March 2019 - The Goalden Lady

What Are You Afraid Of?

The majority of us are afraid of doing simple things. Eating alone, attending a seminar by yourself, or putting your work out into the world – for some reason, it scares us to be judged by others.

Being judged is the reason you are afraid. You don’t want anyone to make fun of you or you don’t want them to think of you a certain way. It’s time to get over what ‘they’ think and find your confidence!

Be In Control

Is there a question you need to ask someone in order to possibly move forward? Ask it. Do you have an invention that needs to be approved? Get it done. Does your career require you to speak in public? Then speak.

Whatever it is, just do it! Being afraid of someone saying ‘no’ or putting down your idea is not the end of the world – 10 times out of 10, you’ll live.

Allowing that type of control over your life is unacceptable. It’s not something that will ruin your day, it could potentially ruin your life. Learn to take a verbal punch and keep it moving.

Does It Really Hurt?

When you’re rejected, it may hurt, but you must build yourself to tolerate it because you’ll get rejected more times than you’ll get accepted. Nothing is hurt, but your feelings. If it doesn’t hurt you physically, you’re good to keep going!

There will always be insecure people who will try to make you feel bad about your progress. When you give them your attention, it only makes it worse. Ignore them and be determined to find your way.

Stop letting other people’s judgment shape your life. You have more power than you think, so dig in and begin to use it. Be strong and push forward.

The Pain Of Regret

Imagine being an older version of yourself. Would you be at peace, knowing you were too afraid to take those chances? Would you be satisfied with the fact that you let others affect the way you lived your life?

The pain of regret is very real. You’re unable to go back in time and change the outcome of your life, so live it with full intention. Give yourself permission to not care about what other people think. They will be the ones who wished they had the confidence you had.

Be Courageous

The older you become, the more you realize that time is flying by. Some of those opportunities won’t always be available – you don’t have time to be afraid.

If you’re going to be afraid, be afraid that you won’t get another opportunity and take that chance. Be afraid that you might lose function of your body and start making moves. Be afraid that someone will control your mind and start thinking for yourself.

The fear of people judging you will keep you from your own greatness. You were built to climb many levels in life, not to be held back because of what they think. Don’t second guess yourself, based on someone’s negative opinion.

Be your own hero. Direct your own action packed, suspense-filling life movie. Have stories to tell your future grandchildren, so they can see how brave and awesome you were. Live your life to the fullest.

#BeGoalden

How Not To Make Your Goals Harder Than They Are

Thinking about chasing our goals and dreams can seem intimidating. There are no instructions on how to get there, so you have to create your own path through trial and error. This causes us to overthink and make the task harder than it really is.

When we scroll through social media, we see endless posts of people who are supposedly successful and living their dream life. They appear to have already accomplished their goals and want to show you how awesome it is.

Living your dream can be awesome, but don’t get caught up with what you see. If you ask half of those people how they got there, most of them are unable to tell you because it’s all fake. They’re living in someone’s dream world, just not theirs.

Getting started is not as hard as you think.

Don’t make it difficult, just because you don’t have a blueprint. If you consider these 3 tips, you will be able to begin your journey and achieve your goals.

Get clear on what you are doing. Your mind is truly your best asset. Use it to think through your plans and set mini-goals along the way. Do your research and find out what you need, just enough to get started. Don’t be indecisive – you want a fair amount of information, but not too much to where you won’t begin. Once you become clear and take action, some of your journey will unfold before you and guide you to what’s next.
Being overwhelmed doesn’t have to happen. Things can seem overwhelming in your mind. When you see someone who has accomplished their goals, your mind instantly thinks, ‘how do I get there?’ You think of all of the things they had to do to get there and it seems like so much. This can lead to procrastination, but remember, if you don’t start, you won’t finish. It’s not going to happen all in one day, but the key is to take the first step.
Distractions will hinder your progress. There are a million distractions around us, waiting for you to give up your attention to them. Whatever takes your attention away from what’s in front of you is a distraction. Recognize what they are and keep them away. When you see or hear it, put it back in it’s place, somewhere where it won’t bother you. Your job is to remain focused on your task, so you can improve your chances of reaching your goal.

Success Isn’t Easy…

…but it’s not that hard, either. When you figure out what needs to be done and stop allowing your feelings and other distractions to get in your way, it’s very obtainable.

Why not think that you are able to do it? Believe in yourself and disable the negative chatter in your head. It’s just as easy to say, “I can do it, ” as it is to say, “I’ll never be able to do it.” Always put your energy towards positive thoughts.

Take Ownership Of Your Choices

Be aware of your outer environment, as well as what goes on in your head. You could be the reason why you haven’t started – it’s not always something on the outside. You are in charge. Make the right decision and believe that you can do it.

You can only blame your circumstances and your upbringing for so long. Be in control of your thoughts and know that it’s not as hard as you make it out to be.

#BeGoalden

When You Have To Take One For The Team

Staying focused on the bigger picture can be a challenge, especially when you’re working with inconsiderate people. Not only does it impair progress, but it can put others on the team in a difficult situation.

When I was in grade school, I use to absolutely hate it when teachers would make us work in groups.

They would never allow us to pick our own groups, because the good kids would all be in a group and the bad kids just didn’t care.

There was a perfectly good reason for that: as the good kids, we knew we would all put in 100% effort and fully participate.

The teachers would pair the good kids with the bad kids and the bad kids never did anything. They wouldn’t do their assigned tasks and sometimes, they wouldn’t even sit with the group. This was an easy “A” for them.

The Dilemma

Even as good kids, we understood that the teachers wanted our habits to hopefully rub off on the bad kids, but it never, ever, ever happened that way.

What do you do? Do you prove a point and not do any work because everybody in your group didn’t participate, or do you do ALL of the work, for the sake of your own grade?

It Happens That Way, Sometimes

Seeing the bigger picture, which is the final grade, the good kids always ended up doing the group work themselves.

It sucks. It’s unfair, unexcusable, unreasonable, wrong – it’s all of those things and more, but the truth is, it happens that way, sometimes.

When we go to school or work, sometimes, we let other people’s faulty actions carry over into our attitude. We’re mad because they didn’t clean up the table in the break room or it ticks us off because they never participate in group work.

Most of the time, it isn’t your fault. You did what you were supposed to do, but everybody doesn’t have the same consideration that you have for others.

Take One For The Team

Again, it sucks, but there are times when you have to take one for the team. When you fail to see the bigger picture or the intended result, it only hurts you.

The inconsiderate person doesn’t care, but if you care, this is not the time to teach a lesson or prove a point. Even if you did want to prove a point, you’d be angry because you know that you could’ve done better.

This is the time to do everything you can to reach the intended result, even if it is a ‘free ride’ for someone else. Don’t fall for the distraction.

Will the other team members eventually learn to be more accommodating and attentive to those around them? Maybe, maybe not, but you have to look out for number one – you are your responsibility.

Don’t let things around you fall apart, because someone else didn’t put in any effort. Life is unfair, but you must continue to do your best – you wouldn’t want to miss out on your opportunity because of someone else.

Although it is a tough lesson to learn, it’s for the best. Don’t give up your power so easily. In the end, your work will not go unnoticed.

#BeGoalden

Don’t Depend On Others To Give You Praise

Since childhood, we’ve been accustomed to receiving compliments and praise from others. If we did well in school, our teacher would applaud us. When we do well at work, we may receive an award or a promotion.

Receiving praise feels good. It’s a positive approval of our behavior and gives us a sense of acceptance.

What happens if we don’t get the recognition we deserve? Should everyone expect to be acknowledged for their hard work? Does it change your approach towards your goal?

Is Praise Necessary?

Although it’s not necessary, it’s good practice to give others compliments and to let them know when their work is appreciated. A positive environment encourages positive interaction of creation and ideas.

As we become older, the compliments and appreciation are almost nonexistent. It’s noticed, but it’s not expressed verbally. Everyone becomes wrapped up in their own world and we sometimes forget to speak on one another’s value.

When No One Praises You

Instead of reacting angrily or being disappointed because someone didn’t recognize our efforts, we should give ourselves praise.

Depending on others to encourage you or acknowledge your work can negatively affect you. If you don’t receive praise, you may begin to second guess yourself, or even react by sabotaging your own work.

Kids will act out if they aren’t recognized. As adults, we stop making progress by getting caught up in our feelings.

This weak behavior doesn’t affect the person you’re looking to praise you, it affects you. You shouldn’t stop being your best, just because someone didn’t compliment your efforts or approve what you do.

Praise Yourself

There will be times when no one will give you the praise you deserve. It’s your job to keep making progress. Continue to do your best, because you never know who is watching. Someone may give you an opportunity that may advance you to another level.

Give yourself praise. Acknowledge your own hard work and efforts. Never wait on someone else’s approval or recognition. You can compliment your own achievements.

Empower yourself by feeling good about your own work – there’s nothing wrong with having self-confidence! Don’t wait on somebody else to give you approval, approve yourself!

Self-Confidence

We’ve been taught that it’s not nice to have strong positive feelings of yourself, but there is a difference between arrogance and self-confidence. Being arrogant is when you express an exaggerated opinion of yourself to be accepted. Self-confidence is walking in your own courage and determination, without needing anyone’s approval.

Being sure of yourself is the foundation of your self-esteem. Compliments and praise are a great way to start off as kids, but as adults, we must realize that it’s our responsibility to find our own certainty.

Take back your power and know the greatness that is inside of you! Always stand in your strength and continue to make progress, even when no one is giving you praise.

#BeGoalden

In Order To Win, You Need To Practice

Practice mostly comes up in the conversation of sports. Everyday, a team will practice for an upcoming game. They practice because they are preparing to win.

Are you practicing to win? Even if you don’t play any sports, it’s still a necessary habit to perform daily.

It could be anything from a job interview to public speaking, but nothing gets better without practicing.

When we think of practice, we think of long, mundane hours of doing the same thing over and over again. It’s boring and it’s a waste of time.

Back in high school and college, I was in the marching band. You would think doing the same thing for years wouldn’t require lots of practice.

We practiced everyday in the summertime and after school. Year after year, we continued to do this. The mechanics were the same, but everyday, we became better.

We didn’t practice until we got it right, we practiced until we couldn’t get it wrong.

All of that practice paid off and it showed at our half-time performances – no one left their seats to use the restroom! Doing drills day in and day out seems boring, but you won’t be as great as you can be, if you don’t put in the practice.

LeBron James may be the best athlete right now, but he didn’t just get up and become the great athlete that he is. He practiced. I’m willing to bet that he’s practicing right now and he’s been playing basketball for years.

That’s what it takes. If you have to give a speech in front of hundreds of people, would you wing it and see what happens, or would you practice to be perfect?

No one is perfect, but striving for perfection gets you close. You still make mistakes, but each time you improve upon those mistakes, you become better the next time.

Build your foundation through practice. If you know what you want to do, have the discipline to practice it everyday. Whether you feel like it or not, get up and do the work.

That’s how you become a champion. That’s how you become excellent at what you do. If you want the reward, you have to do what it takes.

There’s no other way around it. If you want to be a winner, you have to practice winning.

#BeGoalden

Let Me Tell You How Great You Are!

You are one of the most awesome people in the world!

When something doesn’t work out, you learn what went wrong and make improvements.

When someone says something bad about you, you know they are just speaking on their own insecurities.

When an unexpected obstacle comes up, you handle it calmly and with confidence!

When you’re stuck in traffic, you listen to an uplifting podcast or inspirational music.

When someone is upset, you patiently take the time to listen.

When you pass someone, you give them a glowing compliment.

When you see someone who could use some help, you offer a hand.

When you’re out and about, you perform a random act of kindness.

When you see a child, you tell them how smart they are.

When you’re worn down, you take care of yourself right away (self-care).

When you feel tired, you always do one more.

When your eyes meet with a stranger’s, you give a warm smile.

When something seems difficult to do, you know you can do it!

You are considerate and you keep your promises.

You are kind to yourself, as well as others.

You don’t allow time to feel sorry for yourself.

You see the bright side of every situation.

You bet on yourself, because you believe in yourself.

You take the good with the bad and make lemonade.

Your time is valuable because you know your potential.

Most of all, you make everyone around you better!

You’re always working at becoming a better you, everyday!

#BeGoalden

To Hold Yourself Accountable, You Only Need 1 Thing

Personal accountability is when you hold your actions to the highest standard. Your desire for success pushes you to hold yourself accountable. You need no one to remind or tell you what to do, in order to become a person of excellence.

If you don’t hold yourself accountable for your actions, who is holding you accountable? Does it make sense that someone else is responsible for what you do?

Your ‘Accountability Partner’

Whenever people begin something new, accountability partners always come into play. Does it help? It might, but at the same time, we’re all adults.

Let’s say you have an exercise partner and you hold each other accountable for exercising 5 days a week. The agreement is made and you begin.

Everything starts out fine and then, one day, your partner says she had a very hard day and she just can’t do it. You let her off the hook, just because she asked.

This becomes a habit for the both of you, because if you let her off the hook one day, now, she owes you the same privilege. Before you know it, 5 days a week has shrunk down to once a week.

That Didn’t Work

Now, you’re both still out of shape and talking about getting it together. It doesn’t work that way.

When you have an accountability partner, the point is for the other person to hold your feet to the fire, not to let you get away with silly excuses.

This is where a change needs to happen. If you don’t trust anyone else, TRUST YOURSELF. Have the courage to perform and get the desired results that you want.

The Disconnect

The excuse that we tell the most is, “I don’t have time,” or “I don’t feel like it.”

These may seem like valid excuses, but it’s not enough reason to stop, altogether.

Time is always there. If you’re unable to find time within your regular day, get up earlier or stay up later. Problem solved.

On the other hand, you control your emotions and your mind. There are plenty of times where you won’t ‘feel like’ doing something, but you need to get up and break through that wall.

We’ve become out of shape because we don’t ‘feel like’ exercising. We’ve become accustomed to instant gratification because we don’t ‘feel like’ waiting that long.

Whatever the case may be, you are worthy of self-improvement! Stop being lazy and push that train!

The 1 Thing You Need to Hold Yourself Accountable…

All you need to hold yourself accountable is a mirror. If you don’t have a mirror (because I can hear someone saying, “what if I don’t have a mirror?”), take a selfie.

Hold yourself accountable. Don’t leave your personal progress in someone else’s hands. If you didn’t exercise today, you let yourself down!

It’s an entirely different story when you let yourself down. If I don’t exercise when I’m supposed to, it nags my mind for the rest of the day.

If someone asks me, “How was your run?” I give them some lousy excuse as to why I didn’t do it. They go on about their day, without thinking twice about it.

I go on with my day and that excuse constantly replays in the back of mind. The time I spent debating if I should exercise, I could’ve done it already.

I know that feeling and I don’t like it. Therefore, I push myself to do it and I feel so much better after I’m done and I can move on with a clear and productive mind for the rest of the day.

Hold Yourself Accountable

Hold yourself accountable. Other people will let you down. They’re not as concerned about your success as you are.

Personal accountability is where you connect with your true self. If you want that result, like you say you do, you’ll meet the challenge of making it happen.

No excuse will stop you from achieving your desired result.

#BeGoalden

3 Negative Thought Patterns You Need To Avoid, Now!

There are 3 thought patterns that are certain to happen, when you are on the journey to self-improvement. No matter how hard you try to focus and stay on your path, they’ll pop up, just to keep you from advancing to the next level.

If you know what these patterns are, it’s easier to recognize them when they appear. Therefore, you can manage them, accordingly.

Thought Patterns To Break

You can’t change the past. The only time you should look in the past is to see how far you’ve come. The fact that you’ve overcome those obstacles is something to be very proud of. Hindsight is 20/20 – we all can look back and see how we could have done things better, but don’t get stuck there. Thinking about how things would’ve turned out different if you had finished college or married the nerd and not the bad boy, doesn’t help you right now. It’s impossible to change that. The only thing you can do now is move on and make better decisions that your future self will thank you for.
It’s not over until you quit. You are not a loser if you encounter a challenge. These things will happen and in order to breakthrough, you need to know how to handle them effectively. You only fail when you quit. How many times have we seen the scenario of the last second, game-winning shot? The impossible can happen when you don’t give up. Even if it doesn’t turn out in your favor, take it as a lesson and apply it the next time around. It’s not over until you say it’s over. Keep finding solutions and moving forward.
Other people’s judgment of you isn’t who you are. People who are jealous will show their insecurities by putting them on you. If they think they’re ugly, they’ll call you ugly. If they think they can’t succeed, they’ll call you a failure. Allowing that negativity to penetrate your mind will cause harm. When you hear someone being judgmental, discard it immediately. Don’t let it float around in your head because, eventually, you’ll start to believe it. Take compliments, but reject judgment.

What Do You Think, Literally?

Be protective of your mental state. The 3 things mentioned above can easily hijack the progress of your goal, so be aware.

Your environment is very important. Create the habit of having positive thoughts and people around you. It’s hard to remain positive, but it’s easy to slip into being negative.

Always read and listen to motivational platforms (blogs, podcast, videos, etc). Make your immediate surroundings full of encouragement and inspiration. Take care of your mindset to the point where it won’t be disturbed by anything distracting.

You may not be in control of what is around you at all times, but you are in control of your mind and how you use it. Your thoughts will create your future, so defend it to the fullest.

#BeGoalden