emotions Archives - Page 2 of 2

How To Find The Opportunity In Fear

It sounds impossible, but you can find the opportunity in fear. Depending on your mindset, fear can either hold you back or take you to another level.

We’ve been trained to see fear and hurt as something to avoid. It’s something ‘bad’ that we want to get away from and we don’t ever want to experience it.

Have you ever considered that maybe your fear is pushing you in the right direction? Let’s examine how we normally react to fear.

Blaming And Complaining

Fear gets the best of our emotions. As soon as something makes us fearful, our feelings kick in and take over.

For some of us, that means we automatically become defensive. We create different excuses as to why we haven’t done something. The excuses are portrayed through blaming and complaining.

We say things like, “I couldn’t make the speech because they didn’t give me the right microphone…” or, “The lights were so bright, I couldn’t see the audience.” That’s fear consuming your mind and your attitude.

Those may be somewhat legitimate reasons (to an extent), but they’re still excuses. Sometimes, you will have to get things done, whether you are comfortable or not. Everything is not guaranteed to happen to your personal satisfaction. The end goal is to make it happen, the best way you can.

Practicing Fear

Some of us actually practice the fear within us. When you have pity parties and feel sorry for yourself, that’s being supporting of a negative emotion.

We say things like, “They said I’m no good at singing. I never was and I guess I never will be…”, or “I flunked the test twice already – I guess it’s not meant for me.” You’re indirectly inviting negative energy to take hold of your life.

If it’s something you really want to overcome, don’t feel bad because it didn’t happen the first time around. As long as you breathe, you can make another attempt.

There will always be people who are critical of whatever you’re doing. Never allow what someone else thinks, to interfere with what you’re doing. It’s their insecurity, not yours, so don’t claim it.

The Pity Party

The pity party is the ultimate setback. Some of us were raised to think and be fearful of things we’ve failed at. We’ve been taught to accept that we’re not ‘good enough’ and that’s not okay.

We’re used to reacting to obstacles by putting ourselves down. “Why me? What did I do to deserve this?” Then, you begin playing all of your failures from the past, over and over in your mind.

This is not the ONLY way to respond to fear. Yes, it hurts when challenging situations happen, but have a mindset of power and opportunity. Stop practicing fear by having a “woe is me” attitude and thinking that you’ll never succeed.

Be Proactive

All of our lives, we’ve allowed fear to steal valuable moments from us. We’re so used to believing in a negative, emotional power, that it literally takes up our most important asset – time.

Reclaim your time and take advantage of your fear. Be productive by turning it into an opportunity to become better. Make it a personal project that you must successfully complete!

Instead of letting fear control you, take control of it. See the benefits of what fear has to offer and use it in your favor. On the other side of fear is improvement. See through it, then, see it through.

#BeGoalden

Why Do We Make Simple Things, So Hard To Do?

Why does something so simple, seem so hard to do? It is simple to do, but it’s the only thing that’s holding you back from actually making progress.

Sometimes, the simplest thing can be the hardest to do. It’s easy to overlook doing something, especially when it doesn’t take much to do it.

You know what to do and how to do it, but it doesn’t get done. This is where your mind begins to take over – thinking about other things become more important and your attention is gone.

Your Wandering Mind

Although you are in control of your thoughts, your mind has a mind of it’s own. As crazy as that seems, it’s true.

Have you ever thought about doing something, but before you know it, you’re on to thinking about something else? That’s what happens when you really don’t want to do it. It needs to be done, but you conveniently think about something else to keep from doing it.

Take control of your thoughts. The only time you can accomplish anything is in the present moment. If you are unable to do it at the same time you’re thinking about it, write it down and be sure to come back to it later – keep it simple.

This is where focus comes in. Focusing allows you to follow through on what you’re doing. Sometimes, we have the ‘shiny object syndrome, where something else steals our attention and distracts us and our mind wanders towards it.

Concentrate on what’s in front of you and take action on it now. You can not work in the future, nor the past. You can only do it now.

Emotions Can Cause Overthinking

When you think about doing things, especially things you don’t want to do, you attach your emotions to it. Once you attach your emotions to it, more than likely, it won’t get done.

The thing that needs to be done isn’t bad, it’s the feelings you connect with it. Your emotions will take it to another level and you end up not doing anything.

For example, if it’s time to cut the grass, you could just to do it because it needs to be done. What happens is you begin to attach feelings to it, like: “I’m going to be too tired – it’s hot outside – it’ll be too late when I get home…”

All of these negative feelings will guide you towards doing something else, or nothing at all. Making up convenient excuses doesn’t help when it’s time to get things done.

Analysis Paralysis

Doing research is great. In fact, you should always do research before jumping into anything, but the issue becomes taking in too much information.

When learning something new, the best way to learn it, is to do it. Yes, do your research, but get in the habit of starting as soon as possible.

Most of us get stuck in the cycle of information. We think we don’t know enough (or we could know more) and we dive into that rabbit hole. Before you know it, months have gone by and you haven’t taken any action on anything.

It’s called analysis paralysis. You consume more and more information, to the point where action doesn’t happen – doing the research takes over doing the action.

Again, keep it simple. Do enough research to start. The learning takes place in the doing. Analysis paralysis can deter your growth, but it’s up to you to know when to stop gathering more information and go out and take a step towards making it happen.

Be Simple, Like A Robot

Don’t attach your emotions to anything. If you want to do something, be in the moment and do it.

Your mind is such a powerful tool, it can talk you into being your best, or being lazy. The funny thing is, you hold the advantage! Without anyone telling you, you can think and believe what you want.

Other people can influence what you think, but ultimately, it’s up to you. Remove your emotions from the picture and do what needs to be done.

Most of all, be and act in the present. There is nothing that can be done about the past, nor the future – you can only act in the moment. You create anxiety and stress when you dwell on the past and the future. The past is gone and the future hasn’t happened yet. Focus on now!

Think about the end goal, but your focus should be on the process, because the process is what’s happening at this very moment and it will carry you to your intended result.

Be so focused that you have no time for your emotions to creep in and create doubt. Overthinking is the death of progress. Know where you’re going, but be disciplined enough to be present and take action.

Keep it simple.

#BeGoalden

Emotional Discipline

Having emotional discipline is important. Anyone can say anything to push your buttons, but you must recognize when they are doing so, in order to respond accordingly.

This is what catches most people off guard. They get so wrapped up in what others are saying, that they quickly react without thinking. Before they know it, the situation grows out of control.

When you have discipline over your emotions, it allows you to think from a calm place. You can respond instead of reacting, while your mental energy remains intact.

Some Things Don’t Deserve A Response

Realize that no response, is a response. There are some things that don’t deserve your emotional energy.

If you react to everything that happens to you, your energy will be wasted. You will tire yourself out mentally before the day is over with.

Pick your battles. Learn to stay calm and respond from a place of peace. Everything doesn’t deserve your power or acknowledgement. As soon as you give in and react, it’s out of your hands – they win.

Responding vs. Reacting

Some may think that responding and reacting are the same thing, but they carry different meanings.

Reacting is when you answer back to something instantly – it’s your first reaction to what someone has said or done to you.

The first reaction is not always the best reaction. When someone criticizes you, you instantly want to criticize them back. Now, you are in their control because you’ve given your power to them by reacting.

When you respond, you take a second to think. If someone criticizes you, you either ignore them or quietly reply with a smile. It shows that you are not bothered and no matter what they say or do, you won’t stoop down to their level.

When you are in charge of your emotions, you maintain your sense of control. As soon as someone can get you to react, they are in command of the situation.

You Don’t Have To Win Every Argument

Believe it or not, there are some people who like to argue, just for the sake of arguing. It’s like a sport – whatever you say, they will say the opposite, just to spark a reaction.

When we get into heated debates and arguments, our immediate objective is to win. We have to prove ourselves and show that we are right and they are wrong.

When you come across people who like to play ‘devil’s advocate’ for sport, let them win, or don’t participate at all. They will not let go and it will drain the energy right out of you. When they’re done, they walk away with a smile, while you are left feeling defeated, for no good reason.

Discipline Yourself

You may not have the ability to control others, but you can surely control yourself.

Remember, you don’t want to give up your control to anyone else through letting go of your emotions. Letting others successfully push your buttons is a way to break your emotional discipline.

Remain calm and hold your position. Know that some people will say things just to make you angry, but you don’t have to accept their foolishness. Learn to let it go and keep your mental energy in a positive place.

#BeGoalden

How To Be Happy Without Feeling Guilty

We’ve been conditioned to feel anxiety or stressed whenever situations happen in our lives. Even if it’s something good that makes you happy, instead of being grateful or feeling joy, we feel like it isn’t enough.

Let me be the one to tell you right now: you have a right to be happy. There’s nothing wrong with feeling content or being excited about your future, even if others aren’t.

Be Happy On The Inside

Finding your inner happiness is important – it doesn’t work unless you find it, first.

How do you find your happiness? Think about what you are grateful for. It’s the little things that bring you joy – a blossoming flower, a laughing child or drinking cold water on a hot day.

How you feel about yourself plays a huge role – think of three things that you love about yourself. Don’t think of how much weight you want to lose or if you’re having a bad hair day. Simply think of what makes you feel good.

Yes, it’ll take some effort because we’re used to seeing the bad before we see the good. See the good in yourself for a change and take that with you throughout the day. Be happy about the person you are growing into.

Be Happy On The Outside

Often, we depend on others to make us happy. If someone is having a bad day, we carry that weight as if it were our own. If you make a mistake, it bothers you all week. You don’t have to do that.

Don’t let things that happen in your environment determine how you should feel. Of course, something could always go wrong, but you don’t have to give in to that negativity. Shift your perspective and find some joy.

Your life isn’t controlled by what’s going on around you. Remember, you have a choice to be happy. Do a random act of kindness to inspire the rest of your day – it’s hard to feel bad when you’ve done something good for a stranger.

Life Is Too Short

Get out of that rut and find your happiness! You don’t have to go around smiling all the time – you’re not trying to show that you are happy. Your goal is to feel happy.

Your life is in your hands. Are you going to waste time being down and stressed out because you watched the news? Or are you going to take advantage of the fact that you have a choice to be happy?

Life happens. You can choose to live it in the dark or you can live it in the light. Everything is not sunshine and rainbows, but be mindful of those moments where you can find peace and be delighted.

It’s easy to fall into discouragement and misery when nothing is happening, but again, don’t let the outside forces control the rest of your day. With all of the distractions going on, it’s hard to find some joy, but it’s still your choice and your responsibility.

Never Feel Guilty About Your Happiness

There will be times when you’re having a great day and someone says something negative to you. People will make you feel guilty about being happy and try to spoil your good mood.

Don’t let anyone steal your joy. You are responsible for your own happiness and they are responsible for theirs. You are not obligated to make other people feel good about themselves – that’s something we all have to learn how to do on our own.

Know that you deserve to be happy. If someone else isn’t happy, it’s not your fault. Taking on other people’s emotions as your own seems sympathetic, but sometimes, we allow it to consume us and it’s not our issue to deal with.

Let’s not forget that you have your own dragons to slay. In the midst of it all, you can still find your peace of mind. Being angry along with someone else only takes away from your positive vibes. Be sympathetic, but don’t feel guilty about your happiness.

We all strive for happiness and it comes to us at different times. When you get it, you must allow yourself to feel it for as long as you can. Tomorrow is not promised and you shouldn’t waste it, just because someone else may be having a bad day.

Make the decision to be happy from the moment you wake up. Find three things that you are proud of about yourself and take that with you. Throughout your day, identify the small things that bring you joy and live in that moment. Most of all, don’t let the outside influence how you feel on the inside.

#BeGoalden

Focus On The Lesson, Not The Pain

The only way you can think clearly and create a solution for an obstacle, is to focus on the lesson. Everything else is a distraction.

Have you ever stumbled upon a challenge and you get so caught up in why it happened, that you conveniently get stuck? Of course, you could just think of a possible solution, but it’s easier to complain about it.

The Pain

When something unexpected happens, the first thing we do is have a negative emotional reaction to it. Most of the time, we become angry and we drag it on for hours, and sometimes, days.

The obstacle you are encountering may halt progress, but having an emotional reaction halts progress even more. After a while, you begin to justify your reaction with excuses and complaining.

This leads to becoming stagnant. Days will turn into weeks, weeks will turn into months and months will turn into years. Then you’ll live with the ultimate pain – the pain of regret.

That entire process can be eliminated, if you remember one thing: focus on the lesson and find a solution.

The Lesson

No matter how bad something is, we can always find the lesson in what happened. We think that when something is in our way, or not on our side, that it’s automatically bad.

Nothing is working against you – you only perceive it that way because it didn’t go the way you planned. Obstacles are just a sign, telling you to go in another direction.

Don’t take it personal – take it as a lesson. Find the reason something happened, create a solution, and give yourself permission to move forward. Allowing your emotions to get in the way of progress will only encourage complacency and you definitely don’t want that to happen.

Your Vision

There will be obstacles and challenges from time to time, but how you respond to them will determine your level of success. It’s your responsibility to see your idea into reality.

You know the kind of results you want. To react to the little things that get in the way, is to give in to self-defeat. No one is stopping you – you’re only stopping yourself.

Instead of using your energy to behave in a negative manner, use it to improve your strategy. Anything else outside of your plan, is only a distraction.

Remain in control of your emotions, focus on the lesson and follow through with a solution. Rinse and repeat, as often as needed.

#BeGoalden

Are You An Emotional Hostage?

Have you ever tried to please someone and they didn’t seem to appreciate it? Or maybe you went out of your way to help them get to a better place, but they ended up right back where they started?

You feel unappreciated and used. You say you’ll never get involved again, but it somehow pulls you back in. Your emotions are all in it, but it has nothing to do with you. If that sounds familiar, you may be an emotional hostage.

“I went out of my way to help her and she didn’t even say thank you!”

“She could’ve at least acknowledged what I did for her!”

“He went right back out and did it again, after I bailed him out for the second time!”

If you’re looking for a response from the people you help, you might not ever get it. All they see is what they’re doing from their perspective, not yours.

No matter how many times you help them, they will not truly appreciate what you do for them. It seems selfish on their part, but try to be more understanding, than critical.

Would it make you feel better if they did acknowledge you? Would that change the situation? It may feel better at the moment, but deep inside, you want them to change – you want them to do what you suggest.

You are in control of yourself. You can not control what others do or how they think.

You have to meet people where they are and accept them for who they are.

People will not change until they are ready. You can not speed up that process for them. If you offer them help, do it with no strings attached. Stop expecting something in return.

After you offer your help, let it go. Do not get emotionally attached to their problems. Do not carry this weight because it’s not your weight to carry. Don’t allow them to hold you hostage to their situation.

It’s hard to watch someone learn things the hard way. The only thing you can do is help when you can and try to be patient with what they’re going through.

Yes, it’s your time and resources that you’re giving up to assist them, but they don’t owe you anything (ouch).

That’s a hard statement to hear. Just because we help someone doesn’t give us the right to tell them what they should do and how they should live. It feels like we should have every right, but we don’t. When someone is in trouble, help them out of the kindness of your heart. It gives you no more power over them than you had before.

Recognize that it’s their life, not yours. You want them to travel the straight and narrow, but they won’t . You want them to eat healthy, but they won’t. You want them to stop fooling around, but they won’t. At this point, you’re only abusing yourself.

As concerned as you may be with this person’s situation, detach yourself. You will only cause yourself heartache, anxiety and sadness. It’s not your battle to fight.

It’s fine to make yourself available, but you can not change them. Yes, help as much as you can, but don’t expect them to turn over a new leaf immediately. They have to see things for themselves – it’s not up to you, it’s up to them. Support them, but not at your emotional expense.

There may come a time where you will have to detach yourself completely. Don’t be their safety net anymore. You have your own life to live. Free yourself from being their emotional hostage.

Situations like these occur in relationships, addictions, and in many other aspects of life. Everyone learns things at different times. The best thing you can do for anyone is be supportive. They will see it in their own time.

#BeGoalden

Reacting vs. Responding

Let’s talk about reactions and responses. When there’s a situation, are you the person who reacts or responds? Being a responder is better than being a reactor. Let’s look at the example:

On your way home from work, there is a car accident that happens right before your eyes. The cars collided head on and no one, in either vehicle, is moving. You race from your car to the scene and try to assess the situation. You have called for help. This accident looks pretty bad, but you are talking to the victims, keeping them calm. You let them know that help is on the way and ask if there is anything you can do to help. The dispatcher tells you to keep the victims still, as much as possible. You are communicating back and forth with the victims and letting them know that everything is under control. There is light conversation between you all, until the ambulance arrives. They take over and the police is asking what happened and you calmly tell them what you saw.

Or, the story could go like this:

On your way home from work, there is a car accident, right before your eyes. The cars collided head on and no one, in either vehicle, is moving. You race from your car to get a closer look. “Oh, no! Look at all the blood,” you scream as you run between the two cars. “This is so bad — this is really bad. OMG! I hope you don’t die!” you exclaim. Meanwhile, the victims in the cars are crying and upset, as you run around, having a holy fit. “Somebody call for help!” one of the victims scream. “Where’s my phone?! I think I lost my phone!” you continue as you scramble around the scene. Fortunately, someone passing by has called for help. When the ambulance arrives, the victims are so emotional and confused that it’s hard to see what has happened. The police asks you questions, but he has to calm you down first. After fifteen minutes of chaos, you are calm enough to tell what happened, but now, it has all become a blur…

Between both of these stories, which one reacted and which one responded?

In the first story, you responded. You were efficient and you kept the victims calm. Your focus was completely on them and how to help the situation. It turned out well for everyone, therefore, making for better results.

In the second story, you reacted. You were frazzled and the victims were even more frazzled, after you freaked out. Nothing was done to comfort the victims and you focused more on yourself. Even though the victims were hurt, you let your emotions explode out of control, which only made them feel worse. This is what happens when your emotions take over.

As you can see, when you respond, you manage to handle the situation. Your emotions took a back seat to what was going on and you maintained a sense of normalcy, for the victims’ sake.

When you reacted, it only enhanced an already bad situation. Your emotions ballooned and your focus went out of the window, if there was any to begin with. The accident was bad, but you didn’t make it any better by announcing how bad it was and how awful it looked.

Being focused is always a strength. When you respond in any situation, it makes it easier to deal with. Even if you don’t know what you’re doing, it helps to remain calm and think things through.

Try not to overreact. It can be surprising when things happen out of the blue, but as in any situation, you must remain calm. This helps promote a productive outcome.

Next, with your emotions aside, figure out how to help. Keep your feelings to yourself, because it won’t make things better.

In most situations, the calmest person becomes the leader among everyone, simply because they are constructive and appear to be in control.

Excerpt from: The Goalden Lady Presents: Help! I’m Stuck: 10 Strategies To Push You Through To Achieving Success A Personal Development Series, Book 1 by S.R. Roberts

Why Worrying Won’t Work

When unpleasant challenges arise, the first thing most people do is worry. It’s a reaction that lives on autopilot in your mind, ready to go when needed. Not only does worrying affect you on the inside, it affects how you perceive things on the outside. Let’s see why worrying won’t work.

Don’t be a Worry Wart. What is a Worry Wart? As soon as something out of the basic routine happens, you begin to stress about it.

“What’s going to happen?”
“Why did it happen?”
“Who did this to me?”
“What am I going to do?”

All types of questions, along with several negative emotions, start to run rampant in your mind.

This raises your stress levels. You begin to attempt to answer those questions in your mind. Nothing is working out in your favor. Is there a number to call? Is there someone you can speak to about the situation?

You want answers because you simply don’t know why this is happening to you. Therefore, you just continue to worry because you don’t know what else to do.

Sometimes, it’s simply something that you, the Worry Wart, did to yourself that caused the issue. After that, you can’t be mad and stressed about it anymore. Take responsibility and deal with the consequences.

On the other hand, it may have been a mistake that needs to be corrected. You follow instructions on how to fix the flaw and it’s done. No more worrying because you resolved it.

In both cases, your mind went into a frenzy because you didn’t know what was going on. There’s a way to save yourself from the stress of worrying, but it takes practice.

When you receive bad news or something happens out of your control, talk to someone or simply do the research. Spazzing out doesn’t help and most of all, it won’t solve your issue.

When you get emotional about things you can’t control, it affects your surroundings, as well. You may take it out on the kids, friends, and you’re unpleasant to be around. You’re just an all around grump until you figure out what’s going on.

That’s the thing – figure out what’s going on. That’s what needs to happen. You’re only making it worse for yourself and those around you.

Learn to respond, instead of react.

When you let your emotions get the best of you, it normally doesn’t end well. Not only does being emotional make it worse, you’re also not solving anything. Nothing gets done.

It’s normal to have an initial emotional reaction. Don’t let it overtake you into worry world. Start thinking about what you can do to help the situation or to solve the issue. Do what you can. If you can’t control it at the moment, leave it alone until you’re able to figure it out.

When you respond, you come out with better results. It works out for you and those around you. Sometimes, you’re unable to do anything about certain situations until a period of time has passed. There’s no need to put yourself and others through hell because in the end, you could be worrying about nothing.

Worrying won’t help. It only takes up your precious time and for some, can even lead to health problems. Do what you can and be calm enough so you can resolve the issue. Decide to respond around your emotions and not in your emotions. If you do this, you’ll have a better handle on taking care of what needs to be done.