May 2021 - The Goalden Lady

When Worry Lives In Your Head

The things you worry about take up space in your mind. It’s like the bandwith on your device – it drains your time and energy and slows down other parts of your life.

We can get so caught up in our worrying that we forget to work towards a solution. Is worrying productive? Of course it’s not, but some of us make it a priority as if it’s necessary in order for us to live.

To Worry Or Not To Worry

Worrying is one of those things that can be picked up as a habit from your environment. If you grew up seeing someone being stressed out all of the time, there’s a great chance that you’ll follow the same pattern.

As a child, if you see your parent(s) worrying about bills, it seems like the ‘adult’ thing to do. At a young age, you never think that maybe your parent(s) could be irresponsible with money, which could be the cause of their own stress.

In situations like this, it can be helped. Sometimes, we don’t realize that we cause our own frustrations – we do it to ourselves. No one likes to blame themselves, but we have to take accountability before we can move forward.

If you budget your money in a way that takes care of the bills, you alleviate the weekly worry that you cause. Go to sleep earlier or wake up earlier, so you won’t be late. Exercise and eat a better diet if you don’t feel your best when you’re around others. Whatever puts you in a state of constant worry, do something that can prevent that feeling of uncertainty.

When you prepare in advance for things that you can control, it becomes possible to live in a more productive and happier space. There are things you can do to enhance your confidence and eliminate the doubt that you create.

What happens when things are out of your control and you can’t help but to worry?

Is There Ever A Reason To Worry?

“What about when someone ends up in the hospital or their house burns down?”

Yes, these life situations happen. Some things, we aren’t able to control, but we still have to adapt and adjust. To sit in worry and sadness does not benefit anyone.

Our first reaction is to start worrying, but it shouldn’t be the only reaction we have. In cases when life happens, it’s natural to worry. It’s unnatural to stay in that worry.

If someone is in the hospital, don’t add to their worries with yours. The best thing you can do is be positive and speak life into them. It doesn’t help them if you’re as uneasy and unstable as they are. See the possibilities with them.

When people worry, it can do more harm than good to those they’re worrying about. To be strong when others are in their weakest moments is definitely a difficult thing to do, but you can be the light that they need to see. If everyone else is depressed along with them, it takes away from the strength needed to fight their battle.

Words and actions are powerful.

Be Helpful, Not Hurtful

When it comes to things we can control, the best way to prevent worrying is to prepare. We may not be able to predict everything that’s going to happen, but some things can be helped.

It doesn’t make sense to be a worry-wart when you can actively participate in your own life and make things better. We’re all a work in progress, but you must be active and allow yourself the opportunity to improve.

Life happens to everyone and it can be a cause of worry. The best thing you can do is look on the bright side and work towards positive action. Deal with the situation at hand, but also, be brave enough to see the possibilities. Don’t let worrying make it worse.

Believe in yourself, don’t belittle yourself. Don’t let stress and anxiety live your life for you. The more confident and prepared you are, the less worrisome you’ll be.

Be a warrior, not a worrier.

#TBT: If You’re Going To Quit

If you’re going to quit, then quit:

procrastinating
being hard on yourself
sabotaging your goals
accepting defeat
whining
gossiping
eating junk food
being lazy
lying to yourself
feeding your mind garbage
letting things control you
settling for less
being complacent
accepting what has always been
giving up
wasting time
listening to nonsense
being dramatic
worrying
being indecisive
feeling sorry for yourself
comparing yourself to others
making excuses
getting distracted
complaining
blaming
dodging responsibilities

By all means, go ahead and quit.

Stop Justifying Your Quitting With Excuses

There’s no point in sugarcoating it – justifying your excuses is the reason why you are, where you currently are.

If you’re ambitious and making progress, then this message isn’t for you. This message is for those who are still hoping and waiting for something to happen. “I can’t do this until that happens, first…” is something you tell yourself to avoid taking action.

There’s always something you can do.

Fear of Rejection

One of the main reasons why you’re afraid to make moves is because you fear rejection. The thought of someone telling you “no” hurts your feelings, even in your mind.

No one likes to be rejected, but it’s an important part of our growth. Of course, it doesn’t seem that way when it happens, but if you can put your feelings aside and see the bigger picture, you’ll discover that it’s just another opportunity for improvement.

Rejection can hurt, but only if you let it. Some people have the courage to keep going until they get the results they want, but it takes practice to get that way. It’s like a muscle you have to develop – it becomes stronger and stronger the more you do it.

Remove your emotions and realize that you’re in the process of making progress. All successful people go through it. Get a hold of yourself and be grateful for the fact that you can make as many attempts as you want – your first try shouldn’t be your last.

Make It Make Sense

That’s what happens when you try something and it doesn’t work out. You make it make sense by telling yourself, “I didn’t want it that bad anyway…” or “It was stupid to begin with…”.

That’s simply not true. Don’t dumb yourself down to feel better – if you went after it in the beginning, you wanted it to work out. You made the time to pursue it. Just because the outcome didn’t turn out in your favor, doesn’t mean you have to lie to yourself by making up lame excuses.

People do this to make themselves comfortable. No one likes to feel bad about not getting the job or failing the driver’s test. So instead, we tell ourselves, “It’s not a big deal – I didn’t want it anyway.”

On the other hand, if you were successful, you would be celebrating. You would tell all of your family and friends and welcome their support of your achievement. Brushing it off after it didn’t work out only weakens your position for future accomplishments.

Don’t change the dynamics of your thoughts to justify the failure or rejection. It would serve you better to be honest with yourself – find ways to improve and conquer the challenge before you.

Remember to adjust your strategy, not the goal.

Excuses Are Easy, Improvement Is Hard

Knowing how to shift your mind from seeing rejection to seeing opportunity is a super power that can be practiced and enhanced. Normally, we recognize rejection and we stay there, feeling defeated.

It’s not defeat – it’s the process, letting you know that this way didn’t work, but you’re getting close.

The process is hard work. There’s a lot of getting knocked down and having to get back up and try again. Imagine if you could only try everything once and that was it – game over. What kind of life would that be?

Fortunately, that’s not the case. You have the ability to try as many times as you want to, as many times as it takes until you get the desired result. It’s all to your advantage, but you must be willing to switch your focus from “it didn’t work out” to “I know I can figure this out”.

Don’t be shortsighted and make excuses when it comes to your goals. Shift your thinking. Justify why you should keep going, not why you should quit.

#TBT: Protect Your Conversation

When you have an ‘a-ha’ moment, you want to tell everyone. You’re thrilled and want to share how great your idea is and how you’ll go about your plan. As exciting as it is, everyone won’t share your enthusiasm.

Have you ever been around people who are Negative Nancy’s? No matter what you say, they will surely find a way to make pessimistic remarks. They’re always making snarky comments to bring you down.

If you know someone like this, why would you want to spend your time explaining your idea if you know they’re just going to shoot it down? They intentionally wait for happiness to shine, just so they can bring the rain. Talking to this person can damage your outgoing spirit, so don’t give them too much of your time. I wouldn’t share my hopes and dreams with someone like this.

Having those bright ideas should be an important moment for you. Share it with those who are encouraging and supportive. When you come across those obstacles, you’ll need someone in your corner to help push you forward – not someone that says, “I told you so.”

Be careful who you discuss your goals and dreams with. Talking to the wrong person will certainly kill your dream on the spot. That’s no good for you. You deserve a chance to see it through without any discouragement. You want to be around those who will help you expand and grow, not those who want you to remain stagnant.

Take control of your environment. Be around people that have the same drive as you. Limit your time with the Negative Nancy’s and Debbie Downers. Once you do this, your environment will create itself into a positive circle of optimism. You will be surrounded by forward moving people who encourage you and support your focus.

A plant can not thrive in polluted soil. It eventually becomes weak and stops growing. The weeds will take over and the plant will become part of it’s surroundings.

Change your environment. Be around people who will give you sunshine and rain to grow. Don’t let a bad element overtake you. Plant yourself among the growing element. Be mindful of who you share your bright ideas with. It could be the difference between you reaching your goal or your goal becoming a distant thought.

Opportunity Will Make You Shrink Or Grow

We’re given opportunity through various situations in life. Depending on how you respond, it can build you or break you. When things happen out of our daily rhythm, the opportunity is there, but we have a choice to either shrink back or grow ahead.

There’s no blueprint to life – no one knows what’s going to happen or how it will all end. The best thing we can do is control how we respond and make the right choices.

Blame And Complain Are Friends

One of the easiest things to do, especially when things don’t go our way, is to blame and complain – it’s almost impossible to do one without the other.

Blaming and complaining come as a package deal. If you use one, you’re bound to use the other. It’s the easiest way to avoid responsibility and the quickest way to escape accountability. It’s the lazy man’s “get out of jail free” card.

The lazy man doesn’t exactly get the point. As long as he’s blaming and complaining about his circumstances, others have control over him. If he won’t answer to himself, he’s only allowing others to answer for him.

Blaming and complaining lets you off the hook. It allows you to hand the reins to someone else to take charge. Just know that when you do this, the other person has power over what happens and can maneuver the situation at their will.

You could make suggestions, but you’re not the one holding the reins anymore, so ultimately, it’ll be their decision. This leads to coming up with excuses, just to make yourself feel better, because you gave up your opportunity.

We need to realize that opportunity can come in the form of hard work. It’s not always presented as being wrapped in a bow with a guaranteed happy ending. You must make the choice to commit and mold it into what you know it can become.

Blaming and complaining doesn’t give you that option.

Discomfort And Change Are Friends

Yes, opportunity is sneaky. It’s not easy to recognize, especially when everyone around you is expecting it to look pretty and enticing. You need to be able to spot it, even if it’s dressed ugly.

You wonder why it seems like others seem to have all the luck? It’s because they know how to see what other people look past. Opportunity looks uncomfortable and risky and too hard. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t, but you have to get in the trenches and make something out of it.

Discomfort and change are friends. They may not look good, but if you stay committed, you can make it into something beautiful – you can be one of the “lucky ones”.

When things look difficult and dirty, your first instinct is to leave it alone. Who wants to waste time working towards something that doesn’t look successful? Why keep trying if it doesn’t work out within the next day or two?

Train your mind to be flexible. When you’re flexible, you have the ability to move and think through any situation. Discomfort doesn’t scare you and change doesn’t make you freeze in your path. Instead, it makes you ambitious and resilient and that’s where the opportunity opens up.

We all have a choice to stand still or to move. Standing still is safe, but moving allows progress. Be uncomfortable for a little while, so you can build towards the comfort that you seek. Change is only hard in your mind – once you put one foot in front of the other, little changes grow into that opportunity you were looking for.

Growth Takes Courage

It takes a strong person to embrace discomfort and change. Anytime you have the choice to leave things as they are and play it safe, you’re letting your power slip away from you.

Courage is feeling the fear and following through – even in the face of defeat, you’ll find the strength to push through. The distractions will always be there. If it’s wrong, keep going until you make it right.

As they say, fortune favors the bold. Never be afraid of what might happen. Give yourself a chance to see how well you can adapt and adjust – always bet on yourself.

Discomfort and change are your teachers. It may hurt a little, but it won’t hurt for long. Don’t be afraid to grow yourself into the person you know you are.

#TBT: A Mistake Is Not Permission To Give Up

Everywhere we look, we see people who seem to have it all together. Their entire life has been made to look like one huge success.

In reality, those people made mistakes. Those same people dealt with obstacles and mishaps. Essentially, they failed their way to success.

What do we expect when we’re making our goals happen? Is it supposed to be easy, or even fair? Should one day of thinking about the results be enough to get there?

What Is A Mistake?

Most people think that mistakes are a bad thing – that it only happens when you’re doing something wrong. While that is somewhat a valid definition, it’s not completely true.

A mistake is feedback. Nothing more, nothing less. When you make a mistake, it’s not the end. Really, it’s the advice or direction you need in order to proceed further.

Mistakes are just another way to tell you to readjust your plan. When you see a detour sign on the road, you don’t turn around and go home. You simply discover a new route to your destination.

A Mistake Allows You To Figure It Out

Another reason some of us don’t get a chance to accomplish anything, is because we want the exact blueprint to get where we’re going and it doesn’t exist.

Everybody’s path is unique to them. Two people in the same type of business may be successful, but they didn’t get there by following an exact ‘this is how you do it’ template.

Your journey is yours to experience. No one else can follow your path because we all have different situations we have to live out. Therefore, every challenge and obstacle will be specific to that person.

Everyone doesn’t have the same drive and motivation to achieve their goals. You may have more focus than your friend, or your friend may be more persistent than you. How you navigate your circumstances determines your degree of success.

What Success Really Looks Like

What does success really look like? No one hardly ever puts out the down side of achieving their goals, but it definitely happens.

Prior to achieving your goal, you may experience any of the following:

late nights
early mornings
short on money
negative self-chatter
feeling lazy
the wrong thing happens at the wrong time
the right thing happens at the wrong time
low self-esteem
pity parties
giving up

It takes a strong mindset and more than normal effort to continue until you see your desired results, but it’s all a part of the journey.

Give Yourself Permission

Instead of taking the easy way out and being average, give yourself permission to stay up late until you finish or do just one more rep. No one should have to tell you how to win at your game.

One of the biggest things you should focus on is not giving up. A mistake is not a hint for you to give up and feel sorry for yourself. It is not confirmation that you’re on the wrong track. Adjust your path, but keep running.

Let’s be honest – you may have tried, but not hard enough. You’re capable of reaching your dreams, but you have to know it.

Do whatever it takes for you to believe and move forward – say positive affirmations, smile at yourself in the mirror, or compliment yourself in some kind of way – it doesn’t matter, but you’ve got to know that you are just as worthy and deserving of your achievements.

There is no mistake, distraction or insult that can stop you. Know that the only person that can stop you is yourself. Have the confidence to believe in you, go out and accomplish your dreams.

Education Doesn’t Just Happen In School…

The world is lot bigger than you think. The internet has shown that, but what about seeing it personally, for yourself?

Education doesn’t just happen in school, it happens all around us. Some people get their best education interacting with the real world. There’s many things you can learn with real world experience.

On the other hand, some people are still stuck on formal education. Not so long ago, that may have been the only way to “guarantee” your success, but times have changed and it’s important that we realize this and change along with it.

Formal Education

In some places around the world, formal education is the law. There still may be some countries that lack a public school or a place for kids to learn initially, but it’s the desire for every parent to provide some sort of formal education for their child.

It starts with elementary or grade school. You’re taught the basics of how to read, write and how to do math. This is the foundation of all learning. From here, it gets a bit more intricate.

Somewhere down the line, we begin taking standardized tests, among other types of measurements of intelligence, to see how “smart” (or standard) we are. Are we moving at the average pace? Did we retain enough knowledge to move forward to the next grade? In essence, are we really learning anything, or taking in just enough to get to the next level?

Experiencing Education

In most instances, we’re taught the theory of operating in the real world, without having to go through real world experience. Can you learn how to run a business just by reading a book about it? Maybe you can, but it’s much better to get hands-on experience, as opposed to speculating and reading information about it.

You may be book smart, but that’s not where your education should end. Working in different places offers a different look at how the outside world operates. Every transaction with every person won’t give you the same outcome. This type of learning allows you to adapt and adjust to different situations and circumstances.

It’s good to read about how to drive a car, but until you get behind the wheel, it’s totally unlike what you would expect. Would you rather someone read the book and teach you, or have someone who has actually driven before teach you?

The outside world should be an extension of your inside education. Being taught by experience offers a new perspective of how things really happen. It gives you a better appreciation of how things are done. This is where real growth happens.

We’re All Cut Different

All people are different and we have different strengths and weaknesses. There’s nothing “standard” about anyone of us. We may have similarities in how we do things, but we’re still individuals with the ability to think out own thoughts and to act beyond what we’ve been taught.

And that’s where the real world comes in. The real world allows you to think outside the box and create your own path. In school, we’re taught to memorize several theories and equations for various things, but that always doesn’t compute to success in the real world. Some may argue that those theories and equations teach you how to think, but it’s not the only way – there are more strategies that demonstrate how to stretch your thinking.

With that in mind, the real world teaches you how to think in all types of situations. Depending on what you want to be in life, a formal education can be important, but just know that one type of education fits every type of person.

Get Out

Don’t close yourself off after you’re done with school. There’s so much more to learn – so many more experiences to be had.

Whether you prefer a formal education or a real world education, you’re still in control of your mindset and how to set your path.

Whatever you choose, always keep an open mind. Be aware by allowing learning to take place wherever you are. It doesn’t always have to be in a classroom for it to be real – it occurs any and everywhere.

#TBT: How To Achieve Big Dreams With Small Steps

Having goals and dreams are an important part of success. How would you know where to go or what to do without some sort of plan in place?

Having a strategy will give you direction, but what else do you need? When we’re asked what our dreams and goals are, we normally respond with our hopes and wishes. That’s great, but that won’t be enough to get you there.

“What Are Your Dreams And Goals?”

“I hope I can make lots of money! I hope I can work for a top 10 company!” This is how we look at our goals. We know the results we want, but we don’t think about the details and how we’re going to get there.

Everyone wants to make a lot of money, but the most important thing is how will you make it happen? Exactly, what do you need to do? Do you need to go to school for training? Are you able to work as an apprentice? Could you read a couple of books and get started right away?

Seeing the big picture is the blueprint of your goals. The other aspect you must focus on are the details.

Details Create Results

Everyone wants a chocolate cake, but no one wants to go through the process of making it. Sometimes, it’s enough to make some people not want it at all.

If you want your dream bad enough, you’ll work through the small details. Hoping and wishing will not get you the results you’re looking for. Yes, it’s important to have faith and believe in yourself, but you must back that up with action and the action is in the details.

Don’t be afraid to tackle the process – it’ll be well worth your time and effort. Being lazy about it won’t bring it to life.

The details are what make your dreams come true. It doesn’t happen overnight – you have to continue to move forward, even in the face of adversity.

Obstacles And Challenges

Working through the process also comes with hurdles that you must solve and get over.

Obstacles and challenges can occur at any moment. Remember, this is not permission to stop, but to figure it out, become smarter and move on. These inconvenient mishaps are what teaches you lessons and make you stronger.

Also, you will make mistakes. No one has ever achieved their goals without getting things wrong. Making a mistake simply gives you feedback and allows you to create a better way of going about your strategy.

Dreams Aren’t Easy

People on social media make achieving their dreams look so easy and stress-free. No one posts about their failures and setbacks. All you get to see is the pretty side of success.

We know the end result of what we want, but let’s not forget to do the hard part and fill in the details. The details are where you actually build your dreams.

No, it’s not easy and you won’t get it all done today. What you can do is start today by being productive and intentional by working on your plan. Write down the little things you need to do on a daily basis to see the big picture.

The results are the byproduct of your journey. If you concentrate on the details while keeping the dream in mind, you will accomplish what you set out to do and possibly more.

#BeGoalden

Use Nature As A Way To Get Unstuck

Everything in nature happens at the right time. A thunderstorm may seem damaging, but the beauty it produces wouldn’t exist without it.

It happens. Times when you’re on top of the world, everything is going right and eventually, it comes crashing down.

It may not be your fault, but you must see through it and not get stuck. We all want to celebrate and be happy when life is going our way (and we want it to be that way forever), but when it presents a challenge, our mood quickly changes.

Most people will play the victim, complain, blame and look for a hero to save them. Some will make a little effort before stopping all together. A few will get up and take responsibility of the situation and pivot.

The important thing is to not give in. Yes, give yourself time to get through your feelings, but don’t let it take forever. We all have feelings of, “I wish it wouldn’t have happened – why did it happen now – maybe I’m not good enough.” Acknowledge them, but recognize when it’s time to move on.

Nature Opens Your Mind

The challenging thing about rebuilding yourself or getting through an obstacle, is starting from scratch. Asking for help is fine, but don’t expect someone to take on the entire responsibility of changing your life.

Once you’ve got all of your emotions out and under control, take a walk outside. Go walking out in nature (preferably without your phone or with your phone on silent) and allow your mind to wander. Notice how everything around you grows and activates in it’s own time.

There is a season for everything.

Such is life. Things will happen that will knock you out of rhythm, but it could be time to pivot and do something else. To think that nothing will come out of it and avoid taking action is to fail before you begin. Failure is what leads us to learning the best way towards the outcome that we want. The trick is to learn and adjust your next move.

Figure It Out

After taking a walk, figure out what you’re going to do next. It doesn’t have to be the entire plan – just focus on the next step. Often times, we look at the whole picture without adjusting the details. As you go, you will grow.

At the same time, know that yesterday and the past is over. The only thing you can control is now. You may see it as something that’s stopping you or holding you back, but life always finds a way to present new opportunities within the challenges. Learn to let go of the past and embrace the unknown of the future.

It’s okay if you don’t have a clear vision of what’s going to happen – that’s the beauty of it. You get to discover something that could potentially change your life, or help someone else in the process. Even if it doesn’t turn out good, at least you have a story to tell. No one is perfect.

Have faith and determination about the next step you’re going to take. If it didn’t turn out the way you expected, do something else. There’s no need to put yourself down and go down the path of victimhood. You have greatness in you and you’re currently on the journey to allow it to come to reality.

Think Forward

This is the foundation of building yourself back up. Start, fail, pivot, repeat. It’s the only way to move forward and find out what you’re really capable of. You’ve heard the stories of people who became their best after hitting rock bottom, or after experiencing some life changing event. You may feel like it’s all over, but it’s just beginning. You get to design what you want your life to look like starting now.

Understand that this will take time – it won’t happen in 48 hours. All you have to do is keep putting one foot in front of the other. Other people may be ahead of you, but that’s not your story. Stay on course and be focused. Don’t measure your success by someone else’s ruler.

Life isn’t all cotton candy and rainbows, but we possess the ability to make it better by being more productive with our actions. Take a hint from a nature walk. There will always be ups and downs, but know that you can always get back up and start again.