January 2019 - The Goalden Lady

4 Tips On How To Take Constructive Criticism

It’s not something everyone enjoys. Constructive criticism is meant to help us become better, but sometimes, we don’t know how to put our feelings aside and effectively listen.

Constructive criticism is when some tells you how you can do something better or more accurate. It’s not meant to hurt your feelings or insult you, but that’s how we take it.

Most people mean well when they tell us how we can improve, but it’s difficult to accept when they actually talk about it. If someone is willing to help by making valuable suggestions, if would serve you well to listen and give it a shot.

Constructive criticism is not meant for you to feel bad. It’s constructive, meaning, it’s meant to be helpful. No one is making fun of you. Listen with the intent to enhance your skills and learn something new.
Put your ego aside. Your ego will get in the way of your success if you don’t have it under control. Everyone is not after you in the wrong way. Break down your wall and genuinely observe what is being said. Be interested in how you can become more effective and productive with your work.
Stop being defensive. Don’t let your emotions get the best of you. Our first reaction is to get angry, because it’s embarrassing to listen to someone tell you about yourself. If it’s someone you know who means well, be open. Receive it without becoming emotional and defensive.
Realize that it’s to help you. If it’s valuable, take it. If not, you don’t have to do it. Constructive criticism is for your consideration. It’s to be useful and promote progress. If you decide to try it, it could be to your benefit. If it doesn’t, you won’t have to do it again.

If you’re the one giving constructive criticism, know that it’s hard for the other person to acknowledge. There’s a way to break down what you’re saying in a positive light. Never speak with a condescending tone – let them know you’re on their side and want to see them do well.

Giving or receiving, constructive criticism is a hard thing to do. It’s normal for people to feel like they’re already doing things correctly, so it can be hard to take. Just know that everyone is not out to be negative or make you look bad. If you’re in the right environment, people will want to help you be the best that you can be. Graciously accept it and use it to your advantage.

#BeGoalden

3 Ways Being Alone Can Increase Your Productivity

“I can’t hear myself think!” Those are the words of my mother, whenever it was too loud or she needed to get away from a crowd of people. I never understood what she meant, until I became older.

Some of us have a fear of being alone. We’ve been raised to have a social life and to not be anti-social. We have friends at school, friends at work and our family around us at our every waking moment.

There’s a time to be social and a time to be alone. It can be kind of hard to sift through your thoughts and make decisions when there’s a lot going on around you, so isolating yourself helps.

It’s good to have people around you, but don’t be afraid to be alone at times. Your best productivity can come from being alone.

Being alone encourages us to think our own thoughts. When you’re around other people, you hear many ideas and opinions that may be different from your own. When you’re alone, you have the mental space to discover how you feel about certain things. You have a chance to come up with your own beliefs and standards. There’s no one to bombard you with their thoughts.
Being alone helps you to work independently. It’s easy to hide within a group. Receiving praise or criticism is a lot better when it’s spread around to many people. When you work by yourself, you learn to take full responsibility for what you do. Also, you have complete control over what you’re trying to accomplish. Your creativity has no bounds when you’re working independently.
Being alone allows you to spend time with the most important person – you. Listen to your own thoughts and ideas. Get to know you. Every morning, before you walk out into the world, learn to have peace with yourself. You are in charge of building and becoming the person you want to be. When you know who you are, you’re more comfortable with what goes on outside of yourself.

Sitting with yourself gives you the opportunity to remove yourself from the dramatics of life and to get clear on what you want. It allows you to think through your goals and create effective plans. Others may tell you that being by yourself is weird, but it promotes a sense of wellness and productive independence. You are using your power to create a calmness that only you can give yourself.

There are times where we need to be with ourselves, to recognize what we truly want. We let other people take control of situations without thinking, simply because it’s ‘easier’ at the moment. Sometimes, the talking and all of the commotion can drown out what you really think. By being alone, you give your thoughts and ideas a chance to breathe and come alive. Clarity often comes through isolation.

Anyone can hide in a crowd, but it takes a strong person to stand alone. Take some time to be alone and to ‘hear yourself think’. Experience the wonderful ideas that’s been lurking around in your mind and follow through with action!

#BeGoalden

Change The Path, Not The Goal

We all want to get there in as little time and pain, as possible. No matter what it is, our logic tells us to take the path of least resistance.

If you haven’t noticed, that path leads no where. It takes you directly to the place where you don’t want to be or back to square one – with the other average people.

The entire point is to get to your goal. You start and you hit an obstacle. That’s what happens. You figure it out (hooray!) and then you continue. Something happens that sets you back two steps. You deal with it.

Your belief in reaching your goal is strong, but a few months in, your faith begins to get a little shaky. “There has to be a better way,” you think.

Doing your best, you come up with a plan and switch your game up. That seems to help! Once again, you’re making progress. You can see the top of the mountain and you’re getting closer and closer.

After turning down dinner with friends, working through the weekends and remaining disciplined and focused, you finally reach your goal!

Congratulations! This is what it takes. Too many of us want the quick and easy way to the end. We want to see it before we even start to move towards it, just to be sure it’ll get us to where we want to be. The only way is to start and feel your way until you get there.

Everyone wants to see the path before they take it.
The Goalden Lady

We can plan that path, but understand that it will not always lead to the desired destination. It’s up to us to not quit – go back to the drawing board and create a new path.

Change the path, not the goal.

Let’s take football, for example. The object of the game is to get to your side of the field, with the football and score a touchdown. Every play that your team makes is important. Sometimes, your team will fumble the football and set you back 20 yards.

Then, you use another plan to throw the ball down the field. It could get intercepted or your team mate could catch it and run as far as they can, without getting tackled.

Or, you could pass the football to the running back for them to run as far as they can, while avoiding getting tackled by the other team.

Your team never stops, even if the ball is turned over to the opposing team – they keep trying with a different plan, to score a touchdown.

Even if the odds are against you to make a touchdown, you can still make an attempt to kick a field goal to get some points (which is still progress).

Both teams change their plans many times to reach their goal, but they never stop. When someone gets hurt, the game may stop for a while, but it continues. The goal still has to be accomplished.

This is how it is with your goals. Have a mindset that never quits. People will ‘tackle’ you and try to push you out of bounds (or away from your goal). Like the relentless football player, you must keep moving down the field until you score a touchdown. There’s no other way.

It’s time to play ‘football’ with your life. Never stop reaching for success. The clock hasn’t run out. Until then, you can keep changing and adjusting your plan an infinite number of times.

Change your path and adjust as often as you need to, but remember to keep the goal in front of you, at all times.

#BeGoalden

Live Your Life Today

Whatever it is you want to accomplish in your life, do it. There may not be much time for you to contemplate.

Everyday is a chance to do what you want to do and make progress. Even if it is uncomfortable, the opportunity is there for the taking.

We think so far into the future, that we forget to do something today. Overthinking takes over our mental space and we end up doing nothing. Planning is essential, but starting is just as important.

If you knew what day would be your last, you would do everything you want to do, within that amount of time, especially if it was soon. That’s what makes time so precious because we don’t know how much of it we have left.

And that’s the catch – you don’t know when your last day is. Therefore, you must do your best today, as if tomorrow may not come.

So what if you mess up? So what if it didn’t turn out right? So what if only one person showed up? How many times are you going to let an outside force, stop you from reaching your goal?

The trolls, the gossip, the weird stares – none of that matters in the end. Don’t waste time thinking about that insult. Stop saying ‘yes’ to situations that allow you to float through life. Hold yourself accountable and do what you want to do. No one can live your dream the way you can because your dream is in your control.

We think so small of ourselves and give so much consideration and power to what other people think. Instead of praising others, praise yourself. Stop thinking that other people are always successful, you are successful, too! Stop thinking that good things only happen to other people, good things happen to you, too!

None of us are any better than the other – we are all human and we all have the ability to do something great. Some of us leave it up to other people to be great, but the capability is there. You just have to get up and do the work that it takes to be great.

Don’t let your time run out without making your mark. Put forth phenomenal effort daily. Regret is a painful feeling that no one should have to experience. The only way not to, is to live your life, everyday.

#BeGoalden

Give Up The Grudge, Focus On Forgiveness

There’s nothing new under the sun. People have best friends, co-workers or even family members with whom they hold grudges against.

All of these hurtful feelings begin to flood your mind. Eventually, it begins to work it’s way into your body and comes out through anger, anxiety, stress and many other ways.

You feel like, “How could they do that? I thought we were friends? How could they NOT know that I would be hurt? What were they thinking? They should’ve known!”

The best way to let a grudge go is to forgive. Instead of allowing it to control your thoughts and hold you hostage, forgive them.

You may think, “That’s way too easy – I want them to feel the same hurt that they put upon me!” Well, you’ll be waiting a lifetime. Most of the time, the person you’re holding the grudge against, doesn’t even know it or they’ve moved on.

Forgiveness is for you, not for them.
The Goalden Lady

Make the decision to move on. You don’t have to include them in your life anymore. If any type of interaction is necessary, keep it to a minimum.

Why is forgiveness for you? This is what happens when you hold a grudge:

It creates more negative thoughts. You’re already in a bad place when you hold a grudge against someone. You begin to increasingly think about it and those aren’t good thoughts you’re having. You’re thinking of ways to get back at them or how you can get revenge. Before you know it, this is all you think about and it only breeds more negative thoughts in other areas of your life.
It takes away your power. You aren’t able to control what you’re thinking and you become unproductive. No matter how hard you try to work, those feelings keep pulling you back. That person has moved on – they don’t even know the effect that they’re having on your peace of mind. Don’t give away your power that easily! Even when you’re trying to go to sleep at night, you think of them and you tense up and become disgusted. Meanwhile, they’re sleeping like a baby.
It keeps you stagnant. You’re like a broken record that keeps skipping to the same beat, over and over. You can’t move or make good decisions in your daily life. You’re stuck. The grudge you’re holding keeps repeating itself over and over again. None of this will change until you decide to let it go.

That’s why forgiveness is for you. None of these things happen to the person you’re holding a grudge against. Even if you confront them about it, more than likely, they’ll think it was silly. And then, they move on.

Forgiveness gives you the relief you’re looking for. It gives you freedom. It allows you to breathe. It gives you your life back.

Be the bigger person. Learn to forgive. Some people have been holding grudges for years, but it’s not needed. How much of your life have you wasted, thinking about something that has been forgotten by others? Take back your power over your life and yourself. We all have disappointments from our friends and family, but it’s up to us to move on from it and continue to be our best selves. It’s hard to be your best self while holding a grudge.

Forgive. Let it go. Move on.

#BeGoalden

Move To Improve

We let so many thoughts scare us…

it needs to be perfect
it’s not the right time
what if they don’t like it
what if I fail

Then, there’s another level. We make situational excuses…

I’ll start when I get paid
it rained
I have to do ‘A’ before I do ‘B’
Little Billy got sick

What are we afraid of? It’s not that we’re really busy – it’s that we’re afraid to actually do.

People who really go after what’s in their heads are special. They don’t stop to overthink and analyze how crazy it might seem. They aren’t afraid of the voices in their head. They just go and succeed and keep right on going.

Everyday, try to have that mindset. Commit to doing something everyday, even when it sucks. If you put in the daily effort, it can’t get any worse – it has to get better.

So, whatever it is that you want to do, please don’t worry about the outcome or what other people will think. That is exactly what stops you.

“Be like a computer. Respond with results, not excuses.”
The Goalden Lady

Google, or any other search engine, has never given an excuse when you use it to find answers or research.

Creating excuses is a habit that has been unconsciously passed down from generation to generation, across the world. When someone asks you something, instead of telling them the truth, your mind automatically looks for an excuse. It has spilled into so many other areas of our lives, we accept it without thinking.

We treat procrastination the same way. It’s used so much, we believe it. We’re making ourselves intellectually soft. No one wants to think or do anymore.

It’s going to be hard to quit, but I challenge everyone to catch yourself when you make an excuse. Catch yourself when you procrastinate. Don’t let yourself off the hook. Hold yourself accountable.

What do you do instead?

You find the mental power within you and push through. You do it. Perform. Act. Create. Operate. Be intentional and start. Be intentional and finish. It doesn’t have to be big, just begin. Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Start by making small changes. You don’t have to start drinking 8 glasses a day, start with 2. You don’t have to start by running a 5k, start with a walk in the neighborhood. You don’t have to start with an expensive date with balloons and roses, start with a kind word and a smile.

Build your foundation. Work your way up to the results you want to obtain. Often times, we see what we want and it overwhelms us because we don’t know how to start – all we see is the end result. Start small and keep building, day by day.

Also, you will have to kill the negative chatter in your head, because that’s also stopping you. Your will to improve has to start in your mind.

Tell yourself how great you are. Tell yourself that you have the ability to do anything. Tell yourself that no matter how difficult it gets, you will find a way. Tell yourself these things, because it’s true.

You’ll even fall, sometimes. That’s okay, just remember to get up. There will be times where it hurts, but give it the time it needs, then keep going.

It’s going to be hard. You’re going to want to give up. You’ll make even more excuses because that’s easy. Change is hard. As long as you have breath in your body, believe that you can do it.

You won’t improve by doing the same thing – at some point, you’ll need to upgrade your game. Do something positive, something that will push you towards a greater situation, to the next level – something different.

It sounds so simple, but it’s one of the most hardest things in the world for people to do.

Take action and move.

#BeGoalden

Are You Working Against Yourself?

We all encounter distractions and nonsense on a daily basis. Whether it’s at work, on TV or on social media, it’s always there, fighting for our attention.

As a result, we’ve become immune to it. It’s doesn’t present a challenge to us any more because we’re so used to it. Becoming used to it has given us permission to just deal with it and to allow it into our minds.

Here are a few ways you’re working against yourself and how you can work towards doing better.

You have your notifications on. When you’re working, your attention is supposed to be focused on what’s in front of you, 100%. As soon as you hear a ‘ting’, you look up to see who or what it’s about. Someone just posted another funny cat video. Now, your attention is broken and it will take a considerable amount of time to get it back. Turn off those notifications! It can wait until you’re done.
You overindulge yourself with information. Yes, it is critical to do research and collect information for what you’re doing, but sometimes, it can be too much. If you want to learn how to sew, do enough research to start. You don’t have to watch 50 videos and read 50 websites to take action. Look up the necessary information and go out and do it! Getting caught up in being a professional researcher only allows for procrastination and when you procrastinate, you don’t start!
You leave your mind open to anything. Your mindset is the most important asset you own. It’s good to have an open mind, but determine what is useful and what needs to go. Stop letting garbage enter your mind. It could be in the form of gossip, reality TV, social media, etc. Control what goes into your mind. If you plant good seeds, they will grow. If you plant bad seeds, they will also grow (weeds), but which would you prefer? It affects your attitude and your day when you consume garbage. Take in some motivational videos, get around good people and have meaningful conversations.
You hit snooze every morning. Just wake up. Why do we fight waking up every single morning? That’s the first struggle of many throughout the day. Whenever you hit the snooze button, you never get more sleep. Figure out whether an earlier bedtime would help, a cold shower or a cleaner diet, but whatever it is, see how you can avoid that daily battle. It sets the tone for the rest of the day and it allows for a stressful start. It’s easier said than done, but it shouldn’t be overlooked. Develop a better routine to greeting your day.

Not only will these things cause you to work against yourself, they cause anxiety, as well. You can blame it on other factors, but you have power over what you do and how you do it. Even if you’re unable to control your environment, you can still make adjustments. Don’t just sit there and take it.

Fighting against yourself and being counterproductive is all on you. Decide what goes into your mind, decide to take action and decide to work fully focused. You can control all of these things. All it takes is a present mindset and intentional action. You can do it!

#BeGoalden

Getting Ready To Get Ready

Preparation is key to becoming great, but sometimes, we can over do it.

Getting ready to get ready is really an excuse to procrastinate. We say things like:

I’ll start on Monday (everybody’s favorite)
When I get $500, then I’ll start saving
When I finish all of the ice cream in the freezer, then I’ll start my diet
When I buy some exercise equipment, then I’ll start exercising

Do you see a pattern? When I do ‘x’, then I’ll do ‘y’.

It may be hard to admit, but this is just a fancy form of procrastination. Anything you can do, can be done immediately. It won’t make any difference when you start, but because you are constantly ‘getting ready to get ready’, you never begin.

This is why it’s better to start your ideas soon after you have them. Giving yourself time to ‘get ready’ only prolongs what you are trying to do.

In the above examples, you can start any of those things right away. Most people like to start their plans on Monday. Why not start the following day? Why can’t you start saving money now, even if you don’t have $500? What does eating all of the ice cream first have to do with you beginning a new diet? Instead of wasting time trying to buy the right exercise equipment, why not start with a YouTube workout or go outside and play with the kids?

Stay Ready

Anything you want to do can be done without using the ‘getting ready to get ready’ excuse formula. We have to stop giving ourselves an easy way out. Procrastination only brings about more procrastination – it’s a neverending cycle.

Make up your mind that you will start, no matter what the circumstances are in your head. Don’t hinder your own growth – don’t become your own enemy. Be disciplined and take action. Have the confidence to move forward and create progress. You are more than capable and prepared to start than you think you are.

Hold yourself accountable and take control of your future. Hesitating won’t get you anywhere. You don’t want to be in the same place, a year from now. Be extraordinary and do what needs to be done, even when you don’t feel like it. Embrace those challenges so that you can become the exceptional person you’re meant to be!

#BeGoalden

3 Powerful Life Tips That Begin With You In The New Year

Let’s get the ‘not-so obvious’ thing out of the way, first: no one is going to do it for you. No one is going to save you. No one is going to lay it out for you.

You have the freedom to think for yourself, but for some reason, you think someone else will take you along for the ride so you won’t have to directly experience the disappointment, or have your feelings hurt.

As you live, you will soon learn that the path to success is full of disappointments, setbacks, broken emotions, going in circles, friends turned enemies, etc.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. In other words, you want the prize, but you don’t want to make the sacrifice or put in the effort for that prize.

It’s not as hard as it sounds – once you get in the habit of showing up for yourself (which is one of the biggest hurdles to jump), your path will open up for you to pursue.

Don’t wait on someone else to tell you what to do. As kids, we’re used to adults telling us what to do. The issue is, when it’s time to become adults, some of us don’t know how to let that ‘tell me what to do’ mentality go. We continue to lean on others for support and guidance. Take a step and make your own decisions. You know what your goals are. Figure out what to do from your own experiences and through other people’s mistakes. Here’s a secret: No one knows what they’re doing – we’re all just winging it. Give yourself permission to go out and do something.
Be committed to yourself. Technically, you don’t need anyone to hold you accountable. Accountability partners don’t always work. You either pick your friend, who will let you off the hook, or you end up with someone who doesn’t follow through. It’s a good idea in theory, but it almost never works. Hold yourself accountable. You know better than anybody else how bad you want it. If you can’t make a commitment to yourself, no one else can make you commit. Don’t let yourself down. It’s easy to let someone else down – you think to yourself, “They’ll get over it…” but letting yourself down is something that sticks with you for the rest of your life. Regret hurts because you know what you’re capable of. Hold yourself accountable and win.
Get it over with, then, get over it. On your path to accomplishing your goal, there will be many things that will confuse you and stomp you, mentally. Do the best you can. Google it, look it up on YouTube or just trust yourself and give it a shot. Don’t get stuck there – get it over with and get over it! Don’t stop dead in your tracks just because it didn’t work out the way you thought it should. A lot of times, we let small things stop us and we become dejected and that makes us complacent – it doesn’t mean to stop, it just means that it didn’t work that particular way. Put your thinking cap on and try again! Keep going until you find what works. Don’t slow down – if it doesn’t work, just say, “OK, I know that doesn’t work – next!”

Time waits for no one. If you want to build your dream life and live in your success, don’t waste time waiting for others to help you. Don’t wait for somebody to believe in you – take action and believe in yourself!

This year, take control of your thoughts and actions. Falling down is not the issue – getting comfortable and lying there is the issue. Learn to bounce back because if you don’t, once you finally decide to get back up, the world will have passed you by.

It all starts with you and it will start this year.

#BeGoalden