January 2021 - The Goalden Lady

#TBT: Organize Your Overwhelm

There are a million things that need to get done. It can flood our minds to the point where we become stagnant and we won’t get anything done. You silently hope that something will give, so there will be one less thing to think about.

Being overwhelmed is mental weight. If not managed correctly, it will zap your mental energy throughout your entire day because you can’t stop thinking about all the things that need to be done. You know you can do it, but it’s so much, it feels like you’re stuck and you don’t know where to start.

Overwhelm is a major cause of self-care denial. We’re so busy doing things for others that we forget about caring for ourselves.

Becoming overwhelmed is a responsibility you have to accept. No one makes you do anything – you make the choice to take on different tasks from different directions. You take on so much that you wear yourself down and that’s not healthy, mentally or physically.

What Can You Do?

Overwhelm doesn’t have to consume your life. There are a few ways you can break free from your mental prison.

Brain dump. Every evening before bed, do a brain dump. A brain dump is when you write down everything that needs to be done the next day. It declutters your mind from those thoughts that keep popping up in your head. Not only does it relieve mental stress, but you are able to have a more restful sleep. Your mind won’t be overloaded with the things you have to remember to do the next day. Try it out – it works.
Delegate. We all know that you do it the best and no one else can do it better than you. It may be true, but get over it. Some things can be outsourced or delegated. For your mental sake, ask someone else to do it – we know it won’t be to your standards, but for you to make any kind of improvement, you need to let some things go and allow others to do it. It might not be perfect, but the world is still turning.
Write it down. Take a few minutes and write out what you’re going to do and when you’ll do it. Give it a special time. It doesn’t take long to make a list. The hardest thing will be completing them. Also, when you write it down, you remove some of the burden from your mind – when you complete it, it will be totally out of your mind. Create more space in your mind for other tasks and thinking by writing down what needs to be done and following through.

There’s no magic trick to getting everything done all at once, but you can manage the mental load.

When you get to a place where you feel everything is flowing and under control, it’ll open up some extra time. What can you do with that extra time? Something for yourself.

#BeGoalden

Success Is Always On The Next Level

Success isn’t a one-time event, even though we may treat it as such. After you achieve your goal, there should be another goal in place to take you to the next level.

This is where some people get stuck – they succeed at something and then, they stop. They hold on to that one accomplishment for so long, they don’t realize they should have put new parameters in place to keep leveling up.

The World Keeps Moving

What happens after you reach your destination? Most people celebrate. They tell everyone about their achievement and wear it like a piece of gold. “Look at me – look what I did!”

While celebrating is fine, it doesn’t push you to the next level of greatness. It feels good to be successful, especially if you worked hard to get there. At the same time, you must remember that it’s not the end of your journey.

Don’t remain stuck in time, bragging about your one success. We’ve seen people who keep reliving that one glory moment – they bring it up as if it’s brand new, in every conversation.

While everyone else is pursuing their present lives, they continue to stay locked in that time capsule. For whatever reason, they’re unable to get past that moment of bliss. Everyone else has moved on, but what is it that holds them back in time?

The Fear Of Elevating

Of course, you don’t want to be the person that everyone avoids because you can’t stop talking about your one accomplishment. No one wants to be around that person.

Being successful can be stressful because it takes so much effort and action to accomplish your goal. Going through setbacks, constant mistakes, dealing with fear and overcoming obstacles – it’s definitely not for the weak.

What keeps people from pushing to the next level of their lives is the fear of being uncomfortable. You don’t want to go through all of the challenges again, so you hold on to what you’ve already done. You keep reminding people of the same old achievement because you fear fighting a new battle.

You don’t stay relevant by repeating the same story a thousand times. The only way you will overcome this mindset and move to the next level is by creating a new you.

Getting To The Next Level

If you want to get to the next level, you will have to create a new you. The old you is attached to the old success. The new you will find a new success to work towards and claim.

Creating a new you doesn’t mean you have to forget who you are and change your name – it simply means that you put new standards in place to help reach those new heights.

Yes, it may be a bit more difficult, but how else will you elevate yourself to the next level? No one will hand you success – it is something you work for and earn. If it was easy, everyone would be successful.

It may take getting up earlier, learning a new course, rearranging your schedule or sacrificing a little comfort. Just like a video game, you can only level up after conquering the last one. With the new level, your character changes by possessing a new advantage they didn’t have before. You must do something different if you want to see something different happen.

There Are Levels To Success

Being content and comfortable does not promote success. Right before you reach your goal, a new one should already be set. The world doesn’t stop just because you won once – you must keep winning.

Success isn’t a destination, it’s a journey. Don’t be afraid to create and meet the new you. The only way you’re going to make it to the next level is to eliminate the fear of moving forward, by setting new standards and rules.

Distractions and obstacles will always be there, but it doesn’t mean you have to accept them and stay stagnant. Continue to build yourself into a more productive and disciplined person – you can do this by learning new skills, improving your circle and creating different habits.

Anything you do is hard until you accomplish it. Never back down from a challenge – it could be the path to the next level of your success!

#TBT: Rejection Is A Part Of Growing

When we attempt to do something, we’ve been conditioned to cringe at the word ‘no.’ What makes this word so scary?

Whatever we do, we always look for approval, or a ‘yes.’ Getting a ‘no’ breaks us down, mentally.

Rejection is actually more constructive than we think it is. What can a ‘no’ do for you?

A ‘no’ will make you stronger. Don’t let your feelings get hurt. If people say ‘yes’ to you all the time, you become soft. You’ll expect everyone to give in to you and make you feel comfortable. There is no progress in comfort. Rejection is like exercising: the more reps you do, the stronger your muscle will become. Build your confidence, not your comfort level.
‘No’ sets you up for the best rewards. After going through so much rejection, the reward will be that much better. If you allow it to stop you, you’ll never know what could have been. Getting past a ‘no’ many times will prepare you for more opportunities in the future, because others will give up on their first try.
The more you hear ‘no,’ the more resilient you’ll be. After you hear it so much, you’ll have thick skin. Having thick skin means you can handle it like a pro. You know how to brush it off and move on. It shows that you’re not a quitter. Also, you prove to yourself that you have what it takes to be resilient and become successful.

Train yourself to keep going. Rejection is not there to make you feel bad, it’s there to push you to the next level. There won’t be a breakthrough unless you continue to take action.

As soon as you hear ‘no,’ move on to the next person. The word doesn’t hurt you, just your ego. Keep your emotions under control, so it won’t slow down your momentum. Always think, ‘what’s the next step.’

Don’t cheat yourself. ‘No’ is just code for ‘you can do it, so keep going.’ It puts you that much closer to getting a ‘yes.’ Don’t waste your time overthinking it – your only concern is to get results.

Rejection is very difficult to hear at first, but after a while, you’ll get the hang of it. You’ll develop a solid work ethic and become relentless. It doesn’t matter what others think – what matters is that you stay on track until you reach your goal.

Don’t Find Yourself, Create Yourself

No one ever talks about how to create the person you want to become – it’s always about “finding” yourself. The way you use words matter and in this case, it can mean the difference between drifting through life and living intentionally.

What does it mean to “find” yourself? Have you been lost all this time? Is life already planned out, without your input? Would your thoughts and ideas even make a difference?

What Is “Finding” Yourself?

Life as a young adult can be an adventure. We have many options, depending on our situation – going to college, finding a job, sitting at home or just figuring things out.

There’s another option what some people like to call “finding” yourself. This phrase is mostly used when you don’t know what you’re doing, where you’re going or how you’re going to get there.

Fast forward five years and ask the person who was “finding” themselves what they are doing now. Some will have a story to tell, but most will still be stuck at figuring out who they are and what they want to do.

When you’re “finding” yourself, it implies that you’re lost. It seems like you must go somewhere and reclaim an identity that someone stole from you. There’s nothing lost about you – who you are is not randomly waiting for your surprise arrival.

Sometimes you’ll find things and sometimes you won’t. Do you want to take that chance in the peak of your life? Or, would you rather be deliberate about following a path that will lead you close to where you really want to be?

How To Create Yourself

Taking some time to “find” yourself should be phrased differently. We like to call it creating yourself (words matter).

Instead of “finding” yourself, create yourself. This gives the idea that you are in control of directing your life. “Finding” yourself happens by chance, but creating yourself happens with intention.

If you don’t know who you want to be, this is the perfect time to begin building a foundation for yourself. You get to develop quality standards and enhance certain habits, everyday.

Start by doing research on the person you admire most. Do they wake up early in the morning? Do they read ten books a month? Are they only working four hours a week? Where do they live? Do they work more than they sleep?

These are lifestyle habits that give you an idea of how to follow your own path. You don’t have to do everything single thing that they do, but it gives you a sense of building yourself. This is how we all start – we pull what we admire from others and piece it into our own lives.

At the same time, if there’s something that doesn’t work for you (like waking up every morning at 5am), don’t be afraid to change it. Make adjustments to your liking. Everyone’s blueprint isn’t the same. Some people are early risers and some are night owls.

This is where the creating comes in – this is you building yourself. If a certain routine doesn’t work for you, create another one. Take responsibility for your actions and decisions. Don’t be timid about making mistakes and experiencing failure – they only point you in the right direction.

Be Proud Of Your Progress

Eventually, creating yourself will put you on the right path to the life you want to live. Don’t just set out to “find” yourself, be intentional and have a purpose.

Be thoughtful about who you want to be and what you want to do. Don’t leave it up to the world to tell you who you are, CREATE who you are! The power is in your hands – you are the writer, director, actor/actress and the editor of your life’s movie.

Take what you already know and use it to your advantage to grow even more. The progress you make will inevitably lead you to your success!

#TBT: How To Change A Bad Past Into A Bright Future

Judging your future by your past impedes your progress and stifles your potential. If you have control over the possibilities, why not stretch and see how far you can go?

What is holding you back at this moment? Is there something you want to do, but that invisible voice keeps giving you excuses and telling you it’s not possible?

We’ve all experienced the doubts and fear that creeps into our minds, convincing us that it won’t work. All it takes is a few seconds of listening and we decide to play it safe, without even putting forth an effort.

Effort and failure is what carries you to success. Giving up because it didn’t work the last time you tried, is not the way to go – get out of your past and take action towards a better future.

The Past Is Your Teacher

Learning from the past can be a good blueprint for life. There are unfortunate things that happened, which you don’t care to experience anymore. This is helpful when making quick decisions.

Things like not putting your hand on a hot stove, or wearing a seat belt while riding in a car – those things can prevent significant harm or save your life altogether. Because of this, you depend on your past to help you in the future.

All of the various situations you experience in the past can contribute to how you live your life, currently. Some good, some bad, but it’s up to you to determine how it allows you to move forward.

The present is always happening. Your mind is constantly having thoughts and reacting to stimuli. Your past has a tremendous influence on each moment, as it occurs. How does this affect you in your everyday life?

The Past Doesn’t Decide Your Future

Sometimes, you can let your past dictate your present and future. Unconsciously, you can hold your present hostage by reacting with what you know, as opposed to doing something different to change the outcome.

If you had a bad business deal in the past, it doesn’t mean that every business deal will be bad. If you failed a science test, it doesn’t mean that you’ll fail every science test in the future.

Just because something went wrong the first time around doesn’t mean it will go wrong forever, whenever it happens. When it’s in your control to change the outcome, think of how you can adjust the details to make it work.

Turn the hot stove off, instead of touching it. Get past references before doing a business deal. Attempt to study in a different place before the science test. It is your responsibility to build your future by correcting the mistakes of the past.

How Analysis Paralysis Occurs

Analysis paralysis is a real obstacle. It’s when you overthink or consume so much information, you end up not doing anything at all. It’s better to proceed and make a mistake, because you learn what not to do and can make another attempt. Sitting still and not doing anything because of your fear of what might happen, is not effective.

Researching information is necessary for making decisions, but if you give yourself too many options, you’ll end up doing nothing. You’re so full of different choices, you become unable to make a move. The confusion alone becomes the new issue that needs to be conquered.

Realize that consulting with your past has it’s benefits. If anything, it should assist you in moving forward more strategically, putting you in a place to win. The rear view mirror is used to make better decisions, not to see how terribly wrong things might turn out.

It’s also important to note that you shouldn’t live in your past. Get whatever information and logic you need in order to make intentional moves, but don’t get stuck there. Some people will stay in the past a little too long and begin to overthink the outcome and hinder their growth. This is a common path to analysis paralysis.

Intentional Decisions

When thinking through a situation, you normally go back to your own understanding and experience, but your experience isn’t the only way to creating a definite solution.

If you grew up with parents who were drunk all of your life, you can make one of two decisions. Your experience will either teach you to be a drunk parent, or it will teach you that you don’t want to be a drunk parent. You may have experienced it, but it doesn’t mean you have to follow through in that particular way.

Make intentional decisions. Use your past experiences to make calculated moves in the future. It doesn’t make sense to make the same mistakes repeatedly, especially if you know better.

You can change your outlook on life by making forward-thinking choices. Allow your past to guide you, but don’t let it drive you down the same road that leads to nowhere. Let it give you the boost you need to make more intelligent and constructive choices. Everyone has a past – don’t let yours define you.

#BeGoalden

Mastering The Art of The Start

Getting ready to start can be a hindering activity. There are so many plans and research that goes into making it perfect, sometimes, the idea may not actually come into existence.

They say the start is always the hardest part. It can be, but if you look at starting from a different perspective, it can be productive, just as it should be.

Thinking Ahead Of Time

We often think too far ahead when we come up with our bright ideas. It’s great to think forward, but you must think forward productively.

It doesn’t help when you overthink. “What if this doesn’t work out – who’s going to help me – how long will it take me to do this?” All of these thoughts are self-defeating. They only promote procrastination and fear.

What happens when procrastination and fear become involved? Absolutely nothing. Every little fear you have contributes to the delay of your idea. It’s a comfortable place to be, but you must avoid hesitating, as this becomes a bad habit that becomes difficult to break.

Doing the opposite will save you more time and mental energy. Upon thinking of your idea, develop the habit of taking some sort of action towards it. Of course, you won’t complete the entire project in one hour, but do something to get you going in the right direction. Taking immediate action allows you to build your ambition muscle.

Excuses, Excuses

Most of the time, it’s best to keep your ideas to yourself. Unless you’re surrounded with a supportive environment, it’s best to move in silence.

As soon as you share your thoughts about your goals, most people will automatically shoot it down. They’ll say negative things like, “You can’t do that – that won’t work – who do you think you are?”

This is why you must be careful of who you have in your inner circle. People will say negative things and give you excuses all day long, just to make themselves feel better. It’s as if they’re saying, “I can’t do it, so you can’t either.”

Don’t allow yourself to become trapped in that box. It’s an easy practice to pick up – before you know it, you’re saying it to yourself and others.

As corny as repeating affirmations may sound, it’s a valuable habit. Others around you are calling you names and constantly telling you what you can’t do, but affirmations provide the foundation of accomplishing what you can do.

Words can be powerful. Start replacing those easy excuses with positive affirmations – see how your thoughts and actions increase towards success.

You Are In Control

When you make a decision to start, you’re in control. You’ve made the decision to begin a new project and you will see it through. What happens during the process can sometimes be out of your control.

This is where overthinking and excuses comes in and destroys your efforts. You may not control how it goes after you start, how far it will take you or who sees it, but you won’t regret making the attempt. Planning helps, but be able to adapt and adjust. Get in the habit of starting without expecting perfection.

Yes, we should have high standards and work towards being successful, but also realize that it’s more about building yourself in the process – the results will come. Too many people get caught up in their emotions because it didn’t turn out the way they wanted, so they give up.

The fact is, you started and did your best. If it doesn’t turn out in your favor, do it again – now, you have constructive feedback and an improved strategy to go on. As long as you start, your skills will continue to develop and get better. No one gets it right the very first time, so get over it and keep going.

Start Starting

Have you ever looked back in your life and wished you would have started something? That’s what you don’t want to happen. Regret is one of the biggest disappointments you can live with. It can be avoided, but you must start and continue to start.

Understand that the journey is what builds you. Everything from your level of discipline, focus, persistence, determination, resilience, consistency, work ethic – it all comes from constantly starting. Your idea can only advance through improvement.

The achievement will come, but first, you must master the art of the start.

#TBT: When An Unexpected Moment Turns Into A Lifetime

Don't Let One Unexpected Moment Turn Into A Lifetime

We go through life, choosing different unexpected moments to highlight throughout our day. Some of those moments are fulfilling and others can ruin us for days, while disturbing our potential.

The challenges that occur in life, happens to everyone. It may not be the exact same issue, or maybe not as severe compared to some, but things come up daily that we need to deal with.

Are you the person who takes it all in stride or do you allow it to wreck the rest of your day? What does it take to move on successfully? How do you respond to those unexpected situations?

Moments Happen

You have your day planned out in your head. Things are going well, then all of a sudden, you get a flat tire. This wasn’t part of the plan. Great.

Most people will let their entire day go down the drain, just because their tire went flat. At the same time, you could put your emotions aside and deal with it.

Things happen all the time, whether we plan for it or not. Yes, it puts a wrinkle in your day, but what can you do? You can either be mad and handle it, or you can be glad that you know how to handle it and move on with your day.

Your Moment, Your Choice

The unexpected is almost impossible to avoid. It’s hard to tell when it’s going to happen and even more difficult to know what to plan for. The closest thing you can do is prepare for it.

Even though you may think that when the unexpected happens, you have no choice but to endure it, but that’s not totally true. There’s no doubt that you have to get through it, but you can control how you respond to the situation.

Most people choose to be mad about it, even when it’s over. Your tire went flat, now you have to change it or call for help, then, you’ll be late for work and the rest of your day is completely off.

While that may be true, you could also easily decide to deal with the challenge at hand and move on. It may have some effect on the rest of your day, but don’t allow it to control the rest of your day (or life).

Let It Go

There are people who will let a flat tire ruin their entire week. The issue was fixed, but they choose to hold on to those negative feelings of having to spend money, the wasted time, and just the inconvenience of it all.

Life has moved on, but they are still on last week. There are positive things that have happened since then, but they’re too busy being stuck on the flat tire to acknowledge it.

This goes for everything. No matter what happens, we must learn how to deal with it in the moment and continue on. The worst thing you can do is to keep reliving that moment over and over again, willingly. Don’t let that moment drag into the rest of your life. Let it go.

Get Over It

As harsh as it may sound, we all must get to a place where we can get it over with, then, get over it.

Get it over with, then, get over it.

It happened. It was troublesome, unexpected and it cost money. Look at the bright side – you got through it and you learned how to prepare a little bit better for it next time.

Bad times don’t deserve a permanent spot in your life, but your goals do. The same energy it takes to be mad at the unexpected, could be the same energy you use to fuel your dreams at any time.

Don’t let one moment turn into a lifetime. You are strong and you will get through it, but you have to believe that you can. Get over it, move on and don’t look back – you’re not going that way.

#BeGoalden

The Fear of Judgment Is What Stops You

Fear is the “go-to” reason we use when you stop yourself from moving forward. Your mind becomes frozen and you procrastinate.

What’s the real reason behind fear? It can be many things, but there is one variable that goes unnoticed behind the “fear” facade – judgment.

What Are You Afraid Of?

The basic definition of fear is being afraid to do something. Have you ever thought of why you are scared to follow through with an idea?

When you begin working on your idea, you know there will be obstacles, mistakes and failures to overcome. It’s inevitable – it’s going to happen.

If you know this, why do you continue to run away from it? You want to be successful, but you don’t want to experience the embarrassment and setbacks that comes with it. It’s too much to take, so you just ignore it and stay average.

There’s no doubt that it can be debilitating at times, but how else will you get there? It’s not going to happen by wishing and hoping – that alone, won’t do it. At some point, you must get past the fear of being judged and move on.

Judgment Is An Illusion

“What will my friends think? What if I look stupid? What if it doesn’t work and everyone sees? What if I have to start over in front of everybody?”

Judgment from others is the basis of fear. No one likes to look like they don’t know what they’re doing – we all want to look like the genius! We want the adoring fans, the easy journey and the perfect life.

Before you can get to all of that, you have to get over your fear of being judged, because that’s simply what it takes. Think about your favorite person – do you think they didn’t go through embarrassment or hardships to get to where they are? You don’t think they sacrificed their feelings at some point to keep going?

Judgment will definitely put a stop to whatever you’re attempting to do, all because you’re more concerned about how you’ll look in front of others – instead, think about what you can create and contribute to the world.

Get Over It

One way to get over the fear of judgment is to look at the bigger picture. Unless your life is in danger, what you “fear” probably shouldn’t stress you out. Sometimes, we pick and choose what we react to and how we react – in the grand scheme of things, most things we react to really don’t even matter.

Another way to overcome judgment is by keeping your goals to yourself. Don’t give your time and energy to other people’s opinions of what you do. Continue to immerse yourself in your work and make your progress quietly.

You can also train your mind to acknowledge that everyone’s comments about your work isn’t about you, it’s really about them. This is the truth – people often project their self-doubt upon you. If they aren’t successful, you can’t be successful – if they didn’t go to college, you can’t go to college – if their marriage ended in divorce, yours will end in divorce.

The bottom line is you must see past those opinions. Most people are going to be jealous of what you do anyway, so why make it convenient for them by taking on their insecurities as your own?

Success Awaits You

If you can get past the fact that you will be judged and not allow it to hurt your feelings and put a stop to your journey, success awaits you.

Fear comes in many forms and you must learn how to handle it, no matter how it shows up. The main objective is to keep your focus and keep moving forward. Those setbacks, obstacles and failures only improve your strategy.

So many people have given up on their goals, just because of what someone else has said. Words have power, but only if you let them. Be mindful of what you say to others, as well as how you interpret what they say to you.

Your success does not depend on other people’s words. Instead of judging, be encouraging and supportive. Sometimes, all you need is a positive word to help you take, what seems to be, that next scary step.