Tag: let go

Self-Sabotage Is Holding You Back

Self-Sabotage

Self-sabotage is when you set yourself up for failure. You become unconsciously satisfied with being your own enemy.

It seems backwards – don’t you want to be successful? Why would you run away from accomplishing your goals? Who doesn’t want to work towards a good life?

Your Level of Confidence

Being your own downfall begins with your self-esteem. Throughout life, you’ve become used to coming in last, being in the background or just being non-active.

Some people are born into environments that are anti-productive. This is a situation where you can respond one of two ways: you can become the opposite of your environment, or you can fall into it’s trap.

It’s difficult to go against the grain to become who you really want to be. When your surroundings don’t reflect a path to your vision, it becomes a challenge to fight against it. Even though gravity is pulling you down, you make an intentional effort to pull yourself up.

On the other hand, it’s easy to give in to what’s around you, good or bad. When you live in an unproductive environment, it starts to look normal. It weakens your self confidence and you accept the loser mindset. Your actions begin to mirror your poor self image and it causes self-sabotage.

Leave The Past In The Past

People make mistakes and bad decisions in life. Things can happen out of your control, but it’s your choice to either react or respond.

Another thing that causes self-sabotage is holding on to the past. Whatever happened may have been terrible, but you’re only hurting yourself when you constantly relive the memory and allow it to take up valuable space in your mind.

When you forgive, you’re not giving in to the person that hurt you, you’re allowing yourself to let go of the pain and move forward. Replaying the hurt as if it happened today is what holds you back. When you forgive someone, you free yourself – you take your life back and start to breathe again.

Holding on to the past contributes to self-sabotage. You’re prohibiting yourself from making progress because you’re stuck in that place. This leads to blaming others for your position in life, when really, all you have to do is let go and move on.

Forgiving is not as easy as it sounds, but it’s the only way to give yourself peace and reclaim your life.

Self-Sabotage Can Be Prevented

These are just a couple of ways that self-sabotage can destroy your progress. It can sneak in through various forms, but if you can recognize and prevent it from occurring, you’re one step ahead.

Instead of going with the flow with everyone else, think for yourself. Your choice may not be the most popular, but at least you know it’s how you want to operate.

Do the impossible. Always reach for goals that seem right outside of your grasp. Use your energy to stretch yourself to your potential. Don’t let anyone talk you out of your dreams – continue to increase your confidence (trust yourself), strengthen your mindset (listen to motivational speeches/podcasts and read inspirational books/blogs) and take productive action (learn from your mistakes and setbacks).

Don’t allow self-sabotage to take over your life. As you can see, some people live with it, yet, they don’t know why their lives are miserable or unlucky. When you decide to leave the past in the past, you can level up your surroundings, let go of what happened and create the future you dream of!

Are You An Emotional Hostage?

Photo by Jonathan Sharp on Unsplash

Have you ever tried to please someone and they didn’t seem to appreciate it? Or maybe you went out of your way to help them get to a better place, but they ended up right back where they started?

You feel unappreciated and used. You say you’ll never get involved again, but it somehow pulls you back in. Your emotions are all in it, but it has nothing to do with you. If that sounds familiar, you may be an emotional hostage.

“I went out of my way to help her and she didn’t even say thank you!” 

“She could’ve at least acknowledged what I did for her!”

“He went right back out and did it again, after I bailed him out for the second time!”

If you’re looking for a response from the people you help, you might not ever get it. All they see is what they’re doing from their perspective, not yours.

No matter how many times you help them, they will not truly appreciate what you do for them. It seems selfish on their part, but try to be more understanding, than critical.

Would it make you feel better if they did acknowledge you? Would that change the situation? It may feel better at the moment, but deep inside, you want them to change – you want them to do what you suggest.

You are in control of yourself. You can not control what others do or how they think.

You have to meet people where they are and accept them for who they are.

People will not change until they are ready. You can not speed up that process for them. If you offer them help, do it with no strings attached. Stop expecting something in return.

After you offer your help, let it go. Do not get emotionally attached to their problems. Do not carry this weight because it’s not your weight to carry. Don’t allow them to hold you hostage to their situation. 

It’s hard to watch someone learn things the hard way. The only thing you can do is help when you can and try to be patient with what they’re going through.

Yes, it’s your time and resources that you’re giving up to assist them, but they don’t owe you anything (ouch). 

That’s a hard statement to hear. Just because we help someone doesn’t give us the right to tell them what they should do and how they should live. It feels like we should have every right, but we don’t. When someone is in trouble, help them out of the kindness of your heart. It gives you no more power over them than you had before.

Recognize that it’s their life, not yours. You want them to travel the straight and narrow, but they won’t . You want them to eat healthy, but they won’t. You want them to stop fooling around, but they won’t. At this point, you’re only abusing yourself.

As concerned as you may be with this person’s situation, detach yourself. You will only cause yourself heartache, anxiety and sadness. It’s not your battle to fight.

It’s fine to make yourself available, but you can not change them. Yes, help as much as you can, but don’t expect them to turn over a new leaf immediately. They have to see things for themselves – it’s not up to you, it’s up to them. Support them, but not at your emotional expense.

There may come a time where you will have to detach yourself completely. Don’t be their safety net anymore. You have your own life to live. Free yourself from being their emotional hostage.

Situations like these occur in relationships, addictions, and in many other aspects of life. Everyone learns things at different times. The best thing you can do for anyone is be supportive. They will see it in their own time.

#BeGoalden