self care Archives - The Goalden Lady

Something New To Do

Doing new things can put a spark in your life. After being so rigid with your rituals, you need something to shake things up a bit. Being a little spontaneous can do wonders for your day and your well-being.

There’s no doubt that routines help us get through an already unpredictable day a lot smoother, but at the same time, do you know what you could possibly be missing? No, you don’t – that’s why you should make an attempt to do something new every once in a while.

The unexpected can bring about a new perspective on life.

The New “To-Do”

Everyday, you get up and start your morning (or afternoon). Unconsciously, you begin a routine of things to do – wash your face, brush your teeth, have a cup of tea while reading the (digital) paper, walk the dog, etc.

While these habits allow us to be more efficient with our time and energy, it can also keep you stagnant and stale. Doing the same things the same way, day in and day out, can have a boring effect on your life.

When was the last time you felt alive? We’re not talking about “riding a roller coaster without a seat belt” alive, but a “I’ll wear a fancy hat today” alive. Nothing too brash, but enough to notice and feel a difference.

If you prefer drastic changes, that’s fine, but most people have to invite new things into their lives slowly. Too much at once can wreck the whole personal project and send you back to square one.

Find the confidence to do something you’ve never done. That idea that’s been sitting in the back of your head? It’s time for it to come out and see the light of day. That new sweater you keep overlooking in your closet? It should be worn today. That new car you would love to have some day? Take it for a test drive and see how it feels.

Doing different things can bring about different results. You never know how it can improve your self-esteem or raise your standards to become better. It doesn’t have to be anything big – it’s the small things that can make a huge difference.

It’s time to allow yourself to feel what you truly want to. The excitement that it provides can be very rewarding.

There’s Happiness In Self-Care

New things can have a positive impact on your day. When you do something because you want to do it and not because you think someone else wants you to do it, there’s power in that. Being considerate is the right thing to do, but don’t forget to make yourself happy, too.

If you’re unable to help yourself, how can you help anyone else? As they say, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Saving yourself is just as important as saving someone else. There will be times where you’ll just have to put yourself first and everyone else will have to wait (or figure it out for themselves). For a lot of us, that’s doing something new.

Be ambitious. Make yourself happy. Waiting on someone else’s permission won’t do. A lot of personal disappointment comes from doing the same things, the same way, all the time or from satisfying others before satisfying yourself.

Most of us put other people’s needs before our own. When you take care of your needs first, it gives you an exciting and refreshing feeling, as if you’re doing something new. Sometimes, a little self-care is all you need, just to see and feel a positive difference in your life.

Keep your habits (they are important), but every now and then, twist it around or treat yourself – you just might find a new you.

Rest, Recharge and Reset

Rest is essential to our goal-driven lives. Always being on the go and running on that endless treadmill is a sure way to burn out.

Yes, burn out is real. We’re so busy trying to move the needle that we forget to take some time for ourselves. Our bodies and minds need the chance to rejuvenate so we can perform at our best.

We run ourselves into the ground, looking for approval and confirmation from others. Understand that rest is important.

There are two ways we can include better rest into our routine:

saying no and
focusing on yourself.

Just Say No

Saying ‘no’ may hurt feelings, but it’s a way to put yourself first. Are you one of those people who have trouble saying ‘no’ when someone asks you for a favor? This is part of the reason why you’re tired – you need a mental reset.

You aren’t obligated to anyone. A favor is a favor – it’s your choice. Yes, you may not satisfy quite a few of your friends, but they’ll be fine. Don’t let them guilt you into doing what you really don’t want to do. It’s not the end of the world.

No matter how disappointed they may be, there are times where you have to put yourself first. Everything doesn’t revolve around them – as selfish as it sounds, everything should revolve around you. If you make a commitment, follow through, but at the same time, don’t be afraid to say ‘no’ in the first place.

Normalize saying ‘no’ without giving excuses and move on. If you notice, most people will say ‘no’ and then give a logical reason as to why they aren’t able to participate. We do it all the time, but we all know it’s just that – an excuse. It makes you feel better to make someone understand why you said no.

Guilt is what makes us give in. We don’t like the idea of letting someone else down – it makes us feel bad. How many times have you cheated yourself, simply because you wanted to make someone else happy? Soon, you’ll begin to realize that you must champion yourself, because nobody else is going to do it for you.

Productive Rest

We talk about being productive and persistent and chasing after your goals daily. It’s a must if you want to be successful, right?

While this may be true, you also have to rest. Constantly being on the move and multitasking can wear you thin very quickly. Sometimes, we’re so used to being in overdrive, we don’t realize it until we finally collapse and we’re forced to sit down.

It’s better to schedule a rest time than to keeping running until you fall out. As far as your health is concerned, that can be dangerous. Running on fumes is not good for your physical or mental well-being. A quick nap during the day to recharge can do wonders for decreasing stress and increasing productivity.

Also, reward yourself with some extended down time. You’re not as sharp when you’re tired from being busy. Don’t let your mind trick you into thinking you don’t need any sleep. Everything will still be there when you return.

Treat yourself to a rest and reset day (or weekend). Whether you spend a day in nature or go to a spa for a relaxing treatment, make time to do it – you need to physically and mentally reset! You are no good to others if you aren’t taking care of yourself.

Focus On You

Self-care is listening to yourself and doing what your body and mind need you to do. Success is hard work, but we often overlook those little hints that tell us to slow down. The heavy eyelids, cloudy thinking and short temper are just a few signs that it’s time to shut it down.

Like a computer, we all need to reset (or reboot) at some point. The longer you go without any rest, the worse your performance will become. Your mind will begin to slow down and your energy will begin to drain. You may not feel it, but others around you can see it.

Afterwards, you feel more refreshed and bright. This should be your normal level of function, but if you don’t rest, everything around you suffers.

Life doesn’t stop for anyone, but in the midst of it all, we must learn to take care of ourselves. Whether it’s telling your best friend ‘no’ or taking an afternoon nap, be mindful of how you feel, mentally and physically. Adjust your life to yourself, not others.

#TBT: Self-Care: Start Choosing Yourself

Self-care is something we need, but we don’t practice enough of. We’re taught to be respectful and to love one another. Be considerate and kind to everyone you meet – everything that describes the Golden Rule.

What happened to us? Did anyone ever show us how to be independent and love ourselves? We become so caught up in being available to others, yet, we cheat ourselves out of a fulfilling life.

Self-Care Isn’t Selfish

People will call you selfish when you do something that doesn’t include or benefit them. You could have given them a million dollars last week, but you’re ‘selfish’ because you didn’t visit them yesterday.

You’ve done all you can to please them and make them happy. Even if they’ve never done anything for you, it makes you feel a certain amount of guilt when they complain about how you treat them.

It’s not your responsibility to make others happy. If you do something nice, that’s great, but if they don’t appreciate it, move on. As a matter of fact, don’t do it for appreciation, do it because you like doing nice things for people. When you expect something in return, emotions get involved and feelings get hurt.

Don’t spend your energy attempting to make it right or trying to mend their feelings. Some people like to make you feel guilty just so you can continue to do things for them. You may feel bad, but at some point, you have to stop living for them and start living your life.

They’re not coming to save you, so you must take care of yourself, first.

Putting Yourself First

You’ve been so used to putting others before yourself, it seems odd to put your own needs first. You are not accountable for their life, but you are accountable for your own.

Think about when you go to work and ask for a promotion – why not take the time to promote yourself with your own personal business? Yes, it may take some time, but you’ll be able to call the shots yourself.

We’ve been trained to always look to others for what we need or want. You never get to truly live life on your terms, because you’re stuck in a place where you have to constantly ask for permission. If you choose yourself, you don’t have to convince anyone else of what you deserve.

Learn to trust yourself. If you want to make lots of money, make a plan and get started! Depending on your boss to provide for you is not smart. Get in the habit of doing for self, even if it takes time to materialize. Commit to a strong work ethic and the time will pass – before you know it, you’ll be the boss of your own life, truly doing as you wish.

Choose You

Self-care also involves self awareness, or how you see yourself. Thinking small of yourself and big of other people hinders your intentions. You can’t have a short, defeated outlook when it comes to pursuing your goal. Your abilities are just as good as anyone else’s, but you’ve got to be proactive and bold towards your plan.

Make little promises to yourself and keep them. That’s the key to believing in yourself and building courage. Exercise that characteristic within yourself and portray it – I am strong, I am beautiful, I am successful, I am smart, I am magnificent. Speak it into existence because you are what you say you are.

Develop the discipline to perform the habits that make you better and your ambition will soar. Expecting others to give you that feeling of worthiness will no longer exist because you can achieve it on your own.

Self-care is imperative. Don’t be afraid to choose yourself. No one is going to do it for you. Have your own back and create your own solutions. Depending on someone else puts you at risk. Take your own risks and be successful because you chose yourself.

#BeGoalden

#TBT: Organize Your Overwhelm

There are a million things that need to get done. It can flood our minds to the point where we become stagnant and we won’t get anything done. You silently hope that something will give, so there will be one less thing to think about.

Being overwhelmed is mental weight. If not managed correctly, it will zap your mental energy throughout your entire day because you can’t stop thinking about all the things that need to be done. You know you can do it, but it’s so much, it feels like you’re stuck and you don’t know where to start.

Overwhelm is a major cause of self-care denial. We’re so busy doing things for others that we forget about caring for ourselves.

Becoming overwhelmed is a responsibility you have to accept. No one makes you do anything – you make the choice to take on different tasks from different directions. You take on so much that you wear yourself down and that’s not healthy, mentally or physically.

What Can You Do?

Overwhelm doesn’t have to consume your life. There are a few ways you can break free from your mental prison.

Brain dump. Every evening before bed, do a brain dump. A brain dump is when you write down everything that needs to be done the next day. It declutters your mind from those thoughts that keep popping up in your head. Not only does it relieve mental stress, but you are able to have a more restful sleep. Your mind won’t be overloaded with the things you have to remember to do the next day. Try it out – it works.
Delegate. We all know that you do it the best and no one else can do it better than you. It may be true, but get over it. Some things can be outsourced or delegated. For your mental sake, ask someone else to do it – we know it won’t be to your standards, but for you to make any kind of improvement, you need to let some things go and allow others to do it. It might not be perfect, but the world is still turning.
Write it down. Take a few minutes and write out what you’re going to do and when you’ll do it. Give it a special time. It doesn’t take long to make a list. The hardest thing will be completing them. Also, when you write it down, you remove some of the burden from your mind – when you complete it, it will be totally out of your mind. Create more space in your mind for other tasks and thinking by writing down what needs to be done and following through.

There’s no magic trick to getting everything done all at once, but you can manage the mental load.

When you get to a place where you feel everything is flowing and under control, it’ll open up some extra time. What can you do with that extra time? Something for yourself.

#BeGoalden

#TBT: Happiness Is Your Responsibility

Your happiness is in your control. Often times, we allow outside circumstances to direct how we feel throughout the day. We have the power to feel the way we want to feel, but sometimes, we give up that responsibility to someone else.

Being happy and having the right attitude takes conscious effort. You can easily go through life thinking of unfortunate things that have happened in the past and reliving it everyday, but you also have the ability to decide to be positive and move forward.

Find Your Happiness

The reason why so many of us aren’t happy is because we are waiting on someone, or some thing, to make us happy. “I’ll be happy when I’m married – I’ll be happy when I lose 10 pounds – I’ll be happy when I finish school.” Relying on an outside source to make you feel good will fail every time.

When you wake up in the morning, give yourself permission to feel joy. Yesterday may not have been a great day, but you don’t have to invite that feeling into the next day, or the day after that. Even if you need to address the same challenge today, go into it with a positive mindset, knowing you will overcome it.

Find happiness on your own. Make the decision that this day will be productive and fulfilling, because you will make it that way. If you made the attempt and it doesn’t work out, leave it where it is – don’t carry it over into the next day. Keep a good attitude, start again and work through it with confidence.

A Good Attitude Is Rewarding

Possessing a positive attitude is more beneficial than having a bad attitude. How many times have you received poor customer service, because that person had a negative vibe?

Everyone won’t be chipper and delightful all of the time, but by having a good attitude, you remain in control of your feelings. Just because someone else isn’t having such a good day, doesn’t mean that you should give in and mirror their emotions.

Having a positive attitude lights up a room – you never know who it could affect. People with bad attitudes expect others to participate in their negativity, but you could always walk away or change the direction of the conversation.

Who wants to be around a person who’s always gloomy? Keep your attitude at a positive level and don’t let others steal your happiness.

Distractions And Discipline

Distractions are out there, fighting for your attention. It could be in the form of watching the news, people gossiping, or chasing that new, shiny object.

Whatever the situation is, don’t let your attitude follow the various distractions you encounter everyday. There are pleasant distractions that can make your day, but when it takes away your concentration, it can lead down a different road.

Distractions are a form of control. Whenever you fall for a distraction, it has power over your demeanor. There’s no way to avoid all distractions, but you still have control over how you receive and react to them.

Practice being disciplined with your attitude. When something grabs your attention, your reaction is normally to go with it. Letting distractions control your feelings can bring about anxiety and stress. Instead, acknowledge it, have your feelings about it (if necessary) and get back to your happiness. There’s no need to ruin a good day, over a small disturbance.

Happiness Takes Practice

Having a positive attitude should be common practice in your life. Don’t let other people take away the joy you want to keep.

It can be a daily battle, but it becomes easier the more you do it. By making the effort and choosing to have a brighter perspective, you open yourself up to opportunities and handle challenges more effectively.

This doesn’t mean that the bad distractions will go away, it just means that you’re in a better position to manage them – again, you have the power. When you choose to be happy, instead of allowing some outside force to hijack your emotions, you become more positive and it catches on to other people around you.

We all have a choice – are we going to guide the day, or let the day guide us?

Always keep your happiness, a good attitude and a bright perspective.

#BeGoalden

#TBT: Make The Decision To Believe In Yourself

If you are the type of person who has no problem with believing in yourself, you’ve pretty much already won at life. For those of us who have a bit more trouble…

Are you aware of this massive power that you have in your possession? Everyday when you wake up, you can decide to be as courageous or as cowardly as you want to be.

Some of us allow outside influences to make that decision for us, so we just go with the flow. Whatever happens, happens.

There are others of us who make that decision every single day and we choose to be as happy and confident as we want to be. Nothing’s going to bring us down — we can handle it!

Why can’t we all be that way?

We are all born into different environments. Some grew up in a loving, forward-thinking home and others grew up in a negative, stagnant way of thinking home.

When your surroundings are positive and motivating, it’s easy to believe in yourself. Everyone is always rooting for you and they acknowledge your efforts.

When your surroundings are negative, there is no acknowledgement for anything. Everyone is stuck in the same place, with the ‘it’s always been like this,’ mentality. The possibility of doing any better is nonexistent.

Although your environment doesn’t determine your outcome 100%, it does play a major part.

It’s hard to go against the grain in a bad environment. The easy way out would be to accept what everyone else is doing and continue to ‘go with it.’

The harder thing to do is be proactive. Even when people say negative things to you 20 times a day, you find a way to turn it around.

“I won’t give in.”
“I can break the cycle.”
“I can do better than this.”
“I don’t want to end up like them.”

This is what pushes you ahead. Although they keep telling you that you’re no better than them, you believe that you are and you can do better.

On the other hand, some people believe in themselves so much, they abuse it and think they can do whatever they want.

When you become used to things turning out in your favor, your efforts can become lazy. You don’t stop after success happens — you have to put in even more effort to keep it going.

As you can see, your environment can work for you or against you. Some people want to break out of their negative environment so bad, they do the total opposite of what’s around them.

Others come from such a positive environment, they expect people to believe in them everywhere they go. When they come across a set of people who really don’t care, they become depressed and fall into a trap of believing what others say about them.

These scenarios don’t happen with everyone, but again, the environment does have an effect on a person’s self-belief.

Let’s teach our children to believe in themselves, no matter what others say or think about them. Teach them that everyone is not going to be encouraging of everything they do. Some people will tease them just to get under their skin.

Most of all, teach them that their self worth is not determined by what others think. Believing in yourself can be difficult, but with the right foundation and mindset, we can push ourselves farther than our thoughts can take us.

Just make that decision every morning. I am courageous. I am beautiful. I am helpful. I am worthy. I am powerful.

Don’t wait for permission (you don’t need it) or for somebody else to tell you (you know it better than they know it). Believe it!

Learning To Say ‘No’ Could Restore Your Sanity

I strongly believe that we are put on this Earth to help others. When someone needs support, you help them – it’s the responsible thing to do.

While this is true for most of us, you may come across some people who need a little too much help. They prey on others who are overly supportive and take advantage of their kindness.

But, you know you can say ‘no’, right? There’s no law that says you’re supposed to drop everything you’re doing and go out of your way to help others.

A Gift And A Curse

Being helpful can be a gift and a curse. It’s a gift because it’s the right thing to do. When you help someone, you are showing them that you care about them and they don’t have to face whatever it is, alone. Also, it gives you an incredible feeling inside.

It’s a curse because you can easily be taken advantage of and you may not know how to stop it. Some people will see how giving you are and keep using you for as long as they can.

This is not to say that you should stop being nice and supportive of others in their time of need, but in order to be your best self, you must be aware of what’s going on. Remember – you come first.

The Guilt Trip

When you come across someone who is needy, don’t allow them to latch on to you. These are people who always seem to need help with something. They don’t take responsibility for their issues because you do it better.

Don’t be afraid to say no. More than likely, they will become angry and try to make you feel guilty about not being helpful. Some people will even throw Bible verses your way, to make you feel bad.

It doesn’t matter. Before you can help anyone else, you have to help yourself. You are putting yourself in a bad position if you pay their light bill, before you pay your own. Everyone has to be held accountable for their decisions and they are no different.

Do Your Sanity A Favor And Say ‘No’

Saying no seems harsh, especially when you know you can help out. At the same time, you have to do what’s best for you. Helping others is the right thing to do, but when it turns into constant support, that’s where you should draw the line.

Say no for your own sanity. You may feel guilty after you do it, but it will unload that extra stress from your life. You will thank yourself, later.

The crazy thing is, you really want them to stop – you just don’t know how to tell them no! Find your courage and politely remove yourself from the situation by telling them that you aren’t able to help at this time.

Yes, they will eventually get the point. There’s nothing to feel bad about. Actually, you are helping by allowing them to find their own independence. They may go and find another person to support them, but not you. Today, you will learn to say no to those who give you their anxiety and stress. It’s not yours to carry.

Being helpful is great, but taking care of yourself is what’s important. That’s the responsible thing to do 🙂

#BeGoalden

3 Ways Being Alone Can Increase Your Productivity

“I can’t hear myself think!” Those are the words of my mother, whenever it was too loud or she needed to get away from a crowd of people. I never understood what she meant, until I became older.

Some of us have a fear of being alone. We’ve been raised to have a social life and to not be anti-social. We have friends at school, friends at work and our family around us at our every waking moment.

There’s a time to be social and a time to be alone. It can be kind of hard to sift through your thoughts and make decisions when there’s a lot going on around you, so isolating yourself helps.

It’s good to have people around you, but don’t be afraid to be alone at times. Your best productivity can come from being alone.

Being alone encourages us to think our own thoughts. When you’re around other people, you hear many ideas and opinions that may be different from your own. When you’re alone, you have the mental space to discover how you feel about certain things. You have a chance to come up with your own beliefs and standards. There’s no one to bombard you with their thoughts.
Being alone helps you to work independently. It’s easy to hide within a group. Receiving praise or criticism is a lot better when it’s spread around to many people. When you work by yourself, you learn to take full responsibility for what you do. Also, you have complete control over what you’re trying to accomplish. Your creativity has no bounds when you’re working independently.
Being alone allows you to spend time with the most important person – you. Listen to your own thoughts and ideas. Get to know you. Every morning, before you walk out into the world, learn to have peace with yourself. You are in charge of building and becoming the person you want to be. When you know who you are, you’re more comfortable with what goes on outside of yourself.

Sitting with yourself gives you the opportunity to remove yourself from the dramatics of life and to get clear on what you want. It allows you to think through your goals and create effective plans. Others may tell you that being by yourself is weird, but it promotes a sense of wellness and productive independence. You are using your power to create a calmness that only you can give yourself.

There are times where we need to be with ourselves, to recognize what we truly want. We let other people take control of situations without thinking, simply because it’s ‘easier’ at the moment. Sometimes, the talking and all of the commotion can drown out what you really think. By being alone, you give your thoughts and ideas a chance to breathe and come alive. Clarity often comes through isolation.

Anyone can hide in a crowd, but it takes a strong person to stand alone. Take some time to be alone and to ‘hear yourself think’. Experience the wonderful ideas that’s been lurking around in your mind and follow through with action!

#BeGoalden

Organize Your Overwhelm

Overwhelm is a major cause of self-care denial. We’re so busy doing things for others that we forget about caring for ourselves.

Overwhelm doesn’t have to consume your life. There are a few ways you can break free from your mental prison.

Brain dump. Every evening before bed, do a brain dump. A brain dump is when you write down everything that needs to be done the next day. It declutters your mind from those thoughts that keep popping up in your head. Not only does it relieve mental stress, but you are able to have a more restful sleep. Your mind won’t be overloaded with the things you have to remember to do the next day. Try it out – it works.
Delegate. We all know that you do it the best and no one else can do it better than you. It may be true, but get over it. Some things can be outsourced or delegated. For your mental sake, ask someone else to do it – we know it won’t be to your standards, but for you to make any kind of improvement, you need to let some things go and allow others to do it. It might not be perfect, but the world is still turning.
Write it down. Take a few minutes and write out what you’re going to do and when you’ll do it. Give it a special time. It doesn’t take long to make a list. The hardest thing will be completing them. Also, when you write it down, you remove some of the burden from your mind – when you complete it, it will be totally out of your mind. Create more space in your mind for other tasks and thinking by writing down what needs to be done and following through.

There’s no magic trick to getting everything done all at once, but you can manage the mental load.

When you get to a place where you feel everything is flowing and under control, it’ll open up some extra time. What can you do with that extra time? Something for yourself.

#BeGoalden

How To Save Yourself

We give so much of ourselves to other people. It’s the nice thing to do. What happens when you don’t have anymore left to give?

It should never get to this point, but it does. Everyday, we put others before ourselves. We make sure other people are fine, yet, we continue to strain ourselves through lack of sleep, ignoring our inner voice and most of all, sacrificing our peace of mind.

Everyone loves you and you’re an awesome and reliable person, but what happens if you just don’t show up?

This is why you must save yourself, FIRST. We can only do so much by saving other people from their problems. Their problems become our problems and we allow it.

Save yourself. Even when you’re in an airplane, they tell you to put your oxygen mask on before you help others. You can’t help anyone if you’re in trouble yourself.

Say no. They’ll get over it. Most of all, they’ll learn to handle their own challenges and become more self-reliant. Or, they may find someone to replace you, but at least it won’t be you.
Stop doing things. It’s easy to get caught up, doing everyday chores on autopilot. The truth is, if you can do it, so can they. Of course, no one can do it like you do it, but you have to remove yourself from the equation sometimes and let them figure it out.
Say ‘yes’ to yourself. Reward yourself. Take a random day off. Watch the sun set. Go to a park and feed the ducks. Stay in the bed a little longer. Do something for you. You deserve it more than anyone else, but no one is going to give you time to yourself – you must take it.

All of this is not to say don’t be helpful. It feels good to help out, but sometimes, people will take you for granted. They expect you to be their personal savior all the time.

Don’t let your niceness become your weakness.

Give yourself permission to say no. Take care of yourself – that’s the only way you’ll be able to help others when they really need it.

If you have a family, pace yourself. Tending to various needs of your loved ones can become a daunting task. Put a plan in place, so you won’t be worn out. Everyone can pitch in and help.

Most of all, take time for yourself. It’s okay to be selfish. You need to be selfish, so you can show up when it’s necessary. You’re not useful to anyone if you aren’t fit mentally and physically.

It’s hard to be great, especially when everyone else is constantly taking the best part of you. Take care of yourself, first. Your future self will thank you for taking the time to become a better you.

#BeGoalden