October 2018 - The Goalden Lady

The Struggle Is Necessary

When you’re going through a hard time, it seems like everything is going down hill. You see no way for things to get better. There is no sign of hope, no matter where you turn.

The important thing is to keep going. Don’t give up on getting past the obstacle. It may last a week or a year, but you must see it through to the end. Close that chapter of your life so you can move on and continue to make progress.

It’s easier said than done, but surely you want to be on the other side, doing a victory dance. How you react to your struggle has an effect on how you handle things in your life, overall. There are three parts in a struggle where you can stop. Take a look and decide where you want to be:

The beginning. When a struggle first appears, it can be scary. Unless it’s something you’ve been through and you know how to deal with it, it can be difficult finding a solution. This is where some people stop. The struggle hasn’t even begun and they automatically make the assumption that they can’t do it – it’s too hard. This response promotes complacency. They’ll likely be stuck in the same rut for the rest of their lives.
The middle. Some people will give it a shot. They’ll start the process and gain a little momentum. When another challenge comes up, they’ll acknowledge it, but if nothing happens, they give up. When progress slows down, they slow down along with it. Nothing happens because they stopped putting in the effort to push forward. They never witness the breakthrough that was around the corner.
The end. Few people get to the end. Those that do, are rewarded greatly. There may have been countless struggles within the big struggle, but they stood their ground and kept moving forward. They may have even slowed down, but they never quit. These are the people who have their mind set on success. They can close that chapter in their book and take on the next necessary struggle in their journey.

Struggle happens to everyone – there’s no way around it, but to go through it. There are even struggles where you make the decision to cut your losses and move on to something else. Just because it’s a struggle doesn’t mean you have to go through it, but it has to be the struggle that relates to your end goal. There will be times where you’ll know, “This isn’t the right one.”

At the same time, whenever a struggle presents itself, don’t quit before you start. Just because it came at the wrong time doesn’t mean you instantly dismiss it. Know what struggle to take on. If it’s something that will get you closer to your goal, go for it. If it has nothing to do with what you’re dealing with, it’s okay to let it go.

Sometimes, people take on other people’s struggles as their own. It’s enough to handle your own challenges, let alone, taking on someone else’s. Know your struggle and let others handle theirs.

Your struggle is the way to your accomplishments.

That’s the path to your future. Every successful person has a story about how they got to where they are. If you avoid your struggle, you are ignoring the responsibility of creating the outcome of your life.

Don’t look at your struggle as an inconvenience. We see it as a bad thing, but once you master it, it gives you the ability to operate on a higher level in the future. It’s forcing you upward, towards your greatness. Success is the reward for overcoming potential defeat.

The struggle is necessary. Don’t be so comfortable or conceited that you refuse to go through it. Decide to move forward one step at a time. It’s always worth it in the end.

#BeGoalden

How To Save Yourself

We give so much of ourselves to other people. It’s the nice thing to do. What happens when you don’t have anymore left to give?

It should never get to this point, but it does. Everyday, we put others before ourselves. We make sure other people are fine, yet, we continue to strain ourselves through lack of sleep, ignoring our inner voice and most of all, sacrificing our peace of mind.

Everyone loves you and you’re an awesome and reliable person, but what happens if you just don’t show up?

This is why you must save yourself, FIRST. We can only do so much by saving other people from their problems. Their problems become our problems and we allow it.

Save yourself. Even when you’re in an airplane, they tell you to put your oxygen mask on before you help others. You can’t help anyone if you’re in trouble yourself.

Say no. They’ll get over it. Most of all, they’ll learn to handle their own challenges and become more self-reliant. Or, they may find someone to replace you, but at least it won’t be you.
Stop doing things. It’s easy to get caught up, doing everyday chores on autopilot. The truth is, if you can do it, so can they. Of course, no one can do it like you do it, but you have to remove yourself from the equation sometimes and let them figure it out.
Say ‘yes’ to yourself. Reward yourself. Take a random day off. Watch the sun set. Go to a park and feed the ducks. Stay in the bed a little longer. Do something for you. You deserve it more than anyone else, but no one is going to give you time to yourself – you must take it.

All of this is not to say don’t be helpful. It feels good to help out, but sometimes, people will take you for granted. They expect you to be their personal savior all the time.

Don’t let your niceness become your weakness.

Give yourself permission to say no. Take care of yourself – that’s the only way you’ll be able to help others when they really need it.

If you have a family, pace yourself. Tending to various needs of your loved ones can become a daunting task. Put a plan in place, so you won’t be worn out. Everyone can pitch in and help.

Most of all, take time for yourself. It’s okay to be selfish. You need to be selfish, so you can show up when it’s necessary. You’re not useful to anyone if you aren’t fit mentally and physically.

It’s hard to be great, especially when everyone else is constantly taking the best part of you. Take care of yourself, first. Your future self will thank you for taking the time to become a better you.

#BeGoalden

Destroying The Habit of Self-Defeat

We’ve all done it at some point in our lives – diminishing our ideas and beliefs before anyone else can.

It makes you think you’re escaping the ridicule of others before they have a chance to do it. The idea of, “If I don’t do it, I won’t get hurt,” only leads to a path of self-sabotage and defeat.

Self-defeat is when you deny yourself of potential positive outcomes. You think it won’t happen anyway, so why even try? You don’t want to experience losing or having hurt feelings, so you run away from opportunity and beat yourself up.

First, let’s get over the idea of getting your feelings hurt. It’s going to happen. We’ve all had hurt feelings before, but we find a way to get past it. It doesn’t stop after you get old, so start dealing with it now.

The only way to deal with it is to go through it. Learn to develop a habit of persistence. Every time an obstacle occurs, don’t allow it to hijack your plan – be resourceful, figure it out and act. The next time it happens, you’ll know how to handle it and move on.

Putting yourself down only makes you weak and less confident. You need all of the confidence you can build up. Having a healthy self-esteem prepares you for those moments of uncertainty.

Secondly, don’t be your own worst enemy. There are other people who already do that. They try to insult you because you’re at least making an effort. It’s their insecurities – they don’t have a strong mindset to do the things they really want to do, so they try to push that same belief onto you.

Don’t let those types of thoughts enter your mind, because then, you begin to sabotage your own beliefs about yourself. You become your own worst enemy. You’ve done the enemy’s job for them.

Don’t let the enemy win!

At this point, no one has to do it to you, because you’re doing it to yourself. You disrespect yourself by believing what they say. You’ve placed limits on your own abilities, just to escape what they might say or ‘think.’

Who cares what they say or what they think? The only person in this world that knows exactly what you can do, is you. It’s not your parents, your siblings, your girlfriend/boyfriend – no, only you really know how far you can go. It’s in your control.

Stop listening to what other people tell you and listen to yourself. Tell yourself how awesome and strong you are!

Now, believe it. Don’t allow anyone else to take over your mind and bend it to what they like. Don’t worry about disappointing others, worry about disappointing yourself.

It’s great if you have an encouraging environment of people who trust and believe in you, but it comes down to you believing when no one else is there. Your cheerleaders won’t always be with you everywhere you go, so you have to learn to be your own cheerleader and follow through.

Don’t stop your progress before it starts. If there’s a wide open, 2 mile road ahead of you, why would you stop after taking 2 steps? This is where your self-defeat comes in:

Who do you think you are?
You’ll only make it halfway…
It’s too far…
Am I getting a prize for this?

All kinds of things will pop into your mind, but you must learn to stretch yourself. So what, if no one is there to see you do it? Do it for yourself! Do it for the benefit of knowing! This is how you build yourself. Stopping yourself before you start only makes you like everyone else.

You’re not everyone else. Find what you are interested in and go after it. Learn it, do it, make mistakes, do it again, create a better plan, follow it, fall down, get back up…that’s how it works.

It’s not a waste of time. It’s called progress and progress leads to success. Don’t sabotage yourself into a life of mediocrity and regret. Let your light shine!

#BeGoalden

The Defensive Mind

Say Yes

Whenever an opportunity arises, the first thing you say is ‘no.’ What if you said ‘yes’ for a change? It may be a little more work or a bit of a learning curve, but what challenges you, grows you. We are not meant to stay in one position all of our lives.

Of course, having a knee-jerk reaction to questions that are dangerous is good. If someone asks if you want to go swimming with sharks, ‘no’ might not be a bad answer, unless that’s something you’ve always wanted to do.

The defensive mind is activated out of fear. Change can be scary, but again, it promotes growth. When you don’t know what to expect, fear takes over your mind. This is how fear dominates your every move.

Saying ‘no’ to everything eliminates your chances of trying new things. If you do something new, you may actually like it. You’re selling yourself short when you keep saying ‘no.’

Fear will have you going to work everyday and coming home, with no life to live in between. It will become the worst friend you’ve ever had because it doesn’t allow you to develop yourself. It’s like a jealous lover who wants to keep you all to themselves.

You don’t always have to do the same thing over and over. Find something that you’ve always wanted to do and look into it in your spare time. Expand your mind and meet new people with the same interests along the way.

Take Your Chances

The next time someone asks a question, take yourself off of autopilot and think for a second. If it won’t hurt you, take a chance and say ‘yes.’ The only thing that could happen is you don’t like it, or, it doesn’t work out. You won’t ever have to do it again.

Then again, something amazing could happen. If that’s the case, imagine how much it could help you improve and develop your skills. This could lead to many other chances and could thrust your side hustle into overdrive! But, you’ll never know until you take that chance first.

People who are set on saying ‘no’ will live to regret that they never took a chance on those missed opportunities. There’s nothing like regret. You can’t go back in life and do it over. Take your chances and know the outcome, as opposed to wondering what would have happened if you did.

Also, it takes courage to get out of a defensive mindset. When you’re used to people around you running away from opportunities, you will do the same. Think for yourself and respond how you want to respond. Just because it didn’t work out for someone else, doesn’t mean it won’t work out for you. Don’t let that negativity seep into your mindset.

This is your life, not theirs. You are in control of how and what you think. Be the leader. Be the example that shows others that it’s okay to try new things. You may be scared, but you’re putting your best foot forward and doing it anyway!

How To Get Over The Defensive Mind

Don’t look to others for confidence – that has to come from you and your mindset. They already have a pessimistic outlook on everything. When you go against the norm and do something different, you are inviting favorable circumstances to come to you.

You never know what you could be missing. When everyone else says ‘no’ and you say ‘yes,’ opportunity may be looking for you.

As you can see, it is very easy to fall into the trap of having a defensive mind. Don’t follow the crowd and do what everyone else does, because you may miss out. Even if nothing happened, you won’t have to wonder about it.

Take some time to ponder before you automatically say ‘no.’ It will help you overcome your fear of the unknown, build your courage muscle and help you grow into a better person. Your job is to use as many resources as you can, to become the best you in your life.

This means managing your mindset and overcoming fear in order to move forward. Don’t allow weak influences to stop you. You must do this for yourself, which means you have to reprogram your mind and create the new, unstoppable you.

Excerpt from: “Help! I’m Stuck: How To Manage Your Mind, Defeat Distractions and Create Confidence,” Book 2 by S.R. Roberts. Edited for length.

How To Win the Day

When we wake up in the morning, most of us act on autopilot. We go through this routine that needs to be done and we simply go about our day, hoping it will turn out well.

If you want to have a good day, you have to make it come about. Hoping and wishing will only take you so far. There are things you can do to ensure that you win your day, before it unfolds.

Think it. Go over in your mind how you want your day to go. See your meeting being successful. Envision drinking water and having a healthy lunch. Anticipate having a productive day, where you create solutions and add value to the team. By seeing it in your mind first, you will already have a head start on how things will go. Visualizing helps to guide the outcome in your favor.
Follow through. After you ‘see’ how great your day is going to be, do it. This is where the challenge lies. You can think of having an awesome day all you want, but you have to put effort behind it. It won’t happen magically. Once you think it, you must follow up with the type of actions that will create that awesome day for you. It starts in the mind, but you have to follow through and act it out to get those results.
Give compliments and be supportive of others around you. When you have a pleasant energy about you, it spreads to others. In order to make your day great, the people around you have to be in the same boat. Although you’re unable to change anyone, you can direct the process by giving them a compliment or by helping them get over a challenge. Not only does it make you feel good, it also encourages them to have a good attitude, which leads to being more productive. It’s a win-win for everyone!

As you can see, there are many ways you can improve the outcome of your day. Allowing your day to float along without any effort from you, can lead to stressful and ineffective reactions.

Take control of your day before it begins. This allows you to have a positive start towards a positive day. As you go throughout your day, remember, you are in control of how you respond.

Winning your day starts with you. By thinking it out, following through and being supportive, you can have your best day, everyday!

#BeGoalden

Don’t Believe What They Tell You

You decide to be who you want to be. There is no ‘maybe’ or ‘can I’ or ‘what do you think’. None of that. Get it in your head that you can be who you want to be – it’s your decision.

Believing in yourself is hard. It takes guts to take control of your thoughts and become your vision. Most people will go by what their parents say or what their teacher says about them.

Don’t believe what they say! Don’t let it enter your mind and take over. If you let it, you will be what they say you are. You will slowly adapt to their opinion of you.

They may call you awkward, but you’re not. They may say you’re lazy, but they haven’t seen you work. People will say all kinds of things about you, but don’t be what they say.

This is how you begin to win. Believe what YOU think. Throughout life, there will be plenty of people trying to make you into someone else, but always remember that you are who you are. They can take it or leave it.

People are shocked when they find out that someone isn’t who they ‘thought’ they were. They’re appalled because that person didn’t match their image of what they imagined.

Don’t let let it distract you. The only person you should be concerned about is you. Keep building yourself. Keep being awesome. Keep making progress to YOUR idea of greatness.

Let others know, too. Evidently, people don’t know that they can be who they want to be. They have the power to be magnificent. They have the energy to move in the direction of their choice. Sometimes, they have so many other people in their ear, it drowns out their own thoughts.

If your mom wants you to be a lawyer and you don’t, that’s her issue. If your father wants you to be a doctor and you don’t, that’s his problem. It may disappoint the people you love, but would you rather make them happy or make yourself happy?

It’s upsetting to see grown people living the life that their parents wanted. If that’s what you want, that’s fine, but please don’t waste your entire life being something you’re not.

It is a tough decision, especially when it comes to loved ones, but always bet on yourself. Don’t allow those opinions to be your life’s path – it’s your choice. Follow through and be you.

#BeGoalden

Own Your Best Self

Being your best everyday takes mental effort. You can wake up and decide to be confident in your abilities or you can decide to be lazy and unproductive.

Having a choice is a huge advantage. You’re capable of designing your day and your life. It’s the small, daily efforts that push you in the right direction towards your dream.

Your life is your responsibility. Are you going to sit back and see where it goes or are you going to take control and lead the way?

When we put ourselves in negative positions, it holds back our potential. The garbage that surrounds us and enters our minds, will eventually begin to sink into our vision.

When all you see are bad things around you, you’ll think that these bad things are what you deserve. It robs you of your strength to move forward and encourages a ‘lack’ mentality.

Don’t be a victim to your own pessimistic thoughts.

It’s so easy to allow that type of thinking to control your life. It’s easy to be negative, easy to hate, easy to throw insults, easy to not care, easy to be weak.

Don’t treat having a choice as an obstacle. We no longer have to wait on information. There’s no gatekeeper sizing you up to see if you belong. We’ve been so used to being one way, we don’t know how to get up and use our own power to move. Give yourself permission to decide.

Why not choose to be polite, intelligent, confident, loving and kind? Why not choose to be respectful, instead of vulgar? Productive, instead of complacent? Courageous, instead of fearful?

You are not one dimensional – humans have the ability to overcome anything, big or small! All you have to do is believe and make that decision.

You may say, “…but, it’s not that easy…”.

It may not be easy, but it certainly is possible. If there are people out there who can mentally and physically do more with less, surely you can find your potential and do it, too!

Whatever it is, take responsibility for it. It’s yours – the only thing stopping you, is you. Yes, it will take hard work, but the lessons learned and opportunities gained along the way are priceless.

Use your power to say, “I can!” Own your best self. Don’t claim being unhealthy, stagnant, or average. It’s time to put those negative thoughts to rest and start thinking with that hidden power within you.

Don’t hope to be the best, BE the best. Hope can only take you so far. Put some effort into designing your life. After all, it is your choice.

Go after your life with intent and OWN it!

Control Your Chaos

Everything doesn’t go as planned in the real world. Reaching your goals is an incredible effort within itself. You don’t have to let everyone else know the chaos you’re going through.

People are happy to get in your business. Some wish you well, but others will make their way into it and stir up more drama. They want to see you sweat and worry over the possibility of something bad happening.

Things may be happening here and there and it seems like it’s getting out of hand, but this is your journey – no matter what happens, you’re still in control.

Here are a few suggestions to help you get through it:

Don’t blurt out how bad things are going for you. Don’t put your business out there. Keep your plans under wraps. There are some people who may be able to help, but for the most part, you’re giving others a front row seat to watch you fall apart (at least that’s what they’re hoping for). Move in silence and allow your success to do the talking.
Think it through. Instead of accepting the confusion and dancing with defeat, drink some water and think it through. Things may be going a little rough now, but once you think it through, it’ll work itself out (with your help, of course). Give it some thought and give it some time.
Remember: you are in control. Everyone goes through obstacles along the way – it’s inevitable. When it comes, that’s your chance to figure things out and get over it, not to crumble and walk away. Take this opportunity to learn a better way. Apply your knowledge and do the work. When you win one obstacle, it gives you confidence to take on the next one.

Others are expecting you to fail. It gives them a chance to say, “I told you so,” or to deflect the negative attention to you and away from them. They are waiting to see you with your head down, but always keep your head up – you’re the one making progress and that’s always something to be proud of!

The joke’s on them, because you know what to do in these situations. You won’t give them the satisfaction of watching you fall, because you won’t. You’ll just figure out another way that works. You’ll always come out on top.

It may be chaos, but you are the one in control. Control your chaos. Don’t let it overwhelm you – take it step by step. Adapt to what has happened and adjust your route. Change the path, not the goal.

This is what the road to success looks like. It’s not easy and it will break you down at times, but how else will you learn?

The chaos doesn’t give you permission to stop, but permission to keep going. Take control of your chaos.

#BeGoalden

How To Become Remarkably Persistent

What does it take to be persistent? Is it reserved only for those who are playing at a high level? When does it happen? How does it happen?

Being persistent is when you continue to follow through with your actions, no matter what obstacles get in the way. It could be big or small, but persistence is what keeps you going towards your desired result.

People will attempt to set simple goals, but what most lack is the ability keep moving, after the first or second setback. Setbacks happen, but it is up to us to maintain enough persistence to keep going.

Persistence can be the difference between achieving a goal and being complacent. Anyone can be persistent, with the following suggestions:

Create a plan. This could be setting a goal or something as simple as completing a daily chore. When you set a time to do something, preferably at the same time everyday, you’re building power behind the habit. No matter what, everyday you will brush your teeth. Or, no matter what, everyday at 6pm, you will exercise. Create a plan that will build the habit.
Take action. As simple as it sounds, do it. Develop your habit until you can’t go without performing it. This is where the disconnect lies, because a lot of people will stop after 3 days or once they come across a challenge, they’ll stop altogether. Keep performing the action until it becomes second nature to you.
Develop a “no matter what” mindset. When you develop a “no matter what” mindset, it sharpens the habit of becoming persistent. You will mentally feel better, knowing you pushed through and made progress, as opposed to quitting. If you don’t take your daily run because it was raining outside, it will haunt your mind. Maybe you could’ve ran in the rain or done something else to get some type of exercise done. Don’t allow silly things to stop you. Do it, “no matter what.”

Persistence promotes satisfaction, which promotes a peaceful mind. A peaceful mind promotes a restful sleep. A restful sleep promotes a productive start to your day and a clear mind.

The true test of persistence comes when you’re tired, distracted or your plans have been thwarted. Persistence will give you a little more strength when you’re tired, laser focus when you’re distracted and a creative mind to continue your plans.

Learn to become persistent with these tips. You will notice a gradual progression with your goals. By encouraging your habits through persistence, you’ll open yourself to more opportunities.

Don’t live a lazy life – be persistent. Put your best efforts forward everyday and watch your goals unfold!

#BeGoalden