Month: October 2017

When people make you mad, some of us have a tendency to hold a grudge. We may not want to help them in the future or we exclude them from other important events in our lives. This may end up hurting you more in the end, than it hurts them.

It takes energy to hold a grudge. Let’s say you loaned a friend $50 and the friend never payed you back. You end up holding a grudge, because this person didn’t pay you back. Depending on your financial circumstances, you may not even really need the money, but it’s the principle. You’re mad at them. You see them in the mall, you don’t say anything. You see them at your cousin’s birthday party, you don’t say anything. You see them at the PTA meeting, you don’t say anything. You don’t say anything, rightfully so, but at the same time, is it worth your energy? You’re giving up your power, just thinking about it and getting mad. You’re exerting energy trying to avoid them and by talking about it to your spouse or another friend.

There are a couple of ways we can solve this, because it’s not worth your mental energy, especially when you could be focused and building on your work. One way is to talk to your friend and tell them how it made you feel. Yes, this interaction could make the situation better or worse, but at least you will get it off of your chest. After talking it out, hopefully, you’ll have some peace of mind, even if you still don’t get the money back. At least you know who NOT to lend money to anymore.

The second way to solve this is by simply letting it go. This is very difficult to do, but it’s either letting it go or losing your sanity. This is the type of thing that will keep you up at night if you don’t decide to let it go. I’ve been in this situation before and the moment I let it go, I felt so much better – it’s like I gained my life back. I was able to be happy and live again! Every time I saw this person, it was just like she was a stranger to me. Strangers have no effect on your life, because you don’t know them.

I know it’s hard to take the high road sometimes, but you will have to do it at some pint in your life. Someone has to be the bigger person. Something this small could take over your life and leave you a bitter person, who’s not fun to be around. In the end, you have to ask yourself: is it really worth it? Don’t hold grudges. You’re only holding yourself prisoner, while the other person goes on with their life. Talk it out or let it go.

To older generations, this should go without saying. There are so many people who don’t have simple MANNERS. Yes, common manners. “Please” and “thank you” type of manners. Hold the door open for the next person type of manners. Speak when you walk into a room type of manners.

I’m not sure, but it seems to be a generational thing. In my day (and I’m not that old), you would get reprimanded some kind of way for not using your manners. It’s to the point now where girls and women accept a boy or man calling them their ‘bitch’, like it’s an honorable title. Let my sons or nephews say that about any girl or woman. I’m old-school.

It’s called respect. Home training. Being raised right. “You know better than that”.

When I go through a drive through to order food, is it too much to expect the cashier to say how much my food costs before snatching my money? Is it too much to say ‘have a nice day’ or a ‘come again, soon’? I’ve experienced this mostly with younger people, but I’ve also had encounters with some adults, as well. Maybe we should put a course in high school on how to use your manners, although I do believe some people would fail.

The thing is, I believe people know how to use their manners – for some reason, they just don’t. Maybe it’s the next level of ‘cool’, but using your manners can get you positively farther in life than if you didn’t use them. Does it hurt to give your seat to an elderly person? Will it kill you to say ‘excuse me’ if you accidentally bump into someone? Would using appropriate language around children be so bad?

I know teenagers are going to be teenagers, and they push and test their boundaries, but at what point do they grow out of it? It seems that this is becoming a way of life, like it’s OK. Well, I’m here to say, “IT’S NOT OK!” This is not the way you want to carry yourself for the rest of your life.

All in all, I just wish people would stop being manner-less. ‘Please’ and ‘thank you’.

When I talk with my friends, sometimes, we’ll began having memories of when we were younger. It always comes up, where one of them will say, “I hated him!” Then we’ll all laugh about it and move on to the next victim who we just couldn’t “stand”.

So, you hate him. He was a laundry list of just plain wrong. Remember, there was something there at first to make you like him – he wasn’t all that bad. Once you got to know him better, that’s when your feelings began to change. That’s the reason why we meet people – to see if we are a good fit or not. Some will remain friends and others will be enemies, but you don’t know until you establish some sort of relationship.

Now, he’s the scum of the earth and any other bad descriptions you can think of. That’s fine. The biggest thing you learned from him is this: he was an example of what you DON’T want. Had it not been for him, you may have ended up in a worse scenario than that. Even though it took some time, now you know, so move on. Don’t fall into the same trap again.

The truth is, everyone was put in your life for a reason. Whether it be good or bad, no encounter was a waste of time. Even people who pass you on the street and give you a warm, “hello” – it may make you feel some kind of way, depending on what type of day you are having. You may have needed that warm “hello”. Unless you’re a mean person, accept it and move on. There are few, but some people are just nice like that…and sometimes, you need it.

I know it’s not something you jump up and down and sing about, but your worst relationships could be your biggest lessons. Life is not meant to be memories full of awesome things that happen (although, we would like it to be). It’s all about your experiences, good and bad, pretty and ugly. As I remind my friends (and myself), you wouldn’t be the person you are, without your encounter with him. We could all do without the drama and bad situations in our lives, but that’s the only way we become stronger, as well as a sincere shoulder for someone else.

Rejection. We have been taught to hate it. That it’s no good and doesn’t help us at all. Then again, maybe it does…

Rejection is when you get turned down. You’ll hear things like:

“No.”
“Not today.”
“Let me think about it.”
“Ha, ha, ha!”
“Red.”

Whether it makes sense or not, it’s not what you want to hear. We want everything to go our way, just the way we plan it. In reality, it almost never goes the way it’s planned. That would be too easy and like they say, “If it were easy, everyone would do it.”

Let’s start by drinking some water. Now, when you think about it, does rejection really hurt? It doesn’t hurt physically, but for most people, it hurts the ego. Being rejected time after time is no fun. There has to be a way to punch rejection in the face and make it run away, screaming and crying. If you’re tired of it, that’s good – that means you’ve been sticking to your plan. If you hide from it, that means we have some work to do.

We already established that rejection is not fun. It slows you down and robs you of your intended progress. Or does it? It can not rob you of your intended progress, not unless you let it. When people say ‘no’, they aren’t saying, “No, you horrible, terrible, no-good, geek!” They’re really pushing you towards your goal. When things don’t go as planned, that’s not a sign to stop and give up. It’s a sign to get on with it.

Think of rejection as an adventurous lesson. When you plan your work and start to work your plan, you’re beginning a journey. When you’re on a journey, you know where you want to end up, but DURING the journey, anything goes. It’s like climbing a mountain. On your way up, you’ll get tired, thirsty, bitten by mosquitos, scratched up by thorns and angry weeds, etc. But at some point, you make it to the top. You didn’t turn around to go back down and you might have even stopped for a minute, but you kept going to the top. You knew you had to get there, because that was the plan and the designated goal.

It’s the same thing with working your plan. People are going to reject you and at times, you’ll want to go the other way or throw up your hands. It’s a funky type of adventure – just keep going to see what happens next. You may even come across people, who may actually offend you. Take care of it and keep going.

Let rejection be your energy. It should make you want to go the extra mile, just to prove it can be done. At the end, you’ll have the most awesome-est story to tell! You could be one of those people you admire, who went through so much, just to get through to the other side. That’s what rejection does – it builds you. Instead of feeling bad, you should feel glad because it actually helps you along. It’s always going to be there, so get comfortable with it. Be rejection’s friend and see how far it’ll take you.

I had a friend who called me one day to ask if I wanted some watermelon. I asked, “Is it already cut?” She says, “No – you can cut it yourself.”

I nicely replied, “I don’t cut watermelon.”
“So how else do you eat it?” She replied.
“I buy it already cut.”

Why did I say that?

For the next ten minutes, she went on a rampage, telling me how crazy it was that I paid more money to buy watermelon that’s already cut. Here’s more:

“Why would you buy it already cut? You can cut it yourself.”
“That’s a waste of money.”
“You’re that lazy, that you wouldn’t cut your own watermelon?”
“But it’s free – I’m giving it to you!”
“You don’t want a free watermelon because you have to cut it?”
“Why don’t you want it?”
“BECAUSE I DON’T CUT WATERMELON!”

Can we move forward with our lives now?!

After listening to her rant for the next 10 minutes, I made a decision.

While listening to her, I decided to minimize my time with her. She responds this way whenever someone doesn’t do things the way she would do them. Not only is this a waste of energy on both our parts (she’s wasting her energy and draining mine), it’s a waste of time. I don’t know what she was attempting to accomplish by trying to make me feel stupid for not cutting watermelon, but whatever it was, it didn’t work. The conversation should have went like this:

“Hey, girl, I have 3 watermelons – would you like one?”
“No thanks, I don’t cut watermelon.”
“Ok, call you later.”

End of conversation. Energy and time saved for better things to do. Let’s move on.

(I don’t cut watermelon because I am no good with knives and big objects.)

I don’t do religion and I don’t do politics. I do me. I am responsible for what I decide. I hold myself accountable for my actions. I wait on no one to lead me. I make my move.

It may hurt. It may not work. At least I know that I tried and I can reset and begin again. Then again, it may work. It may be the best move made in my life. I won’t know, unless I do it. Although things happen, I will not accuse another person or situation for my place in life. I take full and complete responsibility.

There are people who are into religion and politics and other things. That’s fine, if that’s what you decide to do. One thing I know for sure: religion and politics, among other things, will always be there, but it won’t stop me from taking action on my goals. We all have the freedom to use our minds, any way we choose. Think for yourself.

Everyone is meant to do something different. We all have our parts to play. You can let life and it’s events affect you and make you stagnant, or you can stick to your plan and make things happen the way you imagined it. It’s totally up to you.

Don’t allow religion, politics, and other things, to guide your life. There is no success in that. Yes, believe in whatever higher entity that suits you, but in the end, it is up to you to better yourself. Hard times will come and knock you down, but it is your choice to get up and fight – blaming the government will do nothing. Stop making excuses and putting the blame on others. Blaming calms your mind and makes you THINK you’re off the hook. In essence, you’re hurting no one but yourself.

Get up, get out, and get something (Outkast in the 90’s). Make YOUR move.

Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. Some things come more naturally to some, than others. This doesn’t mean that you’re just bad, and can never improve in that weakened area, it’s just something you have to work on. Your strength, what you find that comes to you easily, is someone else’s weakness. It seems so easy to you, but to someone else, it stops them in their tracks. A hindrance, it may be (Yoda), but there are ways to push through.

One thing that a lot of people do is delegate. In business, when something needs to be done, it needs to be done efficiently. If my weakness is time management, I may never get the task done or it will take me all day to complete. In this case, delegation works better. Someone else may have way better time management skills than I do. If I delegate the task to their strength, then I can move on to something else that I’m awesome at. It all works out for everyone.

The other way to improve your weakness is to actually work on it. Acknowledge that you do have a weakness. This way, you know exactly what you need to work on. You may never become a shining star at that weakness, but you will be better than you were before. Take some time and practice it. At first, you may find it hard and boring, but you have to be persistent. It’s like your parents making you eat spinach when you were younger – you hated it, but you had to do it. The more you practice, the better you’ll get. At least you’ll have some idea on how to perform your weakness and potentially make it work, but you won’t even get that far without a little practice. I would rather do it at thirty percent than five percent (if I HAD to do it).

These are just a couple of ways to improve your flaw. You can delegate and keep it moving, or you can step up to the challenge and make the effort to improve. Actually, the process should be: delegate and then practice. It may be a weakness, but there is always room for improvement. It still may be a weakness, but when you have to perform it, the little bit you can do may be enough to get by. That’s better than just ignoring it and not trying all together. We should all strive to make ourselves better, even through our weaknesses. Drink some water, take on the challenge, and make yourself better.

The complaining and excuses, that is. It’s always something.

“I’m tired.”
“It’s too cold.”
“It’s not enough.”
“I can’t work with that.”
“It hurts.”
“I don’t feel good.”
“It’s not my problem.”
“That’s not in my job description.”

Complaining doesn’t help. You know what helps? Taking initiative helps. Being the bigger person helps. Pushing through until it’s done helps. Being a living example to the little ones helps.

Excuses are up there with complaining. It’s a fierce competition between he two. Imagine two people sitting in a park, saying to each other, “I bet I can do nothing better than you! I can give more reasons NOT to do it!” That’s Complaining and Excuses. Pitiful.

Complaining and making excuses is one of the worst things you can do to yourself (and others, because I hate to hear it). It gets you no where. You have a life that is meant for you to delve into and explore! You have the freedom to blossom into whatever suits you. For some, I guess that’s the freedom to do nothing.

Restricting yourself from your potential is like being nonexistent. Really, nobody cares if you mess up and frankly, nobody’s watching. Be the one to step out and try. The one who just goes out and doesn’t give a damn about ‘what if’. The next time you feel an excuse or a complaint coming on, just do what you’re supposed to do. Besides, you never know what adventure it may lead to.

Stop making dumb excuses, as to why you can’t do anything. Stop complaining about why you can’t make it happen. Stop complaining about the other person who’s making it happen. It takes the same amount of energy to just do it, as it does to think up another excuse. You’ll also feel better after you’ve taken action on what needed to be done. Participate in life! You’ll have so many stories to tell and experiences to share. I guarantee, it’ll be quite the thrill. Drink some water and stop the complaining and excuses. It really doesn’t help.

When you’re around friends and family, it’s easy to judge them on their current situation. For some reason, judging others is something most people have to make a conscience effort NOT to do. It comes to us so easily. Even if it’s not bad judgment, it’s still judgment. We all need to learn to focus on ourselves and how we can become great in our own potential.

As a child, you’re exposed to many things. As you grow older, you tend to take on the habits that were an influence in your environment (good or bad). Judging is one of those characteristics that we gravitate toward, unintentionally. Sometimes, you have to catch yourself and force those judgmental thoughts out of your head. Judging someone is almost like second nature.

How about focusing on you? Judge yourself. Whenever you find yourself thinking negatively about someone else’s situation and how they could change it, think about what you can do to change yourself. Everyone learns in their own time. So what, she didn’t graduate high school? Don’t spend your time talking about her situation and how she should have done this and she needs to do that. You can either offer a word of encouragement or go work on yourself.

Look at yourself and know that you are a work in progress, just like anybody else. You may be ahead of the person you’re judging, but don’t look down on them. Often times, all a person needs is a nice, kind word. Your responsibility is to work on being the best you that you can be – not walking around telling everyone else how they should be. There are some things that you could work on, too. Be honest with yourself and supportive of others. There’s enough adversity going around, there’s no need for you to add to it. Thank you, but we have enough.

Work on you. Let others work on themselves. It’s not your place to tell someone else what their journey should be. Stop the silent judgment. If anything, offer a thoughtful word, work on yourself, and keep it moving.