December 2020 - The Goalden Lady

#TBT: Don’t Let The New Year Fool You

It happens every single year. Around December, people begin to gear up and make resolutions, personal promises and new goals for the upcoming year. It never fails.

Who insisted upon the idea that we should give it our all, once a year? How does this affect our ability to succeed and grow?

New Year’s Resolutions

This is a popular topic of discussion around this time. We make a point to begin our ‘new’ journey on January 1st.

People make resolutions about what they are going to do, but does anyone look back and give productive thought to the current year? How can you improve if you keep standing in the same place?

Making resolutions is fine, but make it a continuation of what you’re doing now. It doesn’t make sense to start the same thing, every year – time is valuable. Most people give up within the first few months and forget about it. This leads to making the same mistake with the same goal, every time.

Resolutions and goals are estimated potential guides. We know what we want to achieve, we set a plan and we put in the work. What happens when we crash and lose our momentum?

Don’t Let The New Year Get You Stuck

After the first couple of months of ‘working’ on getting better, the enthusiasm starts to fade. We begin to do less and less everyday. Distractions look more appealing. Eventually, we stop altogether.

Instead of getting back on the horse, we allow small, meaningless tasks to consume our time and energy, just as it did before. That same vortex creeps back into our lives, sucks us in, and takes over. Complacency sets in and excuses become even more common.

There’s no doubt that the little things need to get done, but what happened to becoming the best version of yourself? Where’s that fire and rock solid intention that you possessed on December 31st, right before midnight?

The New Year Isn’t The Only Time

Where does it say that we have to stop and wait until next year to start all over again?

Most people make the same declaration every year, because they didn’t accomplish it last year, or the year before. They lose their excitement and they just stop and never think about it again – until December.

As opposed to procrastinating and waiting, let’s get in the habit of starting the next day. Instead of having one opportunity a year to get it right, you now have 365 (366 if it’s a leap year) opportunities to get it right and create a productive and more fulfilling life.

You don’t have to lose weight every year. Lose weight one year, travel more the next year, start a business the year after that and so on. Do something and make progress, otherwise, you just live the same life over and over again.

Growing everyday is better than growing once a year.

Let’s turn “Happy New Year!” into “Happy New Day!” You don’t necessarily have to wait until midnight every night to proclaim it, but you could review your resolutions and goals before you go to sleep and wake up in the morning with the same intent and motivation.

Commit To Your Greatness, All Over Again

The best part is, you get a chance to begin again, every 24 hours. No matter how ineffective you may have been yesterday (because it does happen), you can recommit and start all over again.

Build up your consistency by letting go of your fear of failure – do it until you get it right. Failing is the most straightforward way of learning how to do something better and it gets you to your success a lot faster than waiting. If you don’t keep pushing to improve, how will you get there?

There’s no need to wait for months at a time before you set a new goal, or begin one. You haven’t failed, you just need another opportunity to get it right. Give yourself permission and take that opportunity, daily.

#BeGoalden

What Are You Waiting For?

Procrastination is known to delay your success and distract you from your potential. While you’re waiting for things to happen for you, someone else will have met their accomplishments 10 times over.

A lot of times, we are waiting on the perfect time. Other times, we’re waiting on others to give us permission and then, we’re overthinking. All of these things allow us to put off what we can do today.

The Right Time

When is the right time? We give ourselves this excuse so we won’t have to make a move immediately. It allows us to stay in our comfort zone, while falsely justifying why we’re unable to start.

Giving yourself a “justifiable reason” to not move forward is debilitating. Not only does it hold you back now, it’ll become a habit and hold you back from reaching your goals.

What makes us afraid to begin? Other than being uncomfortable, it can also be the fear of failure. Failure is really an advantage – it shows you what didn’t work, so you can plan your moves more strategically. It’s not the end of the world, like most people make it seem.

There is never a right time (or perfect time) to start. The right time (or perfect time) is always NOW. When an idea pops in your head, go ahead and make a move. If you’re unable to do anything at that moment, at the very least, write it down.

Waiting For Permission

Another way we can get caught up is by waiting for permission.

We look to our friends and family to approve what we think and do. Most people will give you negative feedback, simply because they aren’t doing anything productive themselves. They don’t want to see you level up, while they’re still in the same place, doing nothing.

This sounds harsh because you think everyone wants the best for you, but when it comes to being ambitious and becoming accomplished, they (yes – your friends and family) will hold you back. They fear you will set out to do exactly what you said you’ll do and achieve it. This makes them feel bad, because they haven’t done anything to act upon their goals and they act out against you.

You don’t need anyone’s permission to start working towards your ideas. Everyone else has the capability to do the same, they just choose not to. Never wait on anyone’s approval to start running towards your dream.

Overthinking (Doing Too Much)

It’s good to think twice about things, but it becomes too much when you dwell on it. It wastes time and energy that could’ve been used wisely towards what you were thinking about.

Overthinking leads to “decision fatigue” where you give too much thought to simple tasks. Things like what to eat for breakfast or what shoes to wear. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t really matter (unless you’re a nutritionist or a fashion designer, but even then, you should prepare in advance).

Instead of starting, you choose to think about everything that could go wrong and how you can overcome it. The truth is, you really won’t know until you actually do it. You’ll even let other people’s opinion roam around in your mind, as if what they think is really all that important.

Take control of your mindset. Be aware of what you allow in your conscious because it does have an effect on your decision-making skills.

So – What Are You Waiting For?

Fear is the basis of your procrastination. It doesn’t just allow you to put off what you were doing, it stops you altogether.

There are many more forms of procrastination, but don’t let these common ones hinder you. The enemy of your progress is often your own mindset, but you have the ability to change that.

Don’t give your power over to some negative illusion that you created in your head. Next time, tell yourself, “Let’s do it now!” Every time you have an idea or creative thought, get in the habit of doing one task that moves you forward. Let it become a natural reflex whenever you want to do something new.

What are you waiting for?

#TBT: Living In Your Phone Leads To Defeat And Distraction

Living in your phone is the biggest distraction. It’s self-defeating because you know what you’re capable of, but your attention is on what others are doing.

Using electronic devices, such as your phone, is a form of voluntary distraction. Depending on what you use it for, it can have an effect on your daily perspective of life.

Shiny Object Syndrome

With social media, it can be easy to see how other people have success every second. They post pictures of cars and money and it makes you think that you can do it, too. You can, but are you willing to put in the work?

It’s easy to see success, but it’s not so easy to see and accept the work that goes behind it. No one wants to experience the journey, only the results. This is why you’re not accomplishing anything, because you keep hopping around from one thing to another, thinking it’ll make you rich like the other person.

That, in itself, is a distraction. You’re focused on how awesome it would be to have all the friends, cars and the money, but you never get started on the actual path. Even if you do start, if it’s not working, you’ll find something else that’s better (shiny object syndrome) and before you know it, you’ve boarded that train.

Seeing people’s results are distracting, but you must make the decision to follow your own path. Jumping from one thing to the next just because it made one person rich, does not guarantee your success. Stop trying to get rich quick and follow the path you want to take.

It’s Going To Take Time

Once you stop looking for how to get rich quick on social media, then you can begin thinking about what you really want to do.

Some people don’t know what they really like, because they’ve been too busy looking at what other people like. Take a break from others and focus on yourself.

Everything seems to happen instantly on social media, but that’s because no one is publishing their challenges and obstacles. If they did, they might not have such a big following. The process is boring, but the results are exciting.

Understand that when you figure out what you want to do, it’s going to take time. Your journey is unique to you. No one else can go through it for you.

This is why you should do something that you like, or at least, something you’re good at. There will be times when you want to give up, but if it’s something you have the desire to achieve, you’ll have no issues with sticking it out.

Free Your Mind

Take a digital detox day. Turn off your notifications on your phone and pay attention to what’s going on around you. Live outside of your phone for a while.

Having an entire day to yourself without being distracted and controlled by your phone, will allow you to think on a deeper level. You’ll actually start thinking for yourself, as opposed to having a device telling you what to think.

This is how you find what you want to do. Even if the internet is destroyed tomorrow, you would still find a way to achieve your goals.

When you go back to using your devices, instead of using them to see what others are doing, use it as a resource to enhance what you are doing. Social media isn’t all bad – it just depends on how you use it to create your own success.

#BeGoalden

Change Is What Grows You

Change is a scary concept to most people. Depending on how you look at it, it can be a terrible thing or life-changing.

We’ve been taught that change means something negative is about to happen, or that whatever it is, won’t work out.

As a result, we avoid change as much as we can. This stunts our growth and keeps us in the same place, year after year, yet, we wonder why nothing good is happening to us.

Change Your Perspective

Certain words strike a certain meaning when we hear it. We think failure means it’s over, a mistake means it can’t be done and a problem means to stop after the first attempt.

We associate all of these words in a negative way, but in reality, we can give them a more positive meaning. Failure means you’re learning, a mistake means you’re receiving feedback and a problem is simply a challenge.

Knowing that these words hold a different, more positive meaning, how does it make you feel? Do you think there’s a possibility that you can achieve your goal or do you still think it’s impossible?

Changing your perspective with words and different situations can help you become more productive. As you can see in the example above, words have power. When you change how you define those words, it changes your thought pattern and your habits for the better.

Fix Your Actions

Are you one of those people that does the same thing day in and day out and wonder why nothing is pushing you forward? It’s because you haven’t changed anything to spark something different to happen.

You must take responsibility for your own actions by changing what you do. Develop a different way to achieve what you want. We all hit a plateau after a while – that means it’s time to take it to the next level.

Don’t keep eating fast food and expect to lose twenty pounds. Ignoring your homework assignments won’t help you pass that class. Spending your money without saving or investing won’t get you closer to retirement. Something has to change.

Yes, change may be difficult, but if you want to be successful, it’s mandatory. You’ll have to change your habits if you want to see change in your life. You’re playing life backwards if you think you can get the best out of it by not putting in any effort. Even the best habits could use a little improvement.

How Do You See Change?

All change is not bad. It’s what promotes growth, challenges you and allows you to step into your greatness. Don’t be afraid if it comes up in your life – switch your perspective and follow through with confidence.

As long as you can control your response to what happens, you can make change positive. There are some things that happen out of your control, but if you can do something to make it better on the other side, change can be your friend.

If you want different results, you must be willing to shift. Everything you’ve done up to this point doesn’t have to stay the same – you can adapt and adjust at any given moment.

Nothing is written in stone. If you don’t like it (whatever it is), get up and do something about it. Make a change and watch how life opens up to progress and opportunity!

#TBT: It Won’t Work, If You Don’t Do It

As a child, we had wonderful ideas. We didn’t stop to think if it was stupid or awesome. All we did was take action and improve upon the finished project. There may have been a Debbie Downer in the bunch, but it didn’t stop us from bringing the idea to life. Being able to explore was our everyday adventure.

Somewhere down the line, someone told us, ‘that’s impossible,’ and we believed it. Our freedom of thought shifted to overthinking. We no longer rushed outside to see if we could do it. The idea of ‘it can’t be done’ killed our creativity. Our brilliant way of thinking just stopped.

How do we recapture our young mind? With work, bills, and stress, it’s kind of a challenge to reconnect with the freedom of thought we had when we were children. Now, our minds are tied up with why things aren’t going the way we want them to, among other things floating around in our heads.

Our freedom of thought hasn’t gone anywhere, it’s just been pushed to the back of our minds. It’s still there, waiting to be dusted off and put to good use.

We all have goals and dreams, but for some, that’s where it stops. Take some time to think it through and figure out how to make it happen. Once that’s done, all we need to do is put in the work.

“It takes too long,” or “I haven’t seen anything happen, yet.” That’s because your goal won’t work if you don’t do it. Don’t get confused – just because the goal is in your head, doesn’t mean it will come to life by your power of thinking. It’s going to take some work.

Just like when you were a child, go for it. Don’t allow anything to hold you back. Yes, we all have responsibilities to take care of and things we must get done, but there is some down time in your schedule somewhere. That down time is when you make it happen.

We can hope and wish for our dreams to come true, but it doesn’t happen that way. When we push ourselves towards our goals, opportunities will begin to appear. Don’t let an opportunity go by, because you were shocked that it actually came your way. Be ready to take it on – this is what you worked for! It’s yours, so take it!

Let’s not get stuck in the humdrum of life. Allow your thoughts to get you excited again, just like when you were a child. Make that fort, build that go cart, and entertain your sold out audience! Life is your adventure to create. No one wants to end their life, thinking how boring it was and how they should’ve done more. Remember, it won’t work if you don’t do it.

The Standards You Set For Yourself

Standards give us something to live up to. It’s a way to improve ourselves without the constant influence and competition of others.

People who lack standards usually remain stagnant. There’s nothing to convince them that they can become better than what they already are, because they’re comfortable.

What happens when you become stuck in a rut and you’re unable to hold yourself accountable for your own actions?

Why Have Standards?

Standards allow you to elevate in life. When there’s a certain desire you want to live up to, it motivates you to improve and become better.

Having standards and rules for yourself promotes growth in life. You know how you want to live, how much money you want to make, the type of family you want to have, etc. – these things are thoughts and ideas that you hold in your mind while you strive and make them come true.

You also set yourself apart from others who have no ambition or goals, and you become the type of person you aspire to be. It’s not easy to live up to your own personal standards – it takes resilience, discipline and focus (among other characteristics), but if you make a plan to get there, it’s definitely possible.

Your Potential

Becoming a more productive version of yourself everyday is a great foundational standard to live up to. As mentioned before, it inspires your ability to grow.

When you hang around people who don’t seem to care about what they do and who don’t have any goals, it’s easy to adopt the same attitude. As they say, birds of a feather, flock together.

This can damage your potential, but it doesn’t have to be permanent. By changing your environment and who you hang around, you can adjust your standards and goals to new and more productive levels.

Always put yourself in a place of advantage. Once you master a task or situation, move on to something else. See how much you can learn and how far you can go. Push your limits and discover your capacity. Never allow anyone to bring you down to their level.

Holding Yourself Accountable

Part of living up to your personal standards is holding yourself accountable. You are your own responsibility – the only person that can save you, is you.

How many times have things gone wrong in life, whether you planned for it or not? Did you sit there and accept the outcome or did you take the time to reassess and create another solution?

This is where most people become stuck – things don’t always go as planned, but it’s your job to get up, figure it out and make one more attempt. You must hold yourself accountable in order to move forward.

Most people like to have “accountability partners” or someone to help them along their journey. That’s fine, but ultimately, the responsibility is yours. Your accountability partner may tell you it’s okay to eat a slice of cake or to buy one more lottery ticket. Sometimes, they can be your worst enemy, as opposed to helping you become better.

What Standards Do You Have?

If you have plans on becoming a better person, then you have standards. Anything you want to do to improve your place in life is a standard you have created for yourself.

Understand that you are your only competition – you should strive to be better than the person you were yesterday. It may be a challenging task, but that’s how self-improvement works.

Create your standards and work on them daily. Develop your daily habits to match the person you want to become. It may seem like a difficult task, but all you have to do is take one step at a time and you’ll become the successful person you’ve always imagined.

#TBT: Your Competition Isn’t Who You Think It Is

Competition can make you or break you. Either you’re competing directly with someone, or you’re competing with the idea of someone.

Whomever you are competing against, it’s great. It keeps you on your toes and it holds you accountable for your actions. Even if it doesn’t turn out the way you expected, you’ve done more than you ever thought you could do in the first place.

Having competition can offer awesome benefits. Most people that are competitive, tend to learn and bounce back quicker than the average person.

Have you ever thought about who your biggest competitor is? It’s someone you know very well – you see them on a daily basis and you probably don’t acknowledge them like you should.

You are your biggest competitor.

The Competition With Your Mind

Every morning, you wake up and instantly decide if you are going to roll over and get an extra 5 minutes of sleep, or get out of bed and move on with your day. That’s you competing against your mind.

The choices you make on a daily basis are a constant battle. Your ego, distractions or your negative behavior – if you don’t have the right mindset to handle it, you simply lose.

We don’t look at our choices that way, but it’s the truth. Should you keep working, even when no one notices? Or, maybe you can get away with not doing any work for 1 more day. These may seem like insignificant actions, but they have a great impact on your life.

These small decisions add up and become major in the end. Sleeping in everyday and being lazy will eventually grant you a lazy life. Everyone else around you may be making progress, but that’s not your competition. Focus on yourself and do better at those small things.

The Competition With Your Health

At some point, we’ve all struggled with that second piece of cake or taking a day off from running. Ultimately, the decision is yours to make.

No one else can make you be healthy. Those everyday choices you make will show up on the scale or your waistline, sooner or later. That is another type of competition that you deal with regularly.

Again, we don’t think of these things as competing against ourselves. We keep comparing ourselves to pro athletes and their diets. They are not coming to save you – you must save yourself through good decisions and following up with consistent action.

Health is very important, so challenge yourself to eat healthy and exercise on a regular basis. You are competing against yourself and your fitness. Win that game first, before you test someone else.

The Competition With Your Money

The competition isn’t with Oprah or Bill Gates – it’s with you.

They already have their wealth. They’ve worked on this personal competition for many years and they’ve come out on top. You are not competing against them.

Save your money. Make investments. Play the long game and say no to instant gratification. Anyone can spend their paycheck in one weekend, but how much of it do they actually keep?

Make an attempt to do better with your money. Create wealth by setting financial goals and sticking to them. If you get off track, simply get back on, or start over. You are your competition.

Building Longevity

Competing with the person in the mirror should be your primary intention. This is how you form a great foundation for your future.

Building longevity starts with small, productive habits. How you do one thing is how you do everything. In the end, the only person that has control over the outcome is you, so make it happen.

Let’s not look at other people and mindlessly make them our competition. You may be able to beat someone else, but can you beat yourself?Challenging others is good, but the major competitor is you. Look in the mirror and take control of your intended, successful results.

#BeGoalden

Prepare For It Now, Before It’s Too Late

Knowing how to prepare for the unknown gives you an edge on life. When a situation happens, know what you’re going to do by having the resources and the confidence to get it done in order to move ahead.

Preparation is a life hack. Not only must you prepare for the right thing to happen, you must also prepare for the wrong (or worst) thing to happen.

Relationships

Everyone is looking for their soulmate. That one person that completes you and you’ll be happy with forever.

This sounds like the perfect scenario, but just in case it doesn’t go the way you want it to go, be prepared.

If you happen to get into an abusive relationship, what can you plan for now to benefit yourself without getting stuck? Often times, people stay because they never prepare to leave if things take a turn for the worst.

There’s no time to play victim. Create a personal plan (i.e., save money just in case you need to find another place to stay) and be ready. If you happen to really find the love of your life, congratulations! You can keep the money saved for something else.

Money

There’s one thing that everyone needs and that thing is money. No matter what you do in this life, money has to be exchanged. It sounds bad, but it’s the absolute truth.

Think ahead. If you lose your job (whether it’s your fault, or not), what other resources do you have to keep you going without losing the basic necessities? How do you even plan for something like this? Unless you have a rich uncle who doesn’t mind blowing his money, you’ll need to come up with (you got it) a plan.

You could do things like pay extra on bills or create another stream of income (keep in mind that all of this is done while you still have a job). It’s too late to do these things AFTER you lose your job, so start saving and investing your money now.

Don’t be afraid to pay extra on bills to stay ahead. It’s better to stay ahead, than to play catch up. Hard times isn’t something you want to experience suddenly, not if you can help it.

Health

Another thing that people tend to do something about too late is paying attention to their health. Some things are unable to be prevented, but there are some things you can keep a rein on.

If genetics play a role in your family, don’t simply wait for it to happen to you (especially if it’s health-related). Get a head start on it and begin doing something about it now.

Something as simple as eating a healthy diet and exercising can help put you on the right track. It doesn’t have to be a strict diet where you exercise seven days a week, but for the most part, it should contribute to your overall well-being.

Practice moving and making better eating choices. Do your research and find out what can be done to put you in a better, more healthy, position. Your body will thank you later on down the road.

Be Forward-Thinking

Everything doesn’t happen all at once and we aren’t able to prevent every little thing. It will take time and patience to build an emergency fund, change your eating habits or whatever plan you hope to create. By staying a few steps ahead, you still put yourself at an advantage.

Prepare by being proactive. Whether it’s an unexpected bill or a situation that occurs out of your control, be ready and know what your next step will be.

Alleviate stress and worry by figuring things out now, rather than later. Start building solutions for whatever may happen and watch how much more smoothly your life will begin to play out.

#TBT: Give Up The Grudge, Focus On Forgiveness

There’s nothing new under the sun. People have best friends, co-workers or even family members with whom they hold grudges against.

All of these hurtful feelings begin to flood your mind. Eventually, it begins to work it’s way into your body and comes out through anger, anxiety, stress and many other ways.

You feel like, “How could they do that? I thought we were friends? How could they NOT know that I would be hurt? What were they thinking? They should’ve known!”

The best way to let a grudge go is to forgive. Instead of allowing it to control your thoughts and hold you hostage, forgive them.

You may think, “That’s way too easy – I want them to feel the same hurt that they put upon me!” Well, you’ll be waiting a lifetime. Most of the time, the person you’re holding the grudge against, doesn’t even know it or they’ve moved on.

Forgiveness is for you, not for them.
The Goalden Lady

Make the decision to move on. You don’t have to include them in your life anymore. If any type of interaction is necessary, keep it to a minimum.

Why is forgiveness for you? This is what happens when you hold a grudge:

It creates more negative thoughts. You’re already in a bad place when you hold a grudge against someone. You begin to increasingly think about it and those aren’t good thoughts you’re having. You’re thinking of ways to get back at them or how you can get revenge. Before you know it, this is all you think about and it only breeds more negative thoughts in other areas of your life.
It takes away your power. You aren’t able to control what you’re thinking and you become unproductive. No matter how hard you try to work, those feelings keep pulling you back. That person has moved on – they don’t even know the effect that they’re having on your peace of mind. Don’t give away your power that easily! Even when you’re trying to go to sleep at night, you think of them and you tense up and become disgusted. Meanwhile, they’re sleeping like a baby.
It keeps you stagnant. You’re like a broken record that keeps skipping to the same beat, over and over. You can’t move or make good decisions in your daily life. You’re stuck. The grudge you’re holding keeps repeating itself over and over again. None of this will change until you decide to let it go.

That’s why forgiveness is for you. None of these things happen to the person you’re holding a grudge against. Even if you confront them about it, more than likely, they’ll think it was silly. And then, they move on.

Forgiveness gives you the relief you’re looking for. It gives you freedom. It allows you to breathe. It gives you your life back.

Be the bigger person. Learn to forgive. Some people have been holding grudges for years, but it’s not needed. How much of your life have you wasted, thinking about something that has been forgotten by others? Take back your power over your life and yourself. We all have disappointments from our friends and family, but it’s up to us to move on from it and continue to be our best selves. It’s hard to be your best self while holding a grudge.

Forgive. Let it go. Move on.

#BeGoalden