stuck Archives - The Goalden Lady

Give Up The Grudge, Focus On Forgiveness

There’s nothing new under the sun. People have best friends, co-workers or even family members with whom they hold grudges against.

All of these hurtful feelings begin to flood your mind. Eventually, it begins to work it’s way into your body and comes out through anger, anxiety, stress and many other ways.

You feel like, “How could they do that? I thought we were friends? How could they NOT know that I would be hurt? What were they thinking? They should’ve known!”

The best way to let a grudge go is to forgive. Instead of allowing it to control your thoughts and hold you hostage, forgive them.

You may think, “That’s way too easy – I want them to feel the same hurt that they put upon me!” Well, you’ll be waiting a lifetime. Most of the time, the person you’re holding the grudge against, doesn’t even know it or they’ve moved on.

Forgiveness is for you, not for them.
The Goalden Lady

Make the decision to move on. You don’t have to include them in your life anymore. If any type of interaction is necessary, keep it to a minimum.

Why is forgiveness for you? This is what happens when you hold a grudge:

It creates more negative thoughts. You’re already in a bad place when you hold a grudge against someone. You begin to increasingly think about it and those aren’t good thoughts you’re having. You’re thinking of ways to get back at them or how you can get revenge. Before you know it, this is all you think about and it only breeds more negative thoughts in other areas of your life.
It takes away your power. You aren’t able to control what you’re thinking and you become unproductive. No matter how hard you try to work, those feelings keep pulling you back. That person has moved on – they don’t even know the effect that they’re having on your peace of mind. Don’t give away your power that easily! Even when you’re trying to go to sleep at night, you think of them and you tense up and become disgusted. Meanwhile, they’re sleeping like a baby.
It keeps you stagnant. You’re like a broken record that keeps skipping to the same beat, over and over. You can’t move or make good decisions in your daily life. You’re stuck. The grudge you’re holding keeps repeating itself over and over again. None of this will change until you decide to let it go.

That’s why forgiveness is for you. None of these things happen to the person you’re holding a grudge against. Even if you confront them about it, more than likely, they’ll think it was silly. And then, they move on.

Forgiveness gives you the relief you’re looking for. It gives you freedom. It allows you to breathe. It gives you your life back.

Be the bigger person. Learn to forgive. Some people have been holding grudges for years, but it’s not needed. How much of your life have you wasted, thinking about something that has been forgotten by others? Take back your power over your life and yourself. We all have disappointments from our friends and family, but it’s up to us to move on from it and continue to be our best selves. It’s hard to be your best self while holding a grudge.

Forgive. Let it go. Move on.

#BeGoalden

Stop Reflecting; Let 2018 Go

It sounds kind of harsh, but in order to make any progress, you have to let something go.

Reflection is necessary and it should be done. Take time to look back and see how you can improve on the upcoming year. The issue is, sometimes, we can reflect a little too long and stay there as we’re going into 2019.

More time should be spent on planning for 2019, as opposed to reflecting on 2018. Since 2018 is almost gone, it won’t do any good to stay in reflection for too long. Don’t let the past keep you there.

Go for 2019. Get out of your comfort zone (2018) and step into the New Year with confidence. You’ve reflected enough. You know what you need to do.

If you don’t know, then do this: Pick something from the categories of mindset, health and wealth.

For example, you may want to work on your focus (mindset), eat cleaner (health) and save more money (wealth).

Now, let’s get more specific. You want to have deep focus without giving in to distractions while you’re writing your book. You want to eat at least one plant-based meal per day. You want to save at least 10% of your paycheck, every pay period.

That’s how you begin 2019. If it didn’t happen in 2018, let it go and start now. Don’t make it harder than it has to be.

Everyday is a chance at a new opportunity. Don’t get stuck looking back.

#BeGoalden

Excerpt From “Help! I’m Stuck” Book 2

How To Manage Your Mind, Defeat Distractions and Create Confidence

I distinctly remember in high school how I had tons of homework and after school activities. In order to keep up with everything, I had to either manage my time or simply quit. In my household, quitting was not an option.

These tasks kept me busy, but I had to develop a strategy to keep everything going smoothly. My mind was everywhere, not to mention peer pressure was at an all time high and that can totally mess with your self-esteem. These were situations that tested my skills as a person. I had never even heard of ‘personal development’ at this point in my life.

The good thing was that I had an awesome circle of friends. We all had a variety of schedules, yet, we handled them like pros because no one wanted to look like the weak link. It was a type of silent encouragement.

It was a sin to have nothing to do. If you weren’t studying for a test, you should be doing a project. If you weren’t doing a project, you should be busy with an after school activity. If not that, you should have a part-time job. There was always something to do.

There was no time for distractions. We were all busy, doing things to reach the next level.

Life After College

Upon graduating from college, things changed. I found a great job and had my own place, but then what? My friends were all in different places and we’re all in various stages of our lives (because everyone’s life isn’t as synchronized as it was in school). Some are still at home, some moved out of state, some like to party at night and sleep all day – everything is different.

Now, I have to really figure out what I like. Going to work and coming home with nothing to do but look forward to the next day at work wasn’t going to satisfy me. The nightlife can get tired pretty quickly, especially if that’s not your ‘thing.’ This is an experimental stage of life. It’s sink or swim. It’s all on you.

The Art of Doing Nothing

After awhile, I realized I was kind of just drifting along. My mind wasn’t being challenged, distractions became my friend and my confidence began to decrease. Everything became gray and redundant. Get up. Go to work. Come home. Watch TV. Eat dinner. Take a shower. Watch more TV. Fall asleep. Wash, rinse, repeat.

What do you do once you leave a place where all of your options are provided for you and now, that convenience is gone? It sounds great that you have all of this freedom, but what do you do with it? No one is there to give you a list of extracurricular activities to choose from for the next four months. Your life, literally, becomes your own.

The question becomes: what do you do and how do you continue to grow yourself into something greater? How do you challenge yourself when there is no one there to challenge you? How do you get back to being that productive, forward-thinking, active, courageous person?

Excerpt from the book, “The Goalden Lady Presents: Help! I’m Stuck: How To Manage Your Mind, Defeat Distractions and Create Confidence by S.R. Roberts