Thinking of revenge can be a crippling feeling. It happens – someone upsets you or gives you a hard time. They have no idea how they make things worse for you, so you want to get back at them.
You feel some kind of way. In your mind, you think of all the ways you can get even with this person. All you want to do is give them a taste of their own medicine.
We hear people say things like, “sweet revenge” or “revenge is a dish best served cold…” Is revenge really the best way to go about making things better?
Revenge Doesn’t Make You Feel Better
Of course, it feels good to get back at someone. They have no idea how much they hurt you or make things harder for you. All you want to do is get back at them and feel good about it.
Does it really make you feel better? Most people would say yes, but actually, it may have the opposite effect. When you get revenge on someone, most of the time, it makes you feel bad in the end.
In theory, you should feel better, but you don’t. Most times, you end up feeling just as bad for getting back at them. You begin to realize that’s not the person you really are and you’ve stooped down to their level.
The bigger person understands that getting even is not always the best idea. There are other ways to go about getting back at someone, but when you turn around and use the same lowdown strategy that they used on you, there’s a strong possibility that it can make things worse.
There’s Something Deeper Going On
For them, it could be fun to see someone else suffer, just to get a laugh out of the crowd or something could be bothering them on a deeper level than anyone can see.
When people are negative or disrespectful towards you, most of the time, it goes deeper than we can see. They may have some internal issues going on that they don’t know how to handle (things aren’t right at home, they lost their job or something just didn’t go right).
They need an outlet, so they take it out on an easy target. Some people don’t know what to do with their feelings, so they lash out at whoever’s in front of them. It’s a way to ease their own troubles (or so they think) and it takes that burning attention away from them.
It may seem silly, but this is a way that a lot of people escape their own reality or whatever they’re dealing with. Yes, it’s wrong and irresponsible, but know that you don’t have to be wrong back at them, just to prove a point.
Reacting is the first thing you think of when someone treats you this way. Your first thought is “how can I get back at them?” Instead, try thinking, “Something is bothering them and I’m the target.”
Let It Go
There’s no one, concrete answer on how to deal with wanting revenge, but one thing you can do is not allow it to get the best of you.
When you start to think about revenge, it can take you down a dark path. It can consume your energy and your mind. When you’re doing other things, all you can think about is how to get back at them.
You may not realize this, but this person now has control over you because you’ve given them power to get under your skin. Basically, you’re saying, “I give you the power to control how I feel and to make me feel bad all day.”
Before you know it, you’re always in a foul mood. No matter where you go or what you do, it means nothing because you’re constantly thinking about this person and how they made you feel.
They are now living in your head and you’re unable to see and enjoy what’s in front of you. That’s a lot of power to give someone who isn’t even in your space.
Control Your Own Actions
Instead, take your power back. You may not be able to control what they do, but you can control your own emotions and how you respond. Don’t give them your energy by falling into the trap they set for you.
Don’t fall into the trap of someone else having authority over your life. Live your life and be the best you can be – you can believe that they’re watching and waiting for you to fall again.
Take that power away from them and be the bigger person. Let them see you stay calm and positive. This hurts them because they see that it has no effect on you – what they’re doing to you isn’t working. Once you react to them, that’s when you give them power.
So don’t react – respond with kindness. By doing this, you’ll take away their power and they won’t know what to do. Some may continue to go on, but eventually, they’ll run out of steam. Game over – you win, without revenge.