mindset Archives - Page 7 of 18

Take Control By Learning How To Respond

Life isn’t fair – we know this. Things happen out of our control and we allow our emotions to flow out of control, too.

This is not the way to respond – this is reacting. It’s not necessary to react every time something happens. How should you respond? Does it help remove all of the unfairness that life throws at you?

Responding vs. Reacting

When something unexpected happens, most people react. By reacting, it means to make it worse, or to add more drama to what’s happening. This isn’t a helpful way to solve a problem.

If there’s a car accident and someone gets hurt, how do you react? Or do you respond? Here’s the difference:

Reacting would be seeing someone who is seriously injured and telling them how bad it looks. You’re freaking out and screaming, as if you’re the one who’s hurt. The person who’s injured goes into an even deeper panic, as you point out how terrible everything looks.

As a person who responds, you would assess the situation, call 911 and calmly talk to the injured person. You let the person know that help is on the way and you talk to them in a positive manner. Everything is under control and the injured person finds comfort in the support that you provide.

Which person would you rather have assisting you in a time of need?

Control What You Can

Most times, your emotions will lead to an unintended place. People will determine how they will move forward with you, depending on how you react or respond.

Never worry about what you aren’t able to control. It’s fine to be concerned, but it’s best to be positive – there’s no need to think with a negative mindset.

When you worry, you’re robbing yourself of the present. The present is the only time you can choose what you do. Even then, it may not go your way, but you must learn to hold your composure and respond in the best way possible.

Reacting will cause stress and anxiety. Being emotionally “on” all of the time because something happened out of your control does nothing to help your situation. It leads to the wrong choices and drains your energy.

You Are In Control

Will responding, instead of reacting, take away all of the unfairness in life? It definitely won’t, but it will give you confidence over what you can control. If you develop confidence over what you can control, you’ll develop more confidence over what you aren’t able to control.

Make it a habit to respond as if the situation is happening to you – put the shoe on the other foot. Would you want someone making everything worse for you, or would you want them being helpful and encouraging?

No matter the outcome of the situation, the best part about it is that you were able to support someone in their time of need. Or, you were able to solve a problem so things could move forward more efficiently, without your emotions being a factor.

When given the chance, be productive and don’t allow your emotions to over rule logic. Take control and do something to help. Be of good service and support. Just remember to always remain calm and do the best you can to make the best of any situation. Don’t give your power to worrying.

Only you can change how you behave in any given circumstance. Will you become angry and fold, or will you think it through and continue to improve? Manage your emotions to your advantage, or it will become your greatest disadvantage.

#BeGoalden

How Commitment Leads To Action

The first thing you do before taking action on any goal is make a commitment. If you don’t consciously do this, more than likely, things will fall apart.

The following excerpt is from the book, “Turn On Your Light: Your Guide To Success-Building Habits.” It’s written by Betty Bootstrap, a contributor of the Goalden Lady.

Making the Commitment

It’s easy to think how everything will go in your mind. We make plans without considering obstacles and challenges being present. In order for your plans to see the light of day, you must make the commitment.

Making a commitment is scary for some people. The fact that you are doing something with all of your efforts and determination can be a big promise to take on. However, your plan won’t get done without it.

After you have an idea, what do you normally do? Nothing. The most we’ll do is think about it, shoot it down or halfway discuss it.

The most important thing to do after you have an idea is to take action. Do something that will signal to your mind that you are making a commitment.

Have you ever had an idea and someone else had the same idea? Maybe you’ve seen a product on TV or a service that has been implemented. It’s crazy because you had the same exact idea!

The only difference between you and the other person with the same idea, is that they took action.

While you were sitting there thinking about it, they made a commitment, pushed forward and developed ‘your’ idea.

This is why it’s critical to get in the habit of making a commitment. You never know where it will take you or how it will affect your life.

What Does Commitment Include?

Making a commitment can be challenging, especially if you’re not used to doing it. A lot of times, we just hold our ideas in our heads. Ideas are made to be explored and the only way to fully explore them is to make a commitment.

When you make a commitment, you are willing to make some sacrifices. Things like hanging out, watching TV or scrolling through social media for hours, will have to take a backseat.

Commitment entails focus, work and time. You’ll have to set aside time to do the work. There’s no such thing as not having enough time. This means weekends, after work and possibly before work.

Focus is a high priority while you’re doing your work. Being intentionally focused and present with what you’re doing is a good use of time. Being busy, just to be busy, is a waste of your time, so focus on your idea and bringing it to completion.

Side Effects

There are side effects to making a commitment. Your mind will tell you to do something else fun or to work on it later. These thoughts will come while you are focusing and building your idea. You are guiding your mind down a different path and it’s uncomfortable.

When it becomes uncomfortable, that’s when you have to focus harder and be more determined. That’s where your commitment lies. This is what pushes you through those negative thoughts.

Obstacles will occur. Don’t allow an obstacle to ruin your idea. There will be times where things will keep happening and it will make you think about giving up, because it’s not working out. Obstacles are what gives us answers and confidence (after we overcome them) to move on.

There will be everything in your way to make you give up your commitment. When you make a commitment, you are taking your life to the next level – something most people are afraid to do. Opportunities will open up and present themselves more often when you commit.

*Excerpt from, “Turn On Your Light: Your Guide To Success-Building Habits.”*

#TBT: There’s Mess In Progress

You don’t see it. It seems like all this work isn’t making anything happen. You keep working and creating, but nothing’s changed. That’s the mess in your progress.

Please, don’t give up. Success doesn’t happen after you put forth two days worth of effort. Keep in mind, you are building. While you are building, you are (believe it or not) making progress.

What Brings Success?

Making progress looks like this:

starting from scratch
having ideas
doing what works
it didn’t work
figuring out what went wrong
starting over
different ideas
do it again
repeat

It may look like a big mess to you, but it’s called progress.

The Success Formula

There’s not a one-minute formula that makes you succeed every time, at everything. You fail your way to success – that’s the actual progress. Very rarely, has anyone done everything correctly the very first time and was a success. It just doesn’t happen.

Don’t be afraid to fail. Failing is learning what didn’t work, so you won’t do it again. When you fail, you’re not wasting time, you’re working on making it better. Anybody else would have stopped after the fifth attempt, but you kept going and creating and figuring the little things out. That’s what leads to success.

Imagine if we could be a success after the first attempt at everything. Success wouldn’t be success, because everybody would be successful. There would be no value in it. Everyone would be successfully average.

Do the work and see the results.

Turn The Process Into Progress

Everyone sees the results, but no one sees the process. The progress is in the process – that’s where all the blood, sweat and tears happened. That’s where late nights and early mornings happened. That’s where your mind kept going, after your body was tired. That’s where, “I can’t do this” turns into “I got this.”

Other people will talk you out of it. Don’t join them and talk yourself out of it, too. It’s not that it’s never going to work – you’re just not finished, yet. That’s it. Keep going.

Have faith in yourself and know that you are capable of achieving success. The mess in the middle is a way of pushing you towards your greatness. Work through it. Success is just on the other side and you’ll be happy you did.

Are You A Sideline Spectator Or A Progressive Player?

Most people stand on the sidelines all of their lives, while they watch others accomplish their goals. Being afraid to own your life is not a place where you want to be stuck. Watching as a spectator has it’s advantages, but you shouldn’t be a spectator all of your life.

On the other hand, being a player also has it’s advantages. If you take consistent action and responsibility for your goal, you’ll win the game, and much more in the end.

Competition is good. It can be fun to watch other people compete towards a common goal, especially in sports. There’s nothing like cheering for a winning team.

The Spectator

As a spectator, you don’t have to experience what the players go through. You simply watch with excitement and relax as they attempt to outplay the other team and carry themselves to victory.

Spectators get to laugh, be angry, eat hot dogs and nachos, shout what’s on their minds to the players – it’s a very comfortable position to be in. There’s no expectation from anyone and you get to do what you want while watching the competition.

Being on the sidelines is a comfortable place to be. It’s easy to sit back and watch while someone else is doing all of the work. Wanting to win when you’re not putting in the work is as simple as it comes. It’s nice to be a spectator, but life shouldn’t stop there.

Sometimes, you wish you were out there playing, because you think you can do better than the players. This may be true, but in the end, you’re only a spectator. You come to witness the best players in the game.

The Players

The players are the ones who put in non-stop effort and daily habits to become the best at their sport. No one wants to perform poorly in front of a crowd of millions, so they practice and train constantly. We all want to be the best.

As a player, you will sacrifice time with family and friends. If you want to gain a competitive advantage, you will have to spend time by preparing on the field, watching game tapes and other things in order to produce a win for your fans and the team.

Not only do you have to have personal discipline in order to be the best, you also have to deal with your team mate’s attitude. Some are easy to work with and some are not – everyone is different. Everyone has to figure out a way to work together as a team, seamlessly.

On game day, you’re expected to do one thing: win. No one cares about the argument you had with your friend right before the game or the fact that you may not be feeling your best. You’re expected to be confident, show up and fight until you win.

You’ve been practicing for this one performance for months. If you don’t, it will definitely show in your performance. Even if you prepared beyond your ability and lose, some fans will hurl insults at you as if you are without emotion.

Are You A Spectator Or A Player?

It’s easy to sit on the sidelines of life. Anyone can point out the mistakes and see what should’ve been done from a safe distance. You can make heartless comments or sell your tickets if you don’t feel like going.

When you have no goal or some level of commitment to get you to the next level, you can complain, but at the same time, it’s in your control. You don’t have to sit on the sidelines and be a spectator. There are many other ways you can participate in the sport of life and win.

The players know they can get hurt, but they take a chance. They know they can lose, but they continue to do their best. They know their fans will make outrageous comments, but they ignore it and keep moving forward. They are aware of the personal sacrifices, but they see the bigger picture and follow through, anyway.

Spectators don’t have to experience any of what the players do. The people who take a chance on winning or losing, being disciplined and focused, putting in the necessary work in order to come out on top – those are the ones who succeed in life. They aren’t afraid of what others will say about them, nor will they quit if they fail.

Do you want to be a spectator or a player in life? The choice is yours.

#BeGoalden

#TBT: Starting Over Sucks, But It’s Also An Opportunity

Starting over sounds like the end. “Why me? What did I do to deserve this?” These are the types of emotional questions you ask yourself when things go left in your life. Nothing seems to go your way and it feels like there’s no way out.

Starting over may feel like a waste of time, but what if we could use it to our advantage? How can we turn this around? Is it possible to create another opportunity for yourself?

Starting Over Is Overwhelming

You may have been laid off from a job, gotten a divorce or even lost yourself through a set of events. We expect life to go as planned, but when things are going good, it sneaks up on us and turns everything upside down.

Whatever misfortune has happened, it feels like a nightmare that never ends. All of your thoughts are rushing in your head, trying to figure out how to get back on track without losing even more. You become a mental mess.

Time isn’t moving fast enough. It’s overwhelming and stressful. Anxiety kicks in and takes over your body. You immediately begin to think the worst because you were doing so well. What do you do, now?

Begin Starting Over As Soon As Possible

After you’ve had a mental and physical break down, take a moment to actually create a plan. Something has to go, but it won’t go until you push it.

Even if this whole thing wasn’t your fault, the responsibility of moving forward belongs to you. The only way you will make progress is if you get up and move on.

Don’t stay stuck in the victim role. At some point, you must decide to take your life back and lead it to where you want it to go. This is your opportunity to make changes and guide yourself to where you really want to be. At this point, the only way is up.

Get up. Move forward, even if you have to take baby steps. Doing something is better than doing nothing. You owe it to yourself to see where your potential will take you. Change your thoughts from “why me,’ to “why not me?”

Life Is For The Taking

Get your mind back to thinking constructive thoughts. This is your story and you have the power to write the next chapter and turn it into an award-winning piece of work.

Allowing things outside of your control to manipulate how you operate is self-sabotage. How can you expect greatness if you don’t give direction to your own goals? Letting life happen on it’s own is not the answer. You must make the plan and work it.

Empower yourself. Strengthen your mindset and get around encouraging people. Read and listen to positive books and speeches. Use your resources to start over and turn your life around.

You Must Save Yourself

It may seem like a long road is ahead of you, but you must accept what it is and get started. You can wallow in disbelief or you can fight for the life you deserve.

Give yourself time to grow and make adjustments. The time will pass – the question is will you use it wisely and make it count, or will you sit in self-pity and watch it pass you by?

Find that job you’ve always wanted, be the person you want to attract or get out of your own way and be who you are. Find that magnificence in you and walk into it. Life may have happened to you, but by moving forward one step at a time, you can make it happen your way.

#BeGoalden

The Fear of Judgment: What Can You Do?

The fear of judgment is one of the biggest fears that people have today. Any other form of negativity is acceptable, but when someone judges you, it’s a defeated feeling.

How does this fear develop? Is it something you can unlearn? Can you make yourself immune to these kinds of stubborn critiques?

The Fear of Being Judged

Maybe this type of fear began in school. You had to do a presentation in front of the class and the teacher would grade you on how well you did.

This is enough to make most people nervous. When someone is watching you and will be giving an opinionated assessment on what you’re doing, it can cause a little anxiety.

It’s good to be aware of how others perceive you, but when you take it too seriously, it becomes a hindrance. Other people’s opinion becomes your standard because you are constantly trying to appeal to their thoughts.

Also, when other people insult your ideas, it makes you second guess yourself. You start wondering what if they’re right or you’re not good enough to make your idea happen. Most of it is out of jealousy because you are elevating your life and they haven’t moved an inch. That’s the only way they can hold you back and sometimes, we allow it to stop us from starting.

What others think (or say) about you is not who you are. It is not the end of the world if someone has a negative view of you. People may create a vision in their minds of who they think you are, but it’s not necessarily true – it’s just an opinion.

Unlearn That Feeling

The best way to get over the fear of judgment is to not care at all. It can be difficult to do (because we’ve all been taught to please others to a degree), but it’s crucial to your growth and your life’s success.

No one else is you and no one can be you. That should be motivating in itself! You’ve created yourself up to this point and you should know who you are. If someone makes a judgment about you, it shouldn’t make you stop in your tracks. Your goals are your number one priority, not what someone says to insult you.

If someone says something untrue about you, ignore it. Don’t give away your energy so easily. People will say things to get under your skin or simply out of jealousy. If you know this, why let it affect you?

Unlearn this thing where you have to please everyone and be who they want you to be. It’s a false assumption. Trust yourself enough to weed out the bad voices and the people who say those negative things. They judge you because they are insecure. They feel bad, therefore, they want someone else to feel bad, also.

By knowing yourself, you can unlearn the habit of taking any kind of judgment to heart.

No Judging

Since you know how it feels to be judged in a negative way, you should act accordingly. Never assume or judge anyone else, whether you know them or not. Everyone is different and should be given the opportunity to create their own lives as they see fit.

Not judging others gives everyone a chance to grow and expand their mindset. The thought of not following through with a task or a goal, just because someone thinks you can’t do it, is ridiculous. Don’t live the rest of your life fitting into someone else’s box that they designed for you.

You only have one life. Live it to your fullest potential and until you make your dreams come true. No one else can do it for you. Take the initiative, act on your plan and fulfill your destiny. You have one shot.

#BeGoalden

#TBT: 3 Negative Thought Patterns You Need To Avoid, Now!

There are 3 negative thought patterns that are certain to happen, when you are on the journey to self-improvement. No matter how hard you try to focus and stay on your path, they’ll pop up, just to keep you from advancing to the next level.

If you know what these patterns are, it’s easier to recognize them when they appear. Therefore, you can manage them, accordingly.

Thought Patterns To Break

You can’t change the past. The only time you should look in the past is to see how far you’ve come. The fact that you’ve overcome those obstacles is something to be very proud of. Hindsight is 20/20 – we all can look back and see how we could have done things better, but don’t get stuck there. Thinking about how things would’ve turned out different if you had finished college or married the nerd and not the bad boy, doesn’t help you right now. It’s impossible to change that. The only thing you can do now is move on and make better decisions that your future self will thank you for.
It’s not over until you quit. You are not a loser if you encounter a challenge. These things will happen and in order to breakthrough, you need to know how to handle them effectively. You only fail when you quit. How many times have we seen the scenario of the last second, game-winning shot? The impossible can happen when you don’t give up. Even if it doesn’t turn out in your favor, take it as a lesson and apply it the next time around. It’s not over until you say it’s over. Keep finding solutions and moving forward.
Other people’s judgment of you isn’t who you are. People who are jealous will show their insecurities by putting them on you. If they think they’re ugly, they’ll call you ugly. If they think they can’t succeed, they’ll call you a failure. Allowing that negativity to penetrate your mind will cause harm. When you hear someone being judgmental, discard it immediately. Don’t let it float around in your head because, eventually, you’ll start to believe it. Take compliments, but reject judgment.

What Do You Think, Literally?

Be protective of your mental state. The 3 things mentioned above can easily hijack the progress of your goal, so be aware.

Your environment is very important. Create the habit of having positive thoughts and people around you. It’s hard to remain positive, but it’s easy to slip into being negative.

Always read and listen to motivational platforms (blogs, podcast, videos, etc). Make your immediate surroundings full of encouragement and inspiration. Take care of your mindset to the point where it won’t be disturbed by anything distracting.

You may not be in control of what is around you at all times, but you are in control of your mind and how you use it. Your thoughts will create your future, so defend it to the fullest.

#BeGoalden

#TBT: Adversity: How To Get Back Up

Things seem to be going along just fine, and then, out of nowhere – you encounter some type of adversity. Life happens and screws up your plans. You’re left wondering what went wrong, among other confusing questions.

As you can see, life doesn’t go according to your plan. There’s no doubt that it stings, but at the same time, you don’t have to sit there and take it. This is simply a new starting point, perhaps even a rebirth, of your life.

Life Happens

When things occur unexpectedly, your first reaction is emotional. Thoughts of guilt and self-pity flood your mind, as you become more and more discouraged.

It doesn’t help that your friends and family are supporting those negative feelings. They pat you on the back and tell you everything will be fine. Some will provide an escape for you – “I knew your boss didn’t like you – that car saw you coming and they still hit you…” They think it’s helping, but actually, it relieves you of the responsibility of having a more positive outlook.

Yes – responsibility. “But it wasn’t my fault…” you say. This may be true, but the responsibility of fixing it and moving on, is yours. No one else can do this for you, so you have to hold yourself accountable, even if you did nothing wrong. You can wait for someone to save you (which some people do), but then, you’d be neglecting the skills you’re about to build to become a better person.

Get away from the chatter and allow yourself some time to think things through. You know how messed up it is – you don’t need others to confirm that for you. After your emotions settle, the next step is to figure out what you’re going to do to gain some ground.

Being overly emotional never helps, even though it’s the first thing most people do. All the whimpering and whining only drags you deeper into a downward spiral of darkness. It doesn’t make the situation any better, but it makes you feel comfortable.

We think of how horrible it was and who to blame because it didn’t work out. It’s easy to point the finger at someone else. How often do we think of it as an opportunity? Not only can you start over the way you want to, but you will strengthen your skills and stretch your abilities as you go.

Facing Adversity

How do you pull through, when it seems everything is working against you? One thing you don’t want to do is work against yourself. When your emotions take over, that’s when you start to play ‘victim’.

That’s not what we’re going to do. History shows that humans are creative and resilient during times of challenge. There are plenty of examples of people who hit rock bottom, only to rise and touch the sky.

It’s been proven – if you’re human, you can do this.

First, go ahead and let your emotions out. Cry, curse, scream – do whatever it is you need to do. It’s not good to hold all of that unworthy, negative energy inside your body. It only leads to more anxiety and stress, which you certainly don’t need right now.

Here’s where it gets tricky – don’t stay in your emotions. Have your emotions, but don’t live there. This is where people get stuck, because they don’t want to face any more adversity than they have to. They stay in those ‘victim’ thoughts, only to never rebound.

Second, make a list of things you need to do in order to move forward and out of your slump. The day can easily get away from you when you don’t have it written down. Checking things off of your list gives you a sense of accomplishment and a new positive perspective on what you are capable of doing.

Third, start moving. Studies show that movement and exercise improves your mood and brain activity. It also helps tremendously with your stress levels. Once you start moving, your brain will turn on and begin generating new ideas. You’ll start to actively think, instead of being stuck in your feelings.

Fourth, take care of your responsibilities. Don’t let everything fall apart, just because of a hiccup in your life. You’re still in control and your obligations don’t stop, so continue to handle them.

The World Still Turns

You can either lay down and take it, or you can stand up and take it. It won’t be the last time you experience adversity, so it’s best to know what to do now, so you can be stronger and handle it better the next time. Be flexible, so you can make your way out of any position, good or bad.

Get used to change. The foundation of your life is still the same, it’s just that the way you’re used to going about it has shifted. There are still things that need to get done and goals that need to be reached. This is the time to build yourself into exactly who you want to be, according to your own personal blueprint.

We all fall. Everyone else thinks they know how to solve your challenges, but you have to trust yourself. Remember that this is your fight and you’re going to win. Listening to suggestions may help, but the final decision is yours.

Adversity forces you to recognize the challenge and adjust to a new way of thinking. You will either forge a new path and become successful, or you’ll sit in the same place (still wondering why), for years to come.

You’re not a tree. Get up and grow to the next level of your life.

#BeGoalden

#TBT: Build A Blueprint, Build Your Life

#TBT: The Plan: Build a Blueprint, Build Your Life

Goals are ideas and thoughts that we plan and set out to achieve. They can be small goals or massive goals, according to what you are doing. There are goals for the day and there are five year goals (or even longer). It’s good to have goals, because you can keep track of how well you’re doing with your work.

Long Term Goals

Long term goals scare people. The first thing they think is, “That’s too far ahead – I don’t even know what I’ll be doing that far in advance!” Well, that’s why you make long term goals, so you can have a map or a blueprint of where you want to go and where you want to be.

If you don’t make a plan, you’ll end up with a lot of other people – no where. The earlier you understand this, the better. Make weekly goals, monthly goals, yearly goals, five year goals and ten year goals. Look at your long term goals, as well as your short term goals, on a daily basis. This practice will help keep you on track, because it is very easy to get caught up in something else and forget what you were trying to do in the first place.

Go ahead and do those year long goals. If you know what you want to do and how you envision your life, write it down and make a plan – build a blueprint.

Plan Out Your Life

Blueprints show what you want something to look like, from beginning to end. If it’s not working, you can adjust it along the way. Writing it down can be scary, too, because you may fear that you won’t complete it. Writing it down may make you feel some kind of way, like you’re holding yourself accountable. Yes, that’s what responsible, successful people do. If you want to be successful, writing down your plans can give you a blueprint on how you could get there.

You may not even know where to begin with your plan, but start either from the beginning or the end. Some people start from the end and write their plans backwards. Some start from the beginning and plan to the end. There is no correct way, but the good thing is, you can revise as you go along. It’s not written in stone.

What ever you do, do it big! Someone once said that if you shoot for the moon, you’ll hit the stars. Don’t say, “I want to be a ballet dancer.” Instead, say, “I want to be a ballet dancer in New York, performing on Broadway, in the next fifteen years.” This is more specific and a pretty big expectation, but it’s definitely possible if you work towards it. Expect more from yourself.

Your Dream Life Is Possible

If you apply pressure (work on it everyday), you’ll get that diamond (your dream). Drink some water, write your plan, and put in the work to get there. Don’t stop at the small goals, but allow it to build into your yearly goals. The smaller goals will come together to contribute to the bigger goals, and your overall blueprint.

Ultimately, you should have a plan on what you want to do. Having a one, five, or ten year blueprint can seem overwhelming, but once you break it down, it’s not as hard as it looks.

When someone asks you what do you do in your spare time or what are you working on, you have your plan to refer to. It doesn’t look so good when someone asks this question and you answer with a dumbfounded look or an “I don’t know.”

Always know what you are doing with your life. Know what you want your life to look like in the long term. Build a blueprint, and build your ideal life.

#BeGoalden

The Paradoxical Commandments

People are illogical, unreasonable and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

by Kent M. Keith