self awareness Archives - The Goalden Lady

Using Your Time Wisely

Time management is not a ‘one size fits all’ type of thing. Everyone is different, so we have to figure out what works best for each of us.

Everyone doesn’t do their best work in the morning. Everyone doesn’t work well after a full meal. Weekends are precious to some because that‘s their family time. Others see the weekend as a time to do uninterrupted, quality work.

As you can see, time management plays a role in how efficiently you do your work. How do you know what works best for you?

Self Awareness

You must know who you are and how you work best. This means you need to know your strengths and weaknesses. It will take trial and error to figure out the best times to do certain things.

When is the best time for you to tinker with your invention? Is it when the kids are up or when they are asleep? Is it early evening or late evening? Do you generate your best ideas while driving to work or in the shower? The most important thing is to be honest with yourself because you are aiming for the best results for productivity.

I find it hard to write early in the morning. When I write early in the morning, I struggle. My mind is chasing what I need to do throughout the day and I have no focus. Some writers do their best work early in the morning.

By paying attention to how my body and mind responds to different environments and time, I can determine what works

best for me. My best time to write is mid-afternoon. I don’t know why, but that’s when my focus is strong and my words flow.

Knowing that my best time to be productive is mid-afternoon, I’m able to use my time wisely and schedule everything else around it. We can’t control time, but we can create a plan and use every minute to our benefit.

Being able to make the best use of your time will take some effort. People waste time when they don’t know exactly what they’re doing. Some people think they have all the time in the world, so they don’t plan – they play everything by ear. Everyone has a different perspective.

To use time to your advantage, become self aware – know what you do and when you do it. This could possibly take weeks, maybe even months to discover, but it’s worth the effort. When you’re self aware, you end up doing more constructive and intentional work.

Once you figure out what works best for you, your plan can move forward. You’ve mastered the time of day, now, you have to do the work.

Dedication

What does dedication have to do with time management you ask?

At this point, you’ve figured out the best time of day (or night) to do your best work. Now, you have to align your dedication with that time of day.

Doing your work at the same time, everyday (or whatever your schedule calls for) is dedication. You are bringing the same energy and motivation to the table to give your highest effort.

Progress ensues and you’re making improvement that you can see. You keep going nonstop for days and months because you’re dedicated.

That should be easy – normally, whatever time of day that works well for you is the same time you have the energy and willingness to do your best work. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case.

An excerpt from Book 3 of the “Help! I’m Stuck” series.

#BeGoalden

Learning To Say ‘No’ Could Restore Your Sanity

I strongly believe that we are put on this Earth to help others. When someone needs support, you help them – it’s the responsible thing to do.

While this is true for most of us, you may come across some people who need a little too much help. They prey on others who are overly supportive and take advantage of their kindness.

But, you know you can say ‘no’, right? There’s no law that says you’re supposed to drop everything you’re doing and go out of your way to help others.

A Gift And A Curse

Being helpful can be a gift and a curse. It’s a gift because it’s the right thing to do. When you help someone, you are showing them that you care about them and they don’t have to face whatever it is, alone. Also, it gives you an incredible feeling inside.

It’s a curse because you can easily be taken advantage of and you may not know how to stop it. Some people will see how giving you are and keep using you for as long as they can.

This is not to say that you should stop being nice and supportive of others in their time of need, but in order to be your best self, you must be aware of what’s going on. Remember – you come first.

The Guilt Trip

When you come across someone who is needy, don’t allow them to latch on to you. These are people who always seem to need help with something. They don’t take responsibility for their issues because you do it better.

Don’t be afraid to say no. More than likely, they will become angry and try to make you feel guilty about not being helpful. Some people will even throw Bible verses your way, to make you feel bad.

It doesn’t matter. Before you can help anyone else, you have to help yourself. You are putting yourself in a bad position if you pay their light bill, before you pay your own. Everyone has to be held accountable for their decisions and they are no different.

Do Your Sanity A Favor And Say ‘No’

Saying no seems harsh, especially when you know you can help out. At the same time, you have to do what’s best for you. Helping others is the right thing to do, but when it turns into constant support, that’s where you should draw the line.

Say no for your own sanity. You may feel guilty after you do it, but it will unload that extra stress from your life. You will thank yourself, later.

The crazy thing is, you really want them to stop – you just don’t know how to tell them no! Find your courage and politely remove yourself from the situation by telling them that you aren’t able to help at this time.

Yes, they will eventually get the point. There’s nothing to feel bad about. Actually, you are helping by allowing them to find their own independence. They may go and find another person to support them, but not you. Today, you will learn to say no to those who give you their anxiety and stress. It’s not yours to carry.

Being helpful is great, but taking care of yourself is what’s important. That’s the responsible thing to do 🙂

#BeGoalden

Building Life-Changing Habits

Everyone has habits and patterns that they live by. Most of those habits are done unconsciously and carried over into adulthood from our childhood environment. Building life-changing habits isn’t hard, once you figure out what habits you want to change.

After becoming an adult, you begin to recognize those habits you didn’t create. Maybe you have a drink after work every night or you read a chapter from a book before bedtime. Whatever it is, determine which habits propel you forward or hold you back.

The Habit Of Fear

Your childhood environment has impressed upon you certain habits. One of those habits could be fear.

My mother is deathly afraid of water. When we were younger, we would take trips to the beach, but she would warn us not to get in past our ankles. We weren’t even allowed to sit on the side of the pool. Water was not allowed in our lives, unless we were taking a shower or washing dishes.

As we became older, my siblings and I realized that water wasn’t as bad as we thought. We’ve led active lives by learning how to swim, taking water aerobics and participating in other water sports, without fear.

It took a while to get rid of that fear, because it was ingrained in us to never get too close to water. Once we became older, we changed that fear into something more productive.

The Habit Of Consistency

On the other hand, my father is an avid reader. Every night when he came home from work, he would read the newspaper.

This was another unconscious habit I picked up in my childhood. I love to read almost anything I can get my hands on. Like him, there’s not a day that goes by without me reading something.

This is one of the habits I learned in childhood that served me well. Not only does reading improve your comprehension and understanding, it helps to increase your focus.

What Habits Have You Created?

The biggest misconception about habits is that they can’t be changed. Just because it’s a habit doesn’t mean it’s permanent.

Think about where most of your habits come from. Whether they are good habits or bad habits, you have the power to change them to work in your favor.

Create new habits for yourself. What is that one thing you want to do every morning before you start your day, or that one thing you want to do before you go to bed? Make it a habit and it will become a natural part of your everyday life.

Positive Habits Can Change Your Life

By creating positive habits, or replacing bad habits with better habits, it can change your life.

The more you challenge yourself with good habits, the more confidence you will have. Things that seemed too scary to do, will become easier over time.

Building good habits will also diminish your limiting thoughts and beliefs. The more you do that habit, it will increase your self-esteem and you will find courage to follow through with your goals.

Always Have Productive Habits

When you develop your good habits, never stop. Instead of walking one mile, keep improving until you can walk or run a marathon. The good thing about practicing good habits is that they lead to better opportunities and endless possibilities.

It’s important to keep increasing your efforts and habits. Take it one day at a time and reward yourself. Celebrate the small wins, so that you know it’s possible. This helps as you move closer to your end result.

If you want to change your life for the better, you must start by building better habits. Replace the bad habits with life-changing habits by taking baby steps. If it’s a bad habit, do it a little bit less. If it’s a good habit, do it a little bit more.

Day by day and week after week, you’ll start to see a shift towards a more constructive and energetic life!

#BeGoalden

How To Bounce Back From A Setback

We all have them – setbacks that happen and turn our lives upside down. Whether you were expecting it or not, setbacks have a way of making you feel less than your best.

Your initial reaction to a setback is mostly based on emotion. You may go through a period of self-reflection, think of ways you could have avoided it, or you could just be plain angry that it happened.

It may not seem productive, but one of the best things you can do is get it out of your system. Think those thoughts, scream in your pillow – do whatever it takes for you to eliminate those negative feelings, because you don’t want to keep coming back to them, after you decide to move on.

Move Into Your New Future

It’s very hard to see what the future will bring. You may have already had your future planned out and now, you have to make some changes.

Once you’ve given yourself time to get those raw emotions out of your system, get on with it and make new plans. This is the time where you get to make adjustments for a better outcome.

Move into your new future. It may not look good while you’re going through your setback, but imagine what you want and how you plan to get it. You could even keep your old plan, but now, you just have to create a new route to get there.

Check Your Perspective

Your perspective can be a game-changer. Anything can be good or bad, depending on how you choose to look at it.

Maybe your setback needed to happen, so you could put yourself in a better position to receive an opportunity. Or, it may have happened because it really wasn’t helping you toward your personal goals.

People rarely check their perspective when going through a challenge. In hindsight, you’ll see what needed to happen in order for things to fall together in your favor. We never see it while we’re actually in it, but make an attempt to see it now, rather than later.

Changing your perspective can also give you the determination you need to follow through. Having to deal with change is hard enough, but if you can keep a positive outlook, it can pull you through some tough times.

A Setback Is Part Of The Come Up

When you have setbacks, it’s not the end. Think of it as the foundation of your come up.

How many times have you worried about something, only to find out later that it wasn’t worth worrying about? We’ve been taught to think the worst about everything, but when we shift our thoughts to something more positive, we can be more productive.

Being more productive allows you to make sound decisions and take action. This is the beginning of your come up and you are in control of making it happen. This is where you begin to build your new story.

It’s Not The End

For most people, a setback paralyzes them. They don’t know what to do and they become confused and stagnant.

When you think about it, this is where people start to grow. Look at it as the beginning of a new chapter in your life. You’re smarter and you get to direct all of your moves and go where you want to go.

Although it may be difficult, don’t give up on yourself. You are better than you think you are. Instead of leaving it up to someone else, take a chance and do it the way you want to. If something else goes wrong, don’t run from it – deal with it. Lean into your new future, change your perspective and create your come up.

You got this. Always bet on yourself.

#BeGoalden

To Hold Yourself Accountable, You Only Need 1 Thing

Personal accountability is when you hold your actions to the highest standard. Your desire for success pushes you to hold yourself accountable. You need no one to remind or tell you what to do, in order to become a person of excellence.

If you don’t hold yourself accountable for your actions, who is holding you accountable? Does it make sense that someone else is responsible for what you do?

Your ‘Accountability Partner’

Whenever people begin something new, accountability partners always come into play. Does it help? It might, but at the same time, we’re all adults.

Let’s say you have an exercise partner and you hold each other accountable for exercising 5 days a week. The agreement is made and you begin.

Everything starts out fine and then, one day, your partner says she had a very hard day and she just can’t do it. You let her off the hook, just because she asked.

This becomes a habit for the both of you, because if you let her off the hook one day, now, she owes you the same privilege. Before you know it, 5 days a week has shrunk down to once a week.

That Didn’t Work

Now, you’re both still out of shape and talking about getting it together. It doesn’t work that way.

When you have an accountability partner, the point is for the other person to hold your feet to the fire, not to let you get away with silly excuses.

This is where a change needs to happen. If you don’t trust anyone else, TRUST YOURSELF. Have the courage to perform and get the desired results that you want.

The Disconnect

The excuse that we tell the most is, “I don’t have time,” or “I don’t feel like it.”

These may seem like valid excuses, but it’s not enough reason to stop, altogether.

Time is always there. If you’re unable to find time within your regular day, get up earlier or stay up later. Problem solved.

On the other hand, you control your emotions and your mind. There are plenty of times where you won’t ‘feel like’ doing something, but you need to get up and break through that wall.

We’ve become out of shape because we don’t ‘feel like’ exercising. We’ve become accustomed to instant gratification because we don’t ‘feel like’ waiting that long.

Whatever the case may be, you are worthy of self-improvement! Stop being lazy and push that train!

The 1 Thing You Need to Hold Yourself Accountable…

All you need to hold yourself accountable is a mirror. If you don’t have a mirror (because I can hear someone saying, “what if I don’t have a mirror?”), take a selfie.

Hold yourself accountable. Don’t leave your personal progress in someone else’s hands. If you didn’t exercise today, you let yourself down!

It’s an entirely different story when you let yourself down. If I don’t exercise when I’m supposed to, it nags my mind for the rest of the day.

If someone asks me, “How was your run?” I give them some lousy excuse as to why I didn’t do it. They go on about their day, without thinking twice about it.

I go on with my day and that excuse constantly replays in the back of mind. The time I spent debating if I should exercise, I could’ve done it already.

I know that feeling and I don’t like it. Therefore, I push myself to do it and I feel so much better after I’m done and I can move on with a clear and productive mind for the rest of the day.

Hold Yourself Accountable

Hold yourself accountable. Other people will let you down. They’re not as concerned about your success as you are.

Personal accountability is where you connect with your true self. If you want that result, like you say you do, you’ll meet the challenge of making it happen.

No excuse will stop you from achieving your desired result.

#BeGoalden

Move To Improve

We let so many thoughts scare us…

it needs to be perfect
it’s not the right time
what if they don’t like it
what if I fail

Then, there’s another level. We make situational excuses…

I’ll start when I get paid
it rained
I have to do ‘A’ before I do ‘B’
Little Billy got sick

What are we afraid of? It’s not that we’re really busy – it’s that we’re afraid to actually do.

People who really go after what’s in their heads are special. They don’t stop to overthink and analyze how crazy it might seem. They aren’t afraid of the voices in their head. They just go and succeed and keep right on going.

Everyday, try to have that mindset. Commit to doing something everyday, even when it sucks. If you put in the daily effort, it can’t get any worse – it has to get better.

So, whatever it is that you want to do, please don’t worry about the outcome or what other people will think. That is exactly what stops you.

“Be like a computer. Respond with results, not excuses.”
The Goalden Lady

Google, or any other search engine, has never given an excuse when you use it to find answers or research.

Creating excuses is a habit that has been unconsciously passed down from generation to generation, across the world. When someone asks you something, instead of telling them the truth, your mind automatically looks for an excuse. It has spilled into so many other areas of our lives, we accept it without thinking.

We treat procrastination the same way. It’s used so much, we believe it. We’re making ourselves intellectually soft. No one wants to think or do anymore.

It’s going to be hard to quit, but I challenge everyone to catch yourself when you make an excuse. Catch yourself when you procrastinate. Don’t let yourself off the hook. Hold yourself accountable.

What do you do instead?

You find the mental power within you and push through. You do it. Perform. Act. Create. Operate. Be intentional and start. Be intentional and finish. It doesn’t have to be big, just begin. Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Start by making small changes. You don’t have to start drinking 8 glasses a day, start with 2. You don’t have to start by running a 5k, start with a walk in the neighborhood. You don’t have to start with an expensive date with balloons and roses, start with a kind word and a smile.

Build your foundation. Work your way up to the results you want to obtain. Often times, we see what we want and it overwhelms us because we don’t know how to start – all we see is the end result. Start small and keep building, day by day.

Also, you will have to kill the negative chatter in your head, because that’s also stopping you. Your will to improve has to start in your mind.

Tell yourself how great you are. Tell yourself that you have the ability to do anything. Tell yourself that no matter how difficult it gets, you will find a way. Tell yourself these things, because it’s true.

You’ll even fall, sometimes. That’s okay, just remember to get up. There will be times where it hurts, but give it the time it needs, then keep going.

It’s going to be hard. You’re going to want to give up. You’ll make even more excuses because that’s easy. Change is hard. As long as you have breath in your body, believe that you can do it.

You won’t improve by doing the same thing – at some point, you’ll need to upgrade your game. Do something positive, something that will push you towards a greater situation, to the next level – something different.

It sounds so simple, but it’s one of the most hardest things in the world for people to do.

Take action and move.

#BeGoalden

The Defensive Mind

Say Yes

Whenever an opportunity arises, the first thing you say is ‘no.’ What if you said ‘yes’ for a change? It may be a little more work or a bit of a learning curve, but what challenges you, grows you. We are not meant to stay in one position all of our lives.

Of course, having a knee-jerk reaction to questions that are dangerous is good. If someone asks if you want to go swimming with sharks, ‘no’ might not be a bad answer, unless that’s something you’ve always wanted to do.

The defensive mind is activated out of fear. Change can be scary, but again, it promotes growth. When you don’t know what to expect, fear takes over your mind. This is how fear dominates your every move.

Saying ‘no’ to everything eliminates your chances of trying new things. If you do something new, you may actually like it. You’re selling yourself short when you keep saying ‘no.’

Fear will have you going to work everyday and coming home, with no life to live in between. It will become the worst friend you’ve ever had because it doesn’t allow you to develop yourself. It’s like a jealous lover who wants to keep you all to themselves.

You don’t always have to do the same thing over and over. Find something that you’ve always wanted to do and look into it in your spare time. Expand your mind and meet new people with the same interests along the way.

Take Your Chances

The next time someone asks a question, take yourself off of autopilot and think for a second. If it won’t hurt you, take a chance and say ‘yes.’ The only thing that could happen is you don’t like it, or, it doesn’t work out. You won’t ever have to do it again.

Then again, something amazing could happen. If that’s the case, imagine how much it could help you improve and develop your skills. This could lead to many other chances and could thrust your side hustle into overdrive! But, you’ll never know until you take that chance first.

People who are set on saying ‘no’ will live to regret that they never took a chance on those missed opportunities. There’s nothing like regret. You can’t go back in life and do it over. Take your chances and know the outcome, as opposed to wondering what would have happened if you did.

Also, it takes courage to get out of a defensive mindset. When you’re used to people around you running away from opportunities, you will do the same. Think for yourself and respond how you want to respond. Just because it didn’t work out for someone else, doesn’t mean it won’t work out for you. Don’t let that negativity seep into your mindset.

This is your life, not theirs. You are in control of how and what you think. Be the leader. Be the example that shows others that it’s okay to try new things. You may be scared, but you’re putting your best foot forward and doing it anyway!

How To Get Over The Defensive Mind

Don’t look to others for confidence – that has to come from you and your mindset. They already have a pessimistic outlook on everything. When you go against the norm and do something different, you are inviting favorable circumstances to come to you.

You never know what you could be missing. When everyone else says ‘no’ and you say ‘yes,’ opportunity may be looking for you.

As you can see, it is very easy to fall into the trap of having a defensive mind. Don’t follow the crowd and do what everyone else does, because you may miss out. Even if nothing happened, you won’t have to wonder about it.

Take some time to ponder before you automatically say ‘no.’ It will help you overcome your fear of the unknown, build your courage muscle and help you grow into a better person. Your job is to use as many resources as you can, to become the best you in your life.

This means managing your mindset and overcoming fear in order to move forward. Don’t allow weak influences to stop you. You must do this for yourself, which means you have to reprogram your mind and create the new, unstoppable you.

Excerpt from: “Help! I’m Stuck: How To Manage Your Mind, Defeat Distractions and Create Confidence,” Book 2 by S.R. Roberts. Edited for length.

Rejection Is A Part of Growing

When we attempt to do something, we’ve been conditioned to cringe at the word ‘no.’ What makes this word so scary?

Whatever we do, we always look for approval, or a ‘yes.’ Getting a ‘no’ breaks us down, mentally.

Rejection is actually more constructive than we think it is. What can a ‘no’ do for you?

A ‘no’ will make you stronger. Don’t let your feelings get hurt. If people say ‘yes’ to you all the time, you become soft. You’ll expect everyone to give in to you and make you feel comfortable. There is no progress in comfort. Rejection is like exercising: the more reps you do, the stronger your muscle will become. Build your confidence, not your comfort level.
‘No’ sets you up for the best rewards. After going through so much rejection, the reward will be that much better. If you allow it to stop you, you’ll never know what could have been. Getting past a ‘no’ many times will prepare you for more opportunities in the future, because others will give up on their first try.
The more you hear ‘no,’ the more resilient you’ll be. After you hear it so much, you’ll have thick skin. Having thick skin means you can handle it like a pro. You know how to brush it off and move on. It shows that you’re not a quitter. Also, you prove to yourself that you have what it takes to be resilient and become successful.

Train yourself to keep going. Rejection is not there to make you feel bad, it’s there to push you to the next level. There won’t be a breakthrough unless you continue to take action.

As soon as you hear ‘no,’ move on to the next person. The word doesn’t hurt you, just your ego. Keep your emotions under control, so it won’t slow down your momentum. Always think, ‘what’s the next step.’

Don’t cheat yourself. ‘No’ is just code for ‘you can do it, so keep going.’ It puts you that much closer to getting a ‘yes.’ Don’t waste your time overthinking it – your only concern is to get results.

Rejection is very difficult to hear at first, but after a while, you’ll get the hang of it. You’ll develop a solid work ethic and become relentless. It doesn’t matter what others think – what matters is that you stay on track until you reach your goal.