fear Archives - The Goalden Lady

How To Unlearn What You Learned

To unlearn what you thought was right will give you an advantage in life. Most people keep following the same thing they were told, just because it worked for someone else decades ago.

What was right thirty years ago, isn’t necessarily right today. It’s not the fundamental principles of life (being kind, respectful, having integrity, etc.) that have changed, but the previous generations’ blueprint we use to go about navigating our own lives.

Fear

Fear will keep you from greatness. You saw that it didn’t work out for your friend, so you think it won’t work out for you. What you must understand is that everyone has a different journey in life – we’re not the same.

That particular plan doesn’t apply to everyone – no matter how many social media influencers tell you they have the “secret” or the “ultimate plan” to do whatever – your journey is unique to you.

Unlearn FOMO (fear of missing out). You’re not missing out on anything. It’s just reverse peer pressure. Peer pressure is when someone convinces you to do something, while making you feel a certain way. FOMO is what you do to yourself, because you think you’ll miss out.

It’s all fear, called by another name. We tend to live our lives off of other people’s results. Amy became successful after taking an online course about marketing. Now, you want to take the same course, yet, you’re not experiencing Amy’s successful results.

The same thing doesn’t work for everybody. Think about what you like, how you feel about it and go from there. Unlearn the trap of doing things that worked for other people.

Traditions

Traditions is another thing we have to respectfully unlearn. Your family may instill certain traditions in you, but it doesn’t mean that it’s right for the time you’re living in.

Let’s take college as an example. Some parents think college is the end all, be all. You absolutely can not get a good job unless you go to college, right? They even may have a college already picked out for you, simply because three generations of the family have graduated from ABC University.

Living in the age of the internet, college is not the only way to achieve your goals. The World Wide Web has made many things possible, that weren’t possible years ago. With college, once you factor in the debt, it may make better sense to attend a credible workshop (for a third of the cost) that will fast track your life’s plan.

Unlearning or adjusting traditions isn’t popular, because it’s tradition and “we’ve been doing it this way for years and your great-grandfather would be so disappointed”.

At the same time, parents should allow their children to grow and learn. Although parents may try to eliminate some of the hardships by promoting their advice, sometimes, that advice could be the very thing that’s holding your children back from a rich and fulfilling life.

The Victim Mindset

The victim mindset is the biggest thing to unlearn. A parent can unconsciously teach their children to complain, blame or be entitled.

You hear people say, “My kids are going to work hard just like I did – they’re going to know what it’s like to struggle!” Just because you struggled doesn’t mean you have to pass that down to your child.

It becomes a generational curse – everyone believes they have to struggle, remain complacent and find new ways to “trick” the government to pay them, as opposed to working. Instead of creating better habits or working to place you and your family in a more productive position, they choose to let life ruin them.

Life comes along and ruins everyone at some point, but the difference is based on how you respond. Do you look for solutions or wallow in the problem? Are you satisfied with losing, or will you learn and adjust for better results?

You shouldn’t want someone (especially your child) to do worse than you, just to make you feel good. Uplift and support one another – that’s how you build a strong family and a winning environment. Wanting to pass down poverty, guilt and fraud is something that definitely needs to be unlearned.

Unlearn And Start Living

Understand that you don’t have to take everyone’s word or follow their advice. You have your own mind to make up and your own mistakes to learn from. Everyone’s opinions aren’t words to live by. You do have a choice.

The best way to live is to follow what’s in your heart and mind and keep it moving. Some people may not like it or may even disown you, but you’re living for you, not for them.

Be responsible for the outcomes you produce. Don’t give yourself the slack to blame it on someone else (because they told you to) – be accountable for your own decisions. There’s nothing worse than being regretful over doing what someone else told you to do and you did it without thinking for yourself.

Unlearning is a part of life. No one talks about it, but it can benefit you in tremendous ways. It doesn’t have to be done with disrespect – just move in silence and live your life on your terms.

#TBT: How To Find the Opportunity In Fear

It sounds impossible, but you can find the opportunity in fear. Depending on your mindset, fear can either hold you back or take you to another level.

We’ve been trained to see fear and hurt as something to avoid. It’s something ‘bad’ that we want to get away from and we don’t ever want to experience it.

Have you ever considered that maybe your fear is pushing you in the right direction? Let’s examine how we normally react to fear.

Blaming And Complaining

Fear gets the best of our emotions. As soon as something makes us fearful, our feelings kick in and take over.

For some of us, that means we automatically become defensive. We create different excuses as to why we haven’t done something. The excuses are portrayed through blaming and complaining.

We say things like, “I couldn’t make the speech because they didn’t give me the right microphone…” or, “The lights were so bright, I couldn’t see the audience.” That’s fear consuming your mind and your attitude.

Those may be somewhat legitimate reasons (to an extent), but they’re still excuses. Sometimes, you will have to get things done, whether you are comfortable or not. Everything is not guaranteed to happen to your personal satisfaction. The end goal is to make it happen, the best way you can.

Practicing Fear

Some of us actually practice the fear within us. When you have pity parties and feel sorry for yourself, that’s being supporting of a negative emotion.

We say things like, “They said I’m no good at singing. I never was and I guess I never will be…”, or “I flunked the test twice already – I guess it’s not meant for me.” You’re indirectly inviting negative energy to take hold of your life.

If it’s something you really want to overcome, don’t feel bad because it didn’t happen the first time around. As long as you breathe, you can make another attempt.

There will always be people who are critical of whatever you’re doing. Never allow what someone else thinks, to interfere with what you’re doing. It’s their insecurity, not yours, so don’t claim it.

The Pity Party

The pity party is the ultimate setback. Some of us were raised to think and be fearful of things we’ve failed at. We’ve been taught to accept that we’re not ‘good enough’ and that’s not okay.

We’re used to reacting to obstacles by putting ourselves down. “Why me? What did I do to deserve this?” Then, you begin playing all of your failures from the past, over and over in your mind.

This is not the ONLY way to respond to fear. Yes, it hurts when challenging situations happen, but have a mindset of power and opportunity. Stop practicing fear by having a “woe is me” attitude and thinking that you’ll never succeed.

Be Proactive

All of our lives, we’ve allowed fear to steal valuable moments from us. We’re so used to believing in a negative, emotional power, that it literally takes up our most important asset – time.

Reclaim your time and take advantage of your fear. Be productive by turning it into an opportunity to become better. Make it a personal project that you must successfully complete!

Instead of letting fear control you, take control of it. See the benefits of what fear has to offer and use it in your favor. On the other side of fear is improvement. See through it, then, see it through.

#BeGoalden

What Are You Resisting?

Some of us are resisting life. We’re fighting against opportunities and greatness. Things are so comfortable, we don’t want to “rock the boat” or make any changes to how things are going.

Everyday, there’s some form of holding back that we do. Whether it’s big or small, it’s imperative that we learn to handle it, so it doesn’t become (or continue to be) the norm.

Exactly What Are You Resisting?

Resistance is procrastination, making excuses, limiting yourself, avoiding responsibility, taking the easy way out…need I go on?

There’s something inside of you that wants the best – we all have it. The only thing that stops us is fear and fear embodies an entire list of negative traits.

When you resist, you fall into complacency. Being a disciplined and focused hard worker is a joke. Everyone around you laughs at others who have good work ethic, because “why do you want to work so hard?”

While you were busy saying no to every once in a lifetime chance and ignoring how to improve yourself, all of the thoughts and emotions turned into negative energy inside your body and your mind. It all has to go somewhere. You’ll see it in your body, the way you speak, how you treat others and most of all, how you truly see yourself. When you decide to be a better person, you have to face all of the crap that you put yourself through.

Resistance will feel normal after you become used to it. Nothing will frustrate you or embarrass you anymore, because you’ve crawled to the lowest level of your own existence. You know it, but you don’t want to admit it to yourself.

That’s where the real work comes in.

Change = Growth

Once you’ve accepted the fact that you haven’t been living your best life, you’ll want to change. One of the first things you should do is change your environment.

The type of people you hang around counts for a lot. If you are around five lazy people, chances are, you’re the sixth. Everyone has a place in your life, so upgrade your circle to a group of ambitious people. You can still hang out with your lazy friends, just not everyday.

Soon, you’ll begin to experience your mind making a shift. When you see others around you being productive, you’ll fall into the same habit. You were never productive before because your lazy friends didn’t allow it. It was “more cool” to be stagnant and useless.

Your environment can do wonders when overcoming your battle with resistance. Being around the right people will show you that you can make it happen. Ideas become reality when you’re around the right people.

Another way to stop resisting is to do the hard things. It’s not supposed to be easy. Whatever you need to improve upon, set aside some time to focus on it each day. Show yourself that you are worthy of becoming your ideal self that you created in your mind.

The world will judge you, people will point and laugh, you’ll be embarrassed, things will fall apart – everything that can go wrong, will. Don’t let fear and complacency make you resist the change. In order to grow, you must make adjustments. Nothing new will develop if you don’t make room for change.

It’s Up To You

Do you want your life to pass you by and have nothing to look back on? Are you willing to be a coward now, only to face regret in your old age?

Be adventurous and take the leap! You may fall flat on your face, but at least you’ll know what happened. If you keep going, you find that you won’t fall as much and you’ll have many exciting stories to tell.

This is what happens when we stop resisting. Life opens up and we encounter the full spectrum of who we can become. We tend to want a life that requires no effort or strife, but that’s what builds you – don’t let resistance beat you at your own life. Expect change (because it will happen) and challenge it whenever you encounter it.

Mastering The Art of The Start

Getting ready to start can be a hindering activity. There are so many plans and research that goes into making it perfect, sometimes, the idea may not actually come into existence.

They say the start is always the hardest part. It can be, but if you look at starting from a different perspective, it can be productive, just as it should be.

Thinking Ahead Of Time

We often think too far ahead when we come up with our bright ideas. It’s great to think forward, but you must think forward productively.

It doesn’t help when you overthink. “What if this doesn’t work out – who’s going to help me – how long will it take me to do this?” All of these thoughts are self-defeating. They only promote procrastination and fear.

What happens when procrastination and fear become involved? Absolutely nothing. Every little fear you have contributes to the delay of your idea. It’s a comfortable place to be, but you must avoid hesitating, as this becomes a bad habit that becomes difficult to break.

Doing the opposite will save you more time and mental energy. Upon thinking of your idea, develop the habit of taking some sort of action towards it. Of course, you won’t complete the entire project in one hour, but do something to get you going in the right direction. Taking immediate action allows you to build your ambition muscle.

Excuses, Excuses

Most of the time, it’s best to keep your ideas to yourself. Unless you’re surrounded with a supportive environment, it’s best to move in silence.

As soon as you share your thoughts about your goals, most people will automatically shoot it down. They’ll say negative things like, “You can’t do that – that won’t work – who do you think you are?”

This is why you must be careful of who you have in your inner circle. People will say negative things and give you excuses all day long, just to make themselves feel better. It’s as if they’re saying, “I can’t do it, so you can’t either.”

Don’t allow yourself to become trapped in that box. It’s an easy practice to pick up – before you know it, you’re saying it to yourself and others.

As corny as repeating affirmations may sound, it’s a valuable habit. Others around you are calling you names and constantly telling you what you can’t do, but affirmations provide the foundation of accomplishing what you can do.

Words can be powerful. Start replacing those easy excuses with positive affirmations – see how your thoughts and actions increase towards success.

You Are In Control

When you make a decision to start, you’re in control. You’ve made the decision to begin a new project and you will see it through. What happens during the process can sometimes be out of your control.

This is where overthinking and excuses comes in and destroys your efforts. You may not control how it goes after you start, how far it will take you or who sees it, but you won’t regret making the attempt. Planning helps, but be able to adapt and adjust. Get in the habit of starting without expecting perfection.

Yes, we should have high standards and work towards being successful, but also realize that it’s more about building yourself in the process – the results will come. Too many people get caught up in their emotions because it didn’t turn out the way they wanted, so they give up.

The fact is, you started and did your best. If it doesn’t turn out in your favor, do it again – now, you have constructive feedback and an improved strategy to go on. As long as you start, your skills will continue to develop and get better. No one gets it right the very first time, so get over it and keep going.

Start Starting

Have you ever looked back in your life and wished you would have started something? That’s what you don’t want to happen. Regret is one of the biggest disappointments you can live with. It can be avoided, but you must start and continue to start.

Understand that the journey is what builds you. Everything from your level of discipline, focus, persistence, determination, resilience, consistency, work ethic – it all comes from constantly starting. Your idea can only advance through improvement.

The achievement will come, but first, you must master the art of the start.

The Fear of Judgment Is What Stops You

Fear is the “go-to” reason we use when you stop yourself from moving forward. Your mind becomes frozen and you procrastinate.

What’s the real reason behind fear? It can be many things, but there is one variable that goes unnoticed behind the “fear” facade – judgment.

What Are You Afraid Of?

The basic definition of fear is being afraid to do something. Have you ever thought of why you are scared to follow through with an idea?

When you begin working on your idea, you know there will be obstacles, mistakes and failures to overcome. It’s inevitable – it’s going to happen.

If you know this, why do you continue to run away from it? You want to be successful, but you don’t want to experience the embarrassment and setbacks that comes with it. It’s too much to take, so you just ignore it and stay average.

There’s no doubt that it can be debilitating at times, but how else will you get there? It’s not going to happen by wishing and hoping – that alone, won’t do it. At some point, you must get past the fear of being judged and move on.

Judgment Is An Illusion

“What will my friends think? What if I look stupid? What if it doesn’t work and everyone sees? What if I have to start over in front of everybody?”

Judgment from others is the basis of fear. No one likes to look like they don’t know what they’re doing – we all want to look like the genius! We want the adoring fans, the easy journey and the perfect life.

Before you can get to all of that, you have to get over your fear of being judged, because that’s simply what it takes. Think about your favorite person – do you think they didn’t go through embarrassment or hardships to get to where they are? You don’t think they sacrificed their feelings at some point to keep going?

Judgment will definitely put a stop to whatever you’re attempting to do, all because you’re more concerned about how you’ll look in front of others – instead, think about what you can create and contribute to the world.

Get Over It

One way to get over the fear of judgment is to look at the bigger picture. Unless your life is in danger, what you “fear” probably shouldn’t stress you out. Sometimes, we pick and choose what we react to and how we react – in the grand scheme of things, most things we react to really don’t even matter.

Another way to overcome judgment is by keeping your goals to yourself. Don’t give your time and energy to other people’s opinions of what you do. Continue to immerse yourself in your work and make your progress quietly.

You can also train your mind to acknowledge that everyone’s comments about your work isn’t about you, it’s really about them. This is the truth – people often project their self-doubt upon you. If they aren’t successful, you can’t be successful – if they didn’t go to college, you can’t go to college – if their marriage ended in divorce, yours will end in divorce.

The bottom line is you must see past those opinions. Most people are going to be jealous of what you do anyway, so why make it convenient for them by taking on their insecurities as your own?

Success Awaits You

If you can get past the fact that you will be judged and not allow it to hurt your feelings and put a stop to your journey, success awaits you.

Fear comes in many forms and you must learn how to handle it, no matter how it shows up. The main objective is to keep your focus and keep moving forward. Those setbacks, obstacles and failures only improve your strategy.

So many people have given up on their goals, just because of what someone else has said. Words have power, but only if you let them. Be mindful of what you say to others, as well as how you interpret what they say to you.

Your success does not depend on other people’s words. Instead of judging, be encouraging and supportive. Sometimes, all you need is a positive word to help you take, what seems to be, that next scary step.

#TBT: How To Find The Opportunity In Fear

It sounds impossible, but you can find the opportunity in fear. Depending on your mindset, fear can either hold you back or take you to another level.

We’ve been trained to see fear and hurt as something to avoid. It’s something ‘bad’ that we want to get away from and we don’t ever want to experience it.

Have you ever considered that maybe your fear is pushing you in the right direction? Let’s examine how we normally react to fear.

Blaming And Complaining

Fear gets the best of our emotions. As soon as something makes us fearful, our feelings kick in and take over.

For some of us, that means we automatically become defensive. We create different excuses as to why we haven’t done something. The excuses are portrayed through blaming and complaining.

Practicing Fear

Some of us actually practice the fear within us. When you have pity parties and feel sorry for yourself, that’s being supporting of a negative emotion.

If it’s something you really want to overcome, don’t feel bad because it didn’t happen the first time around. As long as you breathe, you can make another attempt.

The Pity Party

We’re used to reacting to obstacles by putting ourselves down. “Why me? What did I do to deserve this?” Then, you begin playing all of your failures from the past, over and over in your mind.

Be Proactive

All of our lives, we’ve allowed fear to steal valuable moments from us. We’re so used to believing in a negative, emotional power, that it literally takes up our most important asset – time.

Reclaim your time and take advantage of your fear. Be productive by turning it into an opportunity to become better. Make it a personal project that you must successfully complete!

#BeGoalden

Our Deepest Fear by Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine as children do. It’s not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

#BeGoalden

What Does It Take To Turn On Your Light?

There may be times where you feel like nothing’s working. Success is for other people, not for you.

The first challenge is knowing what you want. If you don’t know your destination, how will you get there? Setting goals is the first thing you must do.

Seeing success can be delusional. It looks as if the other person has been there all of their life, or it took them no time at all to get there.

The part that you don’t see is where the magic lies.

Once you know where you’re going, you must figure out how to get there. The task may seem overwhelming, but it can be done, if you take it step by step.

The second challenge is forming habits and daily rituals. There has to be some sort of rhythm or pattern in place, in order to make progress.

People who set standards for themselves have a way that they do certain things, everyday. To be productive, there has to be habits in place to accommodate improvement.

The third challenge is taking action and moving forward. It’s not as easy as it sounds, considering the constant distractions we deal with on a daily basis. Even past that, starting is the hardest part of any journey, but it definitely can be done.

Not knowing what to do or where to start is a process in itself. When you feel lost, what do you do?

All of these challenges are what contribute to your potential success. Making the decision to follow through with the process is up to you.

Remove Your Limiting Beliefs

Let’s get this out of the way – before you begin anything in life, you must remove your limiting beliefs.

This can be tricky, because when you think you’ve removed them, they come back. It’s going to be a constant battle in your mind.

A strong foundation of discipline, focus and consistency will help along the way, but it won’t help unless you use them.

As you’re reading this now, your mind may be fighting against you, because you are about to do something it’s not used to – something uncomfortable. You’re having new ideas and you’re thinking new thoughts. It’s easy to just lay back and float down the river, but that’s not the path to success.

Going against the current is the path. Your mind is the current and you have to paddle you boat past those false beliefs, no matter how hard it is. Start believing you can, you deserve it, and it’s possible. Whatever the negative part of your mind is saying, believe the opposite.

If you want to stay comfortable and want to do the easy things, then this isn’t for you. It’s for those who are willing to step up to the challenge and advance towards a more productive and fulfilling life.

Living in fear can hold you back from the most amazing things that are waiting for you. It leads to regret – there is nothing more mentally devastating, than living with regret.

There are no hacks involved and no shortcuts. This is the work that has to be done, prior to your success.

Go ahead – turn on your light.

#BeGoalden

How To Find The Opportunity In Fear

It sounds impossible, but you can find the opportunity in fear. Depending on your mindset, fear can either hold you back or take you to another level.

We’ve been trained to see fear and hurt as something to avoid. It’s something ‘bad’ that we want to get away from and we don’t ever want to experience it.

Have you ever considered that maybe your fear is pushing you in the right direction? Let’s examine how we normally react to fear.

Blaming And Complaining

Fear gets the best of our emotions. As soon as something makes us fearful, our feelings kick in and take over.

For some of us, that means we automatically become defensive. We create different excuses as to why we haven’t done something. The excuses are portrayed through blaming and complaining.

Practicing Fear

Some of us actually practice the fear within us. When you have pity parties and feel sorry for yourself, that’s being supporting of a negative emotion.

If it’s something you really want to overcome, don’t feel bad because it didn’t happen the first time around. As long as you breathe, you can make another attempt.

The Pity Party

We’re used to reacting to obstacles by putting ourselves down. “Why me? What did I do to deserve this?” Then, you begin playing all of your failures from the past, over and over in your mind.

Be Proactive

All of our lives, we’ve allowed fear to steal valuable moments from us. We’re so used to believing in a negative, emotional power, that it literally takes up our most important asset – time.

Reclaim your time and take advantage of your fear. Be productive by turning it into an opportunity to become better. Make it a personal project that you must successfully complete!

#BeGoalden

How To Overcome The Fear Of Living

Living your best life is sometimes, an understatement. The majority of us live in a state of unconscious fear, simply because we aren’t living to our fullest potential.

You may get up every morning, get dressed, go to work and pay your bills, but that’s not living – that’s just holding on. That’s doing what you have to do to survive.

What about doing what makes you happy? If you could do anything and feel awesome about it every single morning, what would it be?

The Fear Of Living

Unfortunately, we all have (or have had) a fear of living. You’re afraid to bet on yourself. Other people’s judgment dictate your next move.

The fear of living is when you allow your friends to make decisions for you. It’s when you feel guilty because someone says, “You’ve changed.” These are just some of the ways that your outside environment causes you to pause, in your own life.

It’s human nature to want to be liked and accepted, but when it works against you, it’s time to switch your perspective on how you look at things.

Recognize The Fear…

Take off the mask. It’s time to be brutally honest with yourself and become self-aware.

Are you doing certain things so others will like you? If that’s the case, you’re doing it for the wrong reason. Get some confidence, decide what you like and go do it.

Even if your parents are pushing you in a certain direction, if you don’t like it, it’s time to speak up. You are capable of thinking for yourself and knowing that you enjoy. Don’t let anyone take that gift away from you.

When you realize that fear, you can act on it. The only thing that cures fear is taking action. As long as you are giving away your attention, you will be under someone else’s control.

…And Get Over It

There’s a saying that goes:

Get it over with. Then, get over it.

We punish ourselves mentally by holding on to something we need to let go of. It could be a mistake that we made or something wrong that we did. Whatever it is, get over it.

Also, we put too much energy into worrying. We think over and over again about what if something goes wrong. It hasn’t happened yet, so get it over with. Then, get over it.

There’s a likely chance that things could go right, but we never worry about that. Stop beating yourself up over what hasn’t happened and do your best. If it doesn’t turn out the way you expected, get over it. Keep going and do your best next time.

Worrying and anxiety is a form of fear and it keeps us from living and doing our best. When you worry and have anxiety, you’re stealing the present moment away from yourself. You can only live and do your best with what you have in the moment.

Live Today

How long are you going to listen to others instead of listening to yourself? When are you going to actually do what makes you happy without feeling guilty because someone else doesn’t like it?

Take action and start working towards your dream. Everyone’s journey is exclusively their own. Don’t let anyone tell you how to walk in your own shoes. Your potential is infinite. Put forth your effort to reach it – step by step, day by day.

Your life and your experiences are tailored to you. As you begin to overcome your fear of living, your very own life will unfold and you will have no regrets.

#BeGoalden