Month: May 2017

When you’re a child, going to school can seem like a waste of time. You really don’t appreciate what it taught you until you stop going. The first few weeks will be like a new sense of freedom. You don’t have to wake up early, you have no assignments due, and you can pretty much do what you want. Whether you finished high school, college, or dropped out, your potential has yet to be reached. Everyone has a new level they can always work towards to become better.

When I was younger, everyone had to do something. Normally, when you finished high school, your parents would tell you that you had two choices: go to college or get a job. The idea of sitting around the house did not exist. Everyone contributed to the household, as well as themselves, in some constructive way. We all continued to work on ourselves and to become better than we were the day before.

Life will escape you if you don’t do anything to fulfill it. We know college isn’t for everyone. We know there are people who become successful after dropping out, but it doesn’t happen overnight. The successful dropouts still did their work. They pursued their ideas and made things happen. They used their drive to go out and get rejected. By the way, this happens to the people who have PhDs, too. The bottom line is, you have to keep working and it will lead to your success. It will take time and patience, so prepare to take the time to work on it.

When you stop doing your work, laziness creeps in. You’re bored. Negativity finds it’s way into your thoughts. The wrong crowd becomes interesting. You begin to think on a lower level and live on a lower level, like it’s the cool thing to do. It’s not. This is called wasting your potential. You know you can do better. Some people don’t have the best environment to promote their well-being, but you can make a choice to better yourself. Challenge yourself. See how far you can go. No one said it would be easy, but when you level up and advance yourself, amazing things will happen.

Give yourself a chance, because you deserve it. Go to that seminar, sit in a courtroom and see what it’s like to be a lawyer, play around with technology to come up with new ideas. When you don’t work to your potential, you may not believe it, but you become lost. Everyone is doing something with their lives and you feel stuck or unmotivated. Get up and find what it is you can do to move forward with your life. We are living in a time where any and everything can be done at your fingertips. Take advantage of what’s in front of you, for your improvement. The good thing is, if you’re breathing, you can start your work, no matter what it is or how old you are. Now is an awesome time to begin! One of the best challenges in life is to see how far your potential can take you!

Time seems forever. We always say we’re going to “do it tomorrow” because we assume we have time. It just seems that as long as we’re living, time keeps going on and on. This is a good thing – if you take advantage of time, you can enjoy the fruits of your labor. It’s constant, it never stops, and it serves as a measurement on when things should be done. It can be useful, if we use it correctly.

Everything and everyone takes time. We can’t create more of it, but we have to use what we get. We get the same amount everyday, at a steady pace. Therefore, we know what to expect, as far as time goes, but yet, we always put things off. Since we don’t know how much time we have, we should not waste it.

Ants work around a good system. They work hard all season to prepare for the winter. You can imagine how much food and supplies they have steadily stocked! Now, imagine if we could put that type of effort and energy into our goals. We would get so much done and be closer to our achievements. If you woke up every morning and took advantage of the time you have (because you do get 24 hours in a day), you would be very productive and satisfied at the end of your day. Who wouldn’t want that?

If you take your hours and break them down, you can see where all of your time goes. You may include the time it takes to sleep, eat, work traffic, being at work, down time at home, family/friend time, etc. When doing your work, you’ll want to have a stretch of time to accomplish what needs to be done. After you figure out the break down of your time in your average day, you can see where you may have more left if you knocked off an hour of sleep, or woke up an hour earlier. Just rearranging your day may help you to find more time to work on your goals.

If money was equal to time (24 hours = $24,000), we would have no problem taking it – we would wake up early every morning to take it! We wouldn’t waste it, we would use it all. At the end of the day, if you don’t use your money, it goes away. Then you wake up again and start over. You would never let any of that money go to waste! You would use every dime of it, everyday. That’s how time is – it’s valuable. If we use it the same way as if it were money, we would enjoy incredible benefits.

People always say they don’t have time, but once you look at it, you DO have time. You may have to sacrifice other activities or extend your waking hours, but the time is there. Take the time. It’s yours. You can’t save it for tomorrow. Drink some water and do what needs to be done, now. You won’t see any progress unless you TAKE the time.

You can ask tons of people what they want to do with their lives. It could be anything as simple as starting a hobby, or as life-changing as becoming their own boss. I am willing to bet that only a few will begin their work – the remaining majority will procrastinate.

Some people have procrastination in them as a weakness. For others, it’s a learned behavior. Either way, there’s only one way to combat procrastination – do it.

Most procrastinators do so, because what they have to do isn’t in their interest. If your boss says to file 1,000 papers alphabetically, it’s not something you would want to do right away. Maybe for those who are detail fanatics, but others will think of it as a chore. Therefore, procrastination happens. You keep putting it off and before you know it, two days have turned into two weeks. Once you finally start, you keep stopping because distractions keep disrupting your task.

Distractions are welcomed during times of procrastination. You’re happy when it interrupts your task. Distractions are usually in our way and slowing us down. We normally don’t like anything to stop what we’re doing, especially, if we like doing it. It’s not hard to avoid it when you’re doing something you like. When you’re doing something that you don’t like, distractions pop up and save the day!

I’m not sure if there’s a 12-step program to getting rid of procrastination, but there is a way to weaken it, to the point where it won’t stop progress. Learning how to focus is a big help. When you have laser-like focus, even distractions can’t take you away from what you’re doing. When you’re in that ‘zone’, outside forces don’t matter, because you don’t want to stop. You’re focused on finishing. Besides that, the only other thing is quitting cold turkey. If a distraction comes up, smack it out of the way and continue with your task. That’s hard to do, but if you strengthen your focus, it is possible with practice.

So how do you beat procrastination, when you have to do something? The best answer is to just sit down (or stand up) and start. There’s no other way around it. You can meditate, play music, or whatever suggestions that might help get you there, but it all boils down to starting. I know this doesn’t sound like the magic bullet you might have been looking for, but the Goalden Lady is all about being honest and direct. You have to just get started and look forward to completing the task and completing it well. It has to get done and you’re the one to do it.

Drink some water and get started.

Everybody makes mistakes. In our mind, some mistakes are bigger than others, but nonetheless, a mistake. How do you handle making a mistake? Do you move on or do you cringe about it for days?

On your journey to achieving your goals and doing your work, you will make plenty of mistakes. Some will be small and some will be big (at least, to you). Here’s the thing about mistakes: you can move past them if you let it go. As simple as that sounds, it’s even harder for some of us to do.

I’ll be the first to tell you that I used to beat myself up over mistakes. I’m a perfectionist, so I’m critical about everything I do. My friends would tell me that it wasn’t a big deal, but it was a big deal to me. Everyone has their ‘thing’ and different things sets each of us off. If you make a mistake, acknowledge it and move on. There is no need to think about it for days on end – you need to move on. Don’t waste time being hard on yourself because that’s exactly what you’ll be doing – wasting time. That’s time you could have been productive. That’s time you could have figured out a problem. That’s time you could have been nice to someone.

I’ve seen people who make mistakes and they move on like the mistake never even happened in the first place. That’s a good trait to have. When I was in college, I came up with a saying: “If you’re not sick or dead, then keep going.” This may sound harsh at first, but when you think about it, we make the simplest things seem so huge. The teacher corrected your paper and gave you a B+ instead of an A? It’s not over – just think if you would have received an F instead of a D. There’s no need to hyperventilate or go into ‘fight or flight’ mode. You bought coconut milk at the store instead of almond milk? Don’t go crazy – try it, you might like it. If you don’t like it, at least you definitely know that you don’t like it. That’s all. Dropped your last contact in the toilet? OK, that sounds like an issue, but don’t go off the deep end yet. You still have your glasses as an option, or you could just have a very experimental day. Your eyes will have a chance to relax. Order more. What’s next? If it’s not making things any harder, then you’re fine. Even if it does make some things harder, you still have to eventually get over it. Everyday can’t be perfect (although I try to make it that way).

It is great that we have standards for ourselves, but let’s not get into the habit of beating ourselves up over minor stuff. What’s minor to others may be major to some (and vice versa), but life goes on. Don’t make the mistake again and let it go. Drink some water and move on.

Have you ever been in traffic and you see a sign that says “Traffic Delays Ahead”? For most people, it’s frustrating because it means construction delays and detours. Now they have to find another way to get to their destination and it will throw off their estimated time of arrival. I’m sure the construction people don’t mean to slow up your day (or weeks), but it has to be done for everyone’s safety and benefit. There’s no other way around it, but to dig in and start.

After they are finished repairing the road (days or weeks later), everyone’s happy that they did what needed to be done. The road drives better and traffic is more efficient.

This is what happens when you are on your way to achieving your goal and doing your work. Things you didn’t expect to happen will come up and you have to deal with it. Most people would stop and not take a second look at what needs to be done to get around the problem. There will be times when you have to take a look at what happened, figure out how to move forward, and continue on. What’s the worst that could happen? You may lose a little time and patience, but if it’s necessary to move forward, then do it. Challenges will arise, but you must have the attitude and confidence to handle it. Try not to get so caught up with the problem, but push for a solution. Sometimes, a pivot is needed in order to keep moving.

Don’t be discouraged if your plan isn’t going the way you thought it would go. One of the characteristics of a Goalden Lady is knowing when to shift and move. When you thought you were going left, you find out you need to turn right. It may cause a slight panic because it was unexpected, but making that turn and moving on shows that you’re flexible and can handle any challenge that presents itself. Sometimes, a change is needed to make things better.

When you look back on those obstacles that tried to derail you, you’ll be proud that you hung in there and faced it head on. You will come out on the other end a stronger person! Even if the outcome was bad, it’s a lesson learned and you won’t make that mistake again. Every obstacle has a lesson (good or bad), because you learn what to do and what NOT to do. Use it to your advantage to become better – it will benefit you in the long run.

The construction people don’t come up with excuses when they do their job – they get right to it, so they can finish and move on (because it is their job). When you come across a challenge, don’t make an excuse – figure it out, dig in, and keep moving (because it is your work).

When you make a foundation to start your work, you’ve basically made a plan. Now, it’s time to get to work.

It’s time to take action. How do you begin taking action? It’s easy – by doing one thing at a time. The problem most people have is when they see the whole picture and how everything is supposed to end, they want to jump to the end within days. The purpose of the foundation was to get you started, so you could see what you needed to do, in order to achieve your work.

When a baby learns to walk, they don’t just get up and start walking like they were practicing in the womb. They first have to strengthen their legs. They jump up and down on anything they can get their little feet on. Then, with the help of an adult who already walks, they balance themselves and take assisted steps with the adult. After a while, they try to take a couple of steps at a time, without the assistance. Yes, they fall, they cry, they get up, and they try again. This happens over and over until they finally can walk on their own.

A baby doesn’t have a foundation or a plan, they just do it! It’s amazing how, as adults, we have to teach ourselves to be more outgoing, like children are. Children don’t think, they just do. They don’t allow disappointments to stop them in their tracks and give up like adults. What happened to this way of being? I can safely assume that we began listening to others at some point in our lives and we accepted the negativity. One day, everyone else’s opinions mattered. We began to want the trust and acceptance of certain people. Children are not like this – at least not until they reach the point of listening to others. All of a sudden, things begin to shut down. That outgoing spirit and curiosity has disappeared.

We must be like children – get that spark back! Today, we have to read up on how to have that spark, like a child does. Remember when someone would yell out, “Let’s build a boat!” And everyone would just run and scramble and start making a boat? No one asked for measurements or who would build what – you and your friends would just make it happen. It’s hard, but if we had that type of initiative at one time, we can get it back. There are some people who never lose it and they continue to be creative and constantly try new things. On the contrary, somehow, we made it more difficult on ourselves, as we got older, by listening to others and believing the negative things they say.

When you have a goal that you’re working towards, don’t think. Do it. Yes, we do need to think through a plan, but once the plan is in place, there’s nothing left to do but follow the plan. Don’t worry about if someone thinks it’s funny or that it will never work. People will always say something to throw you off because they aren’t doing anything to improve themselves. When they see someone else making it possible, their first line of defense is to insult what the other person is doing. You can tell a baby, “You’ll never learn to walk, you’re too slow!” The baby will hear what you said (just a bunch of sounds, I suppose), but that baby will get back up and keep trying. Over and over and over again, until it’s done. GO BABY!

Be a big baby. Be a child. Don’t think. Just do.

How do you even begin to better yourself? Is there a 12-step program? Does it require a near death experience? Is there a standardized test you have to take and pass?

Making the decision to better yourself is the first step – no special programs or tests required. People think that it just happens to them – like greatness will pick them out of the ‘be great’ lottery crowd. Your life is a series of choices and decisions.
Only you can control your choices and decisions.
Therefore, you should make the best choices and decisions.

We all know the difference between right and wrong, what you want, and what you don’t want. Reading the Goalden Lady is an awesome first step to becoming a better you!

Before you begin anything, you need a foundation. There aren’t many things that can hold up against the test of time without a foundation. Your work will need a foundation, or a plan. This will help you see the big picture and it allows you to break it down into weekly/monthly goal-size pieces, so that you can begin your journey. You don’t put on a space helmet and become an astronaut – you first have to go to school and study science, and so on. It’s not easy, but it will take time and patience.

Say for instance, a little girl wants to learn how to ride a bike. To a little girl, that’s a huge goal! So, she has the equipment – a bike, a helmet, and elbow and knee pads (preparation). Everyday, she performs the same, consistent actions that will lead her to riding her bike successfully. She practices the following:
-putting on her equipment
-getting on the bike
-pushing off with one foot, while the other foot is on the pedal
-balancing as she tries to ride with training wheels

Now, she practices this, with great intent, everyday (consistency). There are some days where she falls off, and it hurts (disappointment). She goes inside the house to clean up and then tries again (persistence). After working on her goal for a week, she can now ride her bike without training wheels (success)! Every now and then, she still falls, but that’s going to happen occasionally. She always gets back on to continue riding. Eventually, she begins to try new tricks on her bike, and again, it takes practice. She starts all over with the foundation that she built in the beginning, so she can learn new tricks. This foundation will take her through the rest of her life, successfully.

It may seem like the ‘small’ tasks you’re doing on a daily basis (the foundation) is not helping anything, but it is. Everything you do contributes to your work. It’s like a 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle. You know what the picture is supposed to look like in the end, but now, you need to put together the smaller pieces to make the big picture. We all have our own special puzzle pieces, but only a few of us will take the time and energy to focus and put it all together. It may take months, it may take years, it may take a decade, but it’s your work and your success. I would rather take a lifetime building up myself, than to take up my life building up someone else.

Build your foundation. Create the magnificent person you were meant to be!

RANDOM THOUGHT BEGINS There are many ways to identify yourself in today’s world. You may stand out because of your religion, political affiliation, or a certain organization you belong to. These are just a few examples, but when you’re trying to help someone, none of that matters. If I see someone who needs help, I’m not going to stop and ask, “Are you democrat or republican? Sorry, I can’t help you.” I won’t withhold a compliment from a little girl because she is a certain religion. It makes no sense. We are all humans and we deserve to be treated with respect. Don’t give in to labels, for they are distractions. RANDOM THOUGHT ENDS AND KIND OF RELATES TO THE REST OF THE POST

This brings me to my next point – when you’re working on your goals, be sure to focus on your target and ignore the distractions. People will unconsciously distract you and move you away from your path. While you’re going through your journey, there will be all kinds of distractions, big and small. If someone calls you mean, you get distracted, because now, you’re trying to defend yourself. If you know you’re not mean, why even bother to argue? Stay focused and work towards your target. Reality television is a huge distraction to a lot of people. Do you really need to know how the fight between the girls at the bar ends? Technically, they’ve already made their money, but you’re sitting at home watching them. You haven’t made any money by watching who gets splashed in the face with a wine glass full of ginger ale. Instead of watching them make their money, stay focused and work towards your target. Your goals are way more important than these distractions, so be careful not to let it take over.

People have conversations that grow into debates and it takes on energy which could have been used to focus on yourself. We tend to have a “Oh, I’ll do it later,” type of attitude when it comes to our personal goals and we end up doing things that are not too productive. Yes, it’s hard trying not to be distracted, but if you want to have a grip on your life and the direction that you want it to go, you need to take action. Avoid the little things that pop up everyday that don’t really concern you. You have to look past the unimportant things and get down to what needs to be done. We can even distract ourselves by acknowledging things that throw us off course. Someone jump in front of you in traffic? OK, but don’t sit in the car huffing and puffing about it for twenty minutes – continue on to your destination, as you think of how you will accomplish moving forward today. Your mother complaining about your sister again? Cut the conversation short (unless it’s really needed) and call her back after you’ve completed your goal work.

So how do you become distraction-free? Well, you can do the normal everyday things like turn off the notifications on your smartphone, set a certain time for you to work, only answer your emails and phone calls twice a day, and drink water. Or, you can do it the hard way and learn to be laser-focused. If you’re walking to the grocery store and a big truck came speeding down the street and passed you with dust flying into your eyes, you stay laser-focused, because you have to get to the grocery store. Yes, that dust in your eyes is very distracting, but you can keep walking (because your target is getting to the grocery store). That’s focus. When your song comes on the radio and your friend is talking to you and you are still listening to your friend (even though your song is on), that’s focus. It takes practice to have laser-like focus. Whenever the opportunity arises for you to practice your focus, try it. There are several moments in the day when distractions present themselves, so you will have plenty of chances to practice.

Learn to sort out distractions from your life. I’m not saying everything should be ignored, but you should make your life’s work a priority among other things. Once you pay attention, you’ll be surprised at how many distractions come up in your day.

Get past the distractions and take action (yes, sometimes I rhyme).

Welcome and thank you for stopping by and reading. This blog was developed to motivate and guide growing girls (and women) into Goalden Ladies. Yes, that’s ‘goalden’, as in g-o-a-l. The ‘goal’ here is to grow you into your greatness. There are many times in life where women wished they had someone to help them through their challenges. If someone was there to inspire, motivate, and provide mental support to you along the way, then you are a Goalden Lady!

It is my hope that each reader will find something useful within this blog. It is to be used as a guide of positive direction, as you navigate through your life. Simply take what you can use. Whether you are a young woman or an older woman, the Goalden Lady intends to grow us all into our greatness!