April 2021 - The Goalden Lady

#TBT: The Defensive Mind

Say Yes

Whenever an opportunity arises, the first thing you say is ‘no.’ What if you said ‘yes’ for a change? It may be a little more work or a bit of a learning curve, but what challenges you, grows you. We are not meant to stay in one position all of our lives.

Of course, having a knee-jerk reaction to questions that are dangerous is good. If someone asks if you want to go swimming with sharks, ‘no’ might not be a bad answer, unless that’s something you’ve always wanted to do.

The defensive mind is activated out of fear. Change can be scary, but again, it promotes growth. When you don’t know what to expect, fear takes over your mind. This is how fear dominates your every move.

Saying ‘no’ to everything eliminates your chances of trying new things. If you do something new, you may actually like it. You’re selling yourself short when you keep saying ‘no.’

Fear will have you going to work everyday and coming home, with no life to live in between. It will become the worst friend you’ve ever had because it doesn’t allow you to develop yourself. It’s like a jealous lover who wants to keep you all to themselves.

You don’t always have to do the same thing over and over. Find something that you’ve always wanted to do and look into it in your spare time. Expand your mind and meet new people with the same interests along the way.

Take Your Chances

The next time someone asks a question, take yourself off of autopilot and think for a second. If it won’t hurt you, take a chance and say ‘yes.’ The only thing that could happen is you don’t like it, or, it doesn’t work out. You won’t ever have to do it again.

Then again, something amazing could happen. If that’s the case, imagine how much it could help you improve and develop your skills. This could lead to many other chances and could thrust your side hustle into overdrive! But, you’ll never know until you take that chance first.

People who are set on saying ‘no’ will live to regret that they never took a chance on those missed opportunities. There’s nothing like regret. You can’t go back in life and do it over. Take your chances and know the outcome, as opposed to wondering what would have happened if you did.

Also, it takes courage to get out of a defensive mindset. When you’re used to people around you running away from opportunities, you will do the same. Think for yourself and respond how you want to respond. Just because it didn’t work out for someone else, doesn’t mean it won’t work out for you. Don’t let that negativity seep into your mindset.

This is your life, not theirs. You are in control of how and what you think. Be the leader. Be the example that shows others that it’s okay to try new things. You may be scared, but you’re putting your best foot forward and doing it anyway!

How To Get Over The Defensive Mind

Don’t look to others for confidence – that has to come from you and your mindset. They already have a pessimistic outlook on everything. When you go against the norm and do something different, you are inviting favorable circumstances to come to you.

You never know what you could be missing. When everyone else says ‘no’ and you say ‘yes,’ opportunity may be looking for you.

As you can see, it is very easy to fall into the trap of having a defensive mind. Don’t follow the crowd and do what everyone else does, because you may miss out. Even if nothing happened, you won’t have to wonder about it.

Take some time to ponder before you automatically say ‘no.’ It will help you overcome your fear of the unknown, build your courage muscle and help you grow into a better person. Your job is to use as many resources as you can, to become the best you in your life.

This means managing your mindset and overcoming fear in order to move forward. Don’t allow weak influences to stop you. You must do this for yourself, which means you have to reprogram your mind and create the new, unstoppable you.

Excerpt from: “Help! I’m Stuck: How To Manage Your Mind, Defeat Distractions and Create Confidence,” Book 2 by S.R. Roberts. Edited for length.

The Power Of Your Potential

When you know that you have great potential, it can work in your favor. The world is so full of distractions and negativity, it can be easy to forget the power we have in our own lives.

We’ve been so used to listening and following instructions as children, but as adults, we simply forget that we can follow our own paths. You don’t have to allow others opinions to set the trajectory of your life.

Your Potential Has Always Been There

Your potential is what you’re capable of doing. The possibility is there, but some of us don’t know how to realize it and make it real.

You’ve heard people say, “You have potential…”, or “You’re not living up to your potential.” Yes, you can do better – there’s always room for improvement. The idea is that you KNOW it, even if no one tells you.

Sometimes, you wait on someone to give you a good feeling before you start that project. You’re waiting on that vote of confidence from them, but why?

It gives you a warm, fuzzy feeling, knowing that someone else believes in you. Allowing someone to make you feel this way can be detrimental, because you’ll get used to waiting on someone else before you start. You should already know you can do it and move forth, anyway.

Compliments and encouragement are nice to hear, but even when no one is around to say those positive things to you, you need to know and believe that you already have that ability. Create the habit of starting those ideas on your own.

That hobby you’re interested in? Stop thinking about it and start doing it. Considering a new project? Don’t sit and watch how well someone else does it, do the research and find a way to take the first step. Whatever it is, it’s all in your control – use your potential to your advantage, because it is your advantage.

Don’t Miss Out On Life

We hear people talk about FOMO (the fear of missing out), but mostly, it’s talked about in a negative way. Fearing that you may miss out on things that make no real difference in your life can be a disappointment, but what would happen if you used in towards yourself?

FOMO can work well with your potential. When you feel self-doubt about starting something new, think about what would happen if you never start. Think about missing out on creating opportunities for yourself, as opposed to waiting for them to happen to you.

This type of FOMO thinking shifts your perspective when you use it in the right way – it leaves no regrets in your mind, because you’ll act upon whatever you’re thinking about. Whether it turns out good or bad, you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing you did your best and you tried.

Free yourself mentally from hanging on to other people’s words and thoughts about you. Your potential is already there, you just need to put it to work. Be forward thinking and put in the effort. No one has to tell you that you can do it – have the courage to step into it.

Activate Your Potential

Everyday, you should set out to win at something. Having a target to shoot for is what activates your potential.

If you’re going to have FOMO, have FOMO about missing out on your own life. Waiting, wishing and wondering won’t help you achieve your goal. The longer you procrastinate, the closer you’re getting to that later stage of regret.

Time is your most precious asset – once it’s gone, it’s gone forever. We waste so much time with distractions and pleasing other people. Be wise and start living YOUR life. Everyday is a chance to get it right.

Get out of your head and get into your life! Those goals won’t achieve themselves. Use your potential and discover just how far you can take it. You’ll be surprised how far you can go when you put forth your full potential!

#TBT: Plant Your Seed

We all think of things we should’ve done a long time ago. Ideas seem to come too late, or do they?

Thoughts and ideas don’t come late, we respond late. When you see something, do you say, “I had that idea 2 years ago!”? It happens to all of us.

You can be mad and stuck on the fact that someone else ‘stole’ your idea and put it out to the world, or you can take the next idea you have and begin working on it.

Often, we have thoughts and ideas and our immediate reaction is, “If this worked, someone would have done it already.” Maybe the world is waiting on you to do it.

Don’t allow your ideas to slip away. Now that we have the internet, we can easily do the research and put things together more easily than before. All you have to do is gather the information you need and start the process.

This doesn’t mean it will be easy. It means you will have access to clues and various material, which gives you the opportunity to figure it out. The rest is up to you.

Of course, if you do nothing, nothing will happen. There’s just the possibility of someone else taking the time and energy to make it work and putting out the same idea.

Don’t get mad, get started.

You have a real chance at making your idea come to fruition. If you begin today, imagine where your idea would be in 5 years. Even if it doesn’t work out, you made a conscious attempt at it. You’ll never have the mental burden of ‘what-if?’.

Put yourself in the mind of being 80 years old. What would be the things you wished you would’ve done? Whatever you come up with, that’s what you should do. As said before, if it doesn’t work out, you did make an honest effort.

Spare yourself the pain of regret. Plant your seed today. If it stays in your mind, it doesn’t happen. Give it the rain and sunshine it deserves. Make it happen by taking action and putting forth a sincere and intentional effort, today.

Success Has No Timeline

It seems that success is supposed to come by the time you’re 30. We should have settled into the big house, with the perfect spouse and the fantastic career.

While this may be someone’s reality, it doesn’t happen that way for most of us. Somewhere down the line, someone convinced you that “having it all” was supposed to come before you turn a certain age.

For others, it’s the direct opposite. While “having it all” is very possible, there is no particular time you should be concerned with when it comes to reaching your goals.

Compare Yourself, To Yourself

Why is your friend successful, but you’re still struggling? Who keeps watering the grass on the other side, so it’s greener? What is it that you’re doing so wrong?

There’s one answer to those questions and others like it – it’s none of your business. When you constantly compare your life to others, it’s always wrong.

When you begin comparing your life’s journey with someone else’s, that’s where you lose. Everyone else will always look better and have more than you. “Perfection” is never within your reach.

Some of us are born with advantages, some of us aren’t. Some of us have both parents living at home, some of us only have one. Some of us are millionaires by the age of 25, some of us by 55.

The point is, life is different for everyone. Each and every person’s journey is unique – there are no 2 lives on the planet Earth that happens exactly alike. Build right where you are, using what you already have.

Their life is so perfect – “why am I so far behind?” If you’re putting in the work, doing the best you can do, your achievement isn’t far away. Don’t measure how successful you are, using someone else’s ruler. Your own efforts will put you right where you need to be.

Focus on what’s in front of you, not what’s happening with someone else. Success doesn’t come to you, when you’re looking at other people. Again, do what you can, with what you have.

Where Is Your Focus?

Always look at what’s ahead in your life. Taking your eyes off of the prize (your goal) will surely slow you down. What someone else is doing doesn’t make your journey any less worth traveling.

Plan and prepare for what you want to do. Control what you can. You can only do this by betting on yourself and minding your own business.

When you look at what others are doing, you’re giving them the attention you should be giving yourself. You give them credit for what they’ve done, when you should actually be giving yourself credit for what you’ve accomplished.

We don’t see what other people do to become successful. They don’t tell you how hard it was, the friends they lost along the way or the sacrifice they made in order to reach their goal. All you see is what happened in the end.

Maybe they did something unthinkable to achieve what looks like a dream life – the whole point is, you don’t know. Instead of going through all of the guessing and assuming, focus on what you’re doing and how you’re going to be outstanding in your own life.

Success Will Come In Time

Concentrate on what you can do to make yourself a success. The world will open up to you when you begin to live your life. Don’t let your ego get in the way by thinking you have to keep up with someone else’s life, just to prove you’re worthy. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone.

It’s good to have people who inspire and motivate you, but don’t expect their success to be your success. You can follow the exact same blueprint of Serena Williams, but that won’t make you a champion within the same amount of time.

The only thing you can do is take responsibility for how hard you work. You have the power over how disciplined or resilient you can be. No one can put in the work for you – you must do that yourself.

Be inspired and motivated, but know that your success will come in your time, not theirs.

#TBT: Your Competition Isn’t Who You Think It Is

Competition can make you or break you. Either you’re competing directly with someone, or you’re competing with the idea of someone.

Whomever you are competing against, it’s great. It keeps you on your toes and it holds you accountable for your actions. Even if it doesn’t turn out the way you expected, you’ve done more than you ever thought you could do in the first place.

Having competition can offer awesome benefits. Most people that are competitive, tend to learn and bounce back quicker than the average person.

Have you ever thought about who your biggest competitor is? It’s someone you know very well – you see them on a daily basis and you probably don’t acknowledge them like you should.

You are your biggest competitor.

The Competition With Your Mind

Every morning, you wake up and instantly decide if you are going to roll over and get an extra 5 minutes of sleep, or get out of bed and move on with your day. That’s you competing against your mind.

The choices you make on a daily basis are a constant battle. Your ego, distractions or your negative behavior – if you don’t have the right mindset to handle it, you simply lose.

We don’t look at our choices that way, but it’s the truth. Should you keep working, even when no one notices? Or, maybe you can get away with not doing any work for 1 more day. These may seem like insignificant actions, but they have a great impact on your life.

These small decisions add up and become major in the end. Sleeping in everyday and being lazy will eventually grant you a lazy life. Everyone else around you may be making progress, but that’s not your competition. Focus on yourself and do better at those small things.

The Competition With Your Health

At some point, we’ve all struggled with that second piece of cake or taking a day off from running. Ultimately, the decision is yours to make.

No one else can make you be healthy. Those everyday choices you make will show up on the scale or your waistline, sooner or later. That is another type of competition that you deal with regularly.

Again, we don’t think of these things as competing against ourselves. We keep comparing ourselves to pro athletes and their diets. They are not coming to save you – you must save yourself through good decisions and following up with consistent action.

Health is very important, so challenge yourself to eat healthy and exercise on a regular basis. You are competing against yourself and your fitness. Win that game first, before you test someone else.

The Competition With Your Money

The competition isn’t with Oprah or Bill Gates – it’s with you.

They already have their wealth. They’ve worked on this personal competition for many years and they’ve come out on top. You are not competing against them.

Save your money. Make investments. Play the long game and say no to instant gratification. Anyone can spend their paycheck in one weekend, but how much of it do they actually keep?

Make an attempt to do better with your money. Create wealth by setting financial goals and sticking to them. If you get off track, simply get back on, or start over. You are your competition.

Building Longevity

Competing with the person in the mirror should be your primary intention. This is how you form a great foundation for your future.

Building longevity starts with small, productive habits. How you do one thing is how you do everything. In the end, the only person that has control over the outcome is you, so make it happen.

Let’s not look at other people and mindlessly make them our competition. You may be able to beat someone else, but can you beat yourself?Challenging others is good, but the major competitor is you. Look in the mirror and take control of your intended, successful results.

#BeGoalden

Position Yourself In A Winning Environment

Change can be hard. You realize you need to do something to improve yourself or a habit to create to do better.

Just doing it can be difficult, but sometimes, we make things more difficult than they have to be. You want to achieve your goal, but you set yourself up for failure.

Prepare Yourself

How can you prepare yourself for whatever happens? It’s simple to do, but we can make things bad by putting ourselves in non-productive situations.

If you want to eat more healthy foods, it’s easy to think it. When the time comes to go out with friends, that’s when it becomes a challenge.

Everybody wants to eat fast food or something unhealthy. It may not be their fault, but you must be prepared to face situations like this. They will do their best to convince you to eat unhealthy with them – they’ll tell you that one time won’t hurt – they may even insult you to make you feel bad enough to eat along with them.

Should everyone eat healthy just to make you feel better? It would be awesome, but not necessarily. The responsibility lies with you. You must prepare to respond to these types of scenarios.

You can either flat out refuse to eat, or you can order something healthy, if possible. If worse comes to worse, you could even pack a healthy snack with you wherever you go.

Be prepared enough to not give in.

Self-Sabotage

You must be aware of your surroundings when you’re out and about. Some environments will make you slip back into habits that you are working to get rid of.

If you’re trying to stop drinking, don’t go to a bar. You’re setting yourself up for failure. Why even tempt yourself? You may be strong enough to resist, but don’t even put yourself in that position.

People will try and motivate you to drink, especially if they know you’re trying to change. At this point, they’re not to blame. If you do take a drink, it’s on you. You put yourself in that place to begin with and you’ll have to suffer the consequences, not them.

Know how to position yourself. Think of the effects it could have on you. Being in a place that doesn’t promote your greatness is self-sabotage. People will do what they do (and try to convince you to do it, too), but you must be willing to put your foot down and make the right decision for yourself.

Position Yourself To Succeed

This is one of those things that’s easier said than done, but if you’re serious about the change you’re making, it should be a no-brainer.

Do you know what to do? Do you know what you want? Of course, you do. Be clear with your intentions – if you’re not going to eat unhealthy foods or drink alcohol, stick to it. Don’t let anyone distract you from your mission.

Face yourself and the the many possible outcomes. There’s no need to play the victim or have a pity party if it doesn’t go your way – this was your decision. Yes, we all know it’s challenging to do what needs to be done, but the responsibility is yours. All you can do is position yourself well the next time and do better.

This is your personal journey – it’s something that you must do for yourself. No one else can walk that road for you. Not only will you be a better person and make yourself proud, but you’ll be an inspiration to someone else.

Don’t give in to resistance. It’s the first instinct your mind runs to because it wants to remain comfortable. Be flexible and learn to adapt and adjust. Allow your mindset to shift from resistance to freedom – the freedom to choose how you want your life to be and to play it out in that way.

#TBT: Self-Care: Start Choosing Yourself

Self-care is something we need, but we don’t practice enough of. We’re taught to be respectful and to love one another. Be considerate and kind to everyone you meet – everything that describes the Golden Rule.

What happened to us? Did anyone ever show us how to be independent and love ourselves? We become so caught up in being available to others, yet, we cheat ourselves out of a fulfilling life.

Self-Care Isn’t Selfish

People will call you selfish when you do something that doesn’t include or benefit them. You could have given them a million dollars last week, but you’re ‘selfish’ because you didn’t visit them yesterday.

You’ve done all you can to please them and make them happy. Even if they’ve never done anything for you, it makes you feel a certain amount of guilt when they complain about how you treat them.

It’s not your responsibility to make others happy. If you do something nice, that’s great, but if they don’t appreciate it, move on. As a matter of fact, don’t do it for appreciation, do it because you like doing nice things for people. When you expect something in return, emotions get involved and feelings get hurt.

Don’t spend your energy attempting to make it right or trying to mend their feelings. Some people like to make you feel guilty just so you can continue to do things for them. You may feel bad, but at some point, you have to stop living for them and start living your life.

They’re not coming to save you, so you must take care of yourself, first.

Putting Yourself First

You’ve been so used to putting others before yourself, it seems odd to put your own needs first. You are not accountable for their life, but you are accountable for your own.

Think about when you go to work and ask for a promotion – why not take the time to promote yourself with your own personal business? Yes, it may take some time, but you’ll be able to call the shots yourself.

We’ve been trained to always look to others for what we need or want. You never get to truly live life on your terms, because you’re stuck in a place where you have to constantly ask for permission. If you choose yourself, you don’t have to convince anyone else of what you deserve.

Learn to trust yourself. If you want to make lots of money, make a plan and get started! Depending on your boss to provide for you is not smart. Get in the habit of doing for self, even if it takes time to materialize. Commit to a strong work ethic and the time will pass – before you know it, you’ll be the boss of your own life, truly doing as you wish.

Choose You

Self-care also involves self awareness, or how you see yourself. Thinking small of yourself and big of other people hinders your intentions. You can’t have a short, defeated outlook when it comes to pursuing your goal. Your abilities are just as good as anyone else’s, but you’ve got to be proactive and bold towards your plan.

Make little promises to yourself and keep them. That’s the key to believing in yourself and building courage. Exercise that characteristic within yourself and portray it – I am strong, I am beautiful, I am successful, I am smart, I am magnificent. Speak it into existence because you are what you say you are.

Develop the discipline to perform the habits that make you better and your ambition will soar. Expecting others to give you that feeling of worthiness will no longer exist because you can achieve it on your own.

Self-care is imperative. Don’t be afraid to choose yourself. No one is going to do it for you. Have your own back and create your own solutions. Depending on someone else puts you at risk. Take your own risks and be successful because you chose yourself.

#BeGoalden

How To Mind What You Think

Your mind is an amazing tool. When used properly, it can make some of the most incredible things happen – that’s just how powerful it is.

Take a look around you – everything that you see came from a seed of thought in someone’s mind. From the book you’re reading to the chair you’re sitting in, it all started in the mind of a determined person.

The mind can also be tricky. Some people come up with devastating ideas and put them out into the world. As you can see, it can be used in a constructive or destructive manner.

How Do You Think?

Most times, we allow our mind to run rampant. We take in so much stimuli every second, that we become unaware of the things we’re taking in.

The way you think can lead you to certain results. Exactly, where do you want to go? What do you want to do? These are the questions you need to ask yourself in order to produce the type of day (or life) you want.

Getting to your goals takes the right mindset. If your mind is clouded with distractions and resistance, it can be difficult to push through the mess to any type of achievement. Like a diet, you must feed your mind the right thoughts to get the maximum outcome you want.

Of course, you can only control so much of what goes on around you, but the good thing is, you can control how to respond.

What’s In Your Control?

Your environment may not be as positive as you want it to be, but it’s not the end all, be all. There are certain things you can do to control what goes into your mind.

From the music you listen to, to the images you see on TV and the information you read/see on social media, it all has an effect on your brain, which has an effect on your productivity.

With technology, we are bombarded with so much information at one time, it has become distracting. If you’re not careful, it can make you a master procrastinator. You become so interested in someone else’s life, you forget about living your own.

There’s access to positive information, but you have to tune into it. Celebrity gossip, the news and even social media influencers (hence the word, “influence”) have one thing in common – they want to grab your attention.

What grabs attention? Negativity and negativity produces procrastination.

Creating Your Mindset

All of these negative mediums make it possible for you to become distracted in under a few seconds – that’s all it takes to hook your attention. They make it even harder to look away.

Before you know it, you’ll look up and half the day has gone by and you weren’t productive at all. Where did the time go?

It’s important to plan out what you listen to and what you see. There are many ways you can feed your mind in order to be more productive with your day.

As the saying goes, “garbage in, garbage out”. Whatever your mind takes in, it’s likely to give you the same output. There’s a better chance of you being more productive if you don’t scroll through social media every chance you get.

Even though your mind can be easily distracted, you can create ways to become more focused. What you put into your mind at certain times will allow you to be effective with your work and habits.

By limiting your “garbage” intake, your mind will be more clear and capable of uncovering those bright ideas and solutions. Listen to a podcast that will benefit you or watch the NASA channel – something different. If you scroll through social media, make sure that your feed only contains positive and constructive posts – things that inspire you to create and become your best.

Use Your Mind

It’s up to you how you will use your mindset. Will you use it to numb your way through life or to become a better version of yourself?

Don’t trick yourself out of living a magnificent life. Things will happen (that’s life), but you do have a choice in how you respond. Your mind will either allow you to wallow in self-pity or it will encourage you to stand up and push forward.

The choice is yours.

#TBT: Focus On The Process, Not The Results

When we set our goals, our mind automatically starts to focus on the end result, but the biggest part is figuring out how to hit the target and win.

Twenty years ago, it was a challenge to find an abundance of successful people. They were there, but our access was limited to television, radio and the newspaper.

Today, we can see success everywhere, at anytime. The internet has opened up many avenues for more people to achieve their dreams. Even people who aren’t successful can pretend like they are on social media.

Instant Gratification

This leads to ‘short-cut’ thinking. We’re so flooded with images of people who’ve reached their goals (or at least they look like they did), we begin to think that it’s an easy process.

Although it looks like it, the path to your goal isn’t easy and that’s not to discourage you. Anything worth doing will take hard work and consistency, but you must concentrate on the process.

Does anybody remember when Beyonce started out with Girls Tyme? No, we only recognized her when she came on the scene with Destiny’s Child. Prior to that, she was practicing and working her little heart out to be who she is today.

Technology has made everything so easy, we expect the goal to happen without going through the process. Fast food, texting, all kinds of apps – it’s designed to make life more convenient, but there’s one thing that won’t give you that instant gratification.

Why Is This Taking So Long?

When you have a goal to reach, it will take months or even years before you will see the end result.

Envisioning the end result is good to do. It gives you something to see in your mind as you work on your plan.

The trick is, you must focus on the plan, not the result. You can focus on the result all day long, but nothing will happen. You must focus on the plan that will get you there.

The plan is what needs to be figured out and adjusted on a regular basis. Things change and you have to be flexible enough to create solutions to those challenges.

No One Path Is Alike

There are no two paths alike, that will achieve the same goal. There may be an overall map that will carry you in the right direction, but as far as an exact path that we all can take and experience the same success, that simply doesn’t exist.

Everyone has to figure it out for themselves. This is why you focus on the path, because is will change. Life happens and you may have to rearrange what you are doing to accommodate your circumstances.

It’s important to stay open-minded because you never know who will be able to assist you. Do different things and take risks and see where it leads.

Envision Your Result, But Focus On The Process.

Hoping that you will succeed won’t work. Wishing someone will let you tag along won’t work. Those are distractions and the best way to avoid them is to buckle down and focus on your process.

While your goal won’t change, the path to get there will change many times. It will take mental and physical energy to take on this effort and to do your best. You must be ready and willing on all fronts to encounter your journey.

Don’t let time become a factor. Time is always there, it just depends on how you plan to use it to your advantage. As they say, it takes years to become an overnight success.

Be flexible, make adjustments and be persistent. Know that it will take time, discipline and consistency. People won’t see how hard you are working now, but they will definitely realize, once you’ve reached your goal and become successful.

#BeGoalden