What keeps us from being confident about ourselves? The majority of people think of the negative before they think of the positive.
You were born into this world with the natural gift of ambition. As a kid, you didn’t know that ambition was a ‘thing’ because it came without effort. As you became older, you began to see that the outside world had slowly taken that gift away from you.
If you still have a kick-ass attitude about your goals in life, congratulations! You are one of the few that kept it moving, no matter what others said or thought about you.
There are some of us who may need a little help in the area of high self-esteem. Some call it arrogance and some call it confidence. Whatever it is, how you think of yourself has a direct effect on your life.
Listen To Yourself
It sounds terrible, but secretly, there are some people who want you to fail. They want you to stay on the same level with them and not improve in your life.
If you make constructive progress towards anything, they’ll give you negative feedback – “You’ve changed. What makes you think you can do that? Who do you think you are?”
Understand that some people are afraid of success, but don’t be a supporter of this belief. They’re so scared to try something, simply because they don’t want to fail in front of others. Therefore, they dish out the insults to those who are brave enough to make attempts.
Anyone could be this person – a parent, sibling, best friend, co-worker or even a teacher. They may think they are saving you from being hurt, but they are really keeping you from your potential. It’s up to you to see through this and keep moving forward.
It’s easy to fall into their trap, because you want to be accepted. No one wants to be embarrassed, criticized or shamed in front of others. If this is the environment that you are in, it’s time to make some changes. It can be draining hanging around complacent people, but it’ll be even more draining living a nonproductive life with no goals or results to show.
Meet new people, go different places and have new experiences. Expose yourself to the things that you’ve always wanted to do. As they say, you’re not a tree – get unstuck and move.
Be Confident
If people tell you that your dreams are impossible, you’re on the right track. Your mindset has a tremendous effect on how you navigate your path to success.
People will step all over your dreams and tell you ten different ways of how and why it won’t work out. Instead of building their own dreams, they use that energy to destroy yours. The secret is – you don’t have to listen.
It may be difficult at first, but you have to get your mind right in order to become the person you’re meant to be. Go inside of yourself and create the confidence and focus you need to follow and complete your goals.
Don’t think “Maybe this won’t work” – think “I’m going to make it work.”
Don’t think, “I’m not good enough,” – think “I am going to be the best at this!”
Don’t think, “What if I don’t make it?” – think, “I won’t give up until it’s done.”
Don’t think, “What will they say?” – think, “I’m going to make myself proud!”
How you think of yourself means everything. If it takes saying affirmations everyday, meditating, listening to inspirational songs or watching motivational videos, then do it! Everything doesn’t work for everybody, but you have to find what’s right for you (not what they say is right for you).
Decide how you want to live your life – do you want to be courageous and see how far you can go or do you want to sit on the sidelines and watch everyone else play?
You have a contribution to make to the world. It may not be big by some people’s standards, but we all can make a dent in the universe. Never allow anyone to stop you from thinking highly of yourself and your abilities.
Making progress is a constant struggle, especially when you’re working on your dream. You’re always thinking if you did this right, is it going to work, what if I fall flat on my face in front of everybody, etc.
Don’t give that little voice in your head any authority over your thoughts. It’s there to keep you from great things. Yes, it sucks. It keeps you lazy. It makes you think your idea isn’t good enough. It simply takes away your power before you even begin.
Comparing your beginning to someone else’s ending, does not help you at all. When you downplay your achievements in comparison to others, you’re not being fair to yourself.
“He got a gazillion reviews — I only have 2.”
“She cooks omelets — I can only cook eggs.”
“They’re such a great team – my team sucks.”
Progress Is The Beginning Of Success
Don’t downplay your achievements! Having 2 reviews is a celebration, because before, you had zero. That’s progress! You can make omelets, just flip one side of the egg to the other side and there you have it! Progress! Don’t make it difficult.
We are all learning together, just at different speeds. There is no need to engage in negative self-talk; there are plenty of other people out there who do that for you. Believe in yourself and be confident in your abilities. You have to start somewhere.
Even if one person claps, that’s good! You’ll have to learn to clap for yourself for a long time before anyone else will. When you come up with an idea and begin to explore it, that’s good! Whether you take one step or twenty, that’s good!
IT’S ALL GOOD!!!
It’s progress. It may be tiny, but you are moving the needle, millimeter by millimeter. That’s more than a lot of people move in a year. Progress is progress, no matter how big or small. Be proud that you moved and just keep on moving!
There comes a time in life where we’re presented with a choice: should I trust myself and follow my dreams or should I do what others think I should do?
This dilemma comes to everyone at different times. Some may experience it sooner than others, but nevertheless, you must make a decision on how to proceed with the rest of your life.
Who’s Living Your Life?
Are you where you want to be in life? If not, where did things go left?
It’s a hard truth, but somewhere down the line, instead of taking the shot, you passed the ball. The pressure was too much and you decided to let someone else make the decision for you. If they make the shot, are you happy? Or, could you have done the same thing and received all of the the applause and recognition yourself?
If their shot doesn’t go in the basket, you feel relieved. “Glad I didn’t do it,” you think to yourself. The person who was brave enough to shoot the ball may have missed, but they took control of a situation you were afraid to face and most of all, they learned from it. Even though you don’t think about it at the moment, missing the shot has it’s benefits.
This happens repeatedly in our lives, where we must take the shot – it’s all or nothing. Most people will pass up the chance to see what they’re made of. The opportunity was given away, simply because you didn’t want to be embarrassed. After a while, this becomes a pattern in your life.
This pattern will turn into unconsciously allowing others to make decisions for you. You begin to ask them questions about how you should do this, or if you should do it at all. Thinking that you aren’t good enough to make the right choices, you look to others who you’ve passed the ball to.
Now, they make decisions for you and you’ve given up your personal power.
Personal Responsibility
Taking responsibility for your own actions is hard to do. Yet, the more you do it, the easier it becomes and the more life will move with you and not against you.
It’s easy to follow what the crowd is doing. If something happens, no one is at fault or the entire crowd is at fault – it feels better to divide the blame. That type of comfort can keep you complacent and unproductive.
When you’re by yourself and creating your own way, everything that happens will fall on you. This discourages some people to make their own progress, because it hurts their ego and they don’t want the extra work of overcoming a challenge.
Most times, the issue can be solved, but it’s the lack of thinking that makes it seem worse. It’s easy to be lazy and let things play out as they will. Why should you be the one to take action and move the situation forward? If no one else is willing to do it, why should you?
Taking personal responsibility is what lifts you to the next level. No one has to see you do anything for it to be valid – validate yourself. You know what you’re capable of – if you don’t, take the shot, see what happens and follow through.
Maybe it’ll turn out the way you imagined or maybe it won’t. Either it will move you forward, or it will teach you a lesson. When you take control, you get to make the decisions that everyone else is scared to make. Don’t blame the outcome on someone else, when you allowed them to take the lead. You can be the leader, but you have to take the responsibility (the good and the bad) that comes with leadership.
Lead Yourself
Never let someone else define your life by making choices for you. You have the vision of what you want your life to be, not them.
It’s important to take the shot – how will you know your capabilities, if you never make an attempt? Passing the ball may be necessary at times, but for the most part, have the courage to shoot. If you miss, at least you know what to practice in order to become better the next time the opportunity presents itself.
Get out of your own way and put yourself out there. You don’t want to regret not taking a chance, when you had the chance. It’s never too late to lead yourself. You don’t have time to waste, but you do have time to use. Use it wisely – take the shot, move forward and improve.
We see the success, but not the process. Many of us use hope as a strategy, but that only leads to a headache and disappointment.
What is it that others are doing to accomplish their goals? Creating vision boards, watching motivational videos and reading inspiring books can help, but it won’t do the work for you.
Looking at other people can give you an ambitious feeling towards your own goals, but what are you actually doing to get there?
Don’t Overthink, Just Start
You want to be there already. You’re on chapter one and they’re on chapter twenty and it frustrates you. “What am I doing wrong?” you ask yourself.
Comparing yourself to others doesn’t help. It’s great to see that someone has done it – it gives you faith that you can do it, too. When it comes to the work and effort, that’s a different story.
What you’re missing is the middle – the actual process. That means continuous effort, many sacrifices and everything in between. It’s the boring part that no one acknowledges until you become a success.
Because we tend to compare ourselves to others, it becomes a hindrance. It causes us to constantly think about why we aren’t where they are. We begin to makes excuses and deny responsibility in order to make ourselves feel better.
All of this overthinking can push you to the point where you forget about starting your own journey, because you’re consumed with their success. Your plans are thwarted, simply because you’re stuck on how you should be in their shoes by now.
If you keep worrying about others, you’re unable to work on yourself. Mind your business and start building your own success. You’re not supposed to create their vision, you’re supposed to create your vision.
It’s Not Fair
If you ask anyone who is successful, they’ll tell you that it wasn’t as easy as it looks. Achievement doesn’t happen in a straight line.
It happens to everyone. A potential business didn’t get the loan, the athlete has an injury or you didn’t pick the winning lottery ticket. Whatever the reason, everyone will encounter a setback. The difference is in your level of resilience.
This is another place where people give up and get stuck. They complain, “It’s not fair” and they stop. Newsflash: It will never be fair. Throwing yourself a pity party won’t change anything. Thinking of how others have an advantage over you is a waste of your productive time and energy.
Instead of trying to wrap your mind around why someone else has more privilege, find a way to meet and overcome your own challenges. There’s always a way to do something – you just have to think it through, find a solution and take action.
Everyone has their own mountain to climb. You won’t reach the peak by looking at them. It may not be fair that they have a rope to help them to the top, but that shouldn’t be your concern. Yes, it would be helpful if you had one, but at the moment, you must focus on what’s in front of you.
Don’t lose your opportunity by watching someone else. Be patient with yourself, but most of all, start the journey.
Success Is Yours If You Want It
It doesn’t happen with a snap of your fingers. Hoping, wondering and wishing aren’t blueprints for success. Don’t fool yourself – it can be done, but it’s going to take consistent effort and determination.
Success must be earned. It can be magical, but you have to create that magic by taking action. We all have dreams, but as they say, at some point, you have to wake up and work for it.
Doing something everyday that will bring you closer to your goal will put you further ahead than watching others. Get started and let your mistakes and failures be your guide.
I know you’re thinking, “How can motivation become a distraction?” It sounds impossible, but there are ways people allow motivation to interfere with their goals.
Motivation is inspiring. It is the catalyst that creates motion. It gives us that mental push we need to move forward and accomplish our dreams. Without it, the world would move a lot slower.
We all have those things in our lives that help us take action, but what happens when that thing holds you back and causes inaction?
Motivation Is Like A Drug
For the most part, drugs are addictive. People become slaves to a substance that controls their minds and eventually, their actions.
Motivation is like a drug. Everyday, you consume motivational content, in one form or another, and it becomes addictive. It becomes hard to put it down because you want more and more.
Like drugs, motivation gives you a high. Although it’s not fatal, it can stop you from taking the action needed in order to get to your destination.
Social Media
If motivation is like a drug, who’s the pusher? Social media.
It’s great when you discover new content on social media that inspires and invigorates you, but in the end, that’s all you end up doing – scrolling through content.
Motivation feels good. You can picture yourself being successful, just like the person in the post. When you wake up in the morning and you start scrolling down your timeline, it feeds you with more and more. It gets you pumped up to take action. You’re ready to go, but then, you crash before you even start.
How many times have you (or someone you know) attended a seminar and you leave fired up and ready to take on the world, only to get home and follow up by doing nothing? The motivation is there, but you feel like you need more in order to move on.
The Distraction
This is when motivation becomes distracting. Your energy is there as long as you’re reading or looking at the content, but you never actually get around to putting one foot in front of the other and making it happen.
You become stuck and figure you need more motivation. Back to social media you go and consume more content. The more encouragement you can get, the harder you think you’ll work towards your goals. Day by day, it steals your attention and you become more sluggish.
Yes, your intention is to grind and hustle like the content says, but you only put in a little work and you’re back to needing more motivation. How can you turn this around?
Action Over Motivation
Like a drug addict, you have to go cold turkey when it comes to consumption. Yes, that means taking a break from social media and other forms of inspiring content.
Let’s not make the mistake of thinking that personal development is bad, because it’s not. Personal development has given people a positive way out of negative situations. It has transformed many destructive mindsets into thinking of productive possibilities.
At some point, you have to put in the work and take more action. Yes, it helps to get you on your way, but nothing will happen unless you get to work!
Less Is More
Flip the script. Put a time limit on how you consume content. Put that extra attention towards taking action and making progress with your daily plan. Use that motivation to push you forward – it doesn’t take much.
It will be difficult, but make it simple: less consumption, more action. Create your own encouraging ideas to post for others to become motivated. Be the example.
But it won’t get done unless you put down the device and start taking action.
The simple things are make life wonderful. It’s a satisfying feeling you won’t be able to find anywhere else. It’s that joy you feel when you’re in the moment and everything is right with the world.
Simple can be a hard thing to do. We live in a world where instant gratification is the goal and being rude is the standard. Simplicity makes things feel complete and whole, as opposed to hurried and confusing.
Things have to be done and they have to be done now (or so we think). Is it really that serious, or did we just decide to turn those precious moments into a personal burden?
Be Simple
It’s easy to get caught up in the rat race – always on the go, falling into convenience and allowing technology to rob us of our presence.
The next time you become bored and decide to grab your phone as a distraction, don’t. Instead, do these things:
Smile at a stranger
Hold the door open for the person behind you
Compliment someone in your household or at work
Take a minute to look around and be present
Remember that thing you used to love doing when you were little? Do it.
Instead of cutting the conversation short, listen and indulge thoughtfully
Read a book that interests you
Enjoy the rain
Call a friend, instead of texting
Have lunch with someone without your phone
Actually solve a problem – don’t put it off for later
Speak kind words to yourself
Bake some cookies from scratch
Make time to watch a sunrise or sunset
Celebrate a small win
These are the moments that you shouldn’t let slip past you. Life is short and joy can’t be found in material things. Being present allows you to give yourself a mental break – it’s a small pleasure that provides a big benefit!
So don’t rush through your day – take the time to interact with the world on a simple level. There are enough trolls and people who try to make it hard for others. Find your peace and enjoy it every chance you get.
Everyday, it’s a different excuse. You’re having a bad hair day, the dog got away or the storm knocked out the internet. Therefore, you won’t take action.
These may be valid reasons as to why you won’t do anything, but in reality, they’re not reasons, they’re excuses.
We can think of many reasons not to do anything productive. Deeper than that, we’ll allow it to make sense, so we won’t feel guilty about not following through. How can we do better?
Time Is Not An Excuse
One of the biggest excuses is not having enough time. We tell ourselves that millionaires are millionaires, because they have all the time in the world. “If I had that kind of time, I’d be rich, too,” we say.
Millionaires may be rich, but with the exception of those who were born rich, what were they doing with their time, prior to being rich? Were they sitting around, talking about why rich people are rich?
This is the part that no one talks about – the late nights and early mornings, making ends meet, putting in time with the kids, keeping up with awkward schedules, etc. For the most part, they were working towards their goals and they never gave up. You’ve heard stories of people who work on their side business for 4 hours, after they came home from working 2 jobs. There’s discipline in that type of work ethic and it pays off.
Remember when you never had the time? Well, it’s up to you to bend it to your benefit and leverage it as much as possible. It’s all the same 24 hours, so if you want it to work out, you have to make it work for you.
Our minds tend to keep us on a schedule of daily habits. If you want to have a chance at reaching your goal, enhance your routine. Stretch, adjust or eliminate the details in your daily pattern. Disrupt your autopilot habits and become more aware of the goal you’re trying to achieve.
You could shorten your time watching television and replace it with creating a plan. Maybe you could research while you eat dinner. Or, you could listen to a podcast while taking a shower.
There are many ways you can make more time – it just takes a little altering to make it work towards your advantage.
It’s Not In Your Control
Everything that happens in life is not controlled by you. If you can accept that simple fact, you’ll save yourself a lot of stress.
Some of us get upset when life happens – we become emotional and start having negative thoughts. Like a child, we have a tantrum and we let it stop us from doing what we planned to do.
Yes, this presents a challenge, but at the same time, you have the ability to think your way through it. There may be a change of plans that have to take place, but it can be done.
Some of the things we tell ourselves is, “It is what it is…” or “I’m not about to do that, just so I can do this…” We make up these ridiculous excuses to justify our laziness. Now, you’ve allowed the situation to hijack your progress.
It’s difficult to get up after being knocked down. It becomes comfortable to stay there, because it’s easier than getting knocked down again. Why even try? Get rid of this excuse – it only puts you on a path to nowhere.
Don’t let the things you’re unable to control, have control over you. Have a ‘can-do’ attitude when things happen unexpectedly. These are the small battles that need to be won, so that you can move closer to your results. It’s not the end, there’s just another way to do it.
How Do You Want This To End?
The easy part of this, is that you get to make the decision on the outcome you want to see. The hard part is, you must consistently get up and take action, if you want to get there.
If you were in a physical fight, it’s natural to defend yourself and fight back, because you want to win. You’re doing your best to prevent yourself from being hurt. It’s the same with accomplishing your goals. When an obstacle hits you, don’t just lay down and take it – get up and take another swing.
Use your mind in the right way. That involves thinking positive thoughts and creating a growth environment for yourself. Instead of lingering on the problem (challenge) at hand, linger on finding a solution. How you respond to a challenge determines if you’ll be successful or not.
Don’t make a convenient excuse – overcome them. Whether you create them or life creates them, don’t let them get in your way. You are more than capable of changing your direction in order to make it happen and win.
Preparation is a great way to eliminate fear. You fear what you don’t know, but in order to beat that feeling of insecurity and anxiety, you must set aside some time in advance to get ready.
We live in a microwave society where most people want things to happen in an instant. It’s awesome that technology has accommodated us by making some tasks easier and quicker to accomplish, but there are still some things that we need to prepare for in advance and with constructive thought.
Be Accountable For Your Actions
With responsibility comes accountability. Being able to own your mistakes and think for yourself is how you evolve as a person. There are too many people who allow others to dictate their circumstances, just by not holding themselves accountable.
So many of us have a “it wasn’t me” mindset when it comes to life. We think if we can get away from taking the blame, life will be better. If you don’t take responsibility and prepare for what may come, someone else will handle it for you and that doesn’t turn out well.
Holding yourself accountable for your actions is how you grow. Even if it wasn’t your fault, you can control the narrative by taking the reins and moving forward. Equip yourself with the information needed to bring about a solid outcome. Yes, it takes time and effort to prepare (and a strong mindset to correct possible mishaps), but it will serve you better on multiple levels.
When you are accountable for yourself and the things you do, that’s when life becomes better. Constantly looking for someone else to throw under the bus is backwards. Be prepared – tackle those obstacles and hold yourself responsible. There’s always someone to blame for your problems, but your life won’t be productive until you decide to take control and become accountable for your actions.
Decisions, Big And Small
The smallest decision can have the biggest impact. Everyday, we have choices to make and it creates the world we live in. Being lazy today can inhibit your success tomorrow.
When it’s time to make a decision, don’t delay. Some of your future situations are based off of the choices you prepare for now. If the information is there, use it to your best interest and make appropriate plans.
Sometimes, we procrastinate and hope things will play out in our favor. Of course, it’s nearly impossible to prepare for every single thing that may happen, but it helps to be in front of the eight ball instead of behind it.
Your decisions lead your life. Poor decisions will give you poor results. Always think 2 steps ahead when considering your choices. Think about what you want the outcome to be and guide your thinking in that direction. Also, think about where things could go wrong. It may not turn out how you want it to, but either way, you’ll be prepared no matter what happens.
Prepare For The Best And The Worst
Being accountable for your decisions and responsible for your actions are beneficial to being self-reliant. As long as you depend on someone else to take the blame or make choices for you, your life is not your own.
Action and preparation cures fear. If you don’t want something to turn out a certain way, prepare for it by doing something about it now. Don’t wait until it’s too late. You don’t want to be in a worse predicament than you were before. Do something to prevent the worst from happening or do something that will play in your favor.
Don’t be afraid if things turn out differently than you planned – that’s what makes it adventurous. There will be things you’re unable to control along the way, but there are some things that will pleasantly surprise you, too.
When you prepare, you build confidence – things don’t seem as scary. You don’t feel stressed or stuck when you develop a plan and have it ready. By practicing preparedness, you are overcoming your fear by taking action.
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