Month: September 2017

You’re ready to start committing to your goal. You’ve done all of the research and you know what it’s going to take. The plan has been thought out and you’re prepared. The start date comes around and you realize that you’re not feeling it. It looked good during research, but now it’s time to do the actual work.

When people say they want to reach a certain goal, they mostly think about the parts they like to do. This can be fun and it’s part of the reason why you want to do it, right? Everyone says, “Follow your passion! Do what you love!” That’s called a hobby. If you want to make a living off of what you love to do, it’s called a business.

Now, you have to do business things. It doesn’t seem so fun anymore. You can only get paid under the table for so long. You will run into someone who will ask you to fill out an I-9 or W-9 for whatever type of tax or identification purposes*. Now, you need to temporarily stop baking cupcakes and start doing the paperwork necessary to make your business official.

Yes, I know you hate paperwork and filling out different forms and making payments to cover your business name with the state, etc. Well, you don’t have to like it, you just have to do it. While you’re baking those lovely cupcakes, you also have to make time for the things you need to do to make your business grow and to generate more customers. You can pay someone to do these things for you or you can take the time and do it yourself. I know it’s laborious, but you should always aim to have all of your ducks in a row.

You just learned that you need a license in order to bake those lovely cupcakes you’ve been baking for the last ten years. You already know how to do this, so why do you need a license? Well, it’s the law (for example purposes). If you get a surprise inspection one day, you’ll be glad you did it. Get your lovely cupcake baking license and keep moving forward. Want to be recognized as a woman-owned business? That’s a task – you’ll need the last three years of taxes, articles of organization, the date your business started, meeting minutes, NAICS codes, etc*. Ask anyone in a legal business and they will tell you that there’s much more to running a business, other than doing the part you love.

It sucks that these things come up, but don’t let it ruin your passion for those cupcakes. There are many other things you will have to do, just so you can bake those lovely cupcakes. As your business grows, you’ll be able to hire someone to help you with the boring, tedious paperwork. Again, you don’t have to like all of the exhausting, monotonous work, but you have to do it. Don’t let it stop you from starting your business. Everyone has to do it – no one is picking on you. If it’s needed, then do it. Plain and simple. The complaining and whining will only hinder your progress.

One more time: you don’t have to like it, you just have to do it. If it was easy, everyone would be successful.

*The examples in this post are merely used as a guideline in starting a fictitious cupcake business. Please do your own research in order to succeed.

Goals are ideas and things that we set out to achieve. They can be small goals or massive goals, according to what you are doing. There are goals for the day and there are five year goals (or even longer). It’s good to have goals, because you can keep track of how well you’re doing with your work. There are many types of goals you can plan out, but here at The Goalden Lady, we make it long term.

Long term goals scare people. The first thing they think is, “That’s too far ahead – I don’t even know what I’ll be doing that far in advance!” Well, that’s why you make long term goals, so you can have a map or a blueprint of where you want to go and where you want to be. If you don’t make a plan, you’ll end up with a lot of other people – no where. The earlier you understand this, the better. Make weekly goals, monthly goals, yearly goals, five year goals and ten year goals. Look at your long term goals, as well as your short term goals, on a daily basis. This practice will help keep you on track, because it is very easy to get caught up in something else and forget what you were trying to do in the first place.

Go ahead and do those year long goals. If you know what you want to do and how you envision your life, write it down and make a plan – build a blueprint. Blueprints show what you want something to look like, from beginning to end. If it’s not working, you can adjust it along the way. Writing it down can be scary, too, because you may fear that you won’t complete it. Writing it down may make you feel some kind of way, like you’re holding yourself accountable. Yes, that’s what responsible, successful people do. If you want to be successful, writing down your plans can give you a blueprint on how you could get there. You may not even know where to begin with your plan, but start either from the beginning or the end. Some people start from the end and write their plans backwards. Some start from the beginning and plan to the end. There is no correct way, but the good thing is, you can revise as you go along. It’s not written in stone.

What ever you do, do it big! Someone once said that if you shoot for the moon, you’ll hit the stars. Don’t say, “I want to be a ballet dancer.” Instead, say, “I want to be a ballet dancer in New York, performing on Broadway, in the next fifteen years.” This is more specific and a pretty big expectation. If you apply pressure (work on it everyday), you’ll get that diamond (your dream). Drink some water, write your plan, and put in the work to get there. Don’t stop at the small goals, but allow it to build into your yearly goals. The smaller goals will come together to contribute to the bigger goals, and your overall blueprint.

Ultimately, you should have a plan on what you want to do. Having a one, five, or ten year blueprint can seem overwhelming, but once you break it down, it’s not as hard as it looks. When someone asks you what do you do in your spare time or what are you working on, you have your plan to refer to. It doesn’t look so good when someone asks this question and you answer with a dumbfounded look or an “I don’t know.” Always know what you are doing with your life. Know what you want your life to look like in the long term. Build a blueprint, and build your ideal life.

I was supposed to do it yesterday. I could give ten excuses, but that wouldn’t help, even though I feel at least one of them is valid. I still did my daily work, but I didn’t do this part.

Usually, I beat myself up over not following my plan or forgetting to do what should have been done. When I (used to) do this, I end up wasting time by allowing the negative voices to take over my head. At some vulnerable point, I start to believe those voices. Then I go into a funk and that takes up another hour or two. Sometimes, I might even go on a shopping binge to make myself feel better and that could take up an entire day. It takes me quite some time to get back on that horse.

Now, I do feel some kind of way about not doing the part I was supposed to do yesterday, because now, I’ve broken the chain (and the chain was really long). Today, I am in a new space. Instead of sulking and feeling awful about what I didn’t do, I plainly decide to continue. No drama involved. Just continue. That’s it. Nothing happened and no one died. I am still here, working on being better than I was yesterday. I am grateful for the opportunity to continue. Yes, I did feel bad for a moment, but I realized that if I beat myself up over it, that’s more time I’m wasting. I could’ve been doing more work and making actual progress.

It’s not the end of the world. Things happen, but the quicker you get over what happened and move on, the better off you are. Yes, I am slightly disappointed in myself for missing that ONE day (and I won’t make excuses), but if I wake up tomorrow, it’s another day and another chance. Start a new chain. This is just what the Goalden Lady is about. Make no excuses and keep it moving.

It happens to most people. You don’t follow through on your goals. You don’t make that phone call. You don’t speak how you feel. You don’t try. All of these examples are symptoms of fear. Fear can either stop you, or it can motivate you. Some of us don’t even know that fear is the thing that’s stopping us. You must let go of fear, move forward, and continue to build your life.

Fear can be a learned reaction. If a mother is scared of water, she will unconsciously place that mental burden on her child. She overreacts every time they go to the beach and the child ends up passing on this trait to their future child. On the other hand, the child can decide that they aren’t going to be afraid of water and take swimming lessons. This is how fear can be turned into motivation. Whatever it is that scares you, learn how to do it or deal with it. After you’ve dealt with it, you won’t fear it anymore (for the most part). Don’t scare your children into your fear.

Fear can be an invisible monster. That monster that says, “You can’t win this race – look how fast they are and how slow you are.” For some reason, most of us tend to believe the negative before we believe the positive. The negative makes it easier to walk away, but the positive makes you put in some work. That invisible monster on your shoulder, that whispers sweet negative things in your ear, enjoys seeing you listen to him. He really enjoys seeing you draw back from a challenge that you want to try and accomplish. That invisible monster has reached his goal, but you have turned away from yours, because of what he says. It may be hard, but don’t listen to him. Don’t give in. You are responsible for what you do, so don’t let that invisible monster stop you from doing what you want to do. If you listen to him, you’ll end up regretting it, years down the road.

Fear won’t do anything back to you, if you say ‘no’ to it. It’ll just keep taunting you, like a bully, until you give in. You kill fear by doing what you want. Even if you fail or don’t do it right the first time, keep trying. Fear and failure are like the Negative Brothers. One stops you from doing something and the other makes you feel bad to the point of giving up. Know the fear and go on. Don’t give up. You know what it feels like, so when it rears it’s ugly head, keep going. You can do anything, but you must put fear in it’s place. It doesn’t belong in front of you, it doesn’t belong beside you. It belongs behind you and that’s where you should keep it. Take responsibility of your life and move forward – have no fear!

As you grow into the Goalden Lady (or person) you aspire to be, you will come across many people. Some people are good for you, some are not. The important thing is to know who you are and know what you want. You can’t work on other people (even though you may try), but you can definitely work on yourself.

Know who you are. This means you need to know your standards, your expectations, what disappoints you, what makes you fly, and what makes you stop in your tracks. These are just a few examples, but I’m sure you understand. If you don’t know what you basically like and dislike, you will be taken advantage of. Do you like to read? Do you like to go fishing? Do you only like red gummy worms? The serious and the silly things are all you, and you need to know them. You can’t expect someone to get to know the real you, if you don’t know yourself.

This leads to developing relationships, whether they’re friendships, courtships (old-school), or enemies. When you grow a relationship, it normally starts out with you getting to know each other’s hobbies, likes and dislikes, favorite TV shows, etc. Some people you will attract and some people you will reject. The whole point is to know yourself, so that you know what you like. The relationship will have a better foundation to build upon. This is where the topic comes in.

I know you probably thought that this post was going to be about knowing yourself. It is, but there’s a simple piece of advice to go along with it. Always have something to do. When you come into these relationships with other people, there will be times where you can’t stand each other or you’re mad. This can eat you to your core, because we all know that you’re sitting there, wasting time, being mad (or insert another similar emotion here), and that leads to no where. Have something to do. It could be putting a puzzle together, reading a book, or anything that you do on a constant basis that you enjoy. At least you’ll be getting something done, while you’re mad. It also takes your mind off of what you’re mad about and may give you another perspective on what you’re mad about.

Another reason why you should always have something to do, is to allow yourself to move on. Sitting there, thinking about this person, what they’re doing, and being hurt, is not good. Don’t be dependent on someone else that way. This can turn into stalker-ish behavior, because you have nothing to do. That’s not good. You should never ever put yourself in that position to depend on someone else’s company or friendship. You hear people say, “I’ll die without you” all because they had nothing else to do. Both parties should always have something to do. If the other person is busy, and you aren’t doing anything, you become an emotional nag. No one likes a nag. So find something to do.

As small as this sounds, it will get you through some rough times. It’s better than sitting there all day, crying, listening to sad songs, and trying to figure out why. By doing something, it won’t take the pain away, but it will be a bit more bearable. Your mind can focus on something more creative and less emotional. By doing something constructive, it allows you to move on from the situation, although you won’t forget and it will probably come up later. Don’t torture yourself that way. Within that amount of time, you could have cut the grass, produced a song, or exercised beyond your normal threshold, among other things. Having something to do will at least improve you, but doing nothing won’t improve anything. Drink some water, and please – don’t be that person. Always have something to do.

Your happiness is your responsibility and no one else’s. There are people who we are happy for and things we are happy to have, but ultimately, you are the guard of this delicate emotion. Yes, there are times where sadness and other feelings come up, but we also should appreciate the joy of being happy. The worse thing you can do is let it go or let someone else determine your happiness for you.

Everyone has the right to their own type of happiness, even if you don’t get it. Remember “Weeping Wanda” on the 70’s show “Good Times”? Wanda always went to a funeral to cry, even if she didn’t know who died. That was her thing. You could count on Weeping Wanda to carry the funeral through to the end with a good wail. In a strange way, that was her happiness because that’s what she liked to do – cry at funerals. She didn’t let anybody take that away from her. Some may say, “Why is she always crying?” Well, we’re all different and that may have been her happy place. Strange, but it worked for her.

Some people just like to burst your bubble. As soon as they hear good news, they want to put a damper on it. I’ve been around that person and it’s no fun. I had to shorten my time around them because it was too much negativity and I’m not trying to hear that in every conversation.

• “I got a promotion today at work!” “Look at how long it took for you to get it…”
• “My sister had her baby!” “It don’t look nothing like the father…”
• “Did you hear? Rosa beat her cancer!” “It might come back…”

Yes, it’s just too much. That’s why it’s important to choose your happiness. Being around someone who steals the joy out of everything is not happiness. The best thing you can do is limit your time around them, or not be around them at all. You’ve been friends with them since the second grade, I know, but as you get older, you’ll realize how draining it is. You can’t make them happy, they have to find their own happiness and it’s not your responsibility, it’s theirs.

Also, there are people who are angry most of the time and they want you to be angry with them. If you’re not angry with them, they began to question you. I don’t want to be tight and stressed all day along with them. Yes, I’ll give you the respect of listening and understanding where you are coming from, but at some point, you have to move on. Even if you weren’t there when the situation occurred, they want you to be just as mad when they tell you the story. You don’t have to give in. Choose your happiness. Don’t let anyone try to turn your day sour just because they are having a bad day. Keep your peace. Drink your water. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness.

It’s good that we do nice things for each other. Trying to make someone’s day is an awesome thing to do. If someone else is venting to you about their situation, be a listening ear – just don’t let it ruin your vibe. Life is too short to fix other people and their bad emotional habits. As said many times before, you are responsible for your own happiness. This goes for everyone. Be happy. It is your choice.

When I need help with something that I’m not familiar with, I expect a professional to do what I’m unable to do. It’s hard to trust someone instantly without knowing their ethical background, but sometimes, we have to jump in and hope for the best. Whatever it is you’re helping with, always do it right the first time and every time.

The elderly find themselves in this position often. They need help with something, or someone offers their help for something they really don’t need. Then, money comes into the picture. People who take advantage of the elderly have a special place in hell, just for them. I shouldn’t have to say this, but help the elderly. Especially, if they have no one they can trust or to guide them on a regular basis. If they ask you to do something, be ethical and do it right. You wouldn’t want anyone charging your grandmother an exorbitant amount for half services, so be respectful and assist with an honest heart.

This also comes into play at work. If you want to be recognized as a good worker, you have to constantly do well. Your duties should have the same consistent outcome, or better, every time you perform them. When you do well, people will remember you and even begin to seek you out. It’s not that they are trying to get more work out of you, it’s because they know you do it right, every time. Don’t get caught up in “they don’t pay me to do that” or “that’s not in my job description”. Going beyond what’s expected will put you in a better position in the future. Not only will you have knowledge of what to do, but you’ll know how to do it well.

When you do it right, every time, it may lead to earning more income. Your skills can create a path to other opportunities. Opportunities can lead to even bigger things, so never be lazy or lack in anything you do. Every time you do something, others should be able to say, “I know the Goalden Lady did that – it’s her signature work.”

Remember – you’re putting your name on the line. I wouldn’t want anyone to see my name and think badly of my product or my services. As they say, your reputation precedes you. It’s good to go to bed with a clear conscious every night – a clear conscious makes a soft pillow. When you do it right, every time, you’re also setting a positive example for those around you, whether you know it or not. Anyone can do anything lazily, but it takes an ethical, thoughtful person to take the time to do it right, every time. After all, you would expect the same in return.

For those of you in your twenties, please listen to this information. Coming from someone twice your age: go ahead and do your experiments now. Whether you went to college or not, get all of those ideas done and out of your head. It will serve you better in the future to do that now.

I’ve lived long enough to know how things basically go in life. I’m not saying that this is the way it happens for everyone, but for a lot of us, it will. That business idea you had in your head about building an app, do it. The idea about renting out hugs, do it. As crazy as it may seem, the best way to handle it is to get it out of your head. Otherwise, you’ll be thinking later in life if it would’ve worked out. Even worse, if someone else does it, and it works out for them, you’ll be sorry you never did it. Say yes to yourself and do it.

On another note, if you’re trying to start a business and you need a network of people to help push you along or to give you advice, say yes. If they ask if you can help them fold up chairs after the conference, say yes. If they ask you to walk their dog, say yes. At some point, you’ll figure out if they are just playing you or if they can be a positive force in helping you with your business. Building a network is important in running a business and to get you started, just say yes.

Say yes, when you’re young. You won’t have anything to lose and not much to sacrifice. If you do, then you can make it up in your thirties and beyond. You don’t want to turn forty or fifty and regret what you didn’t do in your life or think about the business ideas you didn’t pursue. By simply saying yes, you are opening up your world to more possibilities and that could lead to opportunities. Saying yes could lead you on the greatest adventure of your life. Don’t be afraid to try – say yes to yourself and yes to others.

Please be sensible and responsible when saying yes.

Overall, do it now while you have time and natural energy. As we get older, it does get harder for some of us to pursue those dreams we pushed to the side. When you have financial responsibilities and other life matters to handle, it’s harder to pull off. Do it now, so that when you get older, you can live knowing that you put it all on the line. You may succeed or you may not succeed, but at least you’ll be satisfied knowing you did your best.