We never think to forgive when things go bad. Often times, our first instinct is to point the finger. We always bend towards the side of blame, in fear of being held wrongly accountable for whatever happened.
When things go wrong, no one wants to feel that pain or hold that burden. Handing it off to someone else gives us a temporary feeling of relief and comfort.
Instead of placing the fault on someone else (or yourself), try the opposite – forgive yourself and see it as an opportunity to grow.
Forgive Yourself And Others
This is a simple practice, but no one talks about it. Forgiving yourself is a key moment that allows you to grow. There’s no growth in avoiding responsibility.
Yes, we talk about taking responsibility, even when it’s not your fault. This is to move on, so you won’t be stuck and stagnant. Things happen, but someone has to have the courage to push things forward, even if the next step isn’t too clear.
Let’s take it beyond that – forgiving yourself. There are things that have happened in your life that you wish you could do differently. You blame yourself, but how do you move on from that?
Most people don’t move on – they keep replaying the “what-if” in their minds, trying to make it right. The guilt plays in a continuous loop, over and over in their heads and it begins to stifle their progress. What can you do?
You may not be able to change the past, but you can forgive yourself. At that time, you did the best you could do. The situation may not have even been your fault or in your control. There are a ton of factors that could play into you feeling sorry for yourself. If you can give energy to those type of thoughts, then you have the power to forgive.
Forgiveness is not only for others, it’s for you, too. We forgive those who did us wrong, because it gives us closure. Have you ever thought about giving yourself the same closure, so you can move on with your life? Let the emotions out, but instead of just dealing with it whenever it resurfaces, forgive yourself and let it go.
Growth Happens Here
Life is about growing. You deserve to take the next step, but you won’t be able to if you’re still carrying baggage from the past.
No matter how much it hurts or how bad it turned out, you can forgive yourself. Life can have a way of just happening, whether you are involved or not. The best way to deal with any kind of shame, remorse, guilt or disgrace is to forgive yourself.
Not only will it hopefully allow you to move forward with your life, but you will grow from it. Whether you are forgiving yourself or someone else, it lets you breathe. It frees you up from the negative emotions that have lived in your mental space for far too long.
Whether you do your best and fall short, or you experience life as it was given to you – forgive yourself. Beating yourself up won’t make you feel any better. Forgiveness grows you.
After you forgive yourself, smile. You’ve been holding yourself back because you feel you haven’t earned the right to live your best life. No matter how heavy life gets, we all deserve to live.
Making progress is a constant struggle, especially when you’re working on your dream. You’re always thinking if you did this right, is it going to work, what if I fall flat on my face in front of everybody, etc.
Don’t give that little voice in your head any authority over your thoughts. It’s there to keep you from great things. Yes, it sucks. It keeps you lazy. It makes you think your idea isn’t good enough. It simply takes away your power before you even begin.
Comparing your beginning to someone else’s ending, does not help you at all. When you downplay your achievements in comparison to others, you’re not being fair to yourself.
“He got a gazillion reviews — I only have 2.”
“She cooks omelets — I can only cook eggs.”
“They’re such a great team – my team sucks.”
Progress Is The Beginning Of Success
Don’t downplay your achievements! Having 2 reviews is a celebration, because before, you had zero. That’s progress! You can make omelets, just flip one side of the egg to the other side and there you have it! Progress! Don’t make it difficult.
We are all learning together, just at different speeds. There is no need to engage in negative self-talk; there are plenty of other people out there who do that for you. Believe in yourself and be confident in your abilities. You have to start somewhere.
Even if one person claps, that’s good! You’ll have to learn to clap for yourself for a long time before anyone else will. When you come up with an idea and begin to explore it, that’s good! Whether you take one step or twenty, that’s good!
IT’S ALL GOOD!!!
It’s progress. It may be tiny, but you are moving the needle, millimeter by millimeter. That’s more than a lot of people move in a year. Progress is progress, no matter how big or small. Be proud that you moved and just keep on moving!
There comes a time in life where we’re presented with a choice: should I trust myself and follow my dreams or should I do what others think I should do?
This dilemma comes to everyone at different times. Some may experience it sooner than others, but nevertheless, you must make a decision on how to proceed with the rest of your life.
Who’s Living Your Life?
Are you where you want to be in life? If not, where did things go left?
It’s a hard truth, but somewhere down the line, instead of taking the shot, you passed the ball. The pressure was too much and you decided to let someone else make the decision for you. If they make the shot, are you happy? Or, could you have done the same thing and received all of the the applause and recognition yourself?
If their shot doesn’t go in the basket, you feel relieved. “Glad I didn’t do it,” you think to yourself. The person who was brave enough to shoot the ball may have missed, but they took control of a situation you were afraid to face and most of all, they learned from it. Even though you don’t think about it at the moment, missing the shot has it’s benefits.
This happens repeatedly in our lives, where we must take the shot – it’s all or nothing. Most people will pass up the chance to see what they’re made of. The opportunity was given away, simply because you didn’t want to be embarrassed. After a while, this becomes a pattern in your life.
This pattern will turn into unconsciously allowing others to make decisions for you. You begin to ask them questions about how you should do this, or if you should do it at all. Thinking that you aren’t good enough to make the right choices, you look to others who you’ve passed the ball to.
Now, they make decisions for you and you’ve given up your personal power.
Personal Responsibility
Taking responsibility for your own actions is hard to do. Yet, the more you do it, the easier it becomes and the more life will move with you and not against you.
It’s easy to follow what the crowd is doing. If something happens, no one is at fault or the entire crowd is at fault – it feels better to divide the blame. That type of comfort can keep you complacent and unproductive.
When you’re by yourself and creating your own way, everything that happens will fall on you. This discourages some people to make their own progress, because it hurts their ego and they don’t want the extra work of overcoming a challenge.
Most times, the issue can be solved, but it’s the lack of thinking that makes it seem worse. It’s easy to be lazy and let things play out as they will. Why should you be the one to take action and move the situation forward? If no one else is willing to do it, why should you?
Taking personal responsibility is what lifts you to the next level. No one has to see you do anything for it to be valid – validate yourself. You know what you’re capable of – if you don’t, take the shot, see what happens and follow through.
Maybe it’ll turn out the way you imagined or maybe it won’t. Either it will move you forward, or it will teach you a lesson. When you take control, you get to make the decisions that everyone else is scared to make. Don’t blame the outcome on someone else, when you allowed them to take the lead. You can be the leader, but you have to take the responsibility (the good and the bad) that comes with leadership.
Lead Yourself
Never let someone else define your life by making choices for you. You have the vision of what you want your life to be, not them.
It’s important to take the shot – how will you know your capabilities, if you never make an attempt? Passing the ball may be necessary at times, but for the most part, have the courage to shoot. If you miss, at least you know what to practice in order to become better the next time the opportunity presents itself.
Get out of your own way and put yourself out there. You don’t want to regret not taking a chance, when you had the chance. It’s never too late to lead yourself. You don’t have time to waste, but you do have time to use. Use it wisely – take the shot, move forward and improve.
We see the success, but not the process. Many of us use hope as a strategy, but that only leads to a headache and disappointment.
What is it that others are doing to accomplish their goals? Creating vision boards, watching motivational videos and reading inspiring books can help, but it won’t do the work for you.
Looking at other people can give you an ambitious feeling towards your own goals, but what are you actually doing to get there?
Don’t Overthink, Just Start
You want to be there already. You’re on chapter one and they’re on chapter twenty and it frustrates you. “What am I doing wrong?” you ask yourself.
Comparing yourself to others doesn’t help. It’s great to see that someone has done it – it gives you faith that you can do it, too. When it comes to the work and effort, that’s a different story.
What you’re missing is the middle – the actual process. That means continuous effort, many sacrifices and everything in between. It’s the boring part that no one acknowledges until you become a success.
Because we tend to compare ourselves to others, it becomes a hindrance. It causes us to constantly think about why we aren’t where they are. We begin to makes excuses and deny responsibility in order to make ourselves feel better.
All of this overthinking can push you to the point where you forget about starting your own journey, because you’re consumed with their success. Your plans are thwarted, simply because you’re stuck on how you should be in their shoes by now.
If you keep worrying about others, you’re unable to work on yourself. Mind your business and start building your own success. You’re not supposed to create their vision, you’re supposed to create your vision.
It’s Not Fair
If you ask anyone who is successful, they’ll tell you that it wasn’t as easy as it looks. Achievement doesn’t happen in a straight line.
It happens to everyone. A potential business didn’t get the loan, the athlete has an injury or you didn’t pick the winning lottery ticket. Whatever the reason, everyone will encounter a setback. The difference is in your level of resilience.
This is another place where people give up and get stuck. They complain, “It’s not fair” and they stop. Newsflash: It will never be fair. Throwing yourself a pity party won’t change anything. Thinking of how others have an advantage over you is a waste of your productive time and energy.
Instead of trying to wrap your mind around why someone else has more privilege, find a way to meet and overcome your own challenges. There’s always a way to do something – you just have to think it through, find a solution and take action.
Everyone has their own mountain to climb. You won’t reach the peak by looking at them. It may not be fair that they have a rope to help them to the top, but that shouldn’t be your concern. Yes, it would be helpful if you had one, but at the moment, you must focus on what’s in front of you.
Don’t lose your opportunity by watching someone else. Be patient with yourself, but most of all, start the journey.
Success Is Yours If You Want It
It doesn’t happen with a snap of your fingers. Hoping, wondering and wishing aren’t blueprints for success. Don’t fool yourself – it can be done, but it’s going to take consistent effort and determination.
Success must be earned. It can be magical, but you have to create that magic by taking action. We all have dreams, but as they say, at some point, you have to wake up and work for it.
Doing something everyday that will bring you closer to your goal will put you further ahead than watching others. Get started and let your mistakes and failures be your guide.
Disappointment is one of those things you wish wouldn’t happen, but it always seems to find a way to rear it’s ugly head. Whether you find it coming from yourself or someone else, it has a way of disrupting your flow.
Unfortunately, disappointment is something we’re unable to avoid, but we do have the ability to work around it. Instead of trying to ignore it, be mindful and learn how to deal with it productively as possible.
What Disappoints You?
There are a million ways you can be disappointed. Deception, death, high expectations, sadness, anger, betrayal – it all falls under the umbrella of being disappointed. Whether something is unfair or not, it frustrates you.
It could be someone not showing up on time. Maybe you didn’t get the job you hoped for. Your best friend stole from you. Someone cut you off in traffic. There’s not as much money in your bank account as you thought.
Some of these disappointments are caused by other people, but some of it is caused by you. It’s important to know the difference, because you may not be able to fix other people, but you can definitely fix yourself.
Just know that other people are not you! Don’t expect them to do things the way you would do them – this is one of the easiest ways to disappoint yourself. Of course, we should all have high standards and expectations of each other, but in reality, it just doesn’t work that way.
Waking up in the morning to find there are no socks to wear can be disappointing, but you can fix that so it won’t happen again. Running out of gas while driving on the highway can make you mad, but you can fix that so it won’t happen again. These are situations that you bring upon yourself, but you can fix it. Be accountable and stop disappointing yourself.
Perspective
Think about this: do others upset you or do you allow yourself to be upset by them?
One way is blaming and the other is taking responsibility. People do crazy things – you don’t have to like it, but you don’t have to let it ruin your day, either. That’s life. You don’t have to be offended by every little thing. If you can see it from another perspective, it will help you move on with your day.
We can not stop disappointment from happening. However, it does contribute towards the building of our integrity and character. It can be annoying, but if you can see the situation from a different angle, it can possibly put you at an advantage.
Adjust your outlook so you won’t experience a high level of disappointment. It can be heartbreaking when someone lets you down, but don’t let it become distracting. Some of us are stuck on something that happened ten years ago. It’s hard to forgive and let go, but you don’t want to live in a mental prison all of your life.
Forgiveness is for you, not for them. It allows you to move forward so you can continue to make progress in your life. When you hold a grudge, the other person doesn’t feel it – you carry that burden of disappointment. If you shift your perspective, you’ll enjoy the benefit of controlling your emotions (not your emotions controlling you) and creating a more improved outcome.
It’s Okay To Feel Your Disappointment
When other things disappoint you, especially if it has nothing personal to do with you, let it go. Giving up your energy to silly things can be draining. It sounds simple in theory, but why do we make it hard to do?
Sometimes, it’s the small things that can get to us – someone looking at us the wrong way, it rained when it wasn’t supposed to or your favorite team lost the big game. These type of things will happen. You have no control over it, but you can make the choice to forget about it and keep going. Don’t carry it with you the rest of the day – unless there’s something you can do, accept it and let it go.
Other times, disappointment can be more personal and difficult to deal with. A loved one becomes terribly ill or your child is following the wrong crowd. Situations like these are unable to let go as easily. It may hurt everyday, but the best way to handle it is to be as helpful and as positive as you can.
With some disappointments, there is no concrete way of handling them – you just have to let it run it’s course and work itself out. At the same time, you don’t have to live in it. Acknowledge it, but allow yourself to look ahead and continue to pursue your future.
No matter what happens or how you feel, the world doesn’t stop. There are ways to limit your disappointments and deal with them in a productive way – just don’t let it ruin your life.
Rest is essential to our goal-driven lives. Always being on the go and running on that endless treadmill is a sure way to burn out.
Yes, burn out is real. We’re so busy trying to move the needle that we forget to take some time for ourselves. Our bodies and minds need the chance to rejuvenate so we can perform at our best.
We run ourselves into the ground, looking for approval and confirmation from others. Understand that rest is important.
There are two ways we can include better rest into our routine:
saying no and
focusing on yourself.
Just Say No
Saying ‘no’ may hurt feelings, but it’s a way to put yourself first. Are you one of those people who have trouble saying ‘no’ when someone asks you for a favor? This is part of the reason why you’re tired – you need a mental reset.
You aren’t obligated to anyone. A favor is a favor – it’s your choice. Yes, you may not satisfy quite a few of your friends, but they’ll be fine. Don’t let them guilt you into doing what you really don’t want to do. It’s not the end of the world.
No matter how disappointed they may be, there are times where you have to put yourself first. Everything doesn’t revolve around them – as selfish as it sounds, everything should revolve around you. If you make a commitment, follow through, but at the same time, don’t be afraid to say ‘no’ in the first place.
Normalize saying ‘no’ without giving excuses and move on. If you notice, most people will say ‘no’ and then give a logical reason as to why they aren’t able to participate. We do it all the time, but we all know it’s just that – an excuse. It makes you feel better to make someone understand why you said no.
Guilt is what makes us give in. We don’t like the idea of letting someone else down – it makes us feel bad. How many times have you cheated yourself, simply because you wanted to make someone else happy? Soon, you’ll begin to realize that you must champion yourself, because nobody else is going to do it for you.
Productive Rest
We talk about being productive and persistent and chasing after your goals daily. It’s a must if you want to be successful, right?
While this may be true, you also have to rest. Constantly being on the move and multitasking can wear you thin very quickly. Sometimes, we’re so used to being in overdrive, we don’t realize it until we finally collapse and we’re forced to sit down.
It’s better to schedule a rest time than to keeping running until you fall out. As far as your health is concerned, that can be dangerous. Running on fumes is not good for your physical or mental well-being. A quick nap during the day to recharge can do wonders for decreasing stress and increasing productivity.
Also, reward yourself with some extended down time. You’re not as sharp when you’re tired from being busy. Don’t let your mind trick you into thinking you don’t need any sleep. Everything will still be there when you return.
Treat yourself to a rest and reset day (or weekend). Whether you spend a day in nature or go to a spa for a relaxing treatment, make time to do it – you need to physically and mentally reset! You are no good to others if you aren’t taking care of yourself.
Focus On You
Self-care is listening to yourself and doing what your body and mind need you to do. Success is hard work, but we often overlook those little hints that tell us to slow down. The heavy eyelids, cloudy thinking and short temper are just a few signs that it’s time to shut it down.
Like a computer, we all need to reset (or reboot) at some point. The longer you go without any rest, the worse your performance will become. Your mind will begin to slow down and your energy will begin to drain. You may not feel it, but others around you can see it.
Afterwards, you feel more refreshed and bright. This should be your normal level of function, but if you don’t rest, everything around you suffers.
Life doesn’t stop for anyone, but in the midst of it all, we must learn to take care of ourselves. Whether it’s telling your best friend ‘no’ or taking an afternoon nap, be mindful of how you feel, mentally and physically. Adjust your life to yourself, not others.
The simple things are make life wonderful. It’s a satisfying feeling you won’t be able to find anywhere else. It’s that joy you feel when you’re in the moment and everything is right with the world.
Simple can be a hard thing to do. We live in a world where instant gratification is the goal and being rude is the standard. Simplicity makes things feel complete and whole, as opposed to hurried and confusing.
Things have to be done and they have to be done now (or so we think). Is it really that serious, or did we just decide to turn those precious moments into a personal burden?
Be Simple
It’s easy to get caught up in the rat race – always on the go, falling into convenience and allowing technology to rob us of our presence.
The next time you become bored and decide to grab your phone as a distraction, don’t. Instead, do these things:
Smile at a stranger
Hold the door open for the person behind you
Compliment someone in your household or at work
Take a minute to look around and be present
Remember that thing you used to love doing when you were little? Do it.
Instead of cutting the conversation short, listen and indulge thoughtfully
Read a book that interests you
Enjoy the rain
Call a friend, instead of texting
Have lunch with someone without your phone
Actually solve a problem – don’t put it off for later
Speak kind words to yourself
Bake some cookies from scratch
Make time to watch a sunrise or sunset
Celebrate a small win
These are the moments that you shouldn’t let slip past you. Life is short and joy can’t be found in material things. Being present allows you to give yourself a mental break – it’s a small pleasure that provides a big benefit!
So don’t rush through your day – take the time to interact with the world on a simple level. There are enough trolls and people who try to make it hard for others. Find your peace and enjoy it every chance you get.
Everyday, it’s a different excuse. You’re having a bad hair day, the dog got away or the storm knocked out the internet. Therefore, you won’t take action.
These may be valid reasons as to why you won’t do anything, but in reality, they’re not reasons, they’re excuses.
We can think of many reasons not to do anything productive. Deeper than that, we’ll allow it to make sense, so we won’t feel guilty about not following through. How can we do better?
Time Is Not An Excuse
One of the biggest excuses is not having enough time. We tell ourselves that millionaires are millionaires, because they have all the time in the world. “If I had that kind of time, I’d be rich, too,” we say.
Millionaires may be rich, but with the exception of those who were born rich, what were they doing with their time, prior to being rich? Were they sitting around, talking about why rich people are rich?
This is the part that no one talks about – the late nights and early mornings, making ends meet, putting in time with the kids, keeping up with awkward schedules, etc. For the most part, they were working towards their goals and they never gave up. You’ve heard stories of people who work on their side business for 4 hours, after they came home from working 2 jobs. There’s discipline in that type of work ethic and it pays off.
Remember when you never had the time? Well, it’s up to you to bend it to your benefit and leverage it as much as possible. It’s all the same 24 hours, so if you want it to work out, you have to make it work for you.
Our minds tend to keep us on a schedule of daily habits. If you want to have a chance at reaching your goal, enhance your routine. Stretch, adjust or eliminate the details in your daily pattern. Disrupt your autopilot habits and become more aware of the goal you’re trying to achieve.
You could shorten your time watching television and replace it with creating a plan. Maybe you could research while you eat dinner. Or, you could listen to a podcast while taking a shower.
There are many ways you can make more time – it just takes a little altering to make it work towards your advantage.
It’s Not In Your Control
Everything that happens in life is not controlled by you. If you can accept that simple fact, you’ll save yourself a lot of stress.
Some of us get upset when life happens – we become emotional and start having negative thoughts. Like a child, we have a tantrum and we let it stop us from doing what we planned to do.
Yes, this presents a challenge, but at the same time, you have the ability to think your way through it. There may be a change of plans that have to take place, but it can be done.
Some of the things we tell ourselves is, “It is what it is…” or “I’m not about to do that, just so I can do this…” We make up these ridiculous excuses to justify our laziness. Now, you’ve allowed the situation to hijack your progress.
It’s difficult to get up after being knocked down. It becomes comfortable to stay there, because it’s easier than getting knocked down again. Why even try? Get rid of this excuse – it only puts you on a path to nowhere.
Don’t let the things you’re unable to control, have control over you. Have a ‘can-do’ attitude when things happen unexpectedly. These are the small battles that need to be won, so that you can move closer to your results. It’s not the end, there’s just another way to do it.
How Do You Want This To End?
The easy part of this, is that you get to make the decision on the outcome you want to see. The hard part is, you must consistently get up and take action, if you want to get there.
If you were in a physical fight, it’s natural to defend yourself and fight back, because you want to win. You’re doing your best to prevent yourself from being hurt. It’s the same with accomplishing your goals. When an obstacle hits you, don’t just lay down and take it – get up and take another swing.
Use your mind in the right way. That involves thinking positive thoughts and creating a growth environment for yourself. Instead of lingering on the problem (challenge) at hand, linger on finding a solution. How you respond to a challenge determines if you’ll be successful or not.
Don’t make a convenient excuse – overcome them. Whether you create them or life creates them, don’t let them get in your way. You are more than capable of changing your direction in order to make it happen and win.
#BeGoalden
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