Have you ever tried to please someone and they didn’t seem to appreciate it? Or maybe you went out of your way to help them get to a better place, but they ended up right back where they started?
You feel unappreciated and used. You say you’ll never get involved again, but it somehow pulls you back in. Your emotions are all in it, but it has nothing to do with you. If that sounds familiar, you may be an emotional hostage.
“I went out of my way to help her and she didn’t even say thank you!”
“She could’ve at least acknowledged what I did for her!”
“He went right back out and did it again, after I bailed him out for the second time!”
If you’re looking for a response from the people you help, you might not ever get it. All they see is what they’re doing from their perspective, not yours.
No matter how many times you help them, they will not truly appreciate what you do for them. It seems selfish on their part, but try to be more understanding, than critical.
Would it make you feel better if they did acknowledge you? Would that change the situation? It may feel better at the moment, but deep inside, you want them to change – you want them to do what you suggest.
You are in control of yourself. You can not control what others do or how they think.
You have to meet people where they are and accept them for who they are.
People will not change until they are ready. You can not speed up that process for them. If you offer them help, do it with no strings attached. Stop expecting something in return.
After you offer your help, let it go. Do not get emotionally attached to their problems. Do not carry this weight because it’s not your weight to carry. Don’t allow them to hold you hostage to their situation.
It’s hard to watch someone learn things the hard way. The only thing you can do is help when you can and try to be patient with what they’re going through.
Yes, it’s your time and resources that you’re giving up to assist them, but they don’t owe you anything (ouch).
That’s a hard statement to hear. Just because we help someone doesn’t give us the right to tell them what they should do and how they should live. It feels like we should have every right, but we don’t. When someone is in trouble, help them out of the kindness of your heart. It gives you no more power over them than you had before.
Recognize that it’s their life, not yours. You want them to travel the straight and narrow, but they won’t . You want them to eat healthy, but they won’t. You want them to stop fooling around, but they won’t. At this point, you’re only abusing yourself.
As concerned as you may be with this person’s situation, detach yourself. You will only cause yourself heartache, anxiety and sadness. It’s not your battle to fight.
It’s fine to make yourself available, but you can not change them. Yes, help as much as you can, but don’t expect them to turn over a new leaf immediately. They have to see things for themselves – it’s not up to you, it’s up to them. Support them, but not at your emotional expense.
There may come a time where you will have to detach yourself completely. Don’t be their safety net anymore. You have your own life to live. Free yourself from being their emotional hostage.
Situations like these occur in relationships, addictions, and in many other aspects of life. Everyone learns things at different times. The best thing you can do for anyone is be supportive. They will see it in their own time.
#BeGoalden