self aware Archives - The Goalden Lady

The Kylie Jenner Distraction Effect

Kylie Jenner has been labeled as the youngest self-made billionaire.

That has been the headline for the past few weeks and some of us just don’t know what to do with it or how to take it. There’s one thing for sure…

It’s a huge distraction.

How Distractions Start

Most distractions start with controversial statements. These controversial statements are mostly seen in politics, religion and entertainment.

Someone will say how they feel, someone else will disagree with it and then it starts. Everyone wants to be right and prove the others wrong. We’ve lost the art of respectfully disagreeing.

This is how people become distracted and their focus begins to shift. Now, we’re more focused on why Kylie is the first ‘self-made billionaire,’ yet, we haven’t started working on our own goals.

Going Down The Distraction ‘Black Hole’

Whether Kylie made those phone calls, sent those emails or came up with the chemicals for the makeup herself, it really doesn’t matter.

At the same time, we are worrying about if she really did it herself or if her money made it easier for her and so on. We obsess over if she is really self-made or if her family’s name had anything to do with it.

Her success is a never-ending conversation. Her life is going on, whether you agree with her new title, or not. We are steadily going down this black hole of distraction and it’s hard to stop, because we want so desperately to be right – we want to escape our own reality, by talking about hers.

Let’s Become Self-Made

Instead of being overly concerned about who she is and how she earned her money, let’s shift the focus back to ourselves. How are we going to be self-made? How far along are you with reaching your goal? Have you been keeping up with your own life?

Keep your eyes on your prize. What other people do with their money or how they make their money shouldn’t be any of your concern. The concern is, how are you going to put a dent in the universe?

Obsess over your own plan. Worry about how you’re going to get the results that you want. Don’t let the distractions of others stop you from achieving your goals.

Focus On Yourself

Before you even begin to have an opinion about anything else, work on yourself. Be self-aware. Know who you are.

We get so caught up in other people’s lives, that we forget to nourish our own. People say things, just to throw us off. Distractions are very real.

While the world is debating if she is deserving of that title or not, Kylie is still making money and living her life. It’s not bothering her on the same level as it is bothering everyone else.

Put your time, thoughts and effort into building your dream. Stop allowing these distractions to overwhelm your conversations and your personal space.

Reclaim your time and put the focus back onto you.

#BeGoalden

3 Negative Thought Patterns You Need To Avoid, Now!

There are 3 thought patterns that are certain to happen, when you are on the journey to self-improvement. No matter how hard you try to focus and stay on your path, they’ll pop up, just to keep you from advancing to the next level.

If you know what these patterns are, it’s easier to recognize them when they appear. Therefore, you can manage them, accordingly.

Thought Patterns To Break

You can’t change the past. The only time you should look in the past is to see how far you’ve come. The fact that you’ve overcome those obstacles is something to be very proud of. Hindsight is 20/20 – we all can look back and see how we could have done things better, but don’t get stuck there. Thinking about how things would’ve turned out different if you had finished college or married the nerd and not the bad boy, doesn’t help you right now. It’s impossible to change that. The only thing you can do now is move on and make better decisions that your future self will thank you for.
It’s not over until you quit. You are not a loser if you encounter a challenge. These things will happen and in order to breakthrough, you need to know how to handle them effectively. You only fail when you quit. How many times have we seen the scenario of the last second, game-winning shot? The impossible can happen when you don’t give up. Even if it doesn’t turn out in your favor, take it as a lesson and apply it the next time around. It’s not over until you say it’s over. Keep finding solutions and moving forward.
Other people’s judgment of you isn’t who you are. People who are jealous will show their insecurities by putting them on you. If they think they’re ugly, they’ll call you ugly. If they think they can’t succeed, they’ll call you a failure. Allowing that negativity to penetrate your mind will cause harm. When you hear someone being judgmental, discard it immediately. Don’t let it float around in your head because, eventually, you’ll start to believe it. Take compliments, but reject judgment.

What Do You Think, Literally?

Be protective of your mental state. The 3 things mentioned above can easily hijack the progress of your goal, so be aware.

Your environment is very important. Create the habit of having positive thoughts and people around you. It’s hard to remain positive, but it’s easy to slip into being negative.

Always read and listen to motivational platforms (blogs, podcast, videos, etc). Make your immediate surroundings full of encouragement and inspiration. Take care of your mindset to the point where it won’t be disturbed by anything distracting.

You may not be in control of what is around you at all times, but you are in control of your mind and how you use it. Your thoughts will create your future, so defend it to the fullest.

#BeGoalden

4 Tips On How To Take Constructive Criticism

It’s not something everyone enjoys. Constructive criticism is meant to help us become better, but sometimes, we don’t know how to put our feelings aside and effectively listen.

Constructive criticism is when some tells you how you can do something better or more accurate. It’s not meant to hurt your feelings or insult you, but that’s how we take it.

Most people mean well when they tell us how we can improve, but it’s difficult to accept when they actually talk about it. If someone is willing to help by making valuable suggestions, if would serve you well to listen and give it a shot.

Constructive criticism is not meant for you to feel bad. It’s constructive, meaning, it’s meant to be helpful. No one is making fun of you. Listen with the intent to enhance your skills and learn something new.
Put your ego aside. Your ego will get in the way of your success if you don’t have it under control. Everyone is not after you in the wrong way. Break down your wall and genuinely observe what is being said. Be interested in how you can become more effective and productive with your work.
Stop being defensive. Don’t let your emotions get the best of you. Our first reaction is to get angry, because it’s embarrassing to listen to someone tell you about yourself. If it’s someone you know who means well, be open. Receive it without becoming emotional and defensive.
Realize that it’s to help you. If it’s valuable, take it. If not, you don’t have to do it. Constructive criticism is for your consideration. It’s to be useful and promote progress. If you decide to try it, it could be to your benefit. If it doesn’t, you won’t have to do it again.

If you’re the one giving constructive criticism, know that it’s hard for the other person to acknowledge. There’s a way to break down what you’re saying in a positive light. Never speak with a condescending tone – let them know you’re on their side and want to see them do well.

Giving or receiving, constructive criticism is a hard thing to do. It’s normal for people to feel like they’re already doing things correctly, so it can be hard to take. Just know that everyone is not out to be negative or make you look bad. If you’re in the right environment, people will want to help you be the best that you can be. Graciously accept it and use it to your advantage.

#BeGoalden

Make The Decision To Believe In Yourself

If you are the type of person who has no problem with believing in yourself, you’ve pretty much already won at life. For those of us who have a bit more trouble…

Are you aware of this massive power that you have in your possession? Everyday when you wake up, you can decide to be as courageous or as cowardly as you want to be.

Some of us allow outside influences to make that decision for us, so we just go with the flow. Whatever happens, happens.

There are others of us who make that decision every single day and we choose to be as happy and confident as we want to be. Nothing’s going to bring us down — we can handle it!

Why can’t we all be that way?

We are all born into different environments. Some grew up in a loving, forward-thinking home and others grew up in a negative, stagnant way of thinking home.

When your surroundings are positive and motivating, it’s easy to believe in yourself. Everyone is always rooting for you and they acknowledge your efforts.

When your surroundings are negative, there is no acknowledgement for anything. Everyone is stuck in the same place, with the ‘it’s always been like this,’ mentality. The possibility of doing any better is nonexistent.

Although your environment doesn’t determine your outcome 100%, it does play a major part.

It’s hard to go against the grain in a bad environment. The easy way out would be to accept what everyone else is doing and continue to ‘go with it.’

The harder thing to do is be proactive. Even when people say negative things to you 20 times a day, you find a way to turn it around.

“I won’t give in.”
“I can break the cycle.”
“I can do better than this.”
“I don’t want to end up like them.”

This is what pushes you ahead. Although they keep telling you that you’re no better than them, you believe that you are and you can do better.

On the other hand, some people believe in themselves so much, they abuse it and think they can do whatever they want.

When you become used to things turning out in your favor, your efforts can become lazy. You don’t stop after success happens — you have to put in even more effort to keep it going.

As you can see, your environment can work for you or against you. Some people want to break out of their negative environment so bad, they do the total opposite of what’s around them.

Others come from such a positive environment, they expect people to believe in them everywhere they go. When they come across a set of people who really don’t care, they become depressed and fall into a trap of believing what others say about them.

These scenarios don’t happen with everyone, but again, the environment does have an effect on a person’s self-belief.

Let’s teach our children to believe in themselves, no matter what others say or think about them. Teach them that everyone is not going to be encouraging of everything they do. Some people will tease them just to get under their skin.

Most of all, teach them that their self worth is not determined by what others think. Believing in yourself can be difficult, but with the right foundation and mindset, we can push ourselves farther than our thoughts can take us.

Just make that decision every morning. I am courageous. I am beautiful. I am helpful. I am worthy. I am powerful.

Don’t wait for permission (you don’t need it) or for somebody else to tell you (you know it better than they know it). Believe it!

#BeGoalden

As published on Medium.com.

How To Save Yourself

We give so much of ourselves to other people. It’s the nice thing to do. What happens when you don’t have anymore left to give?

It should never get to this point, but it does. Everyday, we put others before ourselves. We make sure other people are fine, yet, we continue to strain ourselves through lack of sleep, ignoring our inner voice and most of all, sacrificing our peace of mind.

Everyone loves you and you’re an awesome and reliable person, but what happens if you just don’t show up?

This is why you must save yourself, FIRST. We can only do so much by saving other people from their problems. Their problems become our problems and we allow it.

Save yourself. Even when you’re in an airplane, they tell you to put your oxygen mask on before you help others. You can’t help anyone if you’re in trouble yourself.

Say no. They’ll get over it. Most of all, they’ll learn to handle their own challenges and become more self-reliant. Or, they may find someone to replace you, but at least it won’t be you.
Stop doing things. It’s easy to get caught up, doing everyday chores on autopilot. The truth is, if you can do it, so can they. Of course, no one can do it like you do it, but you have to remove yourself from the equation sometimes and let them figure it out.
Say ‘yes’ to yourself. Reward yourself. Take a random day off. Watch the sun set. Go to a park and feed the ducks. Stay in the bed a little longer. Do something for you. You deserve it more than anyone else, but no one is going to give you time to yourself – you must take it.

All of this is not to say don’t be helpful. It feels good to help out, but sometimes, people will take you for granted. They expect you to be their personal savior all the time.

Don’t let your niceness become your weakness.

Give yourself permission to say no. Take care of yourself – that’s the only way you’ll be able to help others when they really need it.

If you have a family, pace yourself. Tending to various needs of your loved ones can become a daunting task. Put a plan in place, so you won’t be worn out. Everyone can pitch in and help.

Most of all, take time for yourself. It’s okay to be selfish. You need to be selfish, so you can show up when it’s necessary. You’re not useful to anyone if you aren’t fit mentally and physically.

It’s hard to be great, especially when everyone else is constantly taking the best part of you. Take care of yourself, first. Your future self will thank you for taking the time to become a better you.

#BeGoalden

The Sky Is the Limit

Who knows where the sky ends? It keeps going on and on – it’s final destination does not exist. Therefore, it is limitless, meaning it is without limits.

Who would be crazy enough to put a limit on a beautiful creation, such as the sky?

Yet, we place limits on ourselves all the time. We even allow others to place limits on us.

The dangerous part is: we believe it and accept it as true. Then we live it.

Do you realize how much time is wasted believing in something that is absolutely not true?

Better yet, let’s not waste time thinking about that. It’s time to move on. Become who you are. That idea that’s been in your head all this time? Let’s do the research and see if it works.

The sky is the limit. Drink some water and think it through to action.

You don’t know what you are capable of, until you remove your limited way of thinking.

Let this be the last time you utter the words, “I can’t.”

There will always be someone there to push back on every idea and thought you have. Unless you’re around the right people, it’s best to keep those ideas and thoughts to yourself.

Get around those who want to see you thrive and succeed. Learn to believe in the positive support instead of the negative trash. Don’t choose to give your energy to the bad things others say, but give your energy to the greatness that you know you possess!

There’s always room for growth. We’re all great at something. Letting others put a cap on your abilities will mentally hold you back. Don’t listen to them, as they are reflecting their insecurities on you. Just because they didn’t do it, they want to tell you that you can’t do it.

That is not you. The sky is the limit. It can be achieved, but not if you have a limited mindset. Stop allowing other people to put their issues on you. Become self-aware and know who you are. Keep doing the work, whether you’re working on your personal growth or on an outside project.

Continue to do your best. The last thing you want to say in your old age is, “I wish I would have…”

The sky is the limit.