Month: September 2021

Have you ever thought about what type of life you really want to live? Is it something that you mindfully work towards everyday?

Somewhere in life, you started paying more attention to what others thought about you, than what you thought about yourself. Something (or someone) told you that it’s important to please and impress others and you took it too far.

These people are pleasers and there are three types: the People Pleaser, the Parent Pleaser and the Pity Pleaser.

The People Pleaser

Some people are people pleasers – they’re unable to function in life, unless they know they are in someone’s good graces. They’ve basically built their life at the convenience of others.

If you ask a people pleaser what they want, they’ll ask someone else before they give an answer. Everything is based upon going with the popular opinion, so they won’t be the odd one out. If someone puts them on the spot, they’d rather die than to give their own honest opinion.

Now, it’s blown into an unconscious habit where they’re constantly looking for opportunities to be someone’s friend, or to be that ‘like-able’ person. It’s important to be presentable and decent towards other people, but don’t cross the line by making it your life’s mission.

The Parent Pleaser

We all start off as parent pleasers. As children, we want the approval of our parents, so we strive for that acceptance because we like the positive feedback. At this moment in time, we don’t know any better because we’re growing little humans and we haven’t experienced much of the outside world.

The unfortunate thing is, some of us never grow out of being a parent pleaser. We constantly look for the chance to impress them by following the path they set out for us. The last thing we want to do is disappoint mom and dad.

This isn’t totally on the child – some parents take advantage of their children by constantly telling them what they should do, what they should wear or where they should go. They leave no room for the child to think independently.

As a teen growing into an adult, you should be able to think for yourself. Mom wants you to be a lawyer, but you want to be an artist. If mom doesn’t get her way, she’ll be mad, so you don’t do it. This can go on for the rest of your life and before you know it, your life has passed you by.

The Pity Pleaser

A pity pleaser is the person who has always experienced anything worse than you. If you tell them about the time you were hit by a truck, they’ll tell you about the time they were hit by two trucks. They look for someone to outdo to make them appear more interesting.

Pity pleasers have the unique ability to make everything all about them. No one else can have a better (or worse) story than they have. Every time someone is going through a challenging time, they’ve always gone through something even more challenging.

There’s no beating the pity pleaser, as they take pride in being better at being the worst. No one has ever had it more rough than them. They feel like they deserve your sorrow and pity support.

Claim Your Life

All of these people have built their lives around what others think of them. For some reason or another, they never leveled up to being personally accountable for their own thoughts and actions.

Everyone has to take responsibility, but the majority of the responsibility lies with you. Pleasers allow their lives to be led by other people. In the end, they’ve realized that they didn’t live their own lives and wished they had.

Think about what you want. It may hurt someone else’s feelings, but you must go out and claim your life! Do what’s best for you, without worrying about who thinks what. No one can live it better than you!

It’s not disrespectful to disagree with other’s opinions, but you are disrespecting yourself by not living and thinking to your own full potential. Claim the life that’s meant for you – live through the rights and wrongs, the successes and the mistakes because it is your unique journey.

You’ll never achieve living the life that someone else wants you to live. Give up being a pleaser and experience the world through your own thoughts and actions.

#BeGoalden

Everyone has habits and patterns that they live by. Most of those habits are done unconsciously and carried over into adulthood from our childhood environment. Building life-changing habits isn’t hard, once you figure out what habits you want to change.

After becoming an adult, you begin to recognize those habits you didn’t create. Maybe you have a drink after work every night or you read a chapter from a book before bedtime. Whatever it is, determine which habits propel you forward or hold you back.

The Habit Of Fear

Your childhood environment has impressed upon you certain habits. One of those habits could be fear.

My mother is deathly afraid of water. When we were younger, we would take trips to the beach, but she would warn us not to get in past our ankles. We weren’t even allowed to sit on the side of the pool. Water was not allowed in our lives, unless we were taking a shower or washing dishes.

As we became older, my siblings and I realized that water wasn’t as bad as we thought. We’ve led active lives by learning how to swim, taking water aerobics and participating in other water sports, without fear.

It took a while to get rid of that fear, because it was ingrained in us to never get too close to water. Once we became older, we changed that fear into something more productive.

The Habit Of Consistency

On the other hand, my father is an avid reader. Every night when he came home from work, he would read the newspaper.

This was another unconscious habit I picked up in my childhood. I love to read almost anything I can get my hands on. Like him, there’s not a day that goes by without me reading something.

This is one of the habits I learned in childhood that served me well. Not only does reading improve your comprehension and understanding, it helps to increase your focus.

What Habits Have You Created?

The biggest misconception about habits is that they can’t be changed. Just because it’s a habit doesn’t mean it’s permanent.

Think about where most of your habits come from. Whether they are good habits or bad habits, you have the power to change them to work in your favor.

Create new habits for yourself. What is that one thing you want to do every morning before you start your day, or that one thing you want to do before you go to bed? Make it a habit and it will become a natural part of your everyday life.

Positive Habits Can Change Your Life

By creating positive habits, or replacing bad habits with better habits, it can change your life.

The more you challenge yourself with good habits, the more confidence you will have. Things that seemed too scary to do, will become easier over time.

Building good habits will also diminish your limiting thoughts and beliefs. The more you do that habit, it will increase your self-esteem and you will find courage to follow through with your goals.

Always Have Productive Habits

When you develop your good habits, never stop. Instead of walking one mile, keep improving until you can walk or run a marathon. The good thing about practicing good habits is that they lead to better opportunities and endless possibilities.

It’s important to keep increasing your efforts and habits. Take it one day at a time and reward yourself. Celebrate the small wins, so that you know it’s possible. This helps as you move closer to your end result.

If you want to change your life for the better, you must start by building better habits. Replace the bad habits with life-changing habits by taking baby steps. If it’s a bad habit, do it a little bit less. If it’s a good habit, do it a little bit more.

Day by day and week after week, you’ll start to see a shift towards a more constructive and energetic life!

#BeGoalden

Allowing distractions to take over causes FOMO (fear of missing out). It can be exhausting trying to keep up with the latest news or the juiciest gossip.

Everywhere you look, it seems as if everyone else is rejoicing in their success, continuously having drama or doing something out of the norm. Whether people are boasting about their business, indulging in uncommon relationships or going against the system, it feels as though you’re missing out on what’s going on around you.

Are these people showing off on purpose or are you just voluntarily giving away your attention to them? Whose world is more important, yours or theirs?

Are You Really Focused?

Nothing is a distraction, until you give it your attention. There could be a man swallowing a sword in front of you (which can be very entertaining), but if you focus on what you’re doing, he’s not a distraction if he doesn’t have your attention.

People can do distracting things and be over the top with their actions, but it doesn’t become a ‘thing’ until you choose to shift your concentration.

It’s like when you’re doing productive research on the internet and you come across clickbait advertisement that says, “How To Lose 20 Pounds in 20 Minutes!” It sounds too good to be true, but you just want to see what it is and if it could possibly work.

Once you lose control and your thoughts start going down that rabbit hole, it becomes a distraction. You could’ve easily scrolled past it, but it convinced you to stop and take a look.

And just like that, your attention is gone.

Strengthen Your Attention

It doesn’t have to happen this way. Using the same example, you already know the ad was created to steal your attention. It was designed to stop you in your tracks, just so you would click on it.

If you know that this is the pattern, expect it, but move on. Know that you’re not missing anything and it’s best to keep using your time productively. Clicking on any ad is bound to be a waste of time.

It’s not just the internet – it’s the same with people. Some people thrive on attention, so they do outrageous things to make you look. Even if it’s a pity party, they want your participation.

When you allow your flow to be disrupted, not only are you giving your attention away, but you’re interrupting what’s in front of you. Permitting someone or something else to steal your train of thought puts you behind in what you were doing.

If you have to turn off your phone or close the curtains at your desk, be present in what you’re doing. Don’t make it so easy for your attention to be thwarted.

Ignoring Distractions Is Self-Care

Again, these are things that you give your attention to, so it’s your responsibility to handle it accordingly. You do not have to shift your focus if it doesn’t concern you. Keep doing what you’re doing to improve your situation – put yourself first!

The world has become one, big distraction contest. Whether it’s the news, social media or walking into a store, someone (or something) is battling for your focus.

What about your life? Become your own distraction. Be mindful and give your undivided attention to what’s in front of you until it’s complete. You deserve to see the results of your determination and discipline, but it will only happen if you’re willing to avoid those distractions.

There are little hints that occur in life when you’re headed towards positive growth. It’s important to recognize, because you are becoming a more responsible and courageous person.

It takes guts to come into these positive changes – everyone doesn’t experience this ‘change’ at the same time. For some, they never experience it at all.

Here are 5 signs that shows you are headed towards that change in your life.

Positive Growth Happens When…

1. You’re money conscious. Most of the time, this happens after you become independent and start to take care of yourself without anyone’s help. Five dollars isn’t the same when you have to earn it for yourself. Also, you begin looking into different ways to make more money, or passive income. Should you rent or buy? Invest in stocks or real estate? 401(k) or Roth IRA? These options become more meaningful as you start to think long term and consider your financial future.
2. Your social circle has expanded. You have outgrown some of your old friends. The things you used to do are no longer captivating. You start to explore on another level, as you are motivated and inspired. Seminars and conferences are on your schedule and you actually enjoy attending them. Your old set of friends will say you’ve changed or you think you’re better than them, but that’s their insecurities talking. You’re not only growing, you’re challenging yourself and you like it.
3. Excuses bother you tremendously. When you hear someone give a lame excuse at work, or in general, it irks you. When you’re growing, you see excuses as distractions. Making up excuses for everything is childish and lazy. At a certain point in life, you just want to focus on getting things done and making progress. Making and correcting mistakes along the way is what leads to results, not excuses.
4. You make time for your goals and hobbies. All of a sudden, you begin to acknowledge the things you want to do, as if they were brand new ideas. A plan is put in place to accommodate your goals and hobbies. It’s no longer just a dream or something they do on TV, it’s something you want to work on and achieve. Even if others don’t agree with it or like it, it doesn’t matter – this is something you want to do and you’re going to find a way to do it.
5. Your perspective has shifted. Mindset is everything. How you think about various situations has changed. Personal development has become a priority in your life, because you have recognized your potential. This leads to adjusting the way you think and how you see things. You’re aware that everything doesn’t deserve your energy, so you’re careful with how you respond.
6. BONUS: Your life isn’t guided by fear. Fear is a very powerful thing. Sometimes, we allow fear to direct the way we live our lives. As you grow, fear takes a backseat. There’s no time to be fearful – you have obstacles to overcome and goals to accomplish. Courage has replaced fear and you have become full of confidence.

Productivity Encourages A Better You

It’s an exciting time when entering a new phase of your life, especially when it promotes personal growth. Friends and family can make you feel bad about it, because you’re changing and they want you to stay the same, but there’s nothing to feel bad about – growth is happening and you’re becoming more productive!

Always bet on yourself. No one else can live your life for you. Instead of believing what someone else says is impossible for you, go out of your way to make it possible. Make those dreams come true and those ideas stick.

This is your life and you have the power to create it. Don’t let anyone discourage you from being the success that you want to be.

#BeGoalden

We’ve been conditioned to feel anxiety or stressed whenever situations happen in our lives. Even if it’s something good that makes you happy, instead of being grateful or feeling joy, we feel like it isn’t enough.

Let me be the one to tell you right now: you have a right to be happy. There’s nothing wrong with feeling content or being excited about your future, even if others aren’t.

Be Happy On The Inside

Finding your inner happiness is important – it doesn’t work unless you find it, first.

How do you find your happiness? Think about what you are grateful for. It’s the little things that bring you joy – a blossoming flower, a laughing child or drinking cold water on a hot day.

How you feel about yourself plays a huge role – think of three things that you love about yourself. Don’t think of how much weight you want to lose or if you’re having a bad hair day. Simply think of what makes you feel good.

Yes, it’ll take some effort because we’re used to seeing the bad before we see the good. See the good in yourself for a change and take that with you throughout the day. Be happy about the person you are growing into.

Be Happy On The Outside

Often, we depend on others to make us happy. If someone is having a bad day, we carry that weight as if it were our own. If you make a mistake, it bothers you all week. You don’t have to do that.

Don’t let things that happen in your environment determine how you should feel. Of course, something could always go wrong, but you don’t have to give in to that negativity. Shift your perspective and find some joy.

Your life isn’t controlled by what’s going on around you. Remember, you have a choice to be happy. Do a random act of kindness to inspire the rest of your day – it’s hard to feel bad when you’ve done something good for a stranger.

Life Is Too Short

Get out of that rut and find your happiness! You don’t have to go around smiling all the time – you’re not trying to show that you are happy. Your goal is to feel happy.

Your life is in your hands. Are you going to waste time being down and stressed out because you watched the news? Or are you going to take advantage of the fact that you have a choice to be happy?

Life happens. You can choose to live it in the dark or you can live it in the light. Everything is not sunshine and rainbows, but be mindful of those moments where you can find peace and be delighted.

It’s easy to fall into discouragement and misery when nothing is happening, but again, don’t let the outside forces control the rest of your day. With all of the distractions going on, it’s hard to find some joy, but it’s still your choice and your responsibility.

Never Feel Guilty About Your Happiness

There will be times when you’re having a great day and someone says something negative to you. People will make you feel guilty about being happy and try to spoil your good mood.

Don’t let anyone steal your joy. You are responsible for your own happiness and they are responsible for theirs. You are not obligated to make other people feel good about themselves – that’s something we all have to learn how to do on our own.

Know that you deserve to be happy. If someone else isn’t happy, it’s not your fault. Taking on other people’s emotions as your own seems sympathetic, but sometimes, we allow it to consume us and it’s not our issue to deal with.

Let’s not forget that you have your own dragons to slay. In the midst of it all, you can still find your peace of mind. Being angry along with someone else only takes away from your positive vibes. Be sympathetic, but don’t feel guilty about your happiness.

We all strive for happiness and it comes to us at different times. When you get it, you must allow yourself to feel it for as long as you can. Tomorrow is not promised and you shouldn’t waste it, just because someone else may be having a bad day.

Make the decision to be happy from the moment you wake up. Find three things that you are proud of about yourself and take that with you. Throughout your day, identify the small things that bring you joy and live in that moment. Most of all, don’t let the outside influence how you feel on the inside.

#BeGoalden

Being great takes work. It’s not something you’re born with or given. There are people in the world who have greatness in them, but yet, they don’t activate it.

You have so many awesome qualities about yourself, but it’s hard to get them out in a world full of distractions and fear. Greatness should be a habit that you practice everyday.

Being Great Within Yourself

Understand that you have what it takes. If you are capable of thinking grand thoughts, you are very capable of bringing them into existence.

We let doubt and fear play with our conscious. That can be dangerous, because negative thoughts are easier to fulfill than positive thoughts. Before you know it, you’re on a lifetime streak of having “bad luck”.

If you think it, you can be it. Your mindset is what sets the pattern of what you do. This starts with knowing you’re great.

Being great doesn’t necessarily mean that you win every game or overcome every obstacle. It means that you remain focused and confident in whatever goal you have. You don’t let other people’s insults and judgments change your mind about your plans.

Having a growth mindset is what makes you great. Being able to stick to your goal, even when the world laughs in your face, is what makes you magnificent. You will have to adjust every now and then, but it’s at your will, not theirs.

Thinking for yourself is what greatness is. Knowing in your heart that you can achieve what you create in your mind makes you incredible. Bet on you.

Being Great Outside Yourself

Looking to others for support and recognition can be your downfall. What happens when your cheerleaders aren’t there or no one gives you an award for doing well?

It definitely shouldn’t stop you from doing what you’re doing, but this is where a lot of people get stuck. They look to others for encouragement to feel good – even if no one encourages you, you should still know that you can accomplish what you set out to do.

When you do favors or help others out in their time of need, do it without expecting anything in return. If you do want something in return, let them know or don’t do it at all. Don’t set your own trap.

Getting revenge on someone is not being great. Getting even only brings you down to their level and that’s not who you are. Your greatness is not defined by the standards of others. Be a good person, even when things don’t turn out in your favor.

When dealing with other people, don’t let your emotions get the best of you. Emotions have their place, but in most situations, being logical is best. Allowing the wrong people’s opinions to sway your strategy is when you lose.

No matter how much the outer world affects your plan, you still must move with determination and discipline – it’s a part of being great.

Be The Best Version Of Yourself

No one can be you, better than you can. Inspiration and motivation helps, but you have to make yourself into the type of person you aspire to be.

Some people don’t like themselves because they don’t know who they are. They’ve allowed their circumstances and surroundings to dictate their level of success. It doesn’t have to be that way – you possess the power to become the best version of yourself.

Amaze yourself. Be kind to yourself. Practice your greatness and it will become second nature.

Remind yourself to always be great!

When life happens, how does it affect you? Do you shut down for days at a time? Do you carry the emotions with you? Do you work through the pain? These are normal responses for anyone to have. There are different levels of pain, but the important thing is knowing how to handle it and moving on with your life.

You can think to yourself, “Why is this happening to me?”, but the truth is, it happens to everyone in some shape or form. You’re not the only one that experiences hurt and tragedy. Some people react by holding on to the pain, but they don’t realize that they’re only hurting themselves.

When you hold on to sadness, guilt, jealousy, or any type of pain, you are hurting yourself. You are the one carrying those negative feelings with you, day in and day out. It’s like a weight that never leaves because, for some reason, you insist on giving those feelings a home. Negative feelings do not deserve a space in your life. We must let them go, so we can move on to better things.

Another reason people may carry negative emotions is because it’s simply someone else’s fault. They did you wrong and you want them to apologize or admit to it. Yes, it’s the principle of the situation that matters, but moving on matters, too. You can sit and wait all day for someone’s apology, no matter how wrong they did you, and you will get nothing. If they decide to apologize, more than likely, it’s not heartfelt, because you had to make them do it. You don’t need other people’s permission to move on. Hearing the words “I’m sorry,” is not going to make you a better person than you were yesterday. Some of us need closure, but life still goes on whether you get that closure or not.

Learning to forgive others can free you of the weight of negative emotions. I was in a situation where someone I knew used my name for credit purposes. There were all kinds of collection agencies calling me and my family, asking to pay back money that I never used. I was mad at that person for at least three years. Being mad took away my joy. Every time I saw this person, she would be laughing like everything in her life was all good, which made me more mad. I would go to bed thinking of how she did me wrong. It consumed me so much, those negative feelings began to come out of me and I would act out towards other people. One night, I woke up and decided that I couldn’t let this feeling rob me any longer. I forgave her for what she did and the pain she caused me. I felt such relief, like I could breathe again. Tons of weight lifted off of my shoulders and I couldn’t believe how much better I felt!

Forgiveness is for you, not for the other person who hurt you. Like me, you could be walking around with that pain all day and night and it will steal your life away from you. When you forgive someone, it releases those negative emotions and bad feelings that you’ve been holding on to. Forgiveness gives you the opportunity to let it go and to move on with your life. You won’t ever forget about what happened, but forgiving is a way to move forward and live your life.

Whatever happened may have hurt unbelievably bad, but please don’t allow it to control the rest of your life. The chance for you to move past the pain is there and it’s called forgiveness. It is hard to do, but you don’t want to wake up and discover that it has taken three years away from your life. Don’t hurt too long, forgive with a sincere heart, and move forward, for your own sake.