Blog - Page 33 of 50 - The Goalden Lady

Give Up The Grudge, Focus On Forgiveness

There’s nothing new under the sun. People have best friends, co-workers or even family members with whom they hold grudges against.

All of these hurtful feelings begin to flood your mind. Eventually, it begins to work it’s way into your body and comes out through anger, anxiety, stress and many other ways.

You feel like, “How could they do that? I thought we were friends? How could they NOT know that I would be hurt? What were they thinking? They should’ve known!”

The best way to let a grudge go is to forgive. Instead of allowing it to control your thoughts and hold you hostage, forgive them.

You may think, “That’s way too easy – I want them to feel the same hurt that they put upon me!” Well, you’ll be waiting a lifetime. Most of the time, the person you’re holding the grudge against, doesn’t even know it or they’ve moved on.

Forgiveness is for you, not for them.
The Goalden Lady

Make the decision to move on. You don’t have to include them in your life anymore. If any type of interaction is necessary, keep it to a minimum.

Why is forgiveness for you? This is what happens when you hold a grudge:

It creates more negative thoughts. You’re already in a bad place when you hold a grudge against someone. You begin to increasingly think about it and those aren’t good thoughts you’re having. You’re thinking of ways to get back at them or how you can get revenge. Before you know it, this is all you think about and it only breeds more negative thoughts in other areas of your life.
It takes away your power. You aren’t able to control what you’re thinking and you become unproductive. No matter how hard you try to work, those feelings keep pulling you back. That person has moved on – they don’t even know the effect that they’re having on your peace of mind. Don’t give away your power that easily! Even when you’re trying to go to sleep at night, you think of them and you tense up and become disgusted. Meanwhile, they’re sleeping like a baby.
It keeps you stagnant. You’re like a broken record that keeps skipping to the same beat, over and over. You can’t move or make good decisions in your daily life. You’re stuck. The grudge you’re holding keeps repeating itself over and over again. None of this will change until you decide to let it go.

That’s why forgiveness is for you. None of these things happen to the person you’re holding a grudge against. Even if you confront them about it, more than likely, they’ll think it was silly. And then, they move on.

Forgiveness gives you the relief you’re looking for. It gives you freedom. It allows you to breathe. It gives you your life back.

Be the bigger person. Learn to forgive. Some people have been holding grudges for years, but it’s not needed. How much of your life have you wasted, thinking about something that has been forgotten by others? Take back your power over your life and yourself. We all have disappointments from our friends and family, but it’s up to us to move on from it and continue to be our best selves. It’s hard to be your best self while holding a grudge.

Forgive. Let it go. Move on.

#BeGoalden

Move To Improve

We let so many thoughts scare us…

it needs to be perfect
it’s not the right time
what if they don’t like it
what if I fail

Then, there’s another level. We make situational excuses…

I’ll start when I get paid
it rained
I have to do ‘A’ before I do ‘B’
Little Billy got sick

What are we afraid of? It’s not that we’re really busy – it’s that we’re afraid to actually do.

People who really go after what’s in their heads are special. They don’t stop to overthink and analyze how crazy it might seem. They aren’t afraid of the voices in their head. They just go and succeed and keep right on going.

Everyday, try to have that mindset. Commit to doing something everyday, even when it sucks. If you put in the daily effort, it can’t get any worse – it has to get better.

So, whatever it is that you want to do, please don’t worry about the outcome or what other people will think. That is exactly what stops you.

“Be like a computer. Respond with results, not excuses.”
The Goalden Lady

Google, or any other search engine, has never given an excuse when you use it to find answers or research.

Creating excuses is a habit that has been unconsciously passed down from generation to generation, across the world. When someone asks you something, instead of telling them the truth, your mind automatically looks for an excuse. It has spilled into so many other areas of our lives, we accept it without thinking.

We treat procrastination the same way. It’s used so much, we believe it. We’re making ourselves intellectually soft. No one wants to think or do anymore.

It’s going to be hard to quit, but I challenge everyone to catch yourself when you make an excuse. Catch yourself when you procrastinate. Don’t let yourself off the hook. Hold yourself accountable.

What do you do instead?

You find the mental power within you and push through. You do it. Perform. Act. Create. Operate. Be intentional and start. Be intentional and finish. It doesn’t have to be big, just begin. Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Start by making small changes. You don’t have to start drinking 8 glasses a day, start with 2. You don’t have to start by running a 5k, start with a walk in the neighborhood. You don’t have to start with an expensive date with balloons and roses, start with a kind word and a smile.

Build your foundation. Work your way up to the results you want to obtain. Often times, we see what we want and it overwhelms us because we don’t know how to start – all we see is the end result. Start small and keep building, day by day.

Also, you will have to kill the negative chatter in your head, because that’s also stopping you. Your will to improve has to start in your mind.

Tell yourself how great you are. Tell yourself that you have the ability to do anything. Tell yourself that no matter how difficult it gets, you will find a way. Tell yourself these things, because it’s true.

You’ll even fall, sometimes. That’s okay, just remember to get up. There will be times where it hurts, but give it the time it needs, then keep going.

It’s going to be hard. You’re going to want to give up. You’ll make even more excuses because that’s easy. Change is hard. As long as you have breath in your body, believe that you can do it.

You won’t improve by doing the same thing – at some point, you’ll need to upgrade your game. Do something positive, something that will push you towards a greater situation, to the next level – something different.

It sounds so simple, but it’s one of the most hardest things in the world for people to do.

Take action and move.

#BeGoalden

Are You Working Against Yourself?

We all encounter distractions and nonsense on a daily basis. Whether it’s at work, on TV or on social media, it’s always there, fighting for our attention.

As a result, we’ve become immune to it. It’s doesn’t present a challenge to us any more because we’re so used to it. Becoming used to it has given us permission to just deal with it and to allow it into our minds.

Here are a few ways you’re working against yourself and how you can work towards doing better.

You have your notifications on. When you’re working, your attention is supposed to be focused on what’s in front of you, 100%. As soon as you hear a ‘ting’, you look up to see who or what it’s about. Someone just posted another funny cat video. Now, your attention is broken and it will take a considerable amount of time to get it back. Turn off those notifications! It can wait until you’re done.
You overindulge yourself with information. Yes, it is critical to do research and collect information for what you’re doing, but sometimes, it can be too much. If you want to learn how to sew, do enough research to start. You don’t have to watch 50 videos and read 50 websites to take action. Look up the necessary information and go out and do it! Getting caught up in being a professional researcher only allows for procrastination and when you procrastinate, you don’t start!
You leave your mind open to anything. Your mindset is the most important asset you own. It’s good to have an open mind, but determine what is useful and what needs to go. Stop letting garbage enter your mind. It could be in the form of gossip, reality TV, social media, etc. Control what goes into your mind. If you plant good seeds, they will grow. If you plant bad seeds, they will also grow (weeds), but which would you prefer? It affects your attitude and your day when you consume garbage. Take in some motivational videos, get around good people and have meaningful conversations.
You hit snooze every morning. Just wake up. Why do we fight waking up every single morning? That’s the first struggle of many throughout the day. Whenever you hit the snooze button, you never get more sleep. Figure out whether an earlier bedtime would help, a cold shower or a cleaner diet, but whatever it is, see how you can avoid that daily battle. It sets the tone for the rest of the day and it allows for a stressful start. It’s easier said than done, but it shouldn’t be overlooked. Develop a better routine to greeting your day.

Not only will these things cause you to work against yourself, they cause anxiety, as well. You can blame it on other factors, but you have power over what you do and how you do it. Even if you’re unable to control your environment, you can still make adjustments. Don’t just sit there and take it.

Fighting against yourself and being counterproductive is all on you. Decide what goes into your mind, decide to take action and decide to work fully focused. You can control all of these things. All it takes is a present mindset and intentional action. You can do it!

#BeGoalden

Getting Ready To Get Ready

Preparation is key to becoming great, but sometimes, we can over do it.

Getting ready to get ready is really an excuse to procrastinate. We say things like:

I’ll start on Monday (everybody’s favorite)
When I get $500, then I’ll start saving
When I finish all of the ice cream in the freezer, then I’ll start my diet
When I buy some exercise equipment, then I’ll start exercising

Do you see a pattern? When I do ‘x’, then I’ll do ‘y’.

It may be hard to admit, but this is just a fancy form of procrastination. Anything you can do, can be done immediately. It won’t make any difference when you start, but because you are constantly ‘getting ready to get ready’, you never begin.

This is why it’s better to start your ideas soon after you have them. Giving yourself time to ‘get ready’ only prolongs what you are trying to do.

In the above examples, you can start any of those things right away. Most people like to start their plans on Monday. Why not start the following day? Why can’t you start saving money now, even if you don’t have $500? What does eating all of the ice cream first have to do with you beginning a new diet? Instead of wasting time trying to buy the right exercise equipment, why not start with a YouTube workout or go outside and play with the kids?

Stay Ready

Anything you want to do can be done without using the ‘getting ready to get ready’ excuse formula. We have to stop giving ourselves an easy way out. Procrastination only brings about more procrastination – it’s a neverending cycle.

Make up your mind that you will start, no matter what the circumstances are in your head. Don’t hinder your own growth – don’t become your own enemy. Be disciplined and take action. Have the confidence to move forward and create progress. You are more than capable and prepared to start than you think you are.

Hold yourself accountable and take control of your future. Hesitating won’t get you anywhere. You don’t want to be in the same place, a year from now. Be extraordinary and do what needs to be done, even when you don’t feel like it. Embrace those challenges so that you can become the exceptional person you’re meant to be!

#BeGoalden

3 Powerful Life Tips That Begin With You In The New Year

Let’s get the ‘not-so obvious’ thing out of the way, first: no one is going to do it for you. No one is going to save you. No one is going to lay it out for you.

You have the freedom to think for yourself, but for some reason, you think someone else will take you along for the ride so you won’t have to directly experience the disappointment, or have your feelings hurt.

As you live, you will soon learn that the path to success is full of disappointments, setbacks, broken emotions, going in circles, friends turned enemies, etc.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. In other words, you want the prize, but you don’t want to make the sacrifice or put in the effort for that prize.

It’s not as hard as it sounds – once you get in the habit of showing up for yourself (which is one of the biggest hurdles to jump), your path will open up for you to pursue.

Don’t wait on someone else to tell you what to do. As kids, we’re used to adults telling us what to do. The issue is, when it’s time to become adults, some of us don’t know how to let that ‘tell me what to do’ mentality go. We continue to lean on others for support and guidance. Take a step and make your own decisions. You know what your goals are. Figure out what to do from your own experiences and through other people’s mistakes. Here’s a secret: No one knows what they’re doing – we’re all just winging it. Give yourself permission to go out and do something.
Be committed to yourself. Technically, you don’t need anyone to hold you accountable. Accountability partners don’t always work. You either pick your friend, who will let you off the hook, or you end up with someone who doesn’t follow through. It’s a good idea in theory, but it almost never works. Hold yourself accountable. You know better than anybody else how bad you want it. If you can’t make a commitment to yourself, no one else can make you commit. Don’t let yourself down. It’s easy to let someone else down – you think to yourself, “They’ll get over it…” but letting yourself down is something that sticks with you for the rest of your life. Regret hurts because you know what you’re capable of. Hold yourself accountable and win.
Get it over with, then, get over it. On your path to accomplishing your goal, there will be many things that will confuse you and stomp you, mentally. Do the best you can. Google it, look it up on YouTube or just trust yourself and give it a shot. Don’t get stuck there – get it over with and get over it! Don’t stop dead in your tracks just because it didn’t work out the way you thought it should. A lot of times, we let small things stop us and we become dejected and that makes us complacent – it doesn’t mean to stop, it just means that it didn’t work that particular way. Put your thinking cap on and try again! Keep going until you find what works. Don’t slow down – if it doesn’t work, just say, “OK, I know that doesn’t work – next!”

Time waits for no one. If you want to build your dream life and live in your success, don’t waste time waiting for others to help you. Don’t wait for somebody to believe in you – take action and believe in yourself!

This year, take control of your thoughts and actions. Falling down is not the issue – getting comfortable and lying there is the issue. Learn to bounce back because if you don’t, once you finally decide to get back up, the world will have passed you by.

It all starts with you and it will start this year.

#BeGoalden

Stop Reflecting; Let 2018 Go

It sounds kind of harsh, but in order to make any progress, you have to let something go.

Reflection is necessary and it should be done. Take time to look back and see how you can improve on the upcoming year. The issue is, sometimes, we can reflect a little too long and stay there as we’re going into 2019.

More time should be spent on planning for 2019, as opposed to reflecting on 2018. Since 2018 is almost gone, it won’t do any good to stay in reflection for too long. Don’t let the past keep you there.

Go for 2019. Get out of your comfort zone (2018) and step into the New Year with confidence. You’ve reflected enough. You know what you need to do.

If you don’t know, then do this: Pick something from the categories of mindset, health and wealth.

For example, you may want to work on your focus (mindset), eat cleaner (health) and save more money (wealth).

Now, let’s get more specific. You want to have deep focus without giving in to distractions while you’re writing your book. You want to eat at least one plant-based meal per day. You want to save at least 10% of your paycheck, every pay period.

That’s how you begin 2019. If it didn’t happen in 2018, let it go and start now. Don’t make it harder than it has to be.

Everyday is a chance at a new opportunity. Don’t get stuck looking back.

#BeGoalden

Have Faith Over Fear

When the unthinkable happens, it’s hard to let it go in your mind. The loss of a job, a loved one or having anxiety can all trigger that one, go-to emotion…

Fear.

Doubt sets in. Worry takes over. Panic ensues. It’s the natural path your mind takes when you attempt to gain control of a situation.

How many times have you wanted to try something, but doubt enters your mind and you slowly let it go? How many times have you worried about something and in the end, you felt like you wasted time thinking about it because everything turned out fine? How many times have you automatically thought the worst of a situation and began to panic out of habit?

Fear is natural when you’re running from danger, but it’s learned when you use it as a ‘first response’ emotion when it comes to facing challenges and obstacles.

Faith, on the other hand, is knowing that you can handle whatever situations arise. It doesn’t cloud your vision or destroy your life. Some way and some how, you just know that things will be fine.

Some people think that faith works on it’s own. If you believe it, it will happen. Well, that’s partially right, but that’s not exactly how it works.

Faith is believing. As with anything, it starts in your mind, but it doesn’t stop there. You have to put in the work to push it through.

Don’t have faith and just stop. Have faith and then, do the work.
The Goalden Lady

The situation you’re going through may be scary, but would you rather carry that anxiety around with you, or have faith and help make it better?

Putting in the work behind faith is necessary. Your mind is doing the mental part of believing and you must do the physical part of taking action. Faith doesn’t work well alone, but when you put forth the effort and energy to make it happen, you’ll get the results you were looking for.

How do you put faith over fear? First, the cure to fear, is action. Even if you are afraid to take action, that’s the only way you’re going to conquer fear. Acknowledge the fear and move forward. If it doesn’t physically harm you, do it.

Secondly, if action cures fear, then all you need to do now is have faith along with the action. Buy that house, ask him out, speak to the crowd. No matter how big or small, do it scared and make progress in the right direction. Do it enough times and you won’t be scared anymore – you’ll be able to help others on how to do it, too.

Having faith doesn’t guarantee that everything will go your way, even if you do take action. Obstacles will come up and test you and your fear will speak to you. This is not a sign to stop, but a sign to work through it and keep going. There is something better for you on the other side.

Keep working on it. If you stop at the first sign of defeat, it’ll never happen.

Have faith over your fear. Staying in the same position in your life just because you are afraid to move forward will get you absolutely no where. Your potential is limitless. When unexpected situations happen, fear will keep you complacent, but faith will carry you through.

#BeGoalden

This Time, Next Year

After all of the holiday feasts and family get-togethers, what’s next?

Usually, this is the time where people start to get into their New Year’s plans and resolutions. Year after year, it’s the same pattern.

There’s nothing wrong with a little tradition, but how about making a new personal development tradition?

No one has to know, but you. There are some people who get a little weird when you mention self-help or personal development, but if you have a supportive circle of friends, you can all do it together.

Here’s the big question you want to answer: “Where do I see myself, this time, next year?”

It may sound like another way to create a resolution, but this is for life, not just a few months. This involves your mindset, health, and wealth.

We are capable of working on more than one thing at a time. There’s a time to focus on all three at different times throughout the day.

In the morning and at night, focus on your mindset. When you wake up in the morning, guide your mind into positive thoughts. Think about what you want to accomplish that day and how it will successfully unfold. In the evening, think about how your day went and how you can improve or make it better. Read something that inspires you to be your best. This will set into your subconscious before you fall asleep and gear your thoughts towards positive action.
Before you have a meal, focus on your health. Don’t overthink your eating habits. Plain and simple, eat food that will give you energy and avoid food that makes you feel tired. We all know what’s not good for us, so to start, make a change with every meal. Switch out a slice of cake for an orange, or potato chips for celery. It may be a far stretch from what you’re used to, but start small to work your way towards better eating habits. It’s hard to do because some food tastes really good, but think about your future. You have nothing without good health.
Mind your money and watch your wealth. It seems like every wealthy person always had money, but some of them had to start from the bottom. Pay yourself first, with every paycheck. This doesn’t mean buy things and have a great time, it means put money aside for emergencies. Living paycheck to paycheck is stressful and painful. Help yourself by setting aside a set amount every time you get paid. Make it a habit. It may seem small at first, but over time, it builds up into a good amount. Now, when you have an emergency, you don’t have to wait for the next paycheck and put off other bills to accommodate it – you’ll already have it to fix the problem.

This is just a start to many things you can do towards your personal development. The biggest challenge is to actually start.

Everyone always starts on a Monday or on New Year’s Day, but you can start in the middle of the week if you want to. The “I’ll start on Monday” excuses will trickle down to the end of the year if you let it.

The only way you will achieve any goal, is to start. It doesn’t have to be a parade before you start, just do it! The next meal you have, pick a healthy substitution for one thing on your plate. The next time you’re in the car, listen to a podcast involving your goal. The next time you get your change back from a purchase, collect the change in a jar (if you’re using a debit card, have your bank put the extra change into a savings account for you).

It doesn’t matter, just start! Excuses will only keep you in the same place, this time next year.

Make a commitment to yourself. The best investment you can make is in your self improvement. Once that becomes a daily habit, everything else will fall into place. You’ll be a better version of yourself, this time, next year and for years to come.

#BeGoalden

Are You An Emotional Hostage?

Have you ever tried to please someone and they didn’t seem to appreciate it? Or maybe you went out of your way to help them get to a better place, but they ended up right back where they started?

You feel unappreciated and used. You say you’ll never get involved again, but it somehow pulls you back in. Your emotions are all in it, but it has nothing to do with you. If that sounds familiar, you may be an emotional hostage.

“I went out of my way to help her and she didn’t even say thank you!”

“She could’ve at least acknowledged what I did for her!”

“He went right back out and did it again, after I bailed him out for the second time!”

If you’re looking for a response from the people you help, you might not ever get it. All they see is what they’re doing from their perspective, not yours.

No matter how many times you help them, they will not truly appreciate what you do for them. It seems selfish on their part, but try to be more understanding, than critical.

Would it make you feel better if they did acknowledge you? Would that change the situation? It may feel better at the moment, but deep inside, you want them to change – you want them to do what you suggest.

You are in control of yourself. You can not control what others do or how they think.

You have to meet people where they are and accept them for who they are.

People will not change until they are ready. You can not speed up that process for them. If you offer them help, do it with no strings attached. Stop expecting something in return.

After you offer your help, let it go. Do not get emotionally attached to their problems. Do not carry this weight because it’s not your weight to carry. Don’t allow them to hold you hostage to their situation.

It’s hard to watch someone learn things the hard way. The only thing you can do is help when you can and try to be patient with what they’re going through.

Yes, it’s your time and resources that you’re giving up to assist them, but they don’t owe you anything (ouch).

That’s a hard statement to hear. Just because we help someone doesn’t give us the right to tell them what they should do and how they should live. It feels like we should have every right, but we don’t. When someone is in trouble, help them out of the kindness of your heart. It gives you no more power over them than you had before.

Recognize that it’s their life, not yours. You want them to travel the straight and narrow, but they won’t . You want them to eat healthy, but they won’t. You want them to stop fooling around, but they won’t. At this point, you’re only abusing yourself.

As concerned as you may be with this person’s situation, detach yourself. You will only cause yourself heartache, anxiety and sadness. It’s not your battle to fight.

It’s fine to make yourself available, but you can not change them. Yes, help as much as you can, but don’t expect them to turn over a new leaf immediately. They have to see things for themselves – it’s not up to you, it’s up to them. Support them, but not at your emotional expense.

There may come a time where you will have to detach yourself completely. Don’t be their safety net anymore. You have your own life to live. Free yourself from being their emotional hostage.

Situations like these occur in relationships, addictions, and in many other aspects of life. Everyone learns things at different times. The best thing you can do for anyone is be supportive. They will see it in their own time.

#BeGoalden

How To Finish Strong

The year is winding down. There are only a couple of weeks left until the New Year. Everyone will begin to think about their goals and resolutions.

What about the goals from this year? Did you complete some of them or all of them? How can you effectively move on to new plans without completing your current plans?

This is the time of year where everyone starts to begin making plans for next year. We skip the record and go straight to the end. How about finishing this year, first?

Don’t let up on what you have going on this year. Finish this year strong, so that we can have an amazing start to next year. First, we have to close this year out, successfully…

Have a year-end review. How did things turn out? Were your goals too big or too small? Did you feel comfortable reaching them or was it too difficult? These are important factors to consider when making plans for next year’s goals. Maybe you can go a little harder or you could create more time to dive into your plan. Be strategic when preparing your objectives.
Keep up the momentum. “There’s only two weeks left, I’ll take it easy…” This is where you want to work your hardest. Towards the end, we tend to slow down because we see the finish line. Keep pushing with the same (or more) energy you’ve been working with. Just because it’s close to the end doesn’t mean you’ll automatically finish victoriously.
Build next year’s goals with intent. Goals should be broken down into more achievable pieces. This way, you won’t get too overwhelmed with the process and you’ll feel a sense of accomplishment. Continue to structure your plan according to the end goal. Don’t give up in the middle and have to start over. Even if you didn’t reach the goal, keep it going into next year. It may be the year it all comes together!

Remember, taking your foot off the pedal and cruising into next year doesn’t serve you in any way. Review what you’ve done, make adjustments and keep moving with dynamic strength.

Don’t allow time to sneak up on you and get away by slowing down. Use it with purpose and dedicate yourself to the end result.

If anything, be more persistent as the end draws near. You may be closer to your results than you think.

#BeGoalden