Month: February 2018

We all have them. Something happens that’s not planned, we call it a problem. Anything that’s out of the ordinary and we don’t instantly know what to do, it’s a problem.

The word itself, has a negative connotation. As soon as someone says, “I have a problem,” we instantly think something’s wrong and we can’t find a solution right away. Then it messes up our day. We have to bring in the army, so to speak, before anyone can find the answer. Most of the time, you really don’t need the army, so to speak, to solve the problem if you looked at it in a different way.

When I was a young Goalden Girl, someone gave me a different perspective on problems. “Goalden Girl,” they said, “it’s never a problem, but always a challenge.” That changed how I saw problems forever.

A problem sounds like something that can’t be fixed – something that will only give you more trouble if you don’t solve it right. This causes your mind to go into the dumps, as if it has to come up with the impossible solution.

A challenge sounds like a productive dare. Anyone who takes on a dare automatically starts to think, “I can do this – they won’t have the last laugh, not if I can help it!” It forces you to level up and gives you a ‘whatever it takes’ attitude.

The next time you have a team meeting, try it. Instead of saying, “we have a problem,” tell them, “here’s the challenge…” and see how much open their response is. Having a problem brings everyone’s morality down, but a challenge allows everyone to rise to the occasion and to become more productive in finding the answer.

Since that moment, I have never used the word ‘problem’ again (except to explain how I don’t use it anymore). When I began to use the word ‘challenge’ in it’s place, everything changed and things became possible. My perspective of that word was always negative, as if something huge had to happen before I could move on or I needed someone’s help. When I saw it as a challenge, my mind automatically goes into solving mode. It allows me to assess the situation and create a solution. Furthermore, it allows me to move on.

This is what it does for me and the outcome has been amazing. As silly as it may sound, the simple act of replacing a word with a better word, has worked wonders for my ability to solve things on my own. Words are powerful.

The moral of the story is, you can solve any problem, as long as you call it a challenge.

Have you ever been around someone who is resistant to everything? The first words out of their mouth is always ‘no’ or ‘I’m not doing that – you’re crazy’. They don’t even bother to think about what is being said to them, they just respond with anything negative. These people can drain the life out of you. If you’re that person, you have to learn how to open up and experience what opportunities may present themselves, or you’ll never make any progress doing anything.

Being defensive is a limitation. Somewhere along the road, someone indirectly taught you to be too careful and not to do anything, because the result MAY be disastrous (keyword is MAY). Therefore, you never made the attempt to do anything new. Before someone even finishes their question or comment, you react with a “Nope – not doing it…” It’s an uneventful and boring way to live.

The only way to overcome the fear of anything, is to do it. Being defensive, or resistant, is usually a sign of fear. I’m not talking about anything extreme, like walking through a fire with gas drenched clothes, I’m talking more about simple things like, mapping out where you want to be in five years. This question scares some people, but we need to get in the habit of taking control of our lives. If it’s not going to hurt you, take a chance and do it. The worse that could happen is the outcome is not what you expected. Big deal. Go do it again and see if you get a different outcome.

This is how opportunities are missed. When you are opposed to everything, nothing will happen to you or for you. There are many people who’ve come into incredible opportunities, all because they took a chance. Your entire life can take a different direction, only if you give that opportunity a chance. Don’t stay in a safe zone all of your life by coming up with excuses about time and money (“I don’t have time for that” or “Unless it’s free, I’m not doing it”). This is where those unique chances lie. I’d rather do it and see what happens, than to think back over my life and wish I would’ve done it.

Whenever that knee-jerk reaction comes up and you want to say ‘no,’ take a moment to think about it – that may be a sign that there’s something there to actually consider. The result could turn out to be beneficial, or not. It’s called taking a calculated risk. Again, not running through a fire with gas drenched clothes on, but taking control of your life by accepting that unpaid internship. Not smoking a dynamite stick on a dare, but going to that seminar to see what it’s about.

Resistance is your buddy (or it should be) – get to know it, because it will present itself to you many times. Don’t pass up the prospect to do something out of the ordinary or different than what you would normally do. You will either like it, or you’ll have a story to tell. It could change your life, or you’ll have a story to tell. Take a chance on some things – bet on yourself. Don’t hide from your life – control the urge to be resistant and live!

Most of us are running a losing race. I hear it all the time: “I’ll be happy when…” or “I’ll start when…” This all sounds perfect and makes sense in your mind, but in the real world, I’m going to need you to stop listening to that voice and start where you are.

The voice in your head is a never-ending battle. As soon as you come up with a bright idea, it kicks in with, “Who do you think you are? You can’t do this! No one’s going to listen to you – you’ll never be considered an expert…” It never stops. The only way to destroy this daily mental battle is to start. Even if you don’t start out strong, take a step.

“I’ll be happy when I:

• have $50,000.”
• graduate from college.”
• lose 20 pounds.”
• get a job working from home.”

At this rate, you’re just an unhappy person until something happens. Although you may be working towards these goals, you can actually still be happy. In the midst of your journey, do things that make you happy. It’s not up to some magical circumstance to make you happy, it’s up to you. You can bark back at that voice in your head and you can be happy in the meantime. Just start and you’ll be proud of yourself at that very moment, I promise.

Another one is: “I’ll start when:

• I make more money.”
• she stops making fun of me.”
• I move into my next apartment.”
• I’m done with the research.”

Stop making up new starting times. The time to start should always be now. When you have an idea, the default voice in your head should automatically say, “Not now, but RIGHT now.” Again, you’re depending on some magical circumstance to start doing whatever it is you want to do. You’re comfortable with waiting when something else happens, then, if it actually happens, you’ll make up another time to start. Don’t get comfortable with being lazy. It’s never a good time to start. Let me say/write that again:

IT’S NEVER A GOOD TIME TO START.

Having said that, start right now. Don’t put a silly timeline on when you’re able to begin. Stop doing research that never ends. How about starting and creating your own research as you go along? That way, you can compare what you’re doing to how someone else did it, not for comparison’s sake, but for theory’s sake. See how it can be done better and do it!

Things get done by the simple act of starting. Take that first step, no matter how big or small. Keep doing it until it’s done. A year later, you’ll look back and be glad that you started, because you’ll see how far you’ve come and how much you’ve accomplished. There’s no better feeling than the satisfaction of completing the goals you have set for yourself. Just about everyone has a story to tell and they have that adventurous story because they started. Drink some water and start your adventurous journey.

One of the most commonly used excuses is, “I don’t have time.” You can tell yourself that all you want, but everyone has time. That twenty four hours a day belongs to all of us. No one is afforded more time than the other. It’s really one of two things: you either really have a lot to do or you’re just doing a lot of nothing.

There are some people who have a lot on their plate. I don’t doubt for one minute that these people exist. The one thing that can help and make them better is time management. Some people are so busy that they are constantly rushing from one thing to the next. It may look like they are extremely busy, but if they want to find the time to do what they want to do, they can find it.

If they slow down and see where they can rearrange or delegate some of the things they’re doing, it’ll free up enough time so they can do what they want to do. Some people look busy, but they really aren’t busy being productive, they are busy looking busy. If something is just kind of just there for you to do, give it up or give it to someone else to do. Some things we can totally let go of – we just continue to do them out of habit, but it’s not really important. Let that go.

Another way to find time is in your sleep. That’s right – no one likes to do this, but you can always get up earlier. The truth is, there’s hardly anyone up at four in the morning, so you can focus and do anything. This would be the perfect time to put in work – no one is up asking you to do things, the phone won’t be ringing, and there won’t be any little distractions to interrupt you. If you make it a habit, you will be sure to get anything done at this time in the morning.

Rearranging your schedule to find time to do what you want to do can be a challenge, but it can be done. Anything that’s worth doing is worth the effort. Your goals may take some extra time outside of work, but it’ll be worth the extra time you put into it. No one said it would be easy.

My father used to say, “You can find time to do anything you want to do,” and he’s right. If it’s important to you, it won’t be a problem at all to do what you want to do. I can find all the time in the world to go skating, but I just can’t seem to fit it in my schedule to clean the backyard. The time is there, we just have to find it.

We recognize when something is right or wrong. If it’s right, everything is fine and you move on about your life. If it is wrong, the world stops. Negative thoughts begin to creep into your mind. Your emotions start to sink and your attitude becomes gloomy. The rest of your day goes downhill from there.

Why do we react this way? I’m not a psychologist, but everyone is raised differently. I’ve seen people who take rejection or failure as a challenge (as we all should) and I’ve seen some people who just shut down because it’s too hard to deal with. Failure does not exist in the negative sense. Failure tells you what’s wrong, allows you to move forward, and do it again.

First and foremost, let’s understand something. Failure doesn’t exist – it’s progress. When you try something and it doesn’t work out, well, you’ve just discovered one way that doesn’t work. This is where some people stop and their life is over at the moment. If you keep going, you’ll see that there is another way that works and solves the problem. Failure has served you well at this point. It’s only because you kept going after you found out what didn’t work.

Failure and rejection can hurt, but if you can train yourself to move past it, it can save you time. Normally, if you’re rejected, you go through a period of sadness or negative thinking. It’s kind of like a grieving process. This takes up much time because you go through this thing where you have to talk yourself back into the game or cry on someone else’s shoulders about it. This could take hours or days. If you can prepare yourself to respond in a positive way, you’ll waste less time and can get to the end of the problem, or goal, much quicker.

Instead of sulking and insulting yourself, simply say, “That didn’t work – let’s try this….” It may not get solved right away, but the fact is, you can always do it again. It’s not the end when someone doesn’t want to buy your product. You’ve got that person out of the way – moving on. This is how you must see failure and rejection. It simply gives you permission to keep moving.

It’s all about perspective and how you see things. Failure is not the end. It’s a boost in the right direction, because you now know what to do better and how to get there. The second attempt may not work, either – you’re narrowing it down and getting closer to the solution. Even with rejection, every ‘no’ brings you that much closer to a ‘yes’. If you stop, you’ll only waste time. Don’t let your emotions get in the way. Failures push us towards greatness, but only if you keep going.

Let’s encourage our children to work through their so called ‘failures’. Teach them to not feel bad when something doesn’t work out. Show them how to make progress and to keep moving forward. Remind them to drink some water and it will work out for them – but only if they keep going.

Planning and preparation helps us navigate our journey. Once you plan to do something, you go ahead and prepare to do it. That’s how it usually goes. There are some people who stay in the planning phase. I call them Professional Planners.

Professional Planners are great at talking about what they are going to do. Sadly for them, that’s where it stops. They will even write it down and show you how they’re going to effectively crush the goal they have before them. Unless it’s their job to make plans and preparations for others to do these things, they aren’t any help to themselves.

A goal is best reached through planning, preparation, and hard work. The Professional Planner stops after preparation. It’s like they don’t know how to physically start. They can plan and prepare all day long, but when it comes down to doing it, they freeze up. According to them, more research is needed or the time isn’t right. Timing is never right when you’re starting a new project. Actually, the right time is always, right now.

If you have goals, the point of the planning and preparation is to guide yourself on how to accomplish the goal. There are a lot of people who ‘plan’ to do some fantastic things, but the world won’t ever know it, because they don’t follow through. Putting your hard work out there is a frightening thing, but that’s the only way you will know if it works. Doing more research will not help – putting action to the plan is what helps. Even if you skip the planning and preparation and go right into action, that’s better than not doing anything at all.

Follow through with your work, all the way to the end. Deal with all of the praise and negativity that comes with it. You’ll get used to it and then you can adjust it for the next time you put it out there. This is how you proceed into your greatness. Just know that this is what the road to success looks like. At some point, you have to implement your plan, so you can know how to make it better.

Please, don’t be a Professional Planner. It can hurt you in the long run. Before you know it, you’ll be in your old age, saying, “I wish I had done that – I should have followed through.” Don’t do it to yourself. Go out and work it!

Super Bowl LII was a great example of what can happen when you focus and believe in your team. The Philadelphia Eagles won against the New England Patriots. Although it was a ‘back and forth’ game, the underdogs managed to come out on top.

The Patriots have won many Super Bowls with their quarterback, who is considered by most to be the best quarterback to ever play. Tom Brady has an instant reputation for bringing his team from behind to win many games. He is great at what he does and he puts a lot of time and effort into his game. After all, that’s what the ‘greats’ do.

The Eagles had never won a Super Bowl. Their quarterback, Nick Foles, was a backup quarterback after the starter quarterback was injured late in the season. The first thought from many sports fans was, “A back-up quarterback can not beat Tom Brady – how silly is that?” All odds were against Nick Foles, who confessed he almost quit three years ago. Well, Nick did the unthinkable.

The Eagles won the game and shocked a lot of people. According to them, no one can beat Tom Brady, it won’t happen, so stop dreaming. It happened that night. A back up quarterback, along with his devoted team, won against the unbeatable Tom Brady and the Patriots.

It can happen. This is a classic example of the underdog never giving up. You can beat the greats at what they do so well, but you must believe and persevere. Don’t ever count anyone out just because they haven’t played on your level. There is always someone grinding to beat the best.

Even though it seems no one is noticing your hard work, keep at it. You don’t do it for anyone to notice – you do it for YOU. Just like in this Super Bowl, everyone will notice when it’s your time. Drink some water and keep going.

People have their quirks or that ‘thing’ about them. Some don’t like their food touching. Others wash their car, even if it rains. I like my things given back to me, if you borrow them.

I’ve solved this problem – I don’t let anyone borrow anything from me. I strongly dislike (I hate using the word ‘hate’) when someone asks to borrow something (the word ‘borrow’ implies that you will use it temporarily), I lend it to them, and they return it like they ran over it twice on Thursday. My mother would tell me if you let someone borrow something, don’t expect it back. I thought this would change, once I became an adult. Why would I think that?

It all started in elementary school. Someone would ask to borrow a pencil or some paper. I would loan it to them and would never get it back. If I give you 2 sheets of paper, yes, I would want 2 sheets of paper back, within the next day or two. In the end, I was always short 2 pieces of paper.

Like I mentioned before, everyone has their ‘thing’ and this is mine. If you borrow something, give it back. I do not intend for you to have it. If you are going to keep it, then just ask for it. Ask, “Can I have it?” as opposed to, “Can I borrow it?”. I probably wouldn’t give it to you, but at least we’re all being honest.

I also strongly dislike when you return it, it looks like you’ve had it all of your life. I gave it to you last week and it already looks and smells like it’s been through hell and back. If I loan you something that is clean and in working condition, that’s how I want it back. Either that, or buy me the same replacement, if you used it up.

This is the kicker – the person you let borrow it, gets mad when you ask for it back. It was mine to begin with! I spent my money on this for me – not for you to borrow it and decide you want to keep it! And another thing – just because it’s sitting there and I haven’t used it in 4 months, does’t give you rights to it, if you need it. “You’re not using it, anyway – it’s just sitting there, not being used…” Well, maybe that’s how I wanted to use it. I bought it and I can do whatever I want with it. It belongs to me. You can go and buy one and use it the way you want to.

It may sound petty. If it does, don’t ask me to borrow anything, because you will give it back in a timely manner and in perfect condition. It’s the principle, Smokey.