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As you grow into the Goalden Lady (or person) you aspire to be, you will come across many people. Some people are good for you, some are not. The important thing is to know who you are and know what you want. You can’t work on other people (even though you may try), but you can definitely work on yourself.

Know who you are. This means you need to know your standards, your expectations, what disappoints you, what makes you fly, and what makes you stop in your tracks. These are just a few examples, but I’m sure you understand. If you don’t know what you basically like and dislike, you will be taken advantage of. Do you like to read? Do you like to go fishing? Do you only like red gummy worms? The serious and the silly things are all you, and you need to know them. You can’t expect someone to get to know the real you, if you don’t know yourself.

This leads to developing relationships, whether they’re friendships, courtships (old-school), or enemies. When you grow a relationship, it normally starts out with you getting to know each other’s hobbies, likes and dislikes, favorite TV shows, etc. Some people you will attract and some people you will reject. The whole point is to know yourself, so that you know what you like. The relationship will have a better foundation to build upon. This is where the topic comes in.

I know you probably thought that this post was going to be about knowing yourself. It is, but there’s a simple piece of advice to go along with it. Always have something to do. When you come into these relationships with other people, there will be times where you can’t stand each other or you’re mad. This can eat you to your core, because we all know that you’re sitting there, wasting time, being mad (or insert another similar emotion here), and that leads to no where. Have something to do. It could be putting a puzzle together, reading a book, or anything that you do on a constant basis that you enjoy. At least you’ll be getting something done, while you’re mad. It also takes your mind off of what you’re mad about and may give you another perspective on what you’re mad about.

Another reason why you should always have something to do, is to allow yourself to move on. Sitting there, thinking about this person, what they’re doing, and being hurt, is not good. Don’t be dependent on someone else that way. This can turn into stalker-ish behavior, because you have nothing to do. That’s not good. You should never ever put yourself in that position to depend on someone else’s company or friendship. You hear people say, “I’ll die without you” all because they had nothing else to do. Both parties should always have something to do. If the other person is busy, and you aren’t doing anything, you become an emotional nag. No one likes a nag. So find something to do.

As small as this sounds, it will get you through some rough times. It’s better than sitting there all day, crying, listening to sad songs, and trying to figure out why. By doing something, it won’t take the pain away, but it will be a bit more bearable. Your mind can focus on something more creative and less emotional. By doing something constructive, it allows you to move on from the situation, although you won’t forget and it will probably come up later. Don’t torture yourself that way. Within that amount of time, you could have cut the grass, produced a song, or exercised beyond your normal threshold, among other things. Having something to do will at least improve you, but doing nothing won’t improve anything. Drink some water, and please – don’t be that person. Always have something to do.

Your happiness is your responsibility and no one else’s. There are people who we are happy for and things we are happy to have, but ultimately, you are the guard of this delicate emotion. Yes, there are times where sadness and other feelings come up, but we also should appreciate the joy of being happy. The worse thing you can do is let it go or let someone else determine your happiness for you.

Everyone has the right to their own type of happiness, even if you don’t get it. Remember “Weeping Wanda” on the 70’s show “Good Times”? Wanda always went to a funeral to cry, even if she didn’t know who died. That was her thing. You could count on Weeping Wanda to carry the funeral through to the end with a good wail. In a strange way, that was her happiness because that’s what she liked to do – cry at funerals. She didn’t let anybody take that away from her. Some may say, “Why is she always crying?” Well, we’re all different and that may have been her happy place. Strange, but it worked for her.

Some people just like to burst your bubble. As soon as they hear good news, they want to put a damper on it. I’ve been around that person and it’s no fun. I had to shorten my time around them because it was too much negativity and I’m not trying to hear that in every conversation.

• “I got a promotion today at work!” “Look at how long it took for you to get it…”
• “My sister had her baby!” “It don’t look nothing like the father…”
• “Did you hear? Rosa beat her cancer!” “It might come back…”

Yes, it’s just too much. That’s why it’s important to choose your happiness. Being around someone who steals the joy out of everything is not happiness. The best thing you can do is limit your time around them, or not be around them at all. You’ve been friends with them since the second grade, I know, but as you get older, you’ll realize how draining it is. You can’t make them happy, they have to find their own happiness and it’s not your responsibility, it’s theirs.

Also, there are people who are angry most of the time and they want you to be angry with them. If you’re not angry with them, they began to question you. I don’t want to be tight and stressed all day along with them. Yes, I’ll give you the respect of listening and understanding where you are coming from, but at some point, you have to move on. Even if you weren’t there when the situation occurred, they want you to be just as mad when they tell you the story. You don’t have to give in. Choose your happiness. Don’t let anyone try to turn your day sour just because they are having a bad day. Keep your peace. Drink your water. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness.

It’s good that we do nice things for each other. Trying to make someone’s day is an awesome thing to do. If someone else is venting to you about their situation, be a listening ear – just don’t let it ruin your vibe. Life is too short to fix other people and their bad emotional habits. As said many times before, you are responsible for your own happiness. This goes for everyone. Be happy. It is your choice.

When I need help with something that I’m not familiar with, I expect a professional to do what I’m unable to do. It’s hard to trust someone instantly without knowing their ethical background, but sometimes, we have to jump in and hope for the best. Whatever it is you’re helping with, always do it right the first time and every time.

The elderly find themselves in this position often. They need help with something, or someone offers their help for something they really don’t need. Then, money comes into the picture. People who take advantage of the elderly have a special place in hell, just for them. I shouldn’t have to say this, but help the elderly. Especially, if they have no one they can trust or to guide them on a regular basis. If they ask you to do something, be ethical and do it right. You wouldn’t want anyone charging your grandmother an exorbitant amount for half services, so be respectful and assist with an honest heart.

This also comes into play at work. If you want to be recognized as a good worker, you have to constantly do well. Your duties should have the same consistent outcome, or better, every time you perform them. When you do well, people will remember you and even begin to seek you out. It’s not that they are trying to get more work out of you, it’s because they know you do it right, every time. Don’t get caught up in “they don’t pay me to do that” or “that’s not in my job description”. Going beyond what’s expected will put you in a better position in the future. Not only will you have knowledge of what to do, but you’ll know how to do it well.

When you do it right, every time, it may lead to earning more income. Your skills can create a path to other opportunities. Opportunities can lead to even bigger things, so never be lazy or lack in anything you do. Every time you do something, others should be able to say, “I know the Goalden Lady did that – it’s her signature work.”

Remember – you’re putting your name on the line. I wouldn’t want anyone to see my name and think badly of my product or my services. As they say, your reputation precedes you. It’s good to go to bed with a clear conscious every night – a clear conscious makes a soft pillow. When you do it right, every time, you’re also setting a positive example for those around you, whether you know it or not. Anyone can do anything lazily, but it takes an ethical, thoughtful person to take the time to do it right, every time. After all, you would expect the same in return.

For those of you in your twenties, please listen to this information. Coming from someone twice your age: go ahead and do your experiments now. Whether you went to college or not, get all of those ideas done and out of your head. It will serve you better in the future to do that now.

I’ve lived long enough to know how things basically go in life. I’m not saying that this is the way it happens for everyone, but for a lot of us, it will. That business idea you had in your head about building an app, do it. The idea about renting out hugs, do it. As crazy as it may seem, the best way to handle it is to get it out of your head. Otherwise, you’ll be thinking later in life if it would’ve worked out. Even worse, if someone else does it, and it works out for them, you’ll be sorry you never did it. Say yes to yourself and do it.

On another note, if you’re trying to start a business and you need a network of people to help push you along or to give you advice, say yes. If they ask if you can help them fold up chairs after the conference, say yes. If they ask you to walk their dog, say yes. At some point, you’ll figure out if they are just playing you or if they can be a positive force in helping you with your business. Building a network is important in running a business and to get you started, just say yes.

Say yes, when you’re young. You won’t have anything to lose and not much to sacrifice. If you do, then you can make it up in your thirties and beyond. You don’t want to turn forty or fifty and regret what you didn’t do in your life or think about the business ideas you didn’t pursue. By simply saying yes, you are opening up your world to more possibilities and that could lead to opportunities. Saying yes could lead you on the greatest adventure of your life. Don’t be afraid to try – say yes to yourself and yes to others.

Please be sensible and responsible when saying yes.

Overall, do it now while you have time and natural energy. As we get older, it does get harder for some of us to pursue those dreams we pushed to the side. When you have financial responsibilities and other life matters to handle, it’s harder to pull off. Do it now, so that when you get older, you can live knowing that you put it all on the line. You may succeed or you may not succeed, but at least you’ll be satisfied knowing you did your best.

Everyone has it. No one is immune from it. We all experience it. It doesn’t matter what level you’re on, it will show up. I am simply talking about: the bump in the road.

It forces some people to stop. “No more traveling down this road, there’s a bump!” The thing is, the bump never goes away. You must learn to go over it. It will keep coming back, again and again. Yet, it keeps stopping people, again and again. Not you – you’re a Goalden Lady and one of the most important rules is to keep it moving.

It happens. It will continue to happen. The solution is to keep moving. If you stop every time something doesn’t go the way you planned, you’ll never get anywhere in life. You may as well not even have goals, but I’m not here to explore that side. I’m here to help you get over that hump.

The bump in the road is there to throw you off. It’s your choice to allow it to throw you off or not. In this case, we don’t allow it. We are strong enough and smart enough to move that mountain. There is another way to continue on, we just have to figure it out. If your favorite basketball player misses the game winning shot, do they wallow in their mistake or do they put in more practice than the week before? Yes, that’s you – you put in more practice or more thought to overcome that obstacle.

Nothing happens unless you take action. Action is what makes those bumps in the road disappear. Action is what makes them smaller, so that you can continue with your journey. Some bumps may be bigger than others, but the process is the same: action. It won’t move until you put forth some physical or mental effort to move it. You can do it if you put one foot in front of the other and start moving.

It may seem overwhelming, but you have to break it down. Know that the challenge can be conquered, but you must take it one step at a time. Do your research. Go to conventions. Watch videos. Do whatever it takes to get over that challenge. Before you know it, you’ll be back on track to reaching your goals.

The point is, you can do it. Don’t let it scare you to the point where you just give up and stop. Find a way to keep moving and take action. To be more specific, concentrated action is the only way you will be successful with your goals (yes, concentrated action – you just can’t do any old action and expect to win). See in your mind how you will cross that bump in the road and make it happen. Drink some water. It’ll work out if you keep moving.

While you are working on your goals, it’s important to not get discouraged. We want so much so quickly, that it seems like it’s never going to happen. Sometimes, it can get boring and redundant, but if you can be creative, the journey won’t seem so dull.

Try something new. Go to a different place to get inspiration. Take a walk away from the city. Work from another room in the house. Shaking things up a bit could do wonders for your work. Having a routine is good, but every now and then, do something out of the ordinary to see if it’ll spike your performance towards your goals. Sometimes, we need to do something offbeat to boost our workflow.

Do something that requires you to think. It doesn’t necessarily have to be about your goals, but something that forces you to think on another level. For instance, I do jigsaw puzzles. This may be like slow torture to some people, but it works another part of my brain. I find it very satisfying and challenging. Other examples could be cooking something you’ve never cooked before, or learning how to surf. It could be anything away from your work that stimulates your thinking. Overall, this will indirectly help you in other sections of your life.

This may sound strange, but take a little time and do nothing. I know you’re thinking, “Doing nothing is NOT being creative.” It doesn’t sound like it, but it may actually jump start you into your work. It may take 5 minutes of doing nothing or 2 hours of doing nothing. After you realize how bored you are, you’ll want to go back to working on your goals. It’ll also bring to light how much time has gone by and you could’ve been doing something productive.

All of these ideas may sound unconventional, but different things work for different people. Be creative and think of more creative things to do that will propel you into your tasks. You never know what will work until you try. Doing nothing just may surprise you and take you in a more effective direction. Go ahead and see what happens!

Hard work is just as it sounds. If you work consistently towards your goal, eventually, you’ll achieve it. Hard work isn’t being lazy or expecting others to do the work for you so that you can be successful. YOU do the hard work. Nobody owes it to you to help or push you. It would be nice, but that’s not how it goes.

There are people who think that others should help them.

“You should want to help me with my project.”
“I did a favor for you last week, so you need to do this for me.”
“I’ve been there for you – you owe that much to me!”

No. Nobody owes you anything. No matter how much you’ve helped them, or even hurt them. Yes, it is morally correct to live by the Golden Rule, but there are a lot of different people out there who live by their own rules.

When someone says they will help you, take it with a grain of salt. Don’t allow yourself to get mad if they don’t keep their word. Depending on others doesn’t always end well. As far as I’m concerned, there are a lot of people who ‘owe’ me, but I can’t wait on them. Besides, no one sees the vision of your goals the way you see them. It doesn’t matter if it’s important to you and whether they volunteer to assist you or not. It’s your dream.

Get used to working YOUR goals. Find the path to your achievement. Yes, some people will help, but don’t get caught up when someone doesn’t help. Even if you gave someone your last five dollars, they still don’t owe you anything. If you give it away, don’t expect it back. If you help someone, don’t expect the favor in return when you need help.

This is your work! You do it! Continue to work hard and doing the best that you can. The bottom line is: stop with the excuses. This is your goal – no one else is obligated to help you along. Yes, it’s nice if someone does, but don’t expect others to achieve your success. Don’t be lazy like that. This is your journey, not theirs. Get up, drink some water, and make it happen. In the end, you’ll have an awesome story to tell that may help someone else.

Everyone is guilty of worrying to some degree. Some people are natural worry warts, while others only worry when needed. Do you know how much energy active worrying takes up? I’m guilty of this, too, but I decided that if I’m going to worry, I’m going to worry about something good.

Have you ever been around someone who constantly worries? No matter when they approach you, they have something on their mind. This can be contagious, of course, only if you let it. It’s like they must find something to worry about. It could be the random cat in the street (“Oh no, the cat’s crossing the street!”) or the happy little girl who fell while running after a butterfly (“She’s devastated – how will her life end?”). It could be someone close to them is terminally ill. These are varying degrees of worry, but they all take up mental space and energy.

Understandably, being worried about something that’s worth worrying about (like an ill loved one) is natural. Like I stated before, it does take energy, but if you’re going to worry, worry about them getting well. Worry about making them laugh and bringing happiness to them. When we worry, we tend to worry about something bad happening in the end. It is a relief if it turns out great in the end, but the time and energy was wasted to begin with. Even if it ends badly, it’s still wasted energy, because you were right and you could have been working on something more constructive.

Worrying doesn’t make things better and it doesn’t help the situation. True story: When I was pregnant with my first son, he decided he was coming a month early. Everyone around me was literally going crazy – they were not helping the situation at all. A peace came over me and I realized that I did my best and right now, I can only help by keeping a level head for his sake. I can’t change if he was going to make it or not, but I could control me and my emotions. Everyone else was worrying enough for me. Well, he came out fine. All of the worry for nothing.

Some people are in a place where they know that ‘everything is everything – what is meant to be, will be’. This is a good place to be, but hard to get to. Emotions can vary at the end of any situation, but to already know you can not change the outcome, is a start. Yes, believe. Yet, also know that you have done your best to bring the situation to a positive place. If it doesn’t end the way you would have liked, have your time to work through it and move on.

This is the type of advice that doesn’t make sense until you get older. Right now, I probably sound like the evil Goalden Lady to some of you. Let life take it’s course. If you must worry, worry about how you’re going to plan out your work to achieve success. Worry about it ending wonderfully. Worrying otherwise only slows you down and possibly brings you to a permanent halt. As they say, “No worries.” Drink some water. Really. Don’t worry about it.

Your environment does not define you or what you can become. People allow something so simple to direct their life into a negative spiral. You can become anything you want and you can do anything you want. Allowing your environment to steer your life isn’t a great choice, but some people fall into that excuse. You have the power to change it.

I hear people all the time talk about how rough they had it growing up. Every time they tell the story, it gets more dramatic. Yes, there are people who actually did grow up in a rough neighborhood or had a childhood that was shaped by their parents mistakes. This does not excuse the fact that you have control over the path you will take to make your better life.

Growing up, we all had to live under our parents or a guardian. If your parents/guardians are doing things you know are wrong, you don’t have to do it. If they did drugs, you don’t have to do drugs. If they mistreated people, you don’t have to mistreat people. If they were full of hate, you don’t have to be full of hate. There is a such thing as learned behavior, but just because you were in that negative environment doesn’t mean you have to accept it into your life.

We all deal with choices everyday. Sometimes we make good choices, sometimes we make bad choices. You have the power to choose your way out of your environment. School may be boring, but don’t skip class to hang with the bad crowd. In the heat of an argument, she may be tempting you to do it, but don’t put your hands on that young lady. Walk away from your ‘friends’ who are planning to commit a crime. These choices are yours to make. You won’t always get a second chance, so do it right the first time.

Whether you are young or old, your decisions are what makes your future what it becomes. Life does happen, but you still have to think for yourself and make good decisions for good results. There are plenty of older people who will tell you to ‘slow down’ or ‘don’t do what I did’. They are saying that for a reason. They know – they have lived and suffered the consequences, or witnessed someone who did. Sometimes, we are just too smart for our own good and think we know better than the wino on the street. He may be talking gibberish and smell like hot garbage, but if he tells you NOT to do something, you should probably listen.

I say all of that, to say this – design your own life. It is your responsibility to shape your reality and to motivate others to do the same. Be that hope for someone else. As a child, you may have had a little hesitation or some restrictions, but as an adult, you can make your life into what you want it to be. Even if you did grow up in a dysfunctional household, you’ve seen enough TV and other examples of the life you want to live. Don’t repeat the disfunction. You have the power to create your own reality. Drink some water. Be better than your environment.

People tend to offer their help when they think you may need it. Maybe you said something that triggered them to offer their services. When you take them up on their offer, all of a sudden, they have a busy schedule. Not cool. Not only are you slightly disappointed, but you are back at square one, figuring out how you were going to do whatever it was, anyway.

So you’re talking to your friend (or family member), and you say, “Wow, this is a lot – I’m running out of money!” Now, when you said that, you didn’t literally mean you were down to your last two dollars with this project, you were just surprised at how much money it takes to complete your project. Your friend (or family) member then says, “I can help you with that – all you need is…” For the next couple of days, they are making plans to help you and you think, “OK, maybe we CAN do this.”

When you call your friend (or family) member and ask them if they’re ready to start, they have something to do. Mind you, this is on the day that they said they were available to help. All you can think is, “Ain’t this a …” Not only are you caught off guard, but you’ve also wasted time. When they volunteered their help and all of their available time, I’m sure it was ‘good intentions’. The thing is, you can’t build on good intentions. You build your work on being definite. You can’t be mad that the other person doesn’t see it the way you do. After all, it is your vision, not theirs.

In most cases, it’s best to move forward with the plans you make on your own. People will interject with their ideas and promises and leave you high and dry because they had ‘good intentions’ or they think they can do it. Good intentions lead to one thing – nothing. You know and I know that you can’t make things happen with ‘good intentions’. Unless that person has a skill that you need and you could use their help, you should just keep your plans to yourself and do it yourself.

Although it may have wasted your time, among other things, it is a lesson learned. It’s not being stingy or rude, but some things are best left up to your doing. Sometimes, it’s best to insist on doing things yourself. My father would say to me and my sisters, “If you want something done right, do it yourself.” There are good, productive people who will lend you a hand during those times when you need it, but just be aware of those who volunteer out of ‘good intentions’.