self improvement Archives - The Goalden Lady

#TBT: If You Want To Succeed, Learn To Level Up

(Written pre-COVID19)

In some parts of the world, it’s ‘back to school’ time and students are preparing to level up – everyone is getting ready for the next grade. This means that the work may be a bit more challenging, but you’re expected to learn and make progress.

Once we leave school, moving forward to the next level (or, the next grade) stops. There’s no one there to care if we continue to advance to the next part of our lives.

The Process Of Leveling Up

In school, you were given a certain curriculum to complete for whatever grade you were in. If you did the work and passed the tests, you were promoted to the next grade.

Every grade demands another level of intelligence and presents a new set of challenges. The ultimate goal is to get to the next grade, successfully.

Every year, you would be promoted to the next grade and learn something that built upon what you learned the year before. It was a process that allowed you to achieve your academic goals, while increasing your thinking skills.

What Happened?

After graduating from the final phase of school, we settled into working a job, paying bills and living for the weekend. There were no more levels for us to accomplish.

School may have it’s faults, but one thing it did teach was the value of having levels in your life. Having levels in your life, like school, helps you to focus on moving forward and making major strides in your life.

The most we do now is make New Year’s resolutions. For most of us, that only lasts until the end of January and the rest of the year is uneventful.

As adults, we don’t plan different levels and phases of our lives. We tend to just ‘wing it’ and hope for the best. At most, we do just enough to get by and that leads to surviving, as opposed to living.

There Are Levels To Life

Even though we’re happy to be out of school, we don’t go on to live a happy, productive life. No one is holding us accountable to go to the next level, so we’re stuck on that one level where school left off.

In order to succeed at anything in life, you must create a system of levels. Writing down your goals are great, but once you figure out what to do, you have to take action and follow through.

Taking action will lead to mistakes and things going wrong. Once you overcome that challenge, you’re on to the next level. This is where progress is made and goals are accomplished.

Have A System In Place

Create a strategy for your goals. Keep a record of what works and what doesn’t. Build on your progress by measuring your results.

If you want to lose 2 pounds a week, write down what you will eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner, for each day of the week. Keep track of what you actually ate, compared to what you were supposed to eat. When you review your results, you can make adjustments to do better the following week.

Having a system in place will hold you responsible and give you direction. When you write it down and record your outcomes, you can easily determine how to proceed more efficiently in the future.

After graduating from school, never stop learning – be a student of life. Put a system in place to keep advancing towards your dreams. Hold yourself accountable and keep following through. Continue to level up until you have the life you’ve always imagined!

#BeGoalden

Focus On The Lesson, Not The Pain

The only way you can think clearly and create a solution for an obstacle, is to focus on the lesson. Everything else is a distraction.

Have you ever stumbled upon a challenge and you get so caught up in why it happened, that you conveniently get stuck? Of course, you could just think of a possible solution, but it’s easier to complain about it.

The Pain

When something unexpected happens, the first thing we do is have a negative emotional reaction to it. Most of the time, we become angry and we drag it on for hours, and sometimes, days.

The obstacle you are encountering may halt progress, but having an emotional reaction halts progress even more. After a while, you begin to justify your reaction with excuses and complaining.

This leads to becoming stagnant. Days will turn into weeks, weeks will turn into months and months will turn into years. Then you’ll live with the ultimate pain – the pain of regret.

That entire process can be eliminated, if you remember one thing: focus on the lesson and find a solution.

The Lesson

No matter how bad something is, we can always find the lesson in what happened. We think that when something is in our way, or not on our side, that it’s automatically bad.

Nothing is working against you – you only perceive it that way because it didn’t go the way you planned. Obstacles are just a sign, telling you to go in another direction.

Don’t take it personal – take it as a lesson. Find the reason something happened, create a solution, and give yourself permission to move forward. Allowing your emotions to get in the way of progress will only encourage complacency and you definitely don’t want that to happen.

Your Vision

There will be obstacles and challenges from time to time, but how you respond to them will determine your level of success. It’s your responsibility to see your idea into reality.

You know the kind of results you want. To react to the little things that get in the way, is to give in to self-defeat. No one is stopping you – you’re only stopping yourself.

Instead of using your energy to behave in a negative manner, use it to improve your strategy. Anything else outside of your plan, is only a distraction.

Remain in control of your emotions, focus on the lesson and follow through with a solution. Rinse and repeat, as often as needed.

#BeGoalden

How To Get Past Your Fear Of Success

Do you sabotage your own success? When something makes you uncomfortable, do you ignore it? When someone asks you to do something different, does it make you cringe? You may have a fear of success and not even know it.

Actually, it’s the change that you really fear. It’s a safe, cozy and familiar environment where you are, but that won’t help your personal growth. The unknown can be scary, but living with the regret of not taking a chance, is even scarier.

It’s nothing to be ashamed of – many people have a fear of success, whether they know it or not. You could be holding yourself back from blossoming into your own life.

What Are The Symptoms?

If you have any of the following symptoms, you could have a fear of success:

You don’t take calculated risks
You make excuses when you fail
You reject promotions
Your life has been the same for years
You don’t attempt to improve your life
You do the same thing, day in and day out
You turn down new experiences
You always brush off suggestions
You aren’t open to change
You talk negatively about other successful people

Moving Past Your Fear Of Success

This may be difficult, but it’s not impossible. You will need to expand your mind and be open to doing something different.

Be okay with changing your mind. It happens everyday – people change their mind about things. Nothing is written in stone. Sometimes, we forget that we have the power of making a simple choice. When you change your mind, it means you’re thinking. You are considering the possibilities and outcomes of certain situations. Doing the same thing everyday makes you a robot – you’re just going through the motions. It all starts with trusting yourself enough to change your mind.
Get out of your comfort zone. We all have a comfort zone, where we like to stay because it doesn’t change and we know what to expect. If you want something different, you must do something different. It can be as simple as taking another route to work or doing something different with your hair. When you do something out of the ordinary, things begin to happen. Opportunities may come or you may discover something new that you like. Being comfortable may provide a form of stability, but deciding to do something different will give you ‘new life.’
Say ‘yes’ to new opportunities. Normally, you shut down when something new comes into your life. Let’s change that – whatever it may be, just say ‘yes’ and see where it takes you! It may be uncomfortable at first, but stick with it and know that you can do it. If it’s not for you, at least you know and you can say that you attempted to do it. If it is something that allows you to grow on another level of your life, you win! Don’t be afraid to do something that you don’t normally do – that’s how you grow.

Success Favors The Bold

You won’t be able to achieve anything if you don’t take a chance. If it won’t kill you, find your courage and give it a chance.

Do the opposite of what you would normally think. Being a robot will lead to an unexciting and dull existence. Life is meant to be lived to the fullest, with people who bring out the best in you!

The fear of success is real. If you have it, be confident and make it better. Yes, you will fail (learn) along the way, but it happens to all of us. On the other side of fear is success and it is very well within your reach.

#BeGoalden

How To Bounce Back From A Setback

We all have them – setbacks that happen and turn our lives upside down. Whether you were expecting it or not, setbacks have a way of making you feel less than your best.

Your initial reaction to a setback is mostly based on emotion. You may go through a period of self-reflection, think of ways you could have avoided it, or you could just be plain angry that it happened.

It may not seem productive, but one of the best things you can do is get it out of your system. Think those thoughts, scream in your pillow – do whatever it takes for you to eliminate those negative feelings, because you don’t want to keep coming back to them, after you decide to move on.

Move Into Your New Future

It’s very hard to see what the future will bring. You may have already had your future planned out and now, you have to make some changes.

Once you’ve given yourself time to get those raw emotions out of your system, get on with it and make new plans. This is the time where you get to make adjustments for a better outcome.

Move into your new future. It may not look good while you’re going through your setback, but imagine what you want and how you plan to get it. You could even keep your old plan, but now, you just have to create a new route to get there.

Check Your Perspective

Your perspective can be a game-changer. Anything can be good or bad, depending on how you choose to look at it.

Maybe your setback needed to happen, so you could put yourself in a better position to receive an opportunity. Or, it may have happened because it really wasn’t helping you toward your personal goals.

People rarely check their perspective when going through a challenge. In hindsight, you’ll see what needed to happen in order for things to fall together in your favor. We never see it while we’re actually in it, but make an attempt to see it now, rather than later.

Changing your perspective can also give you the determination you need to follow through. Having to deal with change is hard enough, but if you can keep a positive outlook, it can pull you through some tough times.

A Setback Is Part Of The Come Up

When you have setbacks, it’s not the end. Think of it as the foundation of your come up.

How many times have you worried about something, only to find out later that it wasn’t worth worrying about? We’ve been taught to think the worst about everything, but when we shift our thoughts to something more positive, we can be more productive.

Being more productive allows you to make sound decisions and take action. This is the beginning of your come up and you are in control of making it happen. This is where you begin to build your new story.

It’s Not The End

For most people, a setback paralyzes them. They don’t know what to do and they become confused and stagnant.

When you think about it, this is where people start to grow. Look at it as the beginning of a new chapter in your life. You’re smarter and you get to direct all of your moves and go where you want to go.

Although it may be difficult, don’t give up on yourself. You are better than you think you are. Instead of leaving it up to someone else, take a chance and do it the way you want to. If something else goes wrong, don’t run from it – deal with it. Lean into your new future, change your perspective and create your come up.

You got this. Always bet on yourself.

#BeGoalden

3 Negative Thought Patterns You Need To Avoid, Now!

There are 3 thought patterns that are certain to happen, when you are on the journey to self-improvement. No matter how hard you try to focus and stay on your path, they’ll pop up, just to keep you from advancing to the next level.

If you know what these patterns are, it’s easier to recognize them when they appear. Therefore, you can manage them, accordingly.

Thought Patterns To Break

You can’t change the past. The only time you should look in the past is to see how far you’ve come. The fact that you’ve overcome those obstacles is something to be very proud of. Hindsight is 20/20 – we all can look back and see how we could have done things better, but don’t get stuck there. Thinking about how things would’ve turned out different if you had finished college or married the nerd and not the bad boy, doesn’t help you right now. It’s impossible to change that. The only thing you can do now is move on and make better decisions that your future self will thank you for.
It’s not over until you quit. You are not a loser if you encounter a challenge. These things will happen and in order to breakthrough, you need to know how to handle them effectively. You only fail when you quit. How many times have we seen the scenario of the last second, game-winning shot? The impossible can happen when you don’t give up. Even if it doesn’t turn out in your favor, take it as a lesson and apply it the next time around. It’s not over until you say it’s over. Keep finding solutions and moving forward.
Other people’s judgment of you isn’t who you are. People who are jealous will show their insecurities by putting them on you. If they think they’re ugly, they’ll call you ugly. If they think they can’t succeed, they’ll call you a failure. Allowing that negativity to penetrate your mind will cause harm. When you hear someone being judgmental, discard it immediately. Don’t let it float around in your head because, eventually, you’ll start to believe it. Take compliments, but reject judgment.

What Do You Think, Literally?

Be protective of your mental state. The 3 things mentioned above can easily hijack the progress of your goal, so be aware.

Your environment is very important. Create the habit of having positive thoughts and people around you. It’s hard to remain positive, but it’s easy to slip into being negative.

Always read and listen to motivational platforms (blogs, podcast, videos, etc). Make your immediate surroundings full of encouragement and inspiration. Take care of your mindset to the point where it won’t be disturbed by anything distracting.

You may not be in control of what is around you at all times, but you are in control of your mind and how you use it. Your thoughts will create your future, so defend it to the fullest.

#BeGoalden

Success Is Not A Destination

When people say they want to reach success, it sounds like a goal that would take a lifetime. Whatever it is that you want to do, once you’ve done it successfully, there’s this idea that it’s over and you can relax.

If you look at successful people, they are successful because they keep coming up with new ways to add to their success. Just like learning, it never ends.

Most lottery winners lose their money in a short period of time, because they think it will last forever. They don’t do anything to grow what they’ve won – they just continue to spend. The money doesn’t just magically reappear in the bank account – you have to do something with it to enhance it’s growth.

Success is the same way. After you’ve accomplished opening your business, it’s not over. Now, you have to work even harder to keep the business open and ‘alive’.

This could mean having sales around certain holidays or collaborating with other businesses. There are things that need to happen continuously in the background in order for the success to keep thriving.

What does success entail?

Have you ever won a championship game? All of the hard work that it takes to get there goes unseen, but the success occurs when you win. After you win, what happens? Do you wait until next season before you start to practice again, or do you begin to practice during the off season?

If you want to be successful, you have to practice during the off season. It doesn’t happen if you practice when everyone else practices in the beginning of the preseason. You have to take extraordinary measures to ensure that you’ll continue to be successful and outwork the competitor.

Success is not a ‘one and done’ event. When you reach your goal, you want to keep setting your standards higher, so that you can achieve more. If you stop, success goes out the window and you’re back in Average City. You’ll be one of those people always reliving your glory days, saying how you used to be the champ.

How to keep up with your life’s success.

It’s not hard to become successful, it just takes foundational habits (like discipline, focus, consistency, etc.) and time. When you get in the pattern of doing these habits daily, it contributes greatly to your success.

Meet everyday with a strong mindset for growth. When things don’t grow, they usually end up being complacent or they die. Don’t be afraid to do something that challenges you everyday. To be successful means to steadily grow. If you aren’t growing, you’re complacent or dying.

Do things that are out of your reach. You can’t always be comfortable – success means being uncomfortable. That’s where the growth happens. Even if it leads you in the wrong direction, you can always turn around and figure out a new way to complete your goal.

As you can see, success is a journey, not a destination.

As long as you do something constructive towards your future, you will always be successful. Learning, growth and success go hand in hand and they are never ending.

Think forward and be sure that you’re doing something daily that strengthens your end result. Commit to daily progress, even after the success has come. It’s your responsibility to persevere to your highest potential.

“Success is never owned, it’s rented…and the rent is due everyday.” Anonymous

#BeGoalden

4 Tips From A Computer About Work Ethic

We’ve been on this earth longer than computers. As a matter of fact, we created them. When they came on the scene, computers were the best thing to happen in the workplace. Not only did it make everything more efficient, it also relieved some of the workload from us humans.

Today, computers are everywhere. Some of them have even replaced jobs that used to gainfully employ us. What can a computer do, that humans can’t do? Can we learn from them?

We can learn anything from just about anywhere, but here are some tips on what computers can teach us humans, about work ethic:

Perform regular updates. Computers are never finished. Every now and then, they refresh themselves with an update. They are constantly improving. Some of us stopped learning once we left school. Learning never stops – update yourself by reading and taking time to consume helpful information. Give yourself an upgrade and become a better version of yourself.
Shutdown and restart on a regular basis. Computers need to shutdown and restart themselves, to ensure high performance. You’ll know when to do this when the computer begins to run slow, starts to hiccup while in use or possibly crash. We tend to run ourselves into the ground, also. Take some time and reset yourself. Wearing yourself thin only allows for mishaps to occur. Shutdown, start over and you’ll perform better.
Give results, not excuses. When you type a phrase or question into Google, it doesn’t respond with, “I’m tired – maybe tomorrow – I’m busy right now.” A computer gives you results and nothing else. Even if it gives you the wrong result, it’s better than making an excuse. Let’s stop making excuses for the things we know we should do. When you respond with results instead of excuses, you increase your chances of success.
Virus protection. Most computers come with it now, but remaining healthy is a must. Computers are unable to operate properly when they have a virus. Everything shuts down and a lot of times, it just dies. Like a computer, going without maintaining your health can lead to tragic results. Keep up with your health, so you can continue to function at a high level.

These are everyday suggestions we can take from a computer. They may be machines, but they operate effectively, achieve their tasks in a timely manner and overcome the challenges that are given to them.

It’s not impossible to outwork a computer (anything is possible), but their work ethic is to be praised. They may not be human, but their discipline and output is like no other.

Today, I challenge you to apply these tips to your own life. Start the pattern towards becoming your best self!

#BeGoalden

4 Tips On How To Take Constructive Criticism

It’s not something everyone enjoys. Constructive criticism is meant to help us become better, but sometimes, we don’t know how to put our feelings aside and effectively listen.

Constructive criticism is when some tells you how you can do something better or more accurate. It’s not meant to hurt your feelings or insult you, but that’s how we take it.

Most people mean well when they tell us how we can improve, but it’s difficult to accept when they actually talk about it. If someone is willing to help by making valuable suggestions, if would serve you well to listen and give it a shot.

Constructive criticism is not meant for you to feel bad. It’s constructive, meaning, it’s meant to be helpful. No one is making fun of you. Listen with the intent to enhance your skills and learn something new.
Put your ego aside. Your ego will get in the way of your success if you don’t have it under control. Everyone is not after you in the wrong way. Break down your wall and genuinely observe what is being said. Be interested in how you can become more effective and productive with your work.
Stop being defensive. Don’t let your emotions get the best of you. Our first reaction is to get angry, because it’s embarrassing to listen to someone tell you about yourself. If it’s someone you know who means well, be open. Receive it without becoming emotional and defensive.
Realize that it’s to help you. If it’s valuable, take it. If not, you don’t have to do it. Constructive criticism is for your consideration. It’s to be useful and promote progress. If you decide to try it, it could be to your benefit. If it doesn’t, you won’t have to do it again.

If you’re the one giving constructive criticism, know that it’s hard for the other person to acknowledge. There’s a way to break down what you’re saying in a positive light. Never speak with a condescending tone – let them know you’re on their side and want to see them do well.

Giving or receiving, constructive criticism is a hard thing to do. It’s normal for people to feel like they’re already doing things correctly, so it can be hard to take. Just know that everyone is not out to be negative or make you look bad. If you’re in the right environment, people will want to help you be the best that you can be. Graciously accept it and use it to your advantage.

#BeGoalden

3 Powerful Life Tips That Begin With You In The New Year

Let’s get the ‘not-so obvious’ thing out of the way, first: no one is going to do it for you. No one is going to save you. No one is going to lay it out for you.

You have the freedom to think for yourself, but for some reason, you think someone else will take you along for the ride so you won’t have to directly experience the disappointment, or have your feelings hurt.

As you live, you will soon learn that the path to success is full of disappointments, setbacks, broken emotions, going in circles, friends turned enemies, etc.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. In other words, you want the prize, but you don’t want to make the sacrifice or put in the effort for that prize.

It’s not as hard as it sounds – once you get in the habit of showing up for yourself (which is one of the biggest hurdles to jump), your path will open up for you to pursue.

Don’t wait on someone else to tell you what to do. As kids, we’re used to adults telling us what to do. The issue is, when it’s time to become adults, some of us don’t know how to let that ‘tell me what to do’ mentality go. We continue to lean on others for support and guidance. Take a step and make your own decisions. You know what your goals are. Figure out what to do from your own experiences and through other people’s mistakes. Here’s a secret: No one knows what they’re doing – we’re all just winging it. Give yourself permission to go out and do something.
Be committed to yourself. Technically, you don’t need anyone to hold you accountable. Accountability partners don’t always work. You either pick your friend, who will let you off the hook, or you end up with someone who doesn’t follow through. It’s a good idea in theory, but it almost never works. Hold yourself accountable. You know better than anybody else how bad you want it. If you can’t make a commitment to yourself, no one else can make you commit. Don’t let yourself down. It’s easy to let someone else down – you think to yourself, “They’ll get over it…” but letting yourself down is something that sticks with you for the rest of your life. Regret hurts because you know what you’re capable of. Hold yourself accountable and win.
Get it over with, then, get over it. On your path to accomplishing your goal, there will be many things that will confuse you and stomp you, mentally. Do the best you can. Google it, look it up on YouTube or just trust yourself and give it a shot. Don’t get stuck there – get it over with and get over it! Don’t stop dead in your tracks just because it didn’t work out the way you thought it should. A lot of times, we let small things stop us and we become dejected and that makes us complacent – it doesn’t mean to stop, it just means that it didn’t work that particular way. Put your thinking cap on and try again! Keep going until you find what works. Don’t slow down – if it doesn’t work, just say, “OK, I know that doesn’t work – next!”

Time waits for no one. If you want to build your dream life and live in your success, don’t waste time waiting for others to help you. Don’t wait for somebody to believe in you – take action and believe in yourself!

This year, take control of your thoughts and actions. Falling down is not the issue – getting comfortable and lying there is the issue. Learn to bounce back because if you don’t, once you finally decide to get back up, the world will have passed you by.

It all starts with you and it will start this year.

#BeGoalden

Make The Decision To Believe In Yourself

If you are the type of person who has no problem with believing in yourself, you’ve pretty much already won at life. For those of us who have a bit more trouble…

Are you aware of this massive power that you have in your possession? Everyday when you wake up, you can decide to be as courageous or as cowardly as you want to be.

Some of us allow outside influences to make that decision for us, so we just go with the flow. Whatever happens, happens.

There are others of us who make that decision every single day and we choose to be as happy and confident as we want to be. Nothing’s going to bring us down — we can handle it!

Why can’t we all be that way?

We are all born into different environments. Some grew up in a loving, forward-thinking home and others grew up in a negative, stagnant way of thinking home.

When your surroundings are positive and motivating, it’s easy to believe in yourself. Everyone is always rooting for you and they acknowledge your efforts.

When your surroundings are negative, there is no acknowledgement for anything. Everyone is stuck in the same place, with the ‘it’s always been like this,’ mentality. The possibility of doing any better is nonexistent.

Although your environment doesn’t determine your outcome 100%, it does play a major part.

It’s hard to go against the grain in a bad environment. The easy way out would be to accept what everyone else is doing and continue to ‘go with it.’

The harder thing to do is be proactive. Even when people say negative things to you 20 times a day, you find a way to turn it around.

“I won’t give in.”
“I can break the cycle.”
“I can do better than this.”
“I don’t want to end up like them.”

This is what pushes you ahead. Although they keep telling you that you’re no better than them, you believe that you are and you can do better.

On the other hand, some people believe in themselves so much, they abuse it and think they can do whatever they want.

When you become used to things turning out in your favor, your efforts can become lazy. You don’t stop after success happens — you have to put in even more effort to keep it going.

As you can see, your environment can work for you or against you. Some people want to break out of their negative environment so bad, they do the total opposite of what’s around them.

Others come from such a positive environment, they expect people to believe in them everywhere they go. When they come across a set of people who really don’t care, they become depressed and fall into a trap of believing what others say about them.

These scenarios don’t happen with everyone, but again, the environment does have an effect on a person’s self-belief.

Let’s teach our children to believe in themselves, no matter what others say or think about them. Teach them that everyone is not going to be encouraging of everything they do. Some people will tease them just to get under their skin.

Most of all, teach them that their self worth is not determined by what others think. Believing in yourself can be difficult, but with the right foundation and mindset, we can push ourselves farther than our thoughts can take us.

Just make that decision every morning. I am courageous. I am beautiful. I am helpful. I am worthy. I am powerful.

Don’t wait for permission (you don’t need it) or for somebody else to tell you (you know it better than they know it). Believe it!

#BeGoalden

As published on Medium.com.