietly.

You can also train your mind to acknowledge that everyone’s comments about your work isn’t about you, it’s really about them. This is the truth – people often project their self-doubt upon you. If they aren’t successful, you can’t be successful – if they didn’t go to college, you can’t go to college – if their marriage ended in divorce, yours will end in divorce.

The bottom line is you must see past those opinions. Most people are going to be jealous of what you do anyway, so why make it convenient for them by taking on their insecurities as your own?

Success Awaits You

If you can get past the fact that you will be judged and not allow it to hurt your feelings and put a stop to your journey, success awaits you.

Fear comes in many forms and you must learn how to handle it, no matter how it shows up. The main objective is to keep your focus and keep moving forward. Those setbacks, obstacles and failures only improve your strategy.

So many people have given up on their goals, just because of what someone else has said. Words have power, but only if you let them. Be mindful of what you say to others, as well as how you interpret what they say to you.

Your success does not depend on other people’s words. Instead of judging, be encouraging and supportive. Sometimes, all you need is a positive word to help you take, what seems to be, that next scary step.

Change Is What Grows You

Change is a scary concept to most people. Depending on how you look at it, it can be a terrible thing or life-changing.

We’ve been taught that change means something negative is about to happen, or that whatever it is, won’t work out.

As a result, we avoid change as much as we can. This stunts our growth and keeps us in the same place, year after year, yet, we wonder why nothing good is happening to us.

Change Your Perspective

Certain words strike a certain meaning when we hear it. We think failure means it’s over, a mistake means it can’t be done and a problem means to stop after the first attempt.

We associate all of these words in a negative way, but in reality, we can give them a more positive meaning. Failure means you’re learning, a mistake means you’re receiving feedback and a problem is simply a challenge.

Knowing that these words hold a different, more positive meaning, how does it make you feel? Do you think there’s a possibility that you can achieve your goal or do you still think it’s impossible?

Changing your perspective with words and different situations can help you become more productive. As you can see in the example above, words have power. When you change how you define those words, it changes your thought pattern and your habits for the better.

Fix Your Actions

Are you one of those people that does the same thing day in and day out and wonder why nothing is pushing you forward? It’s because you haven’t changed anything to spark something different to happen.

You must take responsibility for your own actions by changing what you do. Develop a different way to achieve what you want. We all hit a plateau after a while – that means it’s time to take it to the next level.

Don’t keep eating fast food and expect to lose twenty pounds. Ignoring your homework assignments won’t help you pass that class. Spending your money without saving or investing won’t get you closer to retirement. Something has to change.

Yes, change may be difficult, but if you want to be successful, it’s mandatory. You’ll have to change your habits if you want to see change in your life. You’re playing life backwards if you think you can get the best out of it by not putting in any effort. Even the best habits could use a little improvement.

How Do You See Change?

All change is not bad. It’s what promotes growth, challenges you and allows you to step into your greatness. Don’t be afraid if it comes up in your life – switch your perspective and follow through with confidence.

As long as you can control your response to what happens, you can make change positive. There are some things that happen out of your control, but if you can do something to make it better on the other side, change can be your friend.

If you want different results, you must be willing to shift. Everything you’ve done up to this point doesn’t have to stay the same – you can adapt and adjust at any given moment.

Nothing is written in stone. If you don’t like it (whatever it is), get up and do something about it. Make a change and watch how life opens up to progress and opportunity!

#TBT: It Won’t Work, If You Don’t Do It

As a child, we had wonderful ideas. We didn’t stop to think if it was stupid or awesome. All we did was take action and improve upon the finished project. There may have been a Debbie Downer in the bunch, but it didn’t stop us from bringing the idea to life. Being able to explore was our everyday adventure.

Somewhere down the line, someone told us, ‘that’s impossible,’ and we believed it. Our freedom of thought shifted to overthinking. We no longer rushed outside to see if we could do it. The idea of ‘it can’t be done’ killed our creativity. Our brilliant way of thinking just stopped.

How do we recapture our young mind? With work, bills, and stress, it’s kind of a challenge to reconnect with the freedom of thought we had when we were children. Now, our minds are tied up with why things aren’t going the way we want them to, among other things floating around in our heads.

Our freedom of thought hasn’t gone anywhere, it’s just been pushed to the back of our minds. It’s still there, waiting to be dusted off and put to good use.

We all have goals and dreams, but for some, that’s where it stops. Take some time to think it through and figure out how to make it happen. Once that’s done, all we need to do is put in the work.

“It takes too long,” or “I haven’t seen anything happen, yet.” That’s because your goal won’t work if you don’t do it. Don’t get confused – just because the goal is in your head, doesn’t mean it will come to life by your power of thinking. It’s going to take some work.

Just like when you were a child, go for it. Don’t allow anything to hold you back. Yes, we all have responsibilities to take care of and things we must get done, but there is some down time in your schedule somewhere. That down time is when you make it happen.

We can hope and wish for our dreams to come true, but it doesn’t happen that way. When we push ourselves towards our goals, opportunities will begin to appear. Don’t let an opportunity go by, because you were shocked that it actually came your way. Be ready to take it on – this is what you worked for! It’s yours, so take it!

Let’s not get stuck in the humdrum of life. Allow your thoughts to get you excited again, just like when you were a child. Make that fort, build that go cart, and entertain your sold out audience! Life is your adventure to create. No one wants to end their life, thinking how boring it was and how they should’ve done more. Remember, it won’t work if you don’t do it.

The Standards You Set For Yourself

Standards give us something to live up to. It’s a way to improve ourselves without the constant influence and competition of others.

People who lack standards usually remain stagnant. There’s nothing to convince them that they can become better than what they already are, because they’re comfortable.

What happens when you become stuck in a rut and you’re unable to hold yourself accountable for your own actions?

Why Have Standards?

Standards allow you to elevate in life. When there’s a certain desire you want to live up to, it motivates you to improve and become better.

Having standards and rules for yourself promotes growth in life. You know how you want to live, how much money you want to make, the type of family you want to have, etc. – these things are thoughts and ideas that you hold in your mind while you strive and make them come true.

You also set yourself apart from others who have no ambition or goals, and you become the type of person you aspire to be. It’s not easy to live up to your own personal standards – it takes resilience, discipline and focus (among other characteristics), but if you make a plan to get there, it’s definitely possible.

Your Potential

Becoming a more productive version of yourself everyday is a great foundational standard to live up to. As mentioned before, it inspires your ability to grow.

When you hang around people who don’t seem to care about what they do and who don’t have any goals, it’s easy to adopt the same attitude. As they say, birds of a feather, flock together.

This can damage your potential, but it doesn’t have to be permanent. By changing your environment and who you hang around, you can adjust your standards and goals to new and more productive levels.

Always put yourself in a place of advantage. Once you master a task or situation, move on to something else. See how much you can learn and how far you can go. Push your limits and discover your capacity. Never allow anyone to bring you down to their level.

Holding Yourself Accountable

Part of living up to your personal standards is holding yourself accountable. You are your own responsibility – the only person that can save you, is you.

How many times have things gone wrong in life, whether you planned for it or not? Did you sit there and accept the outcome or did you take the time to reassess and create another solution?

This is where most people become stuck – things don’t always go as planned, but it’s your job to get up, figure it out and make one more attempt. You must hold yourself accountable in order to move forward.

Most people like to have “accountability partners” or someone to help them along their journey. That’s fine, but ultimately, the responsibility is yours. Your accountability partner may tell you it’s okay to eat a slice of cake or to buy one more lottery ticket. Sometimes, they can be your worst enemy, as opposed to helping you become better.

What Standards Do You Have?

If you have plans on becoming a better person, then you have standards. Anything you want to do to improve your place in life is a standard you have created for yourself.

Understand that you are your only competition – you should strive to be better than the person you were yesterday. It may be a challenging task, but that’s how self-improvement works.

Create your standards and work on them daily. Develop your daily habits to match the person you want to become. It may seem like a difficult task, but all you have to do is take one step at a time and you’ll become the successful person you’ve always imagined.

#TBT: Give Up The Grudge, Focus On Forgiveness

There’s nothing new under the sun. People have best friends, co-workers or even family members with whom they hold grudges against.

All of these hurtful feelings begin to flood your mind. Eventually, it begins to work it’s way into your body and comes out through anger, anxiety, stress and many other ways.

You feel like, “How could they do that? I thought we were friends? How could they NOT know that I would be hurt? What were they thinking? They should’ve known!”

The best way to let a grudge go is to forgive. Instead of allowing it to control your thoughts and hold you hostage, forgive them.

You may think, “That’s way too easy – I want them to feel the same hurt that they put upon me!” Well, you’ll be waiting a lifetime. Most of the time, the person you’re holding the grudge against, doesn’t even know it or they’ve moved on.

Forgiveness is for you, not for them.
The Goalden Lady

Make the decision to move on. You don’t have to include them in your life anymore. If any type of interaction is necessary, keep it to a minimum.

Why is forgiveness for you? This is what happens when you hold a grudge:

It creates more negative thoughts. You’re already in a bad place when you hold a grudge against someone. You begin to increasingly think about it and those aren’t good thoughts you’re having. You’re thinking of ways to get back at them or how you can get revenge. Before you know it, this is all you think about and it only breeds more negative thoughts in other areas of your life.
It takes away your power. You aren’t able to control what you’re thinking and you become unproductive. No matter how hard you try to work, those feelings keep pulling you back. That person has moved on – they don’t even know the effect that they’re having on your peace of mind. Don’t give away your power that easily! Even when you’re trying to go to sleep at night, you think of them and you tense up and become disgusted. Meanwhile, they’re sleeping like a baby.
It keeps you stagnant. You’re like a broken record that keeps skipping to the same beat, over and over. You can’t move or make good decisions in your daily life. You’re stuck. The grudge you’re holding keeps repeating itself over and over again. None of this will change until you decide to let it go.

That’s why forgiveness is for you. None of these things happen to the person you’re holding a grudge against. Even if you confront them about it, more than likely, they’ll think it was silly. And then, they move on.

Forgiveness gives you the relief you’re looking for. It gives you freedom. It allows you to breathe. It gives you your life back.

Be the bigger person. Learn to forgive. Some people have been holding grudges for years, but it’s not needed. How much of your life have you wasted, thinking about something that has been forgotten by others? Take back your power over your life and yourself. We all have disappointments from our friends and family, but it’s up to us to move on from it and continue to be our best selves. It’s hard to be your best self while holding a grudge.

Forgive. Let it go. Move on.

#BeGoalden

#TBT: Why Worrying Won’t Work

When unpleasant challenges arise, the first thing most people do is worry. It’s a reaction that lives on autopilot in your mind, ready to go when needed. Not only does worrying affect you on the inside, it affects how you perceive things on the outside. Let’s see why worrying won’t work.

Don’t be a Worry Wart. What is a Worry Wart? As soon as something out of the basic routine happens, you begin to stress about it.

“What’s going to happen?”
“Why did it happen?”
“Who did this to me?”
“What am I going to do?”

All types of questions, along with several negative emotions, start to run rampant in your mind.

This raises your stress levels. You begin to attempt to answer those questions in your mind. Nothing is working out in your favor. Is there a number to call? Is there someone you can speak to about the situation?

You want answers because you simply don’t know why this is happening to you. Therefore, you just continue to worry because you don’t know what else to do.

Sometimes, it’s simply something that you, the Worry Wart, did to yourself that caused the issue. After that, you can’t be mad and stressed about it anymore. Take responsibility and deal with the consequences.

On the other hand, it may have been a mistake that needs to be corrected. You follow instructions on how to fix the flaw and it’s done. No more worrying because you resolved it.

In both cases, your mind went into a frenzy because you didn’t know what was going on. There’s a way to save yourself from the stress of worrying, but it takes practice.

When you receive bad news or something happens out of your control, talk to someone or simply do the research. Spazzing out doesn’t help and most of all, it won’t solve your issue.

When you get emotional about things you can’t control, it affects your surroundings, as well. You may take it out on the kids, friends, and you’re unpleasant to be around. You’re just an all around grump until you figure out what’s going on.

That’s the thing – figure out what’s going on. That’s what needs to happen. You’re only making it worse for yourself and those around you.

Learn to respond, instead of react.

When you let your emotions get the best of you, it normally doesn’t end well. Not only does being emotional make it worse, you’re also not solving anything. Nothing gets done.

It’s normal to have an initial emotional reaction. Don’t let it overtake you into worry world. Start thinking about what you can do to help the situation or to solve the issue. Do what you can. If you can’t control it at the moment, leave it alone until you’re able to figure it out.

When you respond, you come out with better results. It works out for you and those around you. Sometimes, you’re unable to do anything about certain situations until a period of time has passed. There’s no need to put yourself and others through hell because in the end, you could be worrying about nothing.

Worrying won’t help. It only takes up your precious time and for some, can even lead to health problems. Do what you can and be calm enough so you can resolve the issue. Decide to respond around your emotions and not in your emotions. If you do this, you’ll have a better handle on taking care of what needs to be done.

#TBT: Live Your Life Today

Whatever it is you want to accomplish in your life, do it. There may not be much time for you to contemplate.

Everyday is a chance to do what you want to do and make progress. Even if it is uncomfortable, the opportunity is there for the taking.

We think so far into the future, that we forget to do something today. Overthinking takes over our mental space and we end up doing nothing. Planning is essential, but starting is just as important.

If you knew what day would be your last, you would do everything you want to do, within that amount of time, especially if it was soon. That’s what makes time so precious because we don’t know how much of it we have left.

And that’s the catch – you don’t know when your last day is. Therefore, you must do your best today, as if tomorrow may not come.

So what if you mess up? So what if it didn’t turn out right? So what if only one person showed up? How many times are you going to let an outside force, stop you from reaching your goal?

The trolls, the gossip, the weird stares – none of that matters in the end. Don’t waste time thinking about that insult. Stop saying ‘yes’ to situations that allow you to float through life. Hold yourself accountable and do what you want to do. No one can live your dream the way you can because your dream is in your control.

We think so small of ourselves and give so much consideration and power to what other people think. Instead of praising others, praise yourself. Stop thinking that other people are always successful, you are successful, too! Stop thinking that good things only happen to other people, good things happen to you, too!

None of us are any better than the other – we are all human and we all have the ability to do something great. Some of us leave it up to other people to be great, but the capability is there. You just have to get up and do the work that it takes to be great.

Don’t let your time run out without making your mark. Put forth phenomenal effort daily. Regret is a painful feeling that no one should have to experience. The only way not to, is to live your life, everyday.

#BeGoalden

#TBT: Why Consistency Is Key

Consistency is key when it comes to making progress in life. The daily habits you develop play a major role in being consistent and can help with making incremental improvements over time.

Why is consistency so important? What happens if you don’t follow a certain pattern everyday? Will consistency enhance your life?

Daily Habits

We all have different daily habits that help move our day along. We perform most of these patterns unconsciously and it provides a foundation for the rest of the day.

Habits, such as brushing your teeth and taking a shower, are things you do from a necessity standpoint. If you weren’t consistent with these things, no one would want to be around you. Hygiene habits are critically important.

Other habits, such as folding your clothes or writing down your expenses, are things you choose to do to keep organized. No one has to do these, but it helps you on a personal level and allows you to promote your own development.

Consistency Has It’s Benefits

Being consistent naturally falls in line with your habits. Since you do them everyday, you’re already consistent with them.

Imagine if you didn’t brush your teeth everyday. What would happen? It definitely wouldn’t be in your best interest personally and it could lead to possible health issues. The fact that you brush your teeth consistently, is beneficial to the people around you and your health.

When folding your clothes, you are prepping for when you have to choose your outfit for the day. If you didn’t fold your clothes, you could waste time looking for something you need, as opposed to knowing where it is and putting it on right away. When you’re organized, you can focus on more important things and avoid draining your energy on the simple things.

The Power Of Consistency

Having a habit of consistency enhances your life, especially when you have productive habits.

If you exercise on a daily basis, you’ll see and feel the results throughout your body. Not only will you look good, you’ll feel good. This is a powerful habit that leads to being physically healthy, along with other advantages.

When you develop a habit and you’re consistent with it, you’re ahead of the game. Others who aren’t consistent with their good habits will have a harder time becoming more productive and won’t enjoy the perks from being consistent.

It’s a win – win situation. The more consistent you are with your good habits, the more progress you will make in your life.

The Key To Being Consistent

Don’t overwhelm your mind with how hard something is – if you do, it will seem hard and you won’t even begin.

The key to being consistent is to keep going. Start small and take action everyday. As time goes on, you will become better and it will allow you to put your mind power towards accomplishing your goals.

Consistency also helps with your confidence and puts you on another level. Because you take the time to enhance yourself on a regular basis, your confidence will rise, which prepares you for the next level of your life.

Unless you practice being consistent with the productive habits in your life, you will remain stagnant. Growth doesn’t happen where consistency is absent.

Develop some good habits and don’t allow any distractions to get in the way. You’ll soar beyond your potential when you continue to be consistent with the good, productive habits in your life.

#BeGoalden

4 Tips To Planning Your Goal Effectively

We think up big and small goals on the regular. Anything from what we will eat in the morning to how we will plan for retirement. No goal is too great or insignificant, but it still involves mental and physical action to get the best outcome.

It seems like pursuing a goal should be as easy as moving forward with everything already in place, but it’s not magic. Your life is in your hands and the results come down to the basics of strategic planning and decisions.

Goal-Making Questions

Every goal should be actionable, but some will require deeper thought. Here are some goal-making questions to ask yourself:

What do you want? If you don’t know what you want, how will you get there? It’s a simple question, but a lot of people act without knowing exactly what they want. Knowing what you really want will give you the best possible results. Write it down, detail by detail.
How will you start? Some people believe you need to have all of the stars aligned before you can start. That’s not true – you simply start where you are, with what you have. Take note of your resources and figure out how to move the needle. Everyone doesn’t have the same advantage when starting – some will have more, some will have less, but you must make it a point to focus on yourself and start where you are. If you don’t, you’ll be in the same place as you were before.
What can you change? This is where a lot of people get stuck in life. They worry about things not going their way or some circumstances that didn’t turn out in their favor. Although you aren’t able to control what happens, you CAN control how you react and what to do moving forward. You can’t control everything, so learn to adapt and adjust. When you give up the anxiety and stress of worrying, you’ll quickly begin to see improvement.
What can I do to move it forward? Working on your goals and strategies takes focused work, but don’t forget to take some time and have a little fun. When you make time to take a break, you allow your mind to breathe and create more ideas and figure out challenges. Visualize and create your blueprint – improve it as you go along.

Productive Habits Will Get You There

It takes daily practice to drive yourself towards your dream. Prepare a set of helpful habits that will guide you into working on your goals daily. This helps out, even when you don’t “feel like” following through.

Self-improvement is a lifelong task. Having focus, discipline and resilience will make that journey a little easier. Once you accomplish one goal, there’s always a bigger and better one to go after. Put your goal in place with these tips and become the successful person that you visualize!

#BeGoalden

#TBT: How To Find The Opportunity In Fear

It sounds impossible, but you can find the opportunity in fear. Depending on your mindset, fear can either hold you back or take you to another level.

We’ve been trained to see fear and hurt as something to avoid. It’s something ‘bad’ that we want to get away from and we don’t ever want to experience it.

Have you ever considered that maybe your fear is pushing you in the right direction? Let’s examine how we normally react to fear.

Blaming And Complaining

Fear gets the best of our emotions. As soon as something makes us fearful, our feelings kick in and take over.

For some of us, that means we automatically become defensive. We create different excuses as to why we haven’t done something. The excuses are portrayed through blaming and complaining.

We say things like, “I couldn’t make the speech because they didn’t give me the right microphone…” or, “The lights were so bright, I couldn’t see the audience.” That’s fear consuming your mind and your attitude.

Those may be somewhat legitimate reasons (to an extent), but they’re still excuses. Sometimes, you will have to get things done, whether you are comfortable or not. Everything is not guaranteed to happen to your personal satisfaction. The end goal is to make it happen, the best way you can.

Practicing Fear

Some of us actually practice the fear within us. When you have pity parties and feel sorry for yourself, that’s being supporting of a negative emotion.

We say things like, “They said I’m no good at singing. I never was and I guess I never will be…”, or “I flunked the test twice already – I guess it’s not meant for me.” You’re indirectly inviting negative energy to take hold of your life.

If it’s something you really want to overcome, don’t feel bad because it didn’t happen the first time around. As long as you breathe, you can make another attempt.

There will always be people who are critical of whatever you’re doing. Never allow what someone else thinks, to interfere with what you’re doing. It’s their insecurity, not yours, so don’t claim it.

The Pity Party

The pity party is the ultimate setback. Some of us were raised to think and be fearful of things we’ve failed at. We’ve been taught to accept that we’re not ‘good enough’ and that’s not okay.

We’re used to reacting to obstacles by putting ourselves down. “Why me? What did I do to deserve this?” Then, you begin playing all of your failures from the past, over and over in your mind.

This is not the ONLY way to respond to fear. Yes, it hurts when challenging situations happen, but have a mindset of power and opportunity. Stop practicing fear by having a “woe is me” attitude and thinking that you’ll never succeed.

Be Proactive

All of our lives, we’ve allowed fear to steal valuable moments from us. We’re so used to believing in a negative, emotional power, that it literally takes up our most important asset – time.

Reclaim your time and take advantage of your fear. Be productive by turning it into an opportunity to become better. Make it a personal project that you must successfully complete!

Instead of letting fear control you, take control of it. See the benefits of what fear has to offer and use it in your favor. On the other side of fear is improvement. See through it, then, see it through.

#BeGoalden