believe Archives - The Goalden Lady

Your Choice: Take The Shot Or Pass The Ball?

There comes a time in life where we’re presented with a choice: should I trust myself and follow my dreams or should I do what others think I should do?

This dilemma comes to everyone at different times. Some may experience it sooner than others, but nevertheless, you must make a decision on how to proceed with the rest of your life.

Who’s Living Your Life?

Are you where you want to be in life? If not, where did things go left?

It’s a hard truth, but somewhere down the line, instead of taking the shot, you passed the ball. The pressure was too much and you decided to let someone else make the decision for you. If they make the shot, are you happy? Or, could you have done the same thing and received all of the the applause and recognition yourself?

If their shot doesn’t go in the basket, you feel relieved. “Glad I didn’t do it,” you think to yourself. The person who was brave enough to shoot the ball may have missed, but they took control of a situation you were afraid to face and most of all, they learned from it. Even though you don’t think about it at the moment, missing the shot has it’s benefits.

This happens repeatedly in our lives, where we must take the shot – it’s all or nothing. Most people will pass up the chance to see what they’re made of. The opportunity was given away, simply because you didn’t want to be embarrassed. After a while, this becomes a pattern in your life.

This pattern will turn into unconsciously allowing others to make decisions for you. You begin to ask them questions about how you should do this, or if you should do it at all. Thinking that you aren’t good enough to make the right choices, you look to others who you’ve passed the ball to.

Now, they make decisions for you and you’ve given up your personal power.

Personal Responsibility

Taking responsibility for your own actions is hard to do. Yet, the more you do it, the easier it becomes and the more life will move with you and not against you.

It’s easy to follow what the crowd is doing. If something happens, no one is at fault or the entire crowd is at fault – it feels better to divide the blame. That type of comfort can keep you complacent and unproductive.

When you’re by yourself and creating your own way, everything that happens will fall on you. This discourages some people to make their own progress, because it hurts their ego and they don’t want the extra work of overcoming a challenge.

Most times, the issue can be solved, but it’s the lack of thinking that makes it seem worse. It’s easy to be lazy and let things play out as they will. Why should you be the one to take action and move the situation forward? If no one else is willing to do it, why should you?

Taking personal responsibility is what lifts you to the next level. No one has to see you do anything for it to be valid – validate yourself. You know what you’re capable of – if you don’t, take the shot, see what happens and follow through.

Maybe it’ll turn out the way you imagined or maybe it won’t. Either it will move you forward, or it will teach you a lesson. When you take control, you get to make the decisions that everyone else is scared to make. Don’t blame the outcome on someone else, when you allowed them to take the lead. You can be the leader, but you have to take the responsibility (the good and the bad) that comes with leadership.

Lead Yourself

Never let someone else define your life by making choices for you. You have the vision of what you want your life to be, not them.

It’s important to take the shot – how will you know your capabilities, if you never make an attempt? Passing the ball may be necessary at times, but for the most part, have the courage to shoot. If you miss, at least you know what to practice in order to become better the next time the opportunity presents itself.

Get out of your own way and put yourself out there. You don’t want to regret not taking a chance, when you had the chance. It’s never too late to lead yourself. You don’t have time to waste, but you do have time to use. Use it wisely – take the shot, move forward and improve.

The Power Of Your Potential

When you know that you have great potential, it can work in your favor. The world is so full of distractions and negativity, it can be easy to forget the power we have in our own lives.

We’ve been so used to listening and following instructions as children, but as adults, we simply forget that we can follow our own paths. You don’t have to allow others opinions to set the trajectory of your life.

Your Potential Has Always Been There

Your potential is what you’re capable of doing. The possibility is there, but some of us don’t know how to realize it and make it real.

You’ve heard people say, “You have potential…”, or “You’re not living up to your potential.” Yes, you can do better – there’s always room for improvement. The idea is that you KNOW it, even if no one tells you.

Sometimes, you wait on someone to give you a good feeling before you start that project. You’re waiting on that vote of confidence from them, but why?

It gives you a warm, fuzzy feeling, knowing that someone else believes in you. Allowing someone to make you feel this way can be detrimental, because you’ll get used to waiting on someone else before you start. You should already know you can do it and move forth, anyway.

Compliments and encouragement are nice to hear, but even when no one is around to say those positive things to you, you need to know and believe that you already have that ability. Create the habit of starting those ideas on your own.

That hobby you’re interested in? Stop thinking about it and start doing it. Considering a new project? Don’t sit and watch how well someone else does it, do the research and find a way to take the first step. Whatever it is, it’s all in your control – use your potential to your advantage, because it is your advantage.

Don’t Miss Out On Life

We hear people talk about FOMO (the fear of missing out), but mostly, it’s talked about in a negative way. Fearing that you may miss out on things that make no real difference in your life can be a disappointment, but what would happen if you used in towards yourself?

FOMO can work well with your potential. When you feel self-doubt about starting something new, think about what would happen if you never start. Think about missing out on creating opportunities for yourself, as opposed to waiting for them to happen to you.

This type of FOMO thinking shifts your perspective when you use it in the right way – it leaves no regrets in your mind, because you’ll act upon whatever you’re thinking about. Whether it turns out good or bad, you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing you did your best and you tried.

Free yourself mentally from hanging on to other people’s words and thoughts about you. Your potential is already there, you just need to put it to work. Be forward thinking and put in the effort. No one has to tell you that you can do it – have the courage to step into it.

Activate Your Potential

Everyday, you should set out to win at something. Having a target to shoot for is what activates your potential.

If you’re going to have FOMO, have FOMO about missing out on your own life. Waiting, wishing and wondering won’t help you achieve your goal. The longer you procrastinate, the closer you’re getting to that later stage of regret.

Time is your most precious asset – once it’s gone, it’s gone forever. We waste so much time with distractions and pleasing other people. Be wise and start living YOUR life. Everyday is a chance to get it right.

Get out of your head and get into your life! Those goals won’t achieve themselves. Use your potential and discover just how far you can take it. You’ll be surprised how far you can go when you put forth your full potential!

#TBT: It Won’t Work, If You Don’t Do It

As a child, we had wonderful ideas. We didn’t stop to think if it was stupid or awesome. All we did was take action and improve upon the finished project. There may have been a Debbie Downer in the bunch, but it didn’t stop us from bringing the idea to life. Being able to explore was our everyday adventure.

Somewhere down the line, someone told us, ‘that’s impossible,’ and we believed it. Our freedom of thought shifted to overthinking. We no longer rushed outside to see if we could do it. The idea of ‘it can’t be done’ killed our creativity. Our brilliant way of thinking just stopped.

How do we recapture our young mind? With work, bills, and stress, it’s kind of a challenge to reconnect with the freedom of thought we had when we were children. Now, our minds are tied up with why things aren’t going the way we want them to, among other things floating around in our heads.

Our freedom of thought hasn’t gone anywhere, it’s just been pushed to the back of our minds. It’s still there, waiting to be dusted off and put to good use.

We all have goals and dreams, but for some, that’s where it stops. Take some time to think it through and figure out how to make it happen. Once that’s done, all we need to do is put in the work.

“It takes too long,” or “I haven’t seen anything happen, yet.” That’s because your goal won’t work if you don’t do it. Don’t get confused – just because the goal is in your head, doesn’t mean it will come to life by your power of thinking. It’s going to take some work.

Just like when you were a child, go for it. Don’t allow anything to hold you back. Yes, we all have responsibilities to take care of and things we must get done, but there is some down time in your schedule somewhere. That down time is when you make it happen.

We can hope and wish for our dreams to come true, but it doesn’t happen that way. When we push ourselves towards our goals, opportunities will begin to appear. Don’t let an opportunity go by, because you were shocked that it actually came your way. Be ready to take it on – this is what you worked for! It’s yours, so take it!

Let’s not get stuck in the humdrum of life. Allow your thoughts to get you excited again, just like when you were a child. Make that fort, build that go cart, and entertain your sold out audience! Life is your adventure to create. No one wants to end their life, thinking how boring it was and how they should’ve done more. Remember, it won’t work if you don’t do it.

#TBT: Make The Decision To Believe In Yourself

If you are the type of person who has no problem with believing in yourself, you’ve pretty much already won at life. For those of us who have a bit more trouble…

Are you aware of this massive power that you have in your possession? Everyday when you wake up, you can decide to be as courageous or as cowardly as you want to be.

Some of us allow outside influences to make that decision for us, so we just go with the flow. Whatever happens, happens.

There are others of us who make that decision every single day and we choose to be as happy and confident as we want to be. Nothing’s going to bring us down — we can handle it!

Why can’t we all be that way?

We are all born into different environments. Some grew up in a loving, forward-thinking home and others grew up in a negative, stagnant way of thinking home.

When your surroundings are positive and motivating, it’s easy to believe in yourself. Everyone is always rooting for you and they acknowledge your efforts.

When your surroundings are negative, there is no acknowledgement for anything. Everyone is stuck in the same place, with the ‘it’s always been like this,’ mentality. The possibility of doing any better is nonexistent.

Although your environment doesn’t determine your outcome 100%, it does play a major part.

It’s hard to go against the grain in a bad environment. The easy way out would be to accept what everyone else is doing and continue to ‘go with it.’

The harder thing to do is be proactive. Even when people say negative things to you 20 times a day, you find a way to turn it around.

“I won’t give in.”
“I can break the cycle.”
“I can do better than this.”
“I don’t want to end up like them.”

This is what pushes you ahead. Although they keep telling you that you’re no better than them, you believe that you are and you can do better.

On the other hand, some people believe in themselves so much, they abuse it and think they can do whatever they want.

When you become used to things turning out in your favor, your efforts can become lazy. You don’t stop after success happens — you have to put in even more effort to keep it going.

As you can see, your environment can work for you or against you. Some people want to break out of their negative environment so bad, they do the total opposite of what’s around them.

Others come from such a positive environment, they expect people to believe in them everywhere they go. When they come across a set of people who really don’t care, they become depressed and fall into a trap of believing what others say about them.

These scenarios don’t happen with everyone, but again, the environment does have an effect on a person’s self-belief.

Let’s teach our children to believe in themselves, no matter what others say or think about them. Teach them that everyone is not going to be encouraging of everything they do. Some people will tease them just to get under their skin.

Most of all, teach them that their self worth is not determined by what others think. Believing in yourself can be difficult, but with the right foundation and mindset, we can push ourselves farther than our thoughts can take us.

Just make that decision every morning. I am courageous. I am beautiful. I am helpful. I am worthy. I am powerful.

Don’t wait for permission (you don’t need it) or for somebody else to tell you (you know it better than they know it). Believe it!

The Journey To Finding Yourself

Knowing who you are can be a real challenge. Years of environmental conditioning can alter your thoughts and beliefs about yourself. Often times, we go throughout our lives and assume the identity that has been given to us. Finding yourself, indeed, is a lifelong journey.

Ever since you were young, people have been saying things to you and about you. The bad things they say tend to stick with us, because we replay it in our minds and begin to believe it.

How do we get to know ourselves? Should we receive what other people say about us as true? Do you have the courage to find and become who you are meant to be?

How Do You Go About Finding Yourself?

Finding yourself is definitely a journey that you want to take seriously. It’s not something that you have to wait to do until you’re 18 – you can start at anytime.

Understand that this will take time and you must be patient. It’s unrealistic that you will find yourself in 30 minutes and be done with it. This will be something to practice on a regular basis, if you want to see results.

To begin, take a few minutes each day and write down something that has held you back every time you wanted to do it. Where did it come from? Why do you believe it? How can you change it to your advantage?

It’s not for you to dwell on the past, but for you to work through it and become mindful of why you believe it. Then, you can find a way to combat the negative and turn it into a positive.

People Can Be Critical

Imagine someone told you that your ideas suck and if it was great, someone else would’ve done it by now. As a result, every time you have an idea, you don’t take action.

Everyone is worthy of seeing their idea through. There will always be people who are critical of the positive things you do. It’s their way of getting in your head, so they can feel ‘big’. If you allow them to take advantage of your thoughts in this way, they will have control over you, because they have the power to change your mind.

It’s your responsibility to guard your mind. You can listen to what others say, but you don’t have to accept it or let it sink into your thoughts. You have the right to dismiss anything that anyone has to say about you – even when it comes to TV or social media.

Figure out a way to turn this critical way of thinking around. Whenever your mind slips into thinking unproductive thoughts, have the confidence to believe in yourself. Crush that criticism and work towards your initial plan.

Believe In Yourself

Going through the process of finding yourself may be long, but it is well worth it. Remember, this is life work, not homework – everything won’t happen overnight. Not only does it make you a more productive person, but it strengthens your self-esteem.

Other people will put their insecurities and fears on you. It’s important that you know this, so you won’t believe and internalize what they say about you. This is why knowing yourself is so necessary.

You don’t have to be what others say you are. Continue your journey to find yourself. Believe in who you are and live up to that idea. Create yourself – don’t leave it up to others to do it. Some people give great advice and say nice things, but for those that don’t, learn to let it go and move on.

#BeGoalden

3 Ways To Activate Your Life’s Vision

Living without effort can lead down a negative path. Then, when you see other people who are succeeding and living their best life, you think they got lucky.

Let’s be clear – one, you can put yourself in the way of catching good luck, if you want to. Two, there are a few things you can do to activate your life’s vision.

How To Activate Your Life’s Vision

Believe. This can be hard, because some of us don’t know how to believe. How do you build self-belief? You must keep promises to yourself. If you’re unable to keep a promise to yourself, who else is going to trust you? Start small and build from there. If you want to be healthy, start with one glass of water and keep that commitment. Continue to hold yourself accountable and not only will it help you become more healthy, it will increase your confidence and your self-belief. It doesn’t seem impossible anymore because you’re making progress and it’s real – you did it. Keep those promises and practice believing everyday.
Write it down. There’s a reason why writing things down is a popular option – because it works. There are so many distractions pulling our attention in different directions, it’s easy to forget what’s important. Write down what you want and put it where you can see it. It will serve as a reminder and pull you back to focus on what you need to do in order to reach your goal. When you take the time to write it down, it forces you to concentrate and think a little more, as opposed to letting it get caught up in a whirlwind of fleeting thoughts. Your chances of remembering and working on it are better, if you write it down.
Go to it. Get in the habit of going to it. If you want to be a writer, find a writer’s meetup to join. If you want to be a race car driver, go to a racetrack. Go to the environment that’s in your vision. This helps to make it real and puts you at an advantage for more opportunities. If you sit there and just think about it without putting in any effort, it’s a lot harder to believe that it can happen. Be in the midst of what you want – see it, feel it, smell it, hear it, taste it. Get in the same space as your goal and turn your potential into possibility.

Challenges And Obstacles

This will take discipline and focus. You can tell your mind what you want, but until you put yourself in that actual place, nothing will spark.

Whatever it is you’re attempting to do, there will be challenges and sudden obstacles that will happen. It’s up to you to see them for what they are and work through them – don’t allow it to defeat you.

People will tell you how it won’t work and how it’s a waste of time. This is to be expected. You already know who the non-believers are, so be careful – you don’t need anyone who’s constantly fighting against your vision.

Live Your Vision

Once you develop a strong belief, write it down and go to it, you’ll be that much closer to making your vision a reality. Make the necessary adjustments and follow through on a daily basis.

This won’t work, unless you work it. Be proactive about your life’s vision. The framework will get you started, but if you want to see results, you must take the time to see it through and live it, everyday.

Remember, this isn’t homework, it’s lifework. Let’s get started.

#BeGoalden

What To Do When Life Sucks

We all have these elaborate ideas of how we want life to turn out. There are goals that we’re after and dreams that we want to fulfill.

What happens when things don’t go our way? Is it a sign to stop? Should we ignore it and keep going? Or, do we cut our losses and move on to something easier?

Everyone has a different response to life. Every challenge is unique, but there are two main things you can do to remain stable and see it through.

2 Things To Do When Life Sucks

Believe in yourself. It sounds corny, but it’s true. People say it so much that it has lost it’s true meaning. When things don’t go your way, instead of letting it happen, think about how to respond in a positive manner. Know that you can handle it, because you’ve handled things before. This may be a little different, but you have to fix your mind to believe that you can overcome it. The first thing we normally do is get down on ourselves and our ability to face it. Change your perspective and have the confidence to know that you will be fine and do your best. The only thing that’s stopping you is the negative story you tell yourself in your mind.
Take responsibility. Whatever happened may have not been your fault, but take responsibility for how you respond. Things happen all the time, but how you respond is key. Some people let things happen and they end up somewhere they don’t want to be. Take control and guide the situation in a favorable direction. At the very least, attempt to make things better. Do your part by figuring it out and taking the appropriate action. If it doesn’t work, be responsible and do something else. Giving up won’t help at all, but if you hold yourself accountable, the results could work towards the improvement of your situation.

The Outcome

If you do these two things, you’ll be putting yourself at an advantage. While it may not be fair, life will suck at some point and the best thing you can do is respond to it in a way that will benefit you.

That’s not to say that things will turn out exactly the way you want them to, but it’s definitely better to drive the situation than to let it drive you. If you let it drive you, there’s no telling where you’ll end up. Then, you’ll wish you exerted more effort and energy into controlling the outcome.

Be Mentally Strong

Above all, don’t let it get you down. It’s so easy to let the pieces fall where they may, but it doesn’t have to be like that. Know that you have the choice to make things better in your life.

Sometimes, we forget that we even have a choice. We’re so used to our circumstances that we become complacent and fall into a non-productive routine, where we just let things happen. Your effort still counts, even if you have made numerous attempts.

You have the power to change your position. When life happens, believe that you can handle it and take responsibility for how you respond. Step in and be a part of driving the solution, as opposed to giving in to the issue. Knowing how to manage life when it sucks, can make all the difference.

#BeGoalden

Make The Decision To Believe In Yourself

If you are the type of person who has no problem with believing in yourself, you’ve pretty much already won at life. For those of us who have a bit more trouble…

Are you aware of this massive power that you have in your possession? Everyday when you wake up, you can decide to be as courageous or as cowardly as you want to be.

Some of us allow outside influences to make that decision for us, so we just go with the flow. Whatever happens, happens.

There are others of us who make that decision every single day and we choose to be as happy and confident as we want to be. Nothing’s going to bring us down — we can handle it!

Why can’t we all be that way?

We are all born into different environments. Some grew up in a loving, forward-thinking home and others grew up in a negative, stagnant way of thinking home.

When your surroundings are positive and motivating, it’s easy to believe in yourself. Everyone is always rooting for you and they acknowledge your efforts.

Although your environment doesn’t determine your outcome 100%, it does play a major part.

It’s hard to go against the grain in a bad environment. The easy way out would be to accept what everyone else is doing and continue to ‘go with it.’

The harder thing to do is be proactive. Even when people say negative things to you 20 times a day, you find a way to turn it around.

“I won’t give in.”
“I can break the cycle.”
“I can do better than this.”
“I don’t want to end up like them.”

This is what pushes you ahead. Although they keep telling you that you’re no better than them, you believe that you are and you can do better.

On the other hand, some people believe in themselves so much, they abuse it and think they can do whatever they want.

When you become used to things turning out in your favor, your efforts can become lazy. You don’t stop after success happens — you have to put in even more effort to keep it going.

As you can see, your environment can work for you or against you. Some people want to break out of their negative environment so bad, they do the total opposite of what’s around them.

These scenarios don’t happen with everyone, but again, the environment does have an effect on a person’s self-belief.

Just make that decision every morning. I am courageous. I am beautiful. I am helpful. I am worthy. I am powerful.

Don’t wait for permission (you don’t need it) or for somebody else to tell you (you know it better than they know it). Believe it!

#BeGoalden

As published on Medium.com.

Destroying The Habit of Self-Defeat

We’ve all done it at some point in our lives – diminishing our ideas and beliefs before anyone else can.

It makes you think you’re escaping the ridicule of others before they have a chance to do it. The idea of, “If I don’t do it, I won’t get hurt,” only leads to a path of self-sabotage and defeat.

Self-defeat is when you deny yourself of potential positive outcomes. You think it won’t happen anyway, so why even try? You don’t want to experience losing or having hurt feelings, so you run away from opportunity and beat yourself up.

First, let’s get over the idea of getting your feelings hurt. It’s going to happen. We’ve all had hurt feelings before, but we find a way to get past it. It doesn’t stop after you get old, so start dealing with it now.

The only way to deal with it is to go through it. Learn to develop a habit of persistence. Every time an obstacle occurs, don’t allow it to hijack your plan – be resourceful, figure it out and act. The next time it happens, you’ll know how to handle it and move on.

Putting yourself down only makes you weak and less confident. You need all of the confidence you can build up. Having a healthy self-esteem prepares you for those moments of uncertainty.

Secondly, don’t be your own worst enemy. There are other people who already do that. They try to insult you because you’re at least making an effort. It’s their insecurities – they don’t have a strong mindset to do the things they really want to do, so they try to push that same belief onto you.

Don’t let those types of thoughts enter your mind, because then, you begin to sabotage your own beliefs about yourself. You become your own worst enemy. You’ve done the enemy’s job for them.

Don’t let the enemy win!

At this point, no one has to do it to you, because you’re doing it to yourself. You disrespect yourself by believing what they say. You’ve placed limits on your own abilities, just to escape what they might say or ‘think.’

Who cares what they say or what they think? The only person in this world that knows exactly what you can do, is you. It’s not your parents, your siblings, your girlfriend/boyfriend – no, only you really know how far you can go. It’s in your control.

Stop listening to what other people tell you and listen to yourself. Tell yourself how awesome and strong you are!

Now, believe it. Don’t allow anyone else to take over your mind and bend it to what they like. Don’t worry about disappointing others, worry about disappointing yourself.

It’s great if you have an encouraging environment of people who trust and believe in you, but it comes down to you believing when no one else is there. Your cheerleaders won’t always be with you everywhere you go, so you have to learn to be your own cheerleader and follow through.

Don’t stop your progress before it starts. If there’s a wide open, 2 mile road ahead of you, why would you stop after taking 2 steps? This is where your self-defeat comes in:

Who do you think you are?
You’ll only make it halfway…
It’s too far…
Am I getting a prize for this?

All kinds of things will pop into your mind, but you must learn to stretch yourself. So what, if no one is there to see you do it? Do it for yourself! Do it for the benefit of knowing! This is how you build yourself. Stopping yourself before you start only makes you like everyone else.

You’re not everyone else. Find what you are interested in and go after it. Learn it, do it, make mistakes, do it again, create a better plan, follow it, fall down, get back up…that’s how it works.

It’s not a waste of time. It’s called progress and progress leads to success. Don’t sabotage yourself into a life of mediocrity and regret. Let your light shine!

#BeGoalden

Don’t Believe What They Tell You

You decide to be who you want to be. There is no ‘maybe’ or ‘can I’ or ‘what do you think’. None of that. Get it in your head that you can be who you want to be – it’s your decision.

Believing in yourself is hard. It takes guts to take control of your thoughts and become your vision. Most people will go by what their parents say or what their teacher says about them.

Don’t believe what they say! Don’t let it enter your mind and take over. If you let it, you will be what they say you are. You will slowly adapt to their opinion of you.

They may call you awkward, but you’re not. They may say you’re lazy, but they haven’t seen you work. People will say all kinds of things about you, but don’t be what they say.

This is how you begin to win. Believe what YOU think. Throughout life, there will be plenty of people trying to make you into someone else, but always remember that you are who you are. They can take it or leave it.

People are shocked when they find out that someone isn’t who they ‘thought’ they were. They’re appalled because that person didn’t match their image of what they imagined.

Don’t let let it distract you. The only person you should be concerned about is you. Keep building yourself. Keep being awesome. Keep making progress to YOUR idea of greatness.

Let others know, too. Evidently, people don’t know that they can be who they want to be. They have the power to be magnificent. They have the energy to move in the direction of their choice. Sometimes, they have so many other people in their ear, it drowns out their own thoughts.

If your mom wants you to be a lawyer and you don’t, that’s her issue. If your father wants you to be a doctor and you don’t, that’s his problem. It may disappoint the people you love, but would you rather make them happy or make yourself happy?

It’s upsetting to see grown people living the life that their parents wanted. If that’s what you want, that’s fine, but please don’t waste your entire life being something you’re not.

It is a tough decision, especially when it comes to loved ones, but always bet on yourself. Don’t allow those opinions to be your life’s path – it’s your choice. Follow through and be you.

#BeGoalden