August 2020 - The Goalden Lady

Having Empathy Makes The World Better

Having empathy goes farther than getting temporary revenge, or becoming angry for the rest of the day. People will cut you off in traffic. Someone may have a hyper child in the doctor’s office. The cashier at the store was rude to you for no reason.

Are people doing these things to be mean? Is it up to you to bring it to their attention or call them out on it? Consider using empathy as a tool to keep calm and carry on.

What Is Empathy?

Empathy is the experience of the feelings, thoughts or attitudes of another person. Instead of having a bad attitude right back at the other person, you understand where they are coming from and possibly why they did what they did.

When someone cuts you off in traffic, are they doing it just because they can, or are they in a rush to the hospital? Normally, we think of other people as being rude and obnoxious – they want things their way and they don’t care who they hurt in the process.

Having empathy allows you to make room for understanding. There’s no doubt that some people are just rude and obnoxious, but not everyone. Some people have a very good reason for speeding or breaking down at work. It’s not always the case, but let’s be more considerate before we judge and react.

Empathy Is Better Than Bitterness

One day, I was in the store with my mom and sister, in the checkout line. There was a lady in the front of us, rudely talking to the cashier. “If you didn’t want to be here, you shouldn’t have came to work! Your attitude is unacceptable!”

As we approached the cashier, we could see that she looked a mess, crying and going through the motions of ringing up our items. She didn’t greet us or look at us. She didn’t even tell us our total for us to pay.

As a child, I felt bad for her because she was obviously hurting and the lady before us didn’t help the situation by creating a distraction for others to see. My mom payed for our things and as we were leaving the store, the supervisor apologized to us.

“I’m sorry about that – she’s had a rough morning. She found out that someone in her family passed away.” That explains it all.

The cashier wasn’t being impolite or disrespectful on purpose. People handle grief differently – maybe she wanted to work to take her mind off of the death in her family. The lady before us didn’t help the situation by mouthing off and being rude.

Be Mindful Of Others

Make an attempt to be empathetic before judging. Yes, there are some people out there who do things just to show off or because they feel like it, but there are others out there who are dealing with more than we know.

The same way you want others to be considerate and have empathy for you, have the same consideration and empathy for others. Again, it’s not always the case that people have a good reason for doing something out of the ordinary, but it gives you peace for yourself, as opposed to being angry for the rest of the day.

Don’t waste your good energy, when you don’t know the whole story. It’s easy to judge, but it’s hard to have empathy. Let’s be more human to each other. People look for attention in the wrong ways – sometimes, all they need is for someone to understand and listen.

Be the example and show the world what true empathy looks like.

#TBT: Learning To Self-Educate

Once we graduate from school, most of us are glad to get out of the mundane, everyday cycle of sitting in a class, taking tests and doing homework.

Traditional school is the basis of your learning. It’s not perfect, but for the most part, it teaches you the fundamentals to get along in the world.

The path to education has changed the learning landscape now. Learning is no longer limited to a school building. Although this is the way we still provide education, it extends beyond that.

Learning For Yourself

The internet has changed the education game. Twenty years ago, you couldn’t go to school online or listen to an in-depth podcast on what you like to do. Sometimes, when you’re inside the change that’s happening in real time, it’s hard to realize the benefits around you.

It doesn’t take any effort to learn anything, today. Back then, you had to learn AT school or ON the job.

Today, you can learn anything from the internet. You can Google it, watch a YouTube video or listen to the podcast.

Somewhere in that little device, is the answer to your question.

You want to learn how to install a car engine? YouTube it. You want to repair your credit? Listen to a credit repair podcast. You need a little inspiration, motivation or you feel stuck? Go to the Goalden Lady website.

No matter what it is, the answer is accessible – it’s there and it’s free! Don’t limit yourself by being stubborn and doing it the old way. There are so many options and possibilities now, it’s ridiculous, but it’s ridiculously great!

Use The Advantage

If anything, the internet has made learning more interesting and fun. It’s beneficial to everyone, on all levels. The best thing we can do today is take advantage of it. Gone are the days where you have to call, sit and wait for someone’s help. Today, you can grow and make progress on your own.

Make a decision to open yourself up and take a chance at becoming better. Achieving your goals still takes hard work, discipline and focus on your part in order to see success. The path of action may not be easier, but having (and using) access to your resources gives you more of a head start.

Keep learning. Self-education is key. We are no longer confined to a ‘one way only’ system. You can do so much more with technology today. You have the power, literally, in your hands. Learn it and leverage it.

#BeGoalden

Focus On The Task, Avoid The Interruptions

Being able to focus in a world of ‘shiny objects’ is difficult to do these days. A ping here, a ding there – notifications have taken over our lives.

What if you could get back your focus and actually do what you really want to do? Distractions are convenient, but your focus must be intentional if you want to reach your goals.

Internet & Social Media

One thing you can do is turn off any notifications that you have on. There may be some that you need as a reminder, but for the most part, they are just a signal for your attention.

What happens as soon as you hear that chime? You stop what you’re doing and you put your focus on that thing. Whatever it is, it’s probably not that important, but you don’t want to miss anything. Everybody wants to be the first to get the breaking news.

Is it worth losing your focus over? What could be more important than working on your plan?

Like potato chips, you can’t eat just one. It snowballs into a full blown hour of scrolling social media and looking at celebrity gossip. This is what a pretty little sound does to your attention.

Discipline Your Focus

Secondly, you could simply build your discipline. You don’t have to look every time something happens. Distractions are all around us, but we choose to allow it to steal our concentration.

After your concentration is gone, it’s very hard to turn back and get on track. The best thing to do is to ignore it in the first place. Don’t take a peak, or even look for five minutes. Keep working away and finish what you started.

Practice staying in rhythm and locking in to what’s in front of you. The more you let a distraction interrupt your attention, the more you have to start over and build your momentum, again and again. Ultimately, nothing gets done.

Attention Seekers

Third, personal relationships can also deter your focus from your goals. People will demand your time and attention, just to make them feel good. Most times, they really don’t want much of anything or they just don’t have anything else to do. They simply want you to provide them with entertainment.

It’s okay to say no. Don’t be afraid to cut a conversation short if there’s something more important that you’d rather be doing. Wasting energy and focus leads to wasting time and we all know that you won’t get your time back.

Other times, people will cause drama to break your concentration in order to give them your attention. Some people actually crave attention and can’t live without it. It’s sad, but true. Don’t let that type of person become dependent upon you and take away your power.

Keep Your Focus In Check

When focusing, nothing should pull you away from your task. Make it a productive habit to ignore the distractions that fight for your attention. It’s hard to be successful when you have weak focus.

Turn off the notifications and practice the art of ignoring those pretty sounds. There’s no secret or trick to making it go away – just reinforce your mindset with discipline and you’ll be more productive!

#TBT: When You Have To Take One For The Team

Staying focused on the bigger picture can be a challenge, especially when you’re working with inconsiderate people. Not only does it impair progress, but it can put others on the team in a difficult situation.

When I was in grade school, I use to absolutely hate it when teachers would make us work in groups.

They would never allow us to pick our own groups, because the good kids would all be in a group and the bad kids just didn’t care.

There was a perfectly good reason for that: as the good kids, we knew we would all put in 100% effort and fully participate.

The teachers would pair the good kids with the bad kids and the bad kids never did anything. They wouldn’t do their assigned tasks and sometimes, they wouldn’t even sit with the group. This was an easy “A” for them.

The Dilemma

Even as good kids, we understood that the teachers wanted our habits to hopefully rub off on the bad kids, but it never, ever, ever happened that way.

What do you do? Do you prove a point and not do any work because everybody in your group didn’t participate, or do you do ALL of the work, for the sake of your own grade?

It Happens That Way, Sometimes

Seeing the bigger picture, which is the final grade, the good kids always ended up doing the group work themselves.

It sucks. It’s unfair, unexcusable, unreasonable, wrong – it’s all of those things and more, but the truth is, it happens that way, sometimes.

When we go to school or work, sometimes, we let other people’s faulty actions carry over into our attitude. We’re mad because they didn’t clean up the table in the break room or it ticks us off because they never participate in group work.

Most of the time, it isn’t your fault. You did what you were supposed to do, but everybody doesn’t have the same consideration that you have for others.

Take One For The Team

Again, it sucks, but there are times when you have to take one for the team. When you fail to see the bigger picture or the intended result, it only hurts you.

The inconsiderate person doesn’t care, but if you care, this is not the time to teach a lesson or prove a point. Even if you did want to prove a point, you’d be angry because you know that you could’ve done better.

This is the time to do everything you can to reach the intended result, even if it is a ‘free ride’ for someone else. Don’t fall for the distraction.

Will the other team members eventually learn to be more accommodating and attentive to those around them? Maybe, maybe not, but you have to look out for number one – you are your responsibility.

Don’t let things around you fall apart, because someone else didn’t put in any effort. Life is unfair, but you must continue to do your best – you wouldn’t want to miss out on your opportunity because of someone else.

Although it is a tough lesson to learn, it’s for the best. Don’t give up your power so easily. In the end, your work will not go unnoticed.

#BeGoalden

Being Prepared Is A Life Skill

Ever wonder why things happen to you? Yet, you see other people who seem to skate through the same situation without worry?

It makes you think that they were just lucky – they had money to handle the issue. Their beautiful life goes on, but you’re stuck trying to figure out what to do next.

This is where jealousy can rear it’s ugly head. Instead of seeing the situation for what it is and preparing for the next time it happens, you’d rather have a pity party and keep the other crabs company.

Blaming and complaining is always the easy way out of those negative thoughts that you have. Taking personal responsibility for your lack of thinking (or for anything) is a hard thing to do. It forces you to look at your flaws and deal with them constructively.

If you want to become a person with high standards, you have to do high standard things. Being prepared is one of those things.

Being prepared requires discipline. When a power outage happens and you have no generator to back up your home, it’ll make you think of all the times you could’ve bought one in the past. Your discipline wasn’t strong enough to prepare for the outage and therefore, you have to suffer through the consequences.

That’s the part we don’t like. It’s like someone is laughing at you for not thinking ahead and being prepared like others. Don’t be mad because someone else took the time to buy a generator when it was out of season – be mad at yourself for buying five pairs of shoes, instead of the generator.

How Can You Stay Prepared?

Staying prepared is a habit that pays many times over. The reason many people find it hard to do is because there is no instant gratification. They think they’re wasting money or it won’t happen until much later down the road.

If you know your gas tank is close to empty, put gas in your tank. Better yet, whenever your tank gets to half full, fill it up. Don’t be the person trying to get to work on the last drop of gas (thinking you’ll get it later) and you end up in a traffic jam.

Always think ahead. It will save you so much worry and stress. Would you rather be the one suffering through it, or the one who was able to manage the situation? Staying prepared gives you peace of mind and confidence to get through any situation.

It’s the same with money – money will solve the majority of your challenges. Why not have some stashed away for emergencies? It hurts a lot less when you have the money to fix a broken pipe than having to wait another two weeks for your next paycheck.

This also applies to your health. Eating the right food and exercising will put you in a better position to avoid diseases and weakness, as opposed to eating junk foods and developing an illness. If it can help you become a more healthy person, why not do it?

It takes discipline to exercise, eat right and to save money. Those are just a few examples of how being prepared will pay off in the long run. Just because you don’t see the benefits right away doesn’t mean it’s not a good time to start.

There are many more areas in your life where you can manage your habits a little better so you can get more positive results. Think ahead about what you want in advance and create a plan to get there.

It’s better to live a prepared life, than to play catch up all of the time.

#TBT: Be Grateful For The Little Things

Taking the time to be grateful for the simple things in our daily lives is something that we tend to overlook. Between work and distractions, it can be easy to forget.

By being mindful of the things you are grateful for, it lets you work from a place of sincerity. Instead of different things ticking you off, you allow it to pass, without it bothering you or disrupting your day.

5 Simple Things To Be Grateful For:

Breathing – It may seem simple, but someone didn’t get to wake up today, or they didn’t make it through the entire day. There are even people who have a hard time breathing on their own and depend on machines to assist them. Be thankful for the natural act of breathing.
Challenges – We normally call these ‘problems.’ Yes, you should be grateful for your challenges, as well. Challenges may be difficult, but they allow you to grow and give you confidence. If you can make it through a challenge, you can do anything.
Thoughts – Your thoughts give you the ability to be creative and think on your own. You can come to your own conclusions and set your own standards. Your thoughts are the blueprint to your life. As Napoleon Hill said, “Whatever your mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.”
Family and Friends – You may not like some of your family, or you may be at odd with some of your friends, but no matter what kind of relationship you have, they had a part in shaping you. You picked up some good habits and some bad habits – you learned what to do and what not to do. Observing them helped you to become who you are.
Freedom – Being free, you are able to do what you want to do. Unlike jail, you can wake up when you want to, go to work if you want to, or chase an opportunity whenever you feel like it. The choice is yours because you are free. There are some people in the world who are still being held captive against their will. Be grateful that you are free and have control over your own life.

Be Thankful For Life

We don’t know when our time is up, so make everyday count and be grateful for what you are able to do. Instead of putting things off for tomorrow (because tomorrow never comes), be productive and do them today.

Wherever your life takes you, be thankful for the experience. Life has a way of making us feel like we’re the only ones when terrible things happen. There is someone who has been through your experience and you’re never the only one who is going through that situation.

Even when things aren’t going great, continue to fight. It’s hard, but be grateful that you are operating from a place of strength and will come out more powerful on the other side. The hard times are what make us who we are.

Always remember to be grateful in the good and the bad times. It all comes together to create the perfect you in the end.

#BeGoalden

Take Control By Learning How To Respond

Life isn’t fair – we know this. Things happen out of our control and we allow our emotions to flow out of control, too.

This is not the way to respond – this is reacting. It’s not necessary to react every time something happens. How should you respond? Does it help remove all of the unfairness that life throws at you?

Responding vs. Reacting

When something unexpected happens, most people react. By reacting, it means to make it worse, or to add more drama to what’s happening. This isn’t a helpful way to solve a problem.

If there’s a car accident and someone gets hurt, how do you react? Or do you respond? Here’s the difference:

Reacting would be seeing someone who is seriously injured and telling them how bad it looks. You’re freaking out and screaming, as if you’re the one who’s hurt. The person who’s injured goes into an even deeper panic, as you point out how terrible everything looks.

As a person who responds, you would assess the situation, call 911 and calmly talk to the injured person. You let the person know that help is on the way and you talk to them in a positive manner. Everything is under control and the injured person finds comfort in the support that you provide.

Which person would you rather have assisting you in a time of need?

Control What You Can

Most times, your emotions will lead to an unintended place. People will determine how they will move forward with you, depending on how you react or respond.

Never worry about what you aren’t able to control. It’s fine to be concerned, but it’s best to be positive – there’s no need to think with a negative mindset.

When you worry, you’re robbing yourself of the present. The present is the only time you can choose what you do. Even then, it may not go your way, but you must learn to hold your composure and respond in the best way possible.

Reacting will cause stress and anxiety. Being emotionally “on” all of the time because something happened out of your control does nothing to help your situation. It leads to the wrong choices and drains your energy.

You Are In Control

Will responding, instead of reacting, take away all of the unfairness in life? It definitely won’t, but it will give you confidence over what you can control. If you develop confidence over what you can control, you’ll develop more confidence over what you aren’t able to control.

Make it a habit to respond as if the situation is happening to you – put the shoe on the other foot. Would you want someone making everything worse for you, or would you want them being helpful and encouraging?

No matter the outcome of the situation, the best part about it is that you were able to support someone in their time of need. Or, you were able to solve a problem so things could move forward more efficiently, without your emotions being a factor.

When given the chance, be productive and don’t allow your emotions to over rule logic. Take control and do something to help. Be of good service and support. Just remember to always remain calm and do the best you can to make the best of any situation. Don’t give your power to worrying.

Only you can change how you behave in any given circumstance. Will you become angry and fold, or will you think it through and continue to improve? Manage your emotions to your advantage, or it will become your greatest disadvantage.

#BeGoalden

#TBT: How To Welcome Resistance

Have you ever been around someone who is resistant to everything? The first words out of their mouth is always ‘no’ or ‘I’m not doing that – you’re crazy’. They don’t even bother to think about what is being said to them, they just respond with anything negative.

These people can drain the life out of you. If you’re that person, you have to learn how to open up and experience what opportunities may present themselves, or you’ll never make any progress doing anything.

Being Resistant

Being defensive is a limitation. Somewhere along the road, someone indirectly taught you to be too careful and not to do anything, because the result MAY be disastrous (keyword is MAY). Therefore, you never made the attempt to do anything new. Before someone even finishes their question or comment, you react with a “Nope – not doing it…” It’s an uneventful and boring way to live.

The only way to overcome the fear of anything, is to do it. Being defensive, or resistant, is usually a sign of fear. I’m not talking about anything extreme, like walking through a fire with gas drenched clothes, I’m talking more about simple things like, mapping out where you want to be in five years. This question scares some people, but we need to get in the habit of taking control of our lives.

If it’s not going to hurt you, take a chance and do it. The worse that could happen is the outcome is not what you expected. Big deal. Go do it again and see if you get a different outcome.

You Could Miss Out On Life

This is how opportunities are missed. When you are opposed to everything, nothing will happen to you or for you. There are many people who’ve come into incredible opportunities, all because they took a chance.

Your entire life can take a different direction, only if you give that opportunity a chance. Don’t stay in a safe zone all of your life by coming up with excuses about time and money (“I don’t have time for that” or “Unless it’s free, I’m not doing it”). This is where those unique chances lie. I’d rather do it and see what happens, than to think back over my life and wish I would’ve done it.

Whenever that knee-jerk reaction comes up and you want to say ‘no,’ take a moment to think about it – that may be a sign that there’s something there to actually consider. The result could turn out to be beneficial, or not. It’s called taking a calculated risk. Again, not running through a fire with gas drenched clothes on, but taking control of your life by accepting that unpaid internship. Not smoking a dynamite stick on a dare, but going to that seminar to see what it’s about.

Create Your Own Story

Resistance is your buddy (or it should be) – get to know it, because it will present itself to you many times. Don’t pass up the prospect to do something out of the ordinary or different than what you would normally do.

You will either like it, or you’ll have a story to tell. It could change your life, or you’ll have a story to tell. Either way, take a chance on some things – bet on yourself. Don’t hide from your life – control the urge to be resistant and live!

#BeGoalden

How Commitment Leads To Action

The first thing you do before taking action on any goal is make a commitment. If you don’t consciously do this, more than likely, things will fall apart.

The following excerpt is from the book, “Turn On Your Light: Your Guide To Success-Building Habits.” It’s written by Betty Bootstrap, a contributor of the Goalden Lady.

Making the Commitment

It’s easy to think how everything will go in your mind. We make plans without considering obstacles and challenges being present. In order for your plans to see the light of day, you must make the commitment.

Making a commitment is scary for some people. The fact that you are doing something with all of your efforts and determination can be a big promise to take on. However, your plan won’t get done without it.

After you have an idea, what do you normally do? Nothing. The most we’ll do is think about it, shoot it down or halfway discuss it.

The most important thing to do after you have an idea is to take action. Do something that will signal to your mind that you are making a commitment.

Have you ever had an idea and someone else had the same idea? Maybe you’ve seen a product on TV or a service that has been implemented. It’s crazy because you had the same exact idea!

The only difference between you and the other person with the same idea, is that they took action.

While you were sitting there thinking about it, they made a commitment, pushed forward and developed ‘your’ idea.

This is why it’s critical to get in the habit of making a commitment. You never know where it will take you or how it will affect your life.

What Does Commitment Include?

Making a commitment can be challenging, especially if you’re not used to doing it. A lot of times, we just hold our ideas in our heads. Ideas are made to be explored and the only way to fully explore them is to make a commitment.

When you make a commitment, you are willing to make some sacrifices. Things like hanging out, watching TV or scrolling through social media for hours, will have to take a backseat.

Commitment entails focus, work and time. You’ll have to set aside time to do the work. There’s no such thing as not having enough time. This means weekends, after work and possibly before work.

Focus is a high priority while you’re doing your work. Being intentionally focused and present with what you’re doing is a good use of time. Being busy, just to be busy, is a waste of your time, so focus on your idea and bringing it to completion.

Side Effects

There are side effects to making a commitment. Your mind will tell you to do something else fun or to work on it later. These thoughts will come while you are focusing and building your idea. You are guiding your mind down a different path and it’s uncomfortable.

When it becomes uncomfortable, that’s when you have to focus harder and be more determined. That’s where your commitment lies. This is what pushes you through those negative thoughts.

Obstacles will occur. Don’t allow an obstacle to ruin your idea. There will be times where things will keep happening and it will make you think about giving up, because it’s not working out. Obstacles are what gives us answers and confidence (after we overcome them) to move on.

There will be everything in your way to make you give up your commitment. When you make a commitment, you are taking your life to the next level – something most people are afraid to do. Opportunities will open up and present themselves more often when you commit.

*Excerpt from, “Turn On Your Light: Your Guide To Success-Building Habits.”*