March 2021 - The Goalden Lady

Personal Responsibility Is The Ultimate Life Hack

Personal responsibility can be a touchy subject. Some people think your life is in your hands, while others think every situation is up to fate.

We can create our own destiny through positive thoughts and constructive actions. Depending on your perspective, this could be true or false. There’s no detailed example for everyone to follow when it comes to walking the path to success.

Taking personal responsibility is the definitive line here – if you cross it, it can change your life. If you don’t, you could end up where you didn’t intend to be.

What Is Responsibility?

What happens when you lack personal responsibility? You leave it up to someone else to lead your life. It gives that person with ambition the permission to use you to reach their goals.

Personal responsibility is the first step to self-improvement. Who else is going to put in the work? That test won’t ace itself – the bills won’t pay themselves – your body won’t remain healthy on it’s own. This takes energy and being mindful on your part.

It’s not only you – sometimes, it can mean taking the hit for what has happened in a group. Although it may not be your fault, it allows you to become the leader, so you can continue pushing the group towards it’s goal. While everyone else is pointing fingers and finding fault, you’re figuring out a solution (the most important part) to keep things moving forward.

The life you live is your own. Your life isn’t supposed to mirror anyone else’s. Being inspired by someone is good, but know that the exact path to their success won’t get you to your success. That’s a different journey that requires personal responsibility.

You can blame and complain all you want, but the responsibility of living your life is solely yours. No one can pursue your journey but you. It’s exclusively yours to travel and accomplish.

See Your Life, Not Someone Else’s

Acknowledge that your future is unique to you and you have a hand in making it happen. If someone else has an advantage that you don’t have, that’s no reason to give up before you start. There are many people who achieve the impossible everyday, even though they come from unfavorable circumstances.

We all grow up in different situations. Some of us grew up rich and others grew up struggling – some were raised with mothers and fathers and others were raised by their grandparents or adopted – some had a positive environment and some didn’t – you get the point.

How you grew up does have an impact, but it’s not the deciding factor of how your life will turn out. Instead of being upset that your parents don’t have an inheritance for you, take on the personal responsibility to build one for yourself (or for your kids).

Yes, it’s hard, but it can be done. Your weight may be heavier than someone else’s, but it’s still your load to carry. By going the responsible route, you make that load a little bit lighter (even thought it seems heavy at the time) for those who come after you, while blazing your own trail.

Comparing yourself to others is a common distraction that we all face on a daily basis. Social media will have you thinking you’re not worthy or your life is so far behind other people within your age range. It’s all an insecurity show – 98% of people who are genuinely successful don’t show off on Instagram. If they do, they’re probably trying to sell you that same dream.

The thing is, you can’t “buy” the dream because there is no exact blueprint- sure, it’ll give you clues and hints, but it won’t make you instantly successful. We all must go through our own journey and receive our own rewards. In order to do that, you have to stop looking for someone to save you and take responsibility – get over your disadvantages and make them work for you.

Your Life Is Waiting

Personal responsibility can improve every area of your life, but you must realize it first. Some people go through life with the expectations of only bad things happening to them. Some will see the other side of the spectrum and find something great in every day.

We all want life to be a little easier for us, but at the same time, it’s the challenges that make us who we are. Don’t look at it as a problem – take this opportunity to find a solution. Look at it as an adventure that only you can experience, because it is, but it won’t happen unless you take responsibility to live it out.

Being responsible is your responsibility. Stop looking for it to be easy and find your own way through. Life wouldn’t be awesome if everyone lived the same story. Be excited about what the future holds for you – your exclusive adventure awaits!

#TBT: Emotional Discipline

Having emotional discipline is important. Anyone can say anything to push your buttons, but you must recognize when they are doing so, in order to respond accordingly.

This is what catches most people off guard. They get so wrapped up in what others are saying, that they quickly react without thinking. Before they know it, the situation grows out of control.

When you have discipline over your emotions, it allows you to think from a calm place. You can respond instead of reacting, while your mental energy remains intact.

Some Things Don’t Deserve A Response

Realize that no response, is a response. There are some things that don’t deserve your emotional energy.

If you react to everything that happens to you, your energy will be wasted. You will tire yourself out mentally before the day is over with.

Pick your battles. Learn to stay calm and respond from a place of peace. Everything doesn’t deserve your power or acknowledgement. As soon as you give in and react, it’s out of your hands – they win.

Responding vs. Reacting

Some may think that responding and reacting are the same thing, but they carry different meanings.

Reacting is when you answer back to something instantly – it’s your first reaction to what someone has said or done to you.

The first reaction is not always the best reaction. When someone criticizes you, you instantly want to criticize them back. Now, you are in their control because you’ve given your power to them by reacting.

When you respond, you take a second to think. If someone criticizes you, you either ignore them or quietly reply with a smile. It shows that you are not bothered and no matter what they say or do, you won’t stoop down to their level.

When you are in charge of your emotions, you maintain your sense of control. As soon as someone can get you to react, they are in command of the situation.

You Don’t Have To Win Every Argument

Believe it or not, there are some people who like to argue, just for the sake of arguing. It’s like a sport – whatever you say, they will say the opposite, just to spark a reaction.

When we get into heated debates and arguments, our immediate objective is to win. We have to prove ourselves and show that we are right and they are wrong.

When you come across people who like to play ‘devil’s advocate’ for sport, let them win, or don’t participate at all. They will not let go and it will drain the energy right out of you. When they’re done, they walk away with a smile, while you are left feeling defeated, for no good reason.

Discipline Yourself

You may not have the ability to control others, but you can surely control yourself.

Remember, you don’t want to give up your control to anyone else through letting go of your emotions. Letting others successfully push your buttons is a way to break your emotional discipline.

Remain calm and hold your position. Know that some people will say things just to make you angry, but you don’t have to accept their foolishness. Learn to let it go and keep your mental energy in a positive place.

#BeGoalden

Is Revenge The Only Option?

Thinking of revenge can be a crippling feeling. It happens – someone upsets you or gives you a hard time. They have no idea how they make things worse for you, so you want to get back at them.

You feel some kind of way. In your mind, you think of all the ways you can get even with this person. All you want to do is give them a taste of their own medicine.

We hear people say things like, “sweet revenge” or “revenge is a dish best served cold…” Is revenge really the best way to go about making things better?

Revenge Doesn’t Make You Feel Better

Of course, it feels good to get back at someone. They have no idea how much they hurt you or make things harder for you. All you want to do is get back at them and feel good about it.

Does it really make you feel better? Most people would say yes, but actually, it may have the opposite effect. When you get revenge on someone, most of the time, it makes you feel bad in the end.

In theory, you should feel better, but you don’t. Most times, you end up feeling just as bad for getting back at them. You begin to realize that’s not the person you really are and you’ve stooped down to their level.

The bigger person understands that getting even is not always the best idea. There are other ways to go about getting back at someone, but when you turn around and use the same lowdown strategy that they used on you, there’s a strong possibility that it can make things worse.

There’s Something Deeper Going On

For them, it could be fun to see someone else suffer, just to get a laugh out of the crowd or something could be bothering them on a deeper level than anyone can see.

When people are negative or disrespectful towards you, most of the time, it goes deeper than we can see. They may have some internal issues going on that they don’t know how to handle (things aren’t right at home, they lost their job or something just didn’t go right).

They need an outlet, so they take it out on an easy target. Some people don’t know what to do with their feelings, so they lash out at whoever’s in front of them. It’s a way to ease their own troubles (or so they think) and it takes that burning attention away from them.

It may seem silly, but this is a way that a lot of people escape their own reality or whatever they’re dealing with. Yes, it’s wrong and irresponsible, but know that you don’t have to be wrong back at them, just to prove a point.

Reacting is the first thing you think of when someone treats you this way. Your first thought is “how can I get back at them?” Instead, try thinking, “Something is bothering them and I’m the target.”

Let It Go

There’s no one, concrete answer on how to deal with wanting revenge, but one thing you can do is not allow it to get the best of you.

When you start to think about revenge, it can take you down a dark path. It can consume your energy and your mind. When you’re doing other things, all you can think about is how to get back at them.

You may not realize this, but this person now has control over you because you’ve given them power to get under your skin. Basically, you’re saying, “I give you the power to control how I feel and to make me feel bad all day.”

Before you know it, you’re always in a foul mood. No matter where you go or what you do, it means nothing because you’re constantly thinking about this person and how they made you feel.

They are now living in your head and you’re unable to see and enjoy what’s in front of you. That’s a lot of power to give someone who isn’t even in your space.

Control Your Own Actions

Instead, take your power back. You may not be able to control what they do, but you can control your own emotions and how you respond. Don’t give them your energy by falling into the trap they set for you.

Don’t fall into the trap of someone else having authority over your life. Live your life and be the best you can be – you can believe that they’re watching and waiting for you to fall again.

Take that power away from them and be the bigger person. Let them see you stay calm and positive. This hurts them because they see that it has no effect on you – what they’re doing to you isn’t working. Once you react to them, that’s when you give them power.

So don’t react – respond with kindness. By doing this, you’ll take away their power and they won’t know what to do. Some may continue to go on, but eventually, they’ll run out of steam. Game over – you win, without revenge.

#TBT: What’s The Excuse That’s Been Holding You Back?

Everyday, it’s a different excuse. You’re having a bad hair day, the dog got away or the storm knocked out the internet. Therefore, you won’t take action.

These may be valid reasons as to why you won’t do anything, but in reality, they’re not reasons, they’re excuses.

We can think of many reasons not to do anything productive. Deeper than that, we’ll allow it to make sense, so we won’t feel guilty about not following through. How can we do better?

Time Is Not An Excuse

One of the biggest excuses is not having enough time. We tell ourselves that millionaires are millionaires, because they have all the time in the world. “If I had that kind of time, I’d be rich, too,” we say.

Millionaires may be rich, but with the exception of those who were born rich, what were they doing with their time, prior to being rich? Were they sitting around, talking about why rich people are rich?

This is the part that no one talks about – the late nights and early mornings, making ends meet, putting in time with the kids, keeping up with awkward schedules, etc. For the most part, they were working towards their goals and they never gave up. You’ve heard stories of people who work on their side business for 4 hours, after they came home from working 2 jobs. There’s discipline in that type of work ethic and it pays off.

Remember when you never had the time? Well, it’s up to you to bend it to your benefit and leverage it as much as possible. It’s all the same 24 hours, so if you want it to work out, you have to make it work for you.

Our minds tend to keep us on a schedule of daily habits. If you want to have a chance at reaching your goal, enhance your routine. Stretch, adjust or eliminate the details in your daily pattern. Disrupt your autopilot habits and become more aware of the goal you’re trying to achieve.

You could shorten your time watching television and replace it with creating a plan. Maybe you could research while you eat dinner. Or, you could listen to a podcast while taking a shower.

There are many ways you can make more time – it just takes a little altering to make it work towards your advantage.

It’s Not In Your Control

Everything that happens in life is not controlled by you. If you can accept that simple fact, you’ll save yourself a lot of stress.

Some of us get upset when life happens – we become emotional and start having negative thoughts. Like a child, we have a tantrum and we let it stop us from doing what we planned to do.

Yes, this presents a challenge, but at the same time, you have the ability to think your way through it. There may be a change of plans that have to take place, but it can be done.

Some of the things we tell ourselves is, “It is what it is…” or “I’m not about to do that, just so I can do this…” We make up these ridiculous excuses to justify our laziness. Now, you’ve allowed the situation to hijack your progress.

It’s difficult to get up after being knocked down. It becomes comfortable to stay there, because it’s easier than getting knocked down again. Why even try? Get rid of this excuse – it only puts you on a path to nowhere.

Don’t let the things you’re unable to control, have control over you. Have a ‘can-do’ attitude when things happen unexpectedly. These are the small battles that need to be won, so that you can move closer to your results. It’s not the end, there’s just another way to do it.

How Do You Want This To End?

The easy part of this, is that you get to make the decision on the outcome you want to see. The hard part is, you must consistently get up and take action, if you want to get there.

If you were in a physical fight, it’s natural to defend yourself and fight back, because you want to win. You’re doing your best to prevent yourself from being hurt. It’s the same with accomplishing your goals. When an obstacle hits you, don’t just lay down and take it – get up and take another swing.

Use your mind in the right way. That involves thinking positive thoughts and creating a growth environment for yourself. Instead of lingering on the problem (challenge) at hand, linger on finding a solution. How you respond to a challenge determines if you’ll be successful or not.

Don’t make a convenient excuse – overcome them. Whether you create them or life creates them, don’t let them get in your way. You are more than capable of changing your direction in order to make it happen and win.

#BeGoalden

Being Different Is Your Path To Personal Success

Being different can be one of the most difficult things to do. It’s easy to fall into the crowd, but it takes courage to stand alone.

To be different doesn’t mean you’re the oddball or that you don’t get it. It simply means that you have thought about things and have come to your own conclusions and decisions.

Looking for others to give you direction is a waste of your abilities. How can you live up to your potential if you’re waiting for someone to think for you and tell you what to do?

How It Starts

It all starts when we’re little. “If you want a treat, you must be good – we won’t go to the park unless you eat your vegetables…” These ultimatums slowly turns us into people-pleasers.

When we’re young, we need reinforcement to help us do the right thing. Telling a child to sit down for five minutes is asking a lot, but if you attach it to a reward (“sit down for five minutes and you’ll get a cookie”), it becomes worthwhile for them to obey the parent.

The challenge comes when it becomes a habit that we carry into adulthood. You wait for others to give you instructions, as opposed to doing what you really want to do. When it becomes a way of life to mentally depend on someone else, you’ve essentially given up your power to lean into your own potential.

Following The Crowd

It’s comfortable to follow the crowd. It must be right if everyone else is doing it, correct? Not always.

As the old saying goes, “If everyone else jumped off of a bridge, would you do it, too?” This implies that you should think for yourself and make your own decisions.

Don’t fall into the trap of going along with others, just so you won’t stick out like a sore thumb. Being the “sore thumb” can save you a lot of trouble in some cases.

Most of us want to be in the group with the cool kids, but it’s not always worth it. We want to be associated with them, so that everyone else will think we’re cool, too. Again, you’re not really thinking for yourself and being who you want to be. You’re just handing over your life to someone else.

Swimming Upstream Is Different

It’s hard to go against the grain – to be the only person to have an opposing idea, while everyone else follows the herd. It’s never emotionally convenient to fight the war by yourself against an entire army.

What others fail to see is that they have been brainwashed into going along, just to get along. When they don’t have to think for themselves, they automatically give up their power and ability to become the best version of themselves.

But not you – you keep your power and you stand in it. You at least know that you’ll go out doing and thinking the way you want to think, not by following someone else. Swimming upstream is being different, but you must trust yourself and not look for anyone else to confirm it for you.

Keep Your Power

How do you keep your power? By taking personal responsibility for your decisions and actions.

You may feel lonely and maybe even awkward, but that’s what it takes to follow your own path. Be okay with the fact that others won’t see your vision and will even attempt to talk you out of it – it happens to the best of us. Most times, it means you’re on to something.

If something goes wrong, you can take the fall with pride and adjust, if needed. Imagine how you would feel if you were going along with the crowd and you ended up where you didn’t want to be. In the end, you would be there because of someone else’s decision, not your own and that’s not a good feeling at all.

The biggest advantage to being different is you get to live the life you want to live. Follow your own path and break the habit of going along with the group. All it takes is a little confidence and thought.

Don’t give up on yourself so easily by allowing someone else to have authority over your life. There’s still time for you to start thinking on your own behalf. Save yourself.

#TBT: Suicide: Don’t Overthink Yourself To Death

This message is for anyone who has ever contemplated ending their own life.

I can imagine that there are many factors that contribute to that very thought.

Being positive can be hard. People can be mean and difficult. Things don’t always go the way we want them to go. Life can be tough. We all have days, weeks and months where nothing is ever right.

You were made to be here and spread your gift. You are not a mistake. Everyone is here for a reason and you must find yours. Don’t give in to those who try to make your life a living hell.

Don’t think you’re alone – you’re not the only one. There are millions of people on this planet that have to make the effort to live their life everyday. They have struggled with the idea of giving up. Please find your strength and make the decision to live.

Talk to someone – there is help for you. Just like anybody else, you deserve to be here. If people are trolling you online, turn off your device. If people are bothering you at school or at work, tell an adult or a superior, or change location.

The opportunities for you to reinvent yourself and simply start over are endless.

Things can change for the better, but you have to believe it and act towards the type of change you seek. Nothing positive can happen without your input. You’re the only one that can make things better. Your life is your responsibility – don’t leave it in someone else’s hands.

The possibilities in life are limitless. Taking your own life only leaves the rest of us to suffer without the wonderful things you have to offer. If your breakthrough was coming tomorrow, would you give up today?

Continue to fight for your life because the best is yet to come. There are people who care about you and actually want you to be here! It’s never worth it to end your life – you’re not finished yet. There is something amazing in all of us. Your struggle may help someone else through their hard time.

Don’t overthink yourself to death – you can get through this. There is a reason you are still here – take it one day at a time and keep living.

This message was written with love. If you need help, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 or chat online at The Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

#BeGoalden

Planning Your Days Will Build Your Life

Planning and preparation isn’t just something big companies do to stay in business – it’s what disciplined people do in their daily lives to become successful.

How do you begin your day? Is there a plan in place for you to follow so you won’t procrastinate, become distracted or be unproductive?

Everyone should have some sort of foundation in place for their daily lives. Having a schedule or a foundation to work from will promote and push your life in the direction you want it to go.

Procrastination Is Everywhere

What happens when you don’t have a schedule or a to-do list for the day? Procrastination – that’s what happens.

When you don’t know what you’re doing for the day, it’s easy to let it slip away. At the end of the day, you wonder, “Where did all the time go?”

One way to beat this is to do some planning. People think you only make plans for vacations and holidays. This may be true, but you also should start planning your days.

Planning your days is a domino effect – when you create a productive plan for the day, your week will be more productive. Then, those productive weeks turn into a productive month and those productive months turn into a productive year, and so on.

Not having a daily method in place leads to procrastination. This will come in the form of distractions such as watching TV or scrolling through social media. When you don’t know what you’re going to do, procrastination will surely find a way to fill that time.

Don’t Be The Cause Of Your Own Stress

What happens when you don’t prepare? You become stressed out and start looking for excuses as to why your plan didn’t go the way it was supposed to.

Being unprepared can lead to anxiety, which can leak into other areas of your day (and your life).

How can you avoid stress and anxiety? By controlling what you can. If there is something you can prepare for, then prepare. Preparing puts you in a productive state and allows you to focus on what’s in front of you, as opposed to being all over the place.

Preparation gives you confidence because you know what to do and what to expect. Walking into any situation prepared gives you the certainty of doing well and being more effective.

Planning Allows For Life To Happen

Don’t leave it up to life to make a way for you. You should have something in place to help it along. You don’t have to have every second of your day planned, but at the very least, have a structure.

By having a structure, it allows for more time to do other things. You will begin to find time that you never thought you had. Instead of drifting through your day, you can get things done efficiently and still have time to do what you want.

Planning and having structure also contributes to strengthening your life characteristics – discipline, focus, resilience, time management, etc. – it all plays an important role in your life and how you handle things moving forward.

Your Life Depends On Your Efforts

Most people wake up in the morning and they let the day go where it takes them. There’s no doubt that we need to be spontaneous every now and then, but unless you’re rich and can do whatever you want every single day, it’s best to have a strategy in place.

Start by creating a morning routine. It doesn’t have to be anything over the top, but simple enough for you to begin and to remain consistent. You can make your bed in the morning, go for a walk or read a book while having your coffee. Establishing habits like these will signal a productive start to your day.

As you go through these habits, you’ll begin to recognize little, positive changes here and there in your life. Everyone has a different design for their life, but you get to customize how your life looks and what you want it to be, for you.

Do your part and start creating your life by planning your days, today!

#TBT: Focus On The Lesson, Not The Pain

The only way you can think clearly and create a solution for an obstacle, is to focus on the lesson. Everything else is a distraction.

Have you ever stumbled upon a challenge and you get so caught up in why it happened, that you conveniently get stuck? Of course, you could just think of a possible solution, but it’s easier to complain about it.

The Pain

When something unexpected happens, the first thing we do is have a negative emotional reaction to it. Most of the time, we become angry and we drag it on for hours, and sometimes, days.

The obstacle you are encountering may halt progress, but having an emotional reaction halts progress even more. After a while, you begin to justify your reaction with excuses and complaining.

This leads to becoming stagnant. Days will turn into weeks, weeks will turn into months and months will turn into years. Then you’ll live with the ultimate pain – the pain of regret.

That entire process can be eliminated, if you remember one thing: focus on the lesson and find a solution.

The Lesson

No matter how bad something is, we can always find the lesson in what happened. We think that when something is in our way, or not on our side, that it’s automatically bad.

Nothing is working against you – you only perceive it that way because it didn’t go the way you planned. Obstacles are just a sign, telling you to go in another direction.

Don’t take it personal – take it as a lesson. Find the reason something happened, create a solution, and give yourself permission to move forward. Allowing your emotions to get in the way of progress will only encourage complacency and you definitely don’t want that to happen.

Your Vision

There will be obstacles and challenges from time to time, but how you respond to them will determine your level of success. It’s your responsibility to see your idea into reality.

You know the kind of results you want. To react to the little things that get in the way, is to give in to self-defeat. No one is stopping you – you’re only stopping yourself.

Instead of using your energy to behave in a negative manner, use it to improve your strategy. Anything else outside of your plan, is only a distraction.

Remain in control of your emotions, focus on the lesson and follow through with a solution. Rinse and repeat, as often as needed.

#BeGoalden

7 Habits That Will Give You An Advantage In Life

How do you build winning habits? The first thing you have to do is start, but where?

No, there isn’t a pamphlet on success, but here are 7 habits that can give you an advantage. Here’s a list:

Be helpful and encouraging of others. In order to be successful yourself, you should be supportive of others. This allows for a positive environment, which benefits everyone around you. As opposed to being critical, be helpful.
Hold yourself accountable for your actions and decisions. Personal responsibility will take you further than excuses and complaining. When things go wrong, instead of working together, most people will place the blame on someone else. The truth is, the sooner you accept responsibility, the sooner you can move on. Blaming others only allows you to become stuck and stagnant. There is power in responsibility.
Take your emotions out of it. Having emotions has it’s place, but it shouldn’t be overdone. Being emotional takes energy and it can contribute to making bad decisions and can stunt your personal growth. Some people like to whine and be in their feelings, when they can simply choose to move on. Don’t stay stranded – feel it for 10 minutes and get on with your life.
Build your standards. You don’t have to ‘find’ yourself – you can create yourself. This is done by coming up with standards. What characteristics do you need to work on? How do you see your future self? Start with actionable habits that will shape you into that person. For example, if you want to become more disciplined, make your bed every morning. Be intentional.
Don’t expect anything. When you have expectations of other people, there’s always the possibility of becoming disappointed. You can’t control what other people do. Have expectations of yourself, but never of others.
Spend time outside. Technology has done wonders for communication (among other things), but it’s imperative to step away every once in a while. As humans, we’re not made to sit and stare at our wonderful devices all day, everyday. Get outside and take a walk – you’ll be surprised at how much it helps to clear your mind and allows for new ideas and solutions.
Be solution-oriented. This ties in with being accountable. Instead of blaming and complaining, be the one to find a solution. It may not be the right solution, but at least you’ll be moving forward and figuring it out – don’t be afraid to be the captain of the ship.
BONUS: Always keep it moving. It’s important to take a break, but some of us stay on break. No matter what it is, always figure out a way to move. Being complacent is comfortable, but it’s not productive. Life doesn’t stop for anyone. Physically or mentally, always keep it moving.

Begin building your habits. You don’t have to do them all at once – start by focusing on one per week (or month). If you ever find yourself stuck, follow any one of these suggestions and it will put you on a productive path to progress.