July 2018 - The Goalden Lady

3 Things That Keep You From Taking Action

There are many things that can keep us from moving forward. In the process of meeting your goals, you should have an encouraging environment, healthy mindset and strong belief that you can do it, even when others say you can’t.

Environment. Your environment plays an intricate part in your personal development. The people around you can be critical. It’s easy to be pessimistic and insult others. People will put their insecurities on you and try to make you feel bad, but don’t fall for it. They actually wish they had the guts to do what you are doing. It takes the pressure off of them and places it on you.

Being in a supportive environment will definitely work in your favor. It will force you to level up and face your challenges head on. An encouraging environment allows your creativity to grow. As a result, you will grow as a person and you will reach your goals with confidence.

Stop getting ready to get ready. You have a bright idea and you plan to get started on it right away. Then, you think about what kind of research to do. You dwell on how you’re going to prepare so that everything turns out just right. The bright idea continues to live in your head.

The idea is there, but you’re not moving. You keep procrastinating and thinking. Thinking about it can only take you so far. At some point, you’re going to have to act upon your idea. Get out of your own way and do something to make the idea happen. It will live in your mind forever if you let it. Don’t be a great thinker, be a great action-taker.

Belief. The most important thing is believing in yourself. Others may not believe in you, but you have to bet on yourself. No one is going to trust your idea will happen until you make it happen. If you believe in yourself, you don’t waste time trying to convince other people to believe in you. Your work will speak for itself.

Learn to take a chance on yourself. Don’t wait for permission from someone else – give yourself permission. It’s your idea and you’re responsible for bringing it to light. Others will let you down, but if you believe in what you’re doing, you’ll have the courage to see it through.

These things can hinder your progress when working towards your goals. Make it happen by being around people who support you, take action and believe in the one person you know can do it – you. Stop looking to others for permission and just start. You got this.

Protect Your Conversation

When you have an ‘a-ha’ moment, you want to tell everyone. You’re thrilled and want to share how great your idea is and how you’ll go about your plan. As exciting as it is, everyone won’t share your enthusiasm.

Have you ever been around people who are Negative Nancy’s? No matter what you say, they will surely find a way to make pessimistic remarks. They’re always making snarky comments to bring you down.

If you know someone like this, why would you want to spend your time explaining your idea if you know they’re just going to shoot it down? They intentionally wait for happiness to shine, just so they can bring the rain. Talking to this person can damage your outgoing spirit, so don’t give them too much of your time. I wouldn’t share my hopes and dreams with someone like this.

Having those bright ideas should be an important moment for you. Share it with those who are encouraging and supportive. When you come across those obstacles, you’ll need someone in your corner to help push you forward – not someone that says, “I told you so.”

Be careful who you discuss your goals and dreams with. Talking to the wrong person will certainly kill your dream on the spot. That’s no good for you. You deserve a chance to see it through without any discouragement. You want to be around those who will help you expand and grow, not those who want you to remain stagnant.

Take control of your environment. Be around people that have the same drive as you. Limit your time with the Negative Nancy’s and Debbie Downers. Once you do this, your environment will create itself into a positive circle of optimism. You will be surrounded by forward moving people who encourage you and support your focus.

A plant can not thrive in polluted soil. It eventually becomes weak and stops growing. The weeds will take over and the plant will become part of it’s surroundings.

Change your environment. Be around people who will give you sunshine and rain to grow. Don’t let a bad element overtake you. Plant yourself among the growing element. Be mindful of who you share your bright ideas with. It could be the difference between you reaching your goal or your goal becoming a distant thought.

The Driver’s Seat

Photo by Samuele Errico Piccarini on Unsplash

When you’re young, you can’t wait to drive. The thought of having your own car and going anywhere you want to go becomes the most important thing in your life. This not only applies to driving, but it also applies to life.

Being in the driver’s seat is a big responsibility. You’re the one in control. If something happens, it could affect you and possibly others around you. Believe it or not, some days you may not even feel like driving, but like life, you have to drive to get to where you want to go.

As the driver of your life, you can go where ever you please. Your destination is in your hands. There will be bumps and potholes in the road, but you have to deal with them the best that you can. It may cause temporary damage to your car (life), but you need to deal with it if you want to go on.

Once your car has been fixed, you are more careful about those potholes. You may not be able to avoid them all, but you can avoid the same ones. In life, you learn from your mistakes. There will still be potholes you may not see, but if you hit one, you can handle it. You know how to avoid the same issues. When a new one arises, you have the determination to solve it.

If you want your car to last, you must maintain it. Doing things like washing your car, getting oil changes and rotating the tires are the simple things that will keep your car running efficiently. When you’re working towards your goal, there are things you can do to continue to be your best. You can read helpful books, exercise and eat right and manage your money wisely, among other things. Keeping up these simple maintenance routines will keep you on track.

While you’re driving, the car will automatically shift gears in order to go faster or slower. When things aren’t going your way, you will need to shift your gears and adjust and adapt to different circumstances. Whether it is an obstacle or an opportunity, have the flexibility to change your mind and go in a different direction, if need be. Even if you’re going in the wrong direction, know that you can turn around and take another route. Learn to shift your gears.

Being in the driver’s seat has it’s benefits. The potholes will come and most of the time, you won’t see them, but you have the mindset and skills to overcome it. When a car sits for a long time, it will not start. Don’t let that happen to you. Get up, keep moving and be open to new adventures on the road of life.

Making the Impossible Happen

It sounds impossible, right?

There’s a quote by Nelson Mandela along the lines of, “It’s always impossible until someone does it.” That someone could be you.

Why not? You have 24 hours. You have a brain. If you can put both of those to use, you’re in the “impossible is happening today” business.

We all have time, but we’re quick to say we don’t have enough of it. It has become the unquestionable excuse. If you look very hard, you’re sure to find more time somewhere.

You don’t always have to sleep for 10 hours every night. You don’t have to go to Happy Hour every Thursday after work. You don’t have to binge watch a different season every weekend. You don’t HAVE to do these things.

What you HAVE to do is manage your time better. Don’t say you don’t have time to start working on your goal, when you’re continuously doing things that don’t absolutely matter. Stop doing favors for others and start doing favors for yourself.

Put yourself first. The dreams that are in your head seem impossible. When you decide to contribute some time to them, you will begin to see how possible they are. Don’t just think about it, create a plan and get started.

If none of your friends are working towards their goals, it may be time to upgrade to a new level of friends. You’re comfortable as long as you stay with your old friends, but comfort is the enemy of growth. Being around a new element will force you to increase your performance.

Also, you have a brain. This means you have a mind. You’ve used your mind before, but now is the time to use it with intent. Think of what you want to do in life and move on it. If other people have done it, you definitely can do it, too – maybe even better.

Your mind is not only used to remember fun facts and enough information to pass a test, it can be used to create your future! Don’t listen to that negative internal chatter. If you can change your mind (which you can), you can change yourself and GROW.

Stop thinking you aren’t good enough. Change your mind and know you are good enough. You’re just as capable as anyone else. The only difference is, they know they can because they think they can. Give yourself the same advantage. Don’t wait on permission – you already have it.

Use your time and your mind wisely. By being aware of those overlooked conveniences, you can start doing the impossible. There is no such thing as impossible – you just haven’t done it yet.

Why Worrying Won’t Work

When unpleasant challenges arise, the first thing most people do is worry. It’s a reaction that lives on autopilot in your mind, ready to go when needed. Not only does worrying affect you on the inside, it affects how you perceive things on the outside. Let’s see why worrying won’t work.

Don’t be a Worry Wart. What is a Worry Wart? As soon as something out of the basic routine happens, you begin to stress about it.

“What’s going to happen?”
“Why did it happen?”
“Who did this to me?”
“What am I going to do?”

All types of questions, along with several negative emotions, start to run rampant in your mind.

This raises your stress levels. You begin to attempt to answer those questions in your mind. Nothing is working out in your favor. Is there a number to call? Is there someone you can speak to about the situation?

You want answers because you simply don’t know why this is happening to you. Therefore, you just continue to worry because you don’t know what else to do.

Sometimes, it’s simply something that you, the Worry Wart, did to yourself that caused the issue. After that, you can’t be mad and stressed about it anymore. Take responsibility and deal with the consequences.

On the other hand, it may have been a mistake that needs to be corrected. You follow instructions on how to fix the flaw and it’s done. No more worrying because you resolved it.

In both cases, your mind went into a frenzy because you didn’t know what was going on. There’s a way to save yourself from the stress of worrying, but it takes practice.

When you receive bad news or something happens out of your control, talk to someone or simply do the research. Spazzing out doesn’t help and most of all, it won’t solve your issue.

When you get emotional about things you can’t control, it affects your surroundings, as well. You may take it out on the kids, friends, and you’re unpleasant to be around. You’re just an all around grump until you figure out what’s going on.

That’s the thing – figure out what’s going on. That’s what needs to happen. You’re only making it worse for yourself and those around you.

Learn to respond, instead of react.

When you let your emotions get the best of you, it normally doesn’t end well. Not only does being emotional make it worse, you’re also not solving anything. Nothing gets done.

It’s normal to have an initial emotional reaction. Don’t let it overtake you into worry world. Start thinking about what you can do to help the situation or to solve the issue. Do what you can. If you can’t control it at the moment, leave it alone until you’re able to figure it out.

When you respond, you come out with better results. It works out for you and those around you. Sometimes, you’re unable to do anything about certain situations until a period of time has passed. There’s no need to put yourself and others through hell because in the end, you could be worrying about nothing.

Worrying won’t help. It only takes up your precious time and for some, can even lead to health problems. Do what you can and be calm enough so you can resolve the issue. Decide to respond around your emotions and not in your emotions. If you do this, you’ll have a better handle on taking care of what needs to be done.

Bouncing Back

It’s difficult when you’ve been working on your goals and it seems like nothing is happening. No matter how much time you’ve put into it, there seems to be no progress being made on the other side of the work.

There’s nothing worse than doing something that you have to do, but you don’t enjoy it. The work never ends. It takes forever and every obstacle is scheduled to happen on your time.

This is why you should have an interest in what you are working towards. The process can take longer than you thought, but at least you would be excited about it.

When you are fascinated by the process of working towards your goal, you don’t dread doing it. As a matter of fact, it keeps you going and helps stimulate your creativity along the way. It’s a win-win for you and the goal!

When challenges arise, you are up to facing it head on, but what happens if it doesn’t work out the third or fourth time?

Bounce back.

When you enjoy what you are doing, it makes bouncing back easier. You want to make it right and solve the issue at hand. If you didn’t enjoy it, you would feel like molasses, going up a hill.

Being resilient is important within the process. After the third or fourth time, some would say you haven’t really started cracking the code yet. You may get tired of dealing with it, but your mind is still churning out solutions. You just have to act upon it.

What would happen if you just stopped after the first time it didn’t work? This is where it ends for most people. But you’re not most people because you keep bouncing back.

It doesn’t hurt to keep going. Okay, it may hurt a little, but the reward in the end will make it all worth it. Average people don’t see success because they stop. Instead, they watch people like you and try to pull you down for doing it. Don’t worry about them – they will always be there whenever you are doing well. You will succeed and they will see your success.

Make it a fun habit. Know that you can slay anything that comes before you, because you can. No matter how much time it takes, it won’t defeat you! You may need to take a step back and assess the situation, but that’s better than stopping all together.

Keep bouncing back. It’s part of the process, although it doesn’t end there. You may feel like a basketball, but you will have conquered everything on the path to your goal. Most people can’t say that they have successfully done that.

Average

Photo by KEVIN CLYDE BERBANO on Unsplash

Please understand that you are more than you think you are. Your potential is so wide and deep, you will never reach the end of it. Don’t sell yourself short – you are not average.

Some people get tired and they stop. Others get tired and they rest, but they continue on. That’s what above average people do. Life happens and they find a way to regain their focus and persevere.

Yes, it’s hard. That’s what separates the average from those who are above average. It’s not supposed to be easy. Put in the effort and it won’t be an issue. Decide that it’s hard while you’re doing it, not before you start.

You have been given the biggest opportunity. This opportunity allows you to grow as much as you want to. Or, you could be lazy and relax as much as you want to. The opportunity for growth is offered everyday. Those that take advantage of this opportunity will likely see success, while others watch them become successful.

Technology has made many opportunities more accessible to everyone today. There are free online classes, motivational speeches, and other resources that were unimaginable twenty years ago. It’s all at our fingertips, but even some will find that it’s too much to do.

Don’t be average. Everyone else can be average, but you know that you have the power to create an incredible mindset and to use it daily. Your mindset is what differentiates you from the average person. Commit to harnessing that power every chance you get.

No matter what happens, always move forward. Eliminate the distractions and work your way towards your goals. Yes, it may take some time and figuring things out, but you have the mind to do it. Let others be passive about their goals (if they have any), but don’t let them convince you that you’re doing too much.

They will be critical of your achievements. They will talk about your level of commitment as if it is the worst thing in the world. They can’t stand the thought of you outgrowing your surroundings. They will pull you back every chance they get.

You must go on. You have to go, so you can grow. You have to increase your level of commitment in order to perform better. You have to work hard and smart to stay two steps ahead. You must embrace your opportunities and challenges on a daily basis. You must meet your success.

So no, don’t be average – average is what everybody else does. You are unique and will live your life the way you imagine it. To do this, you must continue your fight to be above average.

Living In Regret

The past is the past for a reason. You don’t want to go back there, so why think about it? You don’t want to remember it, so why keep the memory? You don’t want to live there, so why stay there?

Things happen. Good or bad, different life situations make us who we are. The bad relationship – now you know what you don’t like. The random person who emailed you to send them money in Nigeria – now you know a con when you read it. The person who scared you into doing something you didn’t want to do and then abandoned you – now you know what a real friend is.

All of these experiences shape you and your outlook on people and life. The memory may be bad, but it was a learning lesson. If it was a good memory, that’s a learning lesson, also.

What you don’t want to do is wish you could turn back time. It’s not going to happen, so stop talking about how you let ‘the one’ get away. It may have been your fault, but again, it’s a learning lesson, not a lifetime pity party.

Don’t stay there. That moment is gone. You may have the opportunity to get it back or maybe not, but the lesson you need to learn here is to move on.

Living in regret won’t give you the chance to go back and make it right. Living in regret won’t make it hurt any less. Living in regret will allow other opportunities to pass you by. Living in regret will shatter your confidence. Living in regret will stifle your growth as a person.

How do you move on? You do your best to not remember that moment. You can remember it, but only as a way to move on. You have had your time to grieve over it. It does deserve a moment of your emotions, but not the rest of your life.

As hard as it sounds, it gets better. The past is not a place where you want to live – it will hold you back from your dreams. You have the power to let it go and move on. Don’t live your life in one moment forever. Everyday is a chance to be better and do better. If the past has been holding you hostage, let it go and move forward.

Know Yourself

When you know yourself, nothing is capable of taking you down. No one can say anything to make you feel a certain way. You don’t go with the flow. You control your own mind, therefore, you control your own life.

The reason why people get caught up in doing the wrong thing or fall in with the wrong crowd, is because they don’t know themselves. They do what others do, without thinking for themselves. Getting to know yourself involves alone time and reflection.

There are people who always have to be around others to feel important. It terrifies them to be alone. Taking the time to be alone can probably solve more issues than you know.

Being alone and getting to know yourself involves more than figuring out what your favorite color is and what you like to eat. It goes deeper than that. You should think about questions like:

What do you believe?
How far are you willing to go morally?
Where do you want to be in life?

When you know these things about yourself, it gives you direction. If a situation comes up that involves making a difficult decision, if you know yourself, it shouldn’t be hard to figure out.

If you want to travel the world, why are you hanging out with stick-up kids? If you want to create a new software, why are you spending time watching reality TV shows? If you want to do something different, why are you doing the same thing everyday?

It can very well go beyond those examples, but the point is, if you know what you want to do, stop wasting time NOT doing it. Don’t get comfortable and do what you’ve always done. Get up and move in the direction of your goals!

Knowing yourself also involves what you stand for.

You need to know your moral compass. If you see an adult abuse a child, why are you sitting there watching? If someone needs help, why are you recording the video and not stepping in to help? Don’t wait for someone else to do it – you can step in and help. Waiting for others to do something is lazy. If you know yourself, you would do what YOU know is right – you won’t pause to see what someone else does.

When you know yourself, you have the courage to go against the grain and swim upstream. It says something about you as a person. You become who you are and not what society has already made you out to be. Your example will encourage others to get to know themselves.

Don’t be afraid to reflect on who you are. You can only discover so much by being around other people. The other part, you have to do alone. Take the time to know yourself. It’s a process worth going through.