Growing up, we did things because there was a reward involved. It motivated us to complete a task, while teaching responsibility. “If you make your bed every morning, I’ll give you a puppy!” Do you need a “puppy” to bribe you into creating good habits that are beneficial to your life?
Although prizes are exciting and fun to work towards, the actual reward is the fulfillment of the goal. Making your bed every morning gives you the satisfaction of coming home to a welcoming and comfortable place to sleep (some people don’t have that).
Having something to motivate you to take action is great, but what happens when there is nothing to push you?
See Beyond The “Prize”
Just about everything has some sort of reward attached to it – the Super Bowl trophy, a scholarship or even BOGO (buy one, get one free) purchases.
Whether it’s sports, academics or marketing, there is something there to incite action in order to make you move. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with this, but the challenge comes when you’re looking for a reason to do everything.
Why work for something if there is no reward? There are some people who think they must receive something in return for everything they do. This soft way of thinking is what keeps them stuck and unable to improve.
In some instances, it works to get everyone on the same page and going in the same direction (mostly when teaching kids). When you offer a prize, it promotes competition and stimulates thought. As you mature, you should see the value and gratification within the process and that should be enough.
You don’t need a cookie when you ace the spelling test or a weight loss trophy when you lose twenty pounds. The satisfaction of achieving the goal is the reward. It says that you are on the right track and you’re getting better at it.
What happens after you eat the cookie or break the trophy? Nothing. Your accomplishment is still valid. A “prize” does not make your hard work and results any less credible.
You Are The Reward
Rewards are nice, but not necessary. Living as if the world owes you something is certainly a path to disappointment. It’s much more satisfying to truly know your own abilities, instead of having to prove it to someone else for a “treat”. Do it because it’s right or because it stretches your limits – do it for you.
When you are successful, there is no physical trinket that can erase what you’ve done. You’ll always be the best at what you can do, whether there is something to show for it, or not. Personal satisfaction is the ultimate achievement. Don’t depend on rewards to get you through life – they won’t always come.
Adjust your mindset to taking on tasks and goals, just to achieve them. The fact of knowing that you can do something extraordinarily well is the greatest reward you can give yourself. You don’t have to look for anyone to give you some sort of praise – it’s already inside of you.
What keeps us from being confident about ourselves? The majority of people think of the negative before they think of the positive.
You were born into this world with the natural gift of ambition. As a kid, you didn’t know that ambition was a ‘thing’ because it came without effort. As you became older, you began to see that the outside world had slowly taken that gift away from you.
If you still have a kick-ass attitude about your goals in life, congratulations! You are one of the few that kept it moving, no matter what others said or thought about you.
There are some of us who may need a little help in the area of high self-esteem. Some call it arrogance and some call it confidence. Whatever it is, how you think of yourself has a direct effect on your life.
Listen To Yourself
It sounds terrible, but secretly, there are some people who want you to fail. They want you to stay on the same level with them and not improve in your life.
If you make constructive progress towards anything, they’ll give you negative feedback – “You’ve changed. What makes you think you can do that? Who do you think you are?”
Understand that some people are afraid of success, but don’t be a supporter of this belief. They’re so scared to try something, simply because they don’t want to fail in front of others. Therefore, they dish out the insults to those who are brave enough to make attempts.
Anyone could be this person – a parent, sibling, best friend, co-worker or even a teacher. They may think they are saving you from being hurt, but they are really keeping you from your potential. It’s up to you to see through this and keep moving forward.
It’s easy to fall into their trap, because you want to be accepted. No one wants to be embarrassed, criticized or shamed in front of others. If this is the environment that you are in, it’s time to make some changes. It can be draining hanging around complacent people, but it’ll be even more draining living a nonproductive life with no goals or results to show.
Meet new people, go different places and have new experiences. Expose yourself to the things that you’ve always wanted to do. As they say, you’re not a tree – get unstuck and move.
Be Confident
If people tell you that your dreams are impossible, you’re on the right track. Your mindset has a tremendous effect on how you navigate your path to success.
People will step all over your dreams and tell you ten different ways of how and why it won’t work out. Instead of building their own dreams, they use that energy to destroy yours. The secret is – you don’t have to listen.
It may be difficult at first, but you have to get your mind right in order to become the person you’re meant to be. Go inside of yourself and create the confidence and focus you need to follow and complete your goals.
Don’t think “Maybe this won’t work” – think “I’m going to make it work.”
Don’t think, “I’m not good enough,” – think “I am going to be the best at this!”
Don’t think, “What if I don’t make it?” – think, “I won’t give up until it’s done.”
Don’t think, “What will they say?” – think, “I’m going to make myself proud!”
How you think of yourself means everything. If it takes saying affirmations everyday, meditating, listening to inspirational songs or watching motivational videos, then do it! Everything doesn’t work for everybody, but you have to find what’s right for you (not what they say is right for you).
Decide how you want to live your life – do you want to be courageous and see how far you can go or do you want to sit on the sidelines and watch everyone else play?
You have a contribution to make to the world. It may not be big by some people’s standards, but we all can make a dent in the universe. Never allow anyone to stop you from thinking highly of yourself and your abilities.
Doing new things can put a spark in your life. After being so rigid with your rituals, you need something to shake things up a bit. Being a little spontaneous can do wonders for your day and your well-being.
There’s no doubt that routines help us get through an already unpredictable day a lot smoother, but at the same time, do you know what you could possibly be missing? No, you don’t – that’s why you should make an attempt to do something new every once in a while.
The unexpected can bring about a new perspective on life.
The New “To-Do”
Everyday, you get up and start your morning (or afternoon). Unconsciously, you begin a routine of things to do – wash your face, brush your teeth, have a cup of tea while reading the (digital) paper, walk the dog, etc.
While these habits allow us to be more efficient with our time and energy, it can also keep you stagnant and stale. Doing the same things the same way, day in and day out, can have a boring effect on your life.
When was the last time you felt alive? We’re not talking about “riding a roller coaster without a seat belt” alive, but a “I’ll wear a fancy hat today” alive. Nothing too brash, but enough to notice and feel a difference.
If you prefer drastic changes, that’s fine, but most people have to invite new things into their lives slowly. Too much at once can wreck the whole personal project and send you back to square one.
Find the confidence to do something you’ve never done. That idea that’s been sitting in the back of your head? It’s time for it to come out and see the light of day. That new sweater you keep overlooking in your closet? It should be worn today. That new car you would love to have some day? Take it for a test drive and see how it feels.
Doing different things can bring about different results. You never know how it can improve your self-esteem or raise your standards to become better. It doesn’t have to be anything big – it’s the small things that can make a huge difference.
It’s time to allow yourself to feel what you truly want to. The excitement that it provides can be very rewarding.
There’s Happiness In Self-Care
New things can have a positive impact on your day. When you do something because you want to do it and not because you think someone else wants you to do it, there’s power in that. Being considerate is the right thing to do, but don’t forget to make yourself happy, too.
If you’re unable to help yourself, how can you help anyone else? As they say, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Saving yourself is just as important as saving someone else. There will be times where you’ll just have to put yourself first and everyone else will have to wait (or figure it out for themselves). For a lot of us, that’s doing something new.
Be ambitious. Make yourself happy. Waiting on someone else’s permission won’t do. A lot of personal disappointment comes from doing the same things, the same way, all the time or from satisfying others before satisfying yourself.
Most of us put other people’s needs before our own. When you take care of your needs first, it gives you an exciting and refreshing feeling, as if you’re doing something new. Sometimes, a little self-care is all you need, just to see and feel a positive difference in your life.
Keep your habits (they are important), but every now and then, twist it around or treat yourself – you just might find a new you.
About this time, everyone starts to think about the New Year. Things like what they’ll do different, how it’s going to be better and the countdown begins. It’s a great time where everyone is motivated and inspired to become their best selves.
Many will make resolutions, only to go back to their old habits two weeks later. How can you avoid that trap of going back to being comfortable? What can you do different that will, at least, get you through the beginning of the year?
Start Super Simple
The first mistake is everyone is thinking too much. Yes, we all should think before we do things, but overthinking is what stomps us.
It feels good when we’re all on the same page and everyone wants to do well. The issue is, we think so much, we become stuck. We want something so bad, we just continue to keep thinking about how wonderful it’s going to be once it happens.
Your expectations may be great, but it’s not going to happen on it’s own. The hardest part is starting. As they say, “stop thinking and start doing.” Thinking about losing ten pounds gives you a positive outlook, but actually cutting out certain foods and drinking water is how you’re going to get there.
Daydreaming will spark the idea, but being active and following through will create the result. Motivation is warm and comfortable. You can imagine the outcome and it’s an awesome feeling, but what about the in-between?
If you’ve started thinking about your resolutions, think and then start. There’s something you can do at this very moment to get started – you don’t have to wait for January 1st. Go to the kitchen and drink a glass of water, open the book and read chapter 1 or put on your shoes and walk out the door.
The more you think about it, the more time you waste. It’s the same challenge every year, but this upcoming year, we’re going to make it work by starting simple, today.
Adjust Your Habits
By adjusting your habits, you’re reaching a new level. How do you work on your resolution for the New Year? You build new habits.
If your current habit isn’t helping you, change it. Humans are creatures of habit, so it’s understandable that change can be a difficult task. The unexpected can be scary.
Also know that if you don’t do anything, you’ll keep getting the same results. Nothing changes if nothing changes and it starts with your habits. Get used to doing things in a different way and exercise your “change” muscle.
Hanging around losers won’t get you to the winner’s circle. Your environment has a lot to do with the direction of your life, too. Get around people who speak life into themselves. Be around those who act upon their thoughts and solutions. This gets you to think out of the box, but most of all, it pushes you to take action.
Give Yourself A New Year Head Start
The New Year may begin on January 1st, but you can start today. That warm and fuzzy feeling of anticipation is a nice way of procrastinating. When it finally gets here, you’ve been so hyped and motivated about the possibilities, you’re now mentally exhausted. At this point, you want to put it off to another start date. Don’t give in – give yourself a leg up.
This is one of those times where it’s best to start ahead of the pack. Once the New Year gets here, you’re already on pace with your goals. Sometimes, it’s better to do things without an accountability partner, because they may try to talk you out of starting when you’re supposed to. They’ll let you slide when you’re supposed to be committed.
Start now and get used to doing the work. You may see results by the 1st and you’ll inspire yourself to keep going. While everyone is focusing their energy on an official start date, you’ll already be in a new pattern and experiencing the positive outcomes.
Make the commitment and follow through. Your New Year starts now!
Disappointment is one of those things you wish wouldn’t happen, but it always seems to find a way to rear it’s ugly head. Whether you find it coming from yourself or someone else, it has a way of disrupting your flow.
Unfortunately, disappointment is something we’re unable to avoid, but we do have the ability to work around it. Instead of trying to ignore it, be mindful and learn how to deal with it productively as possible.
What Disappoints You?
There are a million ways you can be disappointed. Deception, death, high expectations, sadness, anger, betrayal – it all falls under the umbrella of being disappointed. Whether something is unfair or not, it frustrates you.
It could be someone not showing up on time. Maybe you didn’t get the job you hoped for. Your best friend stole from you. Someone cut you off in traffic. There’s not as much money in your bank account as you thought.
Some of these disappointments are caused by other people, but some of it is caused by you. It’s important to know the difference, because you may not be able to fix other people, but you can definitely fix yourself.
Just know that other people are not you! Don’t expect them to do things the way you would do them – this is one of the easiest ways to disappoint yourself. Of course, we should all have high standards and expectations of each other, but in reality, it just doesn’t work that way.
Waking up in the morning to find there are no socks to wear can be disappointing, but you can fix that so it won’t happen again. Running out of gas while driving on the highway can make you mad, but you can fix that so it won’t happen again. These are situations that you bring upon yourself, but you can fix it. Be accountable and stop disappointing yourself.
Perspective
Think about this: do others upset you or do you allow yourself to be upset by them?
One way is blaming and the other is taking responsibility. People do crazy things – you don’t have to like it, but you don’t have to let it ruin your day, either. That’s life. You don’t have to be offended by every little thing. If you can see it from another perspective, it will help you move on with your day.
We can not stop disappointment from happening. However, it does contribute towards the building of our integrity and character. It can be annoying, but if you can see the situation from a different angle, it can possibly put you at an advantage.
Adjust your outlook so you won’t experience a high level of disappointment. It can be heartbreaking when someone lets you down, but don’t let it become distracting. Some of us are stuck on something that happened ten years ago. It’s hard to forgive and let go, but you don’t want to live in a mental prison all of your life.
Forgiveness is for you, not for them. It allows you to move forward so you can continue to make progress in your life. When you hold a grudge, the other person doesn’t feel it – you carry that burden of disappointment. If you shift your perspective, you’ll enjoy the benefit of controlling your emotions (not your emotions controlling you) and creating a more improved outcome.
It’s Okay To Feel Your Disappointment
When other things disappoint you, especially if it has nothing personal to do with you, let it go. Giving up your energy to silly things can be draining. It sounds simple in theory, but why do we make it hard to do?
Sometimes, it’s the small things that can get to us – someone looking at us the wrong way, it rained when it wasn’t supposed to or your favorite team lost the big game. These type of things will happen. You have no control over it, but you can make the choice to forget about it and keep going. Don’t carry it with you the rest of the day – unless there’s something you can do, accept it and let it go.
Other times, disappointment can be more personal and difficult to deal with. A loved one becomes terribly ill or your child is following the wrong crowd. Situations like these are unable to let go as easily. It may hurt everyday, but the best way to handle it is to be as helpful and as positive as you can.
With some disappointments, there is no concrete way of handling them – you just have to let it run it’s course and work itself out. At the same time, you don’t have to live in it. Acknowledge it, but allow yourself to look ahead and continue to pursue your future.
No matter what happens or how you feel, the world doesn’t stop. There are ways to limit your disappointments and deal with them in a productive way – just don’t let it ruin your life.
Rest is essential to our goal-driven lives. Always being on the go and running on that endless treadmill is a sure way to burn out.
Yes, burn out is real. We’re so busy trying to move the needle that we forget to take some time for ourselves. Our bodies and minds need the chance to rejuvenate so we can perform at our best.
We run ourselves into the ground, looking for approval and confirmation from others. Understand that rest is important.
There are two ways we can include better rest into our routine:
saying no and
focusing on yourself.
Just Say No
Saying ‘no’ may hurt feelings, but it’s a way to put yourself first. Are you one of those people who have trouble saying ‘no’ when someone asks you for a favor? This is part of the reason why you’re tired – you need a mental reset.
You aren’t obligated to anyone. A favor is a favor – it’s your choice. Yes, you may not satisfy quite a few of your friends, but they’ll be fine. Don’t let them guilt you into doing what you really don’t want to do. It’s not the end of the world.
No matter how disappointed they may be, there are times where you have to put yourself first. Everything doesn’t revolve around them – as selfish as it sounds, everything should revolve around you. If you make a commitment, follow through, but at the same time, don’t be afraid to say ‘no’ in the first place.
Normalize saying ‘no’ without giving excuses and move on. If you notice, most people will say ‘no’ and then give a logical reason as to why they aren’t able to participate. We do it all the time, but we all know it’s just that – an excuse. It makes you feel better to make someone understand why you said no.
Guilt is what makes us give in. We don’t like the idea of letting someone else down – it makes us feel bad. How many times have you cheated yourself, simply because you wanted to make someone else happy? Soon, you’ll begin to realize that you must champion yourself, because nobody else is going to do it for you.
Productive Rest
We talk about being productive and persistent and chasing after your goals daily. It’s a must if you want to be successful, right?
While this may be true, you also have to rest. Constantly being on the move and multitasking can wear you thin very quickly. Sometimes, we’re so used to being in overdrive, we don’t realize it until we finally collapse and we’re forced to sit down.
It’s better to schedule a rest time than to keeping running until you fall out. As far as your health is concerned, that can be dangerous. Running on fumes is not good for your physical or mental well-being. A quick nap during the day to recharge can do wonders for decreasing stress and increasing productivity.
Also, reward yourself with some extended down time. You’re not as sharp when you’re tired from being busy. Don’t let your mind trick you into thinking you don’t need any sleep. Everything will still be there when you return.
Treat yourself to a rest and reset day (or weekend). Whether you spend a day in nature or go to a spa for a relaxing treatment, make time to do it – you need to physically and mentally reset! You are no good to others if you aren’t taking care of yourself.
Focus On You
Self-care is listening to yourself and doing what your body and mind need you to do. Success is hard work, but we often overlook those little hints that tell us to slow down. The heavy eyelids, cloudy thinking and short temper are just a few signs that it’s time to shut it down.
Like a computer, we all need to reset (or reboot) at some point. The longer you go without any rest, the worse your performance will become. Your mind will begin to slow down and your energy will begin to drain. You may not feel it, but others around you can see it.
Afterwards, you feel more refreshed and bright. This should be your normal level of function, but if you don’t rest, everything around you suffers.
Life doesn’t stop for anyone, but in the midst of it all, we must learn to take care of ourselves. Whether it’s telling your best friend ‘no’ or taking an afternoon nap, be mindful of how you feel, mentally and physically. Adjust your life to yourself, not others.
The simple things are make life wonderful. It’s a satisfying feeling you won’t be able to find anywhere else. It’s that joy you feel when you’re in the moment and everything is right with the world.
Simple can be a hard thing to do. We live in a world where instant gratification is the goal and being rude is the standard. Simplicity makes things feel complete and whole, as opposed to hurried and confusing.
Things have to be done and they have to be done now (or so we think). Is it really that serious, or did we just decide to turn those precious moments into a personal burden?
Be Simple
It’s easy to get caught up in the rat race – always on the go, falling into convenience and allowing technology to rob us of our presence.
The next time you become bored and decide to grab your phone as a distraction, don’t. Instead, do these things:
Smile at a stranger
Hold the door open for the person behind you
Compliment someone in your household or at work
Take a minute to look around and be present
Remember that thing you used to love doing when you were little? Do it.
Instead of cutting the conversation short, listen and indulge thoughtfully
Read a book that interests you
Enjoy the rain
Call a friend, instead of texting
Have lunch with someone without your phone
Actually solve a problem – don’t put it off for later
Speak kind words to yourself
Bake some cookies from scratch
Make time to watch a sunrise or sunset
Celebrate a small win
These are the moments that you shouldn’t let slip past you. Life is short and joy can’t be found in material things. Being present allows you to give yourself a mental break – it’s a small pleasure that provides a big benefit!
So don’t rush through your day – take the time to interact with the world on a simple level. There are enough trolls and people who try to make it hard for others. Find your peace and enjoy it every chance you get.
Everyday, it’s a different excuse. You’re having a bad hair day, the dog got away or the storm knocked out the internet. Therefore, you won’t take action.
These may be valid reasons as to why you won’t do anything, but in reality, they’re not reasons, they’re excuses.
We can think of many reasons not to do anything productive. Deeper than that, we’ll allow it to make sense, so we won’t feel guilty about not following through. How can we do better?
Time Is Not An Excuse
One of the biggest excuses is not having enough time. We tell ourselves that millionaires are millionaires, because they have all the time in the world. “If I had that kind of time, I’d be rich, too,” we say.
Millionaires may be rich, but with the exception of those who were born rich, what were they doing with their time, prior to being rich? Were they sitting around, talking about why rich people are rich?
This is the part that no one talks about – the late nights and early mornings, making ends meet, putting in time with the kids, keeping up with awkward schedules, etc. For the most part, they were working towards their goals and they never gave up. You’ve heard stories of people who work on their side business for 4 hours, after they came home from working 2 jobs. There’s discipline in that type of work ethic and it pays off.
Remember when you never had the time? Well, it’s up to you to bend it to your benefit and leverage it as much as possible. It’s all the same 24 hours, so if you want it to work out, you have to make it work for you.
Our minds tend to keep us on a schedule of daily habits. If you want to have a chance at reaching your goal, enhance your routine. Stretch, adjust or eliminate the details in your daily pattern. Disrupt your autopilot habits and become more aware of the goal you’re trying to achieve.
You could shorten your time watching television and replace it with creating a plan. Maybe you could research while you eat dinner. Or, you could listen to a podcast while taking a shower.
There are many ways you can make more time – it just takes a little altering to make it work towards your advantage.
It’s Not In Your Control
Everything that happens in life is not controlled by you. If you can accept that simple fact, you’ll save yourself a lot of stress.
Some of us get upset when life happens – we become emotional and start having negative thoughts. Like a child, we have a tantrum and we let it stop us from doing what we planned to do.
Yes, this presents a challenge, but at the same time, you have the ability to think your way through it. There may be a change of plans that have to take place, but it can be done.
Some of the things we tell ourselves is, “It is what it is…” or “I’m not about to do that, just so I can do this…” We make up these ridiculous excuses to justify our laziness. Now, you’ve allowed the situation to hijack your progress.
It’s difficult to get up after being knocked down. It becomes comfortable to stay there, because it’s easier than getting knocked down again. Why even try? Get rid of this excuse – it only puts you on a path to nowhere.
Don’t let the things you’re unable to control, have control over you. Have a ‘can-do’ attitude when things happen unexpectedly. These are the small battles that need to be won, so that you can move closer to your results. It’s not the end, there’s just another way to do it.
How Do You Want This To End?
The easy part of this, is that you get to make the decision on the outcome you want to see. The hard part is, you must consistently get up and take action, if you want to get there.
If you were in a physical fight, it’s natural to defend yourself and fight back, because you want to win. You’re doing your best to prevent yourself from being hurt. It’s the same with accomplishing your goals. When an obstacle hits you, don’t just lay down and take it – get up and take another swing.
Use your mind in the right way. That involves thinking positive thoughts and creating a growth environment for yourself. Instead of lingering on the problem (challenge) at hand, linger on finding a solution. How you respond to a challenge determines if you’ll be successful or not.
Don’t make a convenient excuse – overcome them. Whether you create them or life creates them, don’t let them get in your way. You are more than capable of changing your direction in order to make it happen and win.
#BeGoalden
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