We never think to forgive when things go bad. Often times, our first instinct is to point the finger. We always bend towards the side of blame, in fear of being held wrongly accountable for whatever happened.
When things go wrong, no one wants to feel that pain or hold that burden. Handing it off to someone else gives us a temporary feeling of relief and comfort.
Instead of placing the fault on someone else (or yourself), try the opposite – forgive yourself and see it as an opportunity to grow.
Forgive Yourself And Others
This is a simple practice, but no one talks about it. Forgiving yourself is a key moment that allows you to grow. There’s no growth in avoiding responsibility.
Yes, we talk about taking responsibility, even when it’s not your fault. This is to move on, so you won’t be stuck and stagnant. Things happen, but someone has to have the courage to push things forward, even if the next step isn’t too clear.
Let’s take it beyond that – forgiving yourself. There are things that have happened in your life that you wish you could do differently. You blame yourself, but how do you move on from that?
Most people don’t move on – they keep replaying the “what-if” in their minds, trying to make it right. The guilt plays in a continuous loop, over and over in their heads and it begins to stifle their progress. What can you do?
You may not be able to change the past, but you can forgive yourself. At that time, you did the best you could do. The situation may not have even been your fault or in your control. There are a ton of factors that could play into you feeling sorry for yourself. If you can give energy to those type of thoughts, then you have the power to forgive.
Forgiveness is not only for others, it’s for you, too. We forgive those who did us wrong, because it gives us closure. Have you ever thought about giving yourself the same closure, so you can move on with your life? Let the emotions out, but instead of just dealing with it whenever it resurfaces, forgive yourself and let it go.
Growth Happens Here
Life is about growing. You deserve to take the next step, but you won’t be able to if you’re still carrying baggage from the past.
No matter how much it hurts or how bad it turned out, you can forgive yourself. Life can have a way of just happening, whether you are involved or not. The best way to deal with any kind of shame, remorse, guilt or disgrace is to forgive yourself.
Not only will it hopefully allow you to move forward with your life, but you will grow from it. Whether you are forgiving yourself or someone else, it lets you breathe. It frees you up from the negative emotions that have lived in your mental space for far too long.
Whether you do your best and fall short, or you experience life as it was given to you – forgive yourself. Beating yourself up won’t make you feel any better. Forgiveness grows you.
After you forgive yourself, smile. You’ve been holding yourself back because you feel you haven’t earned the right to live your best life. No matter how heavy life gets, we all deserve to live.
Growing up, we did things because there was a reward involved. It motivated us to complete a task, while teaching responsibility. “If you make your bed every morning, I’ll give you a puppy!” Do you need a “puppy” to bribe you into creating good habits that are beneficial to your life?
Although prizes are exciting and fun to work towards, the actual reward is the fulfillment of the goal. Making your bed every morning gives you the satisfaction of coming home to a welcoming and comfortable place to sleep (some people don’t have that).
Having something to motivate you to take action is great, but what happens when there is nothing to push you?
See Beyond The “Prize”
Just about everything has some sort of reward attached to it – the Super Bowl trophy, a scholarship or even BOGO (buy one, get one free) purchases.
Whether it’s sports, academics or marketing, there is something there to incite action in order to make you move. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with this, but the challenge comes when you’re looking for a reason to do everything.
Why work for something if there is no reward? There are some people who think they must receive something in return for everything they do. This soft way of thinking is what keeps them stuck and unable to improve.
In some instances, it works to get everyone on the same page and going in the same direction (mostly when teaching kids). When you offer a prize, it promotes competition and stimulates thought. As you mature, you should see the value and gratification within the process and that should be enough.
You don’t need a cookie when you ace the spelling test or a weight loss trophy when you lose twenty pounds. The satisfaction of achieving the goal is the reward. It says that you are on the right track and you’re getting better at it.
What happens after you eat the cookie or break the trophy? Nothing. Your accomplishment is still valid. A “prize” does not make your hard work and results any less credible.
You Are The Reward
Rewards are nice, but not necessary. Living as if the world owes you something is certainly a path to disappointment. It’s much more satisfying to truly know your own abilities, instead of having to prove it to someone else for a “treat”. Do it because it’s right or because it stretches your limits – do it for you.
When you are successful, there is no physical trinket that can erase what you’ve done. You’ll always be the best at what you can do, whether there is something to show for it, or not. Personal satisfaction is the ultimate achievement. Don’t depend on rewards to get you through life – they won’t always come.
Adjust your mindset to taking on tasks and goals, just to achieve them. The fact of knowing that you can do something extraordinarily well is the greatest reward you can give yourself. You don’t have to look for anyone to give you some sort of praise – it’s already inside of you.
What keeps us from being confident about ourselves? The majority of people think of the negative before they think of the positive.
You were born into this world with the natural gift of ambition. As a kid, you didn’t know that ambition was a ‘thing’ because it came without effort. As you became older, you began to see that the outside world had slowly taken that gift away from you.
If you still have a kick-ass attitude about your goals in life, congratulations! You are one of the few that kept it moving, no matter what others said or thought about you.
There are some of us who may need a little help in the area of high self-esteem. Some call it arrogance and some call it confidence. Whatever it is, how you think of yourself has a direct effect on your life.
Listen To Yourself
It sounds terrible, but secretly, there are some people who want you to fail. They want you to stay on the same level with them and not improve in your life.
If you make constructive progress towards anything, they’ll give you negative feedback – “You’ve changed. What makes you think you can do that? Who do you think you are?”
Understand that some people are afraid of success, but don’t be a supporter of this belief. They’re so scared to try something, simply because they don’t want to fail in front of others. Therefore, they dish out the insults to those who are brave enough to make attempts.
Anyone could be this person – a parent, sibling, best friend, co-worker or even a teacher. They may think they are saving you from being hurt, but they are really keeping you from your potential. It’s up to you to see through this and keep moving forward.
It’s easy to fall into their trap, because you want to be accepted. No one wants to be embarrassed, criticized or shamed in front of others. If this is the environment that you are in, it’s time to make some changes. It can be draining hanging around complacent people, but it’ll be even more draining living a nonproductive life with no goals or results to show.
Meet new people, go different places and have new experiences. Expose yourself to the things that you’ve always wanted to do. As they say, you’re not a tree – get unstuck and move.
Be Confident
If people tell you that your dreams are impossible, you’re on the right track. Your mindset has a tremendous effect on how you navigate your path to success.
People will step all over your dreams and tell you ten different ways of how and why it won’t work out. Instead of building their own dreams, they use that energy to destroy yours. The secret is – you don’t have to listen.
It may be difficult at first, but you have to get your mind right in order to become the person you’re meant to be. Go inside of yourself and create the confidence and focus you need to follow and complete your goals.
Don’t think “Maybe this won’t work” – think “I’m going to make it work.”
Don’t think, “I’m not good enough,” – think “I am going to be the best at this!”
Don’t think, “What if I don’t make it?” – think, “I won’t give up until it’s done.”
Don’t think, “What will they say?” – think, “I’m going to make myself proud!”
How you think of yourself means everything. If it takes saying affirmations everyday, meditating, listening to inspirational songs or watching motivational videos, then do it! Everything doesn’t work for everybody, but you have to find what’s right for you (not what they say is right for you).
Decide how you want to live your life – do you want to be courageous and see how far you can go or do you want to sit on the sidelines and watch everyone else play?
You have a contribution to make to the world. It may not be big by some people’s standards, but we all can make a dent in the universe. Never allow anyone to stop you from thinking highly of yourself and your abilities.
I know you’re thinking, “How can motivation become a distraction?” It sounds impossible, but there are ways people allow motivation to interfere with their goals.
Motivation is inspiring. It is the catalyst that creates motion. It gives us that mental push we need to move forward and accomplish our dreams. Without it, the world would move a lot slower.
We all have those things in our lives that help us take action, but what happens when that thing holds you back and causes inaction?
Motivation Is Like A Drug
For the most part, drugs are addictive. People become slaves to a substance that controls their minds and eventually, their actions.
Motivation is like a drug. Everyday, you consume motivational content, in one form or another, and it becomes addictive. It becomes hard to put it down because you want more and more.
Like drugs, motivation gives you a high. Although it’s not fatal, it can stop you from taking the action needed in order to get to your destination.
Social Media
If motivation is like a drug, who’s the pusher? Social media.
It’s great when you discover new content on social media that inspires and invigorates you, but in the end, that’s all you end up doing – scrolling through content.
Motivation feels good. You can picture yourself being successful, just like the person in the post. When you wake up in the morning and you start scrolling down your timeline, it feeds you with more and more. It gets you pumped up to take action. You’re ready to go, but then, you crash before you even start.
How many times have you (or someone you know) attended a seminar and you leave fired up and ready to take on the world, only to get home and follow up by doing nothing? The motivation is there, but you feel like you need more in order to move on.
The Distraction
This is when motivation becomes distracting. Your energy is there as long as you’re reading or looking at the content, but you never actually get around to putting one foot in front of the other and making it happen.
You become stuck and figure you need more motivation. Back to social media you go and consume more content. The more encouragement you can get, the harder you think you’ll work towards your goals. Day by day, it steals your attention and you become more sluggish.
Yes, your intention is to grind and hustle like the content says, but you only put in a little work and you’re back to needing more motivation. How can you turn this around?
Action Over Motivation
Like a drug addict, you have to go cold turkey when it comes to consumption. Yes, that means taking a break from social media and other forms of inspiring content.
Let’s not make the mistake of thinking that personal development is bad, because it’s not. Personal development has given people a positive way out of negative situations. It has transformed many destructive mindsets into thinking of productive possibilities.
At some point, you have to put in the work and take more action. Yes, it helps to get you on your way, but nothing will happen unless you get to work!
Less Is More
Flip the script. Put a time limit on how you consume content. Put that extra attention towards taking action and making progress with your daily plan. Use that motivation to push you forward – it doesn’t take much.
It will be difficult, but make it simple: less consumption, more action. Create your own encouraging ideas to post for others to become motivated. Be the example.
But it won’t get done unless you put down the device and start taking action.
The way you think and talk to yourself is imperative to your growth. If your self-talk is negative, it needs to change – how you think of yourself determines how much you’ll accomplish in this world.
It’s not about mindlessly repeating affirmations everyday like clockwork, but it’s about recognizing your potential. Why live with bad thoughts when you have the freedom to live with great thoughts?
Your Past Affects How You See Yourself
It’s understandable – some of us were raised in a toxic environment where people constantly said horrible things to us. They made sure to tell you how awful and stupid you were on a regular basis. After a while, it gets stuck in your head like a broken record and you began to believe it.
Your self-esteem is affected by this nonsense. Growing up, it unconsciously became your identity and you fell in line with those types of actions. “If they say I’m bad, then I’m bad…” you’d think to yourself.
Attempting to unlearn such terrible things is a challenge. When something has been cemented into your mind, it’s like it belongs there. Your brain doesn’t want to change, but this is a habit that you must make a concentrated effort to undo.
Speak Kindly To Yourself
You have the power to be kind – why not be kind to yourself?
People place doubts in our minds and we automatically accept it. We like to believe the bad before we believe the good. It’s easier and makes for better gossip. We love telling stories of other’s failures, but we quietly overlook the stories of triumph and success.
Even if you encounter an obstacle, it’s not the end. Don’t start thinking it’s all over and there’s nothing else that can be done. Those thoughts of defeat are lying to you. The opportunity is there to prove yourself that it can be done. Take the time to think it through with a winning mind.
In that moment, you have a choice. Will you think, “It’s no use – it’ll never happen…” or, “Let me do it the other way and see what happens…”? Your entire thought pattern leads to whether you will overcome that obstacle.
What’s In Your Think Tank?
It’s so much easier to think the worst before you think the best, but that’s where the change needs to happen. It doesn’t take any physical effort – all it takes is for you to switch your words, be positive and know that you are a problem-solver.
Be the opposite of what that little voice in your head says you are. Sometimes, all it takes is a positive song that picks you up to enhance your mood. When done intentionally, affirmations can work as well.
What you need to take away from this is that you have a choice. People will say negative things to you just because, but don’t let it stick. Have a mindset so strong that you set your own rules and thrive with confidence.
Your attitude is not contingent upon what someone else says – in fact, you can adjust it. Don’t depend on someone else to see the best in you – you must know it and believe it. Stay away from the trap of other people’s opinions.
We all have the ability to think magnificent thoughts. Why choose to think the worst? Be kind to yourself, spoil yourself with positive thoughts and take actions that inspire you to level up.
Having big thoughts should equate to taking big action, but instead, we do the opposite. We have been programmed to think that we should leave the big ideas to someone else.
Everyday, we have ideas that we don’t act upon. We politely put them aside, as if we will consider them later. Later, never comes.
Think of how it will be when your idea works – how many people it will help, the number of kids it will inspire – it is very possible to see it come to life!
Get Out Of Your Own Head
Who told you to bury your ideas? Did someone embarrass you when you were thinking out loud? Why do you think you’re not good enough?
It’s the outside talking. We were all born with greatness inside. In the past, someone told you that you weren’t good enough or that your idea was stupid.
Now, you carry this with you for the rest of your life. It’s not true – get out of your own head and focus on your idea! You’re holding yourself back because of what others might say or think.
Don’t Live Your Life In A Box
Take action to bring your idea forward – if you have a big idea, it’s going to take some big action! Stop intimidating yourself into thinking that it won’t work.
All you have to do is be resourceful. Put one foot in front of the other and move. Living in a box is self-limiting – other people may have put you there, but you must break out.
You could be spending your time around the wrong people if they don’t inspire you to grow. It’s okay to walk away from a situation that doesn’t serve you. Find a better environment that fits your goals and visions.
Thoughts = Action
That’s a formula you should remember. Your actions should align with your thoughts – if you can’t control your thoughts, you can’t control anything.
How many times have you not taken action, because of that silly, negative voice in your head? Push that voice aside and take a different approach.
If you have an idea, start coming up with a strategy, right away. Act as if you are the owner of that awesome idea (you are)! Build it out in your head, write it down or record it on your phone. That’s how you take action.
It May Not Go The Way You Expected
If your idea doesn’t go the way you expected, then you know that approach didn’t work. Turn left and start again.
It’s not supposed to go exactly right the first time you do it. This is where you build your work ethic and your discipline. Others stop here, but you will go on.
Expand your mind and explore that idea. The original idea could easily take you down another road, that could possibly lead to a more productive outcome.
Big Ideas Matter
Give it a chance. If you do your research and you start moving little pieces, something is going to happen. No idea is too big for you to create in the real world.
Don’t sell yourself short. You are better than you think. Make an attempt to get those ideas and thoughts out of your head and into existence!
Give yourself permission. Get out of that box and start. You have limitless possibilities as long as you have breath in your body. You are amazing. Now go and do some amazing things!
#BeGoalden
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